Pasitheablog - Chaos

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Stuck

In which reader finds herself stuck in an elevator with her colleagues.

Pairing: Hotch x Reid x Morgan x Fem!BAU!Reader Genre: smut (18+) Content warnings: fingering, oral (f and m receiving), face riding, p in v sex, overstimulation, masturbation, breast play Word count: 5,4k A/n: I'm ovulating, so you know what time it is 🤭 I'm really nervous to post this, so I hope you will enjoy!

“Oh, you guys are such babies!” You laugh as Spencer and Derek refuse to step into the elevator, explaining how they’ve been stuck in one before. 

“It’s not funny, Y/N,” Spencer chimes in. “There are six elevator deaths per year. Not to mention ten thousand injuries that require hospitalization.”   

You roll your eyes at his comment, just as Hotch walks toward the elevator. “See!” You exclaim. “Hotch is joining us, and he saved you last time. We’ll be fine.” You add cheerfully.

“You’re coming?” Hotch asks, holding the elevator door open. You nod, pulling Morgan and Reid with you by their arms. 

You chuckle at their nervous reflections in the mirror as the elevator starts moving. A sudden creak causes Derek to snap his head towards you. “It made the same sound the last time!” You were just about to shut Derek up as the elevator shakes and the lights start flickering. 

“Not again!” Spencer whimpers, his eyes squeezed shut like he’s about to fall to his death at any given moment.

Hotch inspects the tight space, his expression grim. “It seems like the electricity went out…” 

“Actually, there are a lot of reasons why an elevator might stop,” Spencer interjects. “It could be worn-out suspension ropes, and it actually happens quite regularly that the motor overheats the safety sensors of the-“ 

“Let’s just solve this problem, shall we?” You cut him off, nudging Morgan out of the way to hit the red button on the panel. 

“You think that’ll do something?” Morgan asks, brow lifted. 

“It will alert someone that we’re stuck. We have to wait until somebody comes and gets us out of here.” Hotch adds. 

“Well at least I’ll be missing my meeting with Strauss,” I sigh in relief. 

“It was at twelve, right?” Spencer asks. 

“Yeah,” you respond with a nod.

“Statistically the average wait time to be rescued from an elevator is less than an hour,” Spencer continues, checking his watch. “That means you could still make it in time.” 

“Now that’s just what I wanted to hear,” you say sarcastically, earning a grin from Morgan. 

“We can only hope we won’t be in here for that long,” Hotch mutters, his impatience visible as he leans uncomfortably against the elevator doors. 

“Okay… so now what? Want to go over a case to pass the time?” 

“No, no cases please,” Morgan groans. “We’ve had three in a row. I’m done.” 

“Morgan is right. We’ve done enough cases in the past few days.” Hotch agrees. 

You mutter an “alright” as you sit down with your back against the elevator wall, smoothing out the crinkles in your skirt. The others look at you with uncertainty. Eventually Reid decides to sit next to you, exchanging a soft smile. Morgan follows suit, sitting in front of you. Hotch remains standing. You leave him be and turn to Spencer. 

“So Reid, I’m sure you’ve got enough interesting facts to pass the time.” 

Spencer looks surprised by the request, not used to directly being asked to share his facts, but his eyes quickly brighten, eager to share. “Well, actually, there are a lot of interesting things to say about elevators. There are approximately 20 million elevators worldwide,” you chuckle at his obvious enthusiasm. “The first elevator was created in 236 B.C. by Archimedes, a Greek mathematician. He used a water wheel and tied animals together with rope to create a lift mechanism.” You hum in interest. “They used lifts in the Colosseum, right?” 

“Yes! Exactly!” he responds excitedly. “The system was powered by eight men who would turn this massive wooden shaft connected to ropes. It could hold more than 600 pounds!” 

“Oh come on,” Derek says, his hand falling to his knee. “You’re telling me you’re actually interested in the mechanics of ancient elevators?”. 

Hotch glances at Morgan, silently agreeing with Derek’s skepticism. 

“Derek Morgan…” you feign offense, placing a hand on your chest. “Don’t act like I’m not curious about knowledge. At least Spence’s got something interesting to say.” 

Spencer blushes faintly, appreciating your defense. 

“Hey, I know facts too,” Morgan says smugly. “How about there being 7000 languages in the world today.” 

“The overall number is actually closer to 8000,” Spencer corrects him. “You only counted verbal communication.” 

“You guys are going to have a facts competition now?” You ask, bewildered. “It’s way too hot in here. I need some light conversation.”

“I agree,” Hotch mutters. “It is getting a little warm.”

You glance up at the AC in the corner of the elevator, which is clearly not working. It probably shut down along with the power. There’s a brief silence before Reid speaks up again. 

“I never thought I’d be trapped in an elevator with my colleagues,” he muses. “It’s a little cliché.”

“Cliche, how?” Hotch asks, intrigued despite himself. 

“You know how, in movies, a group of people get stuck in an elevator and they have to learn to overcome their differences to escape?” 

You shake your head in confusion, “I think I only know the dirty movies where they get stuck in an elevator,” you laugh. 

Spencer blinks at you, clearly thrown off. Derek chuckles at the scene, and even Hotch manages a faint smile. 

“I should’ve known you’ve only watched the dirty ones,” Derek teases. 

“What about you, pretty boy?  Ever seen a dirty movie?” He asks Spencer, grinning. 

Reid looks flustered. “I grew up in Vegas… I’ve seen some things.” 

“Ah, Vegas,” you say, sighing dreamily. “The place where you can’t drive for a minute without seeing a giant porn billboard.”

Morgan grins, leaning back with a satisfied sigh. “Sounds like my kind of place.” 

You laugh and kick his leg playfully. Morgan winks at you, enjoying the lighthearted banter. You glance up at Hotch, who is still the only one standing. 

“What about you, Hotch? What’s your favorite dirty movie?” You ask with a mischievous grin, but your expression quickly drops when you see his stern look. 

“Watch it, Y/L/N.” Hotch warns.

“Come on, Hotch,” Derek says. “Let loose a little!”

“See it as the universe’s sign.” I press on. 

“How is being stuck in here a sign of the universe?” Hotch asks, brows raised.

“Well, no way would you willingly take a break yourself. Now the universe got you stuck in here and is forcing you to relax,” you explain, with a playful gleam in your eyes. 

To everyone’s surprise, he slowly lowers himself to the floor, sitting down next to you. 

You exchange surprised looks with Derek and Spencer. All amazed at how you managed to get Hotch to sit down.

The next few minutes are spent in comfortable silence, scared to say something that will make Hotch change his mind. You’re glad he joined you, but it’s hard to ignore the rising temperature now that another person is sitting in close proximity to you. 

“How long has it been?” you ask, fanning yourself with your blazer. “I’m starting to sweat.”

“Thirty-five minutes so far,” Derek replies, following your lead and fanning himself. 

Hotch looks mildly uncomfortable, beads of sweat forming on his forehead. Spencer, however, looks the most miserable using the collar of his sweater vest to wipe his face. 

“You guys should take your jackets off,” you suggest, eyeing Morgan and Hotch. 

You don’t need to tell Derek twice, as he removes his jacket, revealing a black short sleeved shirt that looks a lot more comfortable. Hotch looks reluctant to do the same, but eventually gives in, loosening his tie and unbuttoning his shirt collar. You take a peak as he reveals his broad, muscled shoulders for a moment, before readjusting his shirt. Hotch notices your glance and his eyes shoot up to yours, catching you in the moment as your cheeks flush. You quickly look away. 

“Oh, she’s enjoying the view, alright,” Derek smirks and you give him a warning glance.

“Shut up. I was just surprised Hotch would give in.” 

Morgan grins and nudges Hotch with his elbow, “Look at that, Hotch. You’re surprising us all today. First you smile and now you’re taking your jacket off. What’s next, dancing a jig?” You and Spencer snort at his comment. Hotch rolls his eyes at Morgan’s teasing but can’t help a small smile from appearing on his lips. 

Spencer struggles with his vest and you give him a hand. “Here, let me help you”, you say as you scoot closer, pulling the vest over his head. The fabric feels soft, but incredibly warm in your hands. You don’t know how he managed to keep it on for this long. Reid is taken aback for a moment, but mutters a soft thanks. Morgan and Hotch watch the exchange with interest, clearly amused at the sight of you being so forward with Reid.

“Now it’s your turn, you’re the one who insisted,” Morgan states, and you can’t help but agree as you take your blazer off, giving a satisfied hum at the immediate relief.

“I’ll open up some buttons too, if you don’t mind,” you announce as your fingers start working on your blouse. You don’t give them a chance to respond, since it seems only fair. Their eyes widen at your gesture, all of them staring at the sight of your blouse slightly opening up. Morgan lets out a low whistle, “Now that’s a nice view.”

“You’re insufferable,” you scoff as you stop unbuttoning, showing just a hint of your lacy bra. Morgan’s eyes linger on the sight, clearly enjoying the view. Hotch and Reid look like they’re struggling to keep their cool. Reid is the most flustered of all, turning bright red as he focuses on his hands. Morgan glances around at the others, seeing them struggle to keep themselves composed. 

He chuckles and shakes his head, enjoying the effect you’re having on them. “You know, you’re driving all of us a little crazy here, sweetheart.” 

You let out a small huff, “Give me a break. You’re wearing shortsleeves, I’m the one wearing a blouse.” 

Hotch speaks up, his gaze lingering on your blouse. “That blouse does seem a bit warm.” 

“Thank you!” You say, glad someone is on your side. 

Hotch eyes stay focused on you though, or specifically the bit of exposed collarbone and the lace that’s hugged around the swell of your breast. Your breathing heaves when you find Spencer taking occasional peaks as well, watching with a mixture of awe and embarrassment, finding difficulty in looking away. 

“Let’s just all take our shirts off, I want it to be fair”, you quickly exclaim, done with the heavy tension that’s driving you crazy. Hotch and Morgan exchange amused glances as Spencer eyes turn big, taking in your proposal. 

“All our shirts, are you sure about that?” Derek asks, a hint of surprise in his voice. 

“Then at least you won’t eye me like that.” 

“Oh, I think I’ll eye you only more.” Derek teases, licking his lips. 

“Just take your damn shirt off.” 

Derek chuckles and raises his hands in surrender, “Alright, alright. No need to get feisty.” He says as he lifts his shirt off in a smooth motion. It’s a known fact that Derek is jacked, but seeing him in a setting like this, abs glistening with sweat and pupils still dilated from looking at you, is on a whole ‘nother level. 

You’re glad the attention is taken away from your peering eyes as Hotch follows suit, unbuttoning his shirt, revealing a clearly defined muscular chest with just a hint of hair. You start doubting your suggestion as it feels like the room is only growing hotter. You look over at Spencer, seeing whether he’ll be the next. Spencer hesitates for a moment, his eyes darting between the other’s bare chests and your unbuttoned blouse. His chest heaving with his breath, suggesting that he’s more affected than he’s letting on. 

“Come on, pretty boy. Join the party.” Derek says.

“I’ll go first,” you assure Spencer, not wanting him to suffer under peer pressure. Your hands start working on the buttons. Spencer’s eyes widened at the scene in front of him.

“See, it’s not that hard,” you reassure Spencer, folding your blouse and placing it next to you. 

“I don’t know about that. You’re making things pretty hard, baby girl.” Morgan comments, making you laugh. 

“You’re way too dirty for your own good.” 

Morgan grins. “Can you blame me? I mean, look at you. You’re looking mighty tempting right now.”

You softly smile at the compliment and focus back on Spencer. “You’ll feel a lot cooler, I promise,” you encourage. 

“I don’t know. I’m not as… toned as the others.” It hurts you to hear how he’s comparing himself to his colleagues. 

“Do you truly think I care about that?” You ask him. “It’s not a competition. I just want you to feel comfortable,” you speak genuinely. Spencer looks up at you, his eyes searching yours for any signs of mockery or deception. When he finds none, his face softens and he nods. He lifts his shirt over his head, revealing a body no less impressive than the others. 

“Not too bad, pretty boy. You’re looking pretty good without that vest on.” Derek compliments. 

“You do,” You agree, as you fold his shirt and place it on top of my blouse. Spencer gives you a sheepish smile, grateful for your help. Glad he decided to take his shirt off as he felt the cool air hit his chest, “Yeah, that does feel better.” 

You look around the room, the scene for sure one to be put down in the history books of the BAU. “I think it’s safe to say we’ve entered a new step in our colleague bonding,” you awkwardly chuckle, trying to lighten the mood but the air feels charged with an unspoken tension that’s impossible to ignore. You can feel their eyes on you, the way they linger, the weight of their gazes following your every movement. You try to ignore it, to stay professional, but your body betrays you. You shift slightly, adjusting your skirt, and that’s when you feel it - the subtle brush of Hotch’s fingers caressing your arm.

You swallow hard as you look away. The air around you is suddenly too tight. You want to curse your body as your nipples harden under his steady gaze, there being no way to blame it on the cold. Derek notices the exchange and leans in, the heat between you two palpable. 

His voice is low and husky, “You're all worked up, sweetheart. Don’t think we haven’t noticed.” 

Your pulse quickens, the sound of your heartbeat almost drowning out his words. “I’m not the only one,” you counter, voice quieter, but the challenge in it is unmistakable. You feel Spencer shift next to you, his body tense as he feels like he’s been caught staring at your chest. “Don’t be shy, genius,” Derek teases. “We’re all thinking the same thing right now.” You can’t help but smile at Spencer’s flustered look. “It’s… It’s hard not to, when you-” He cuts himself off, his voice faltering as his eyes dart away from your breasts. 

Hotch is still standing by the door, his eyes narrowing slightly as he watches the dynamic play out. “We’ve been stuck in here long enough. I think it’s safe to say we all want and feel the same thing.” The air thickens with desire as he dares to say the thought that’s been occupying everyone’s mind. You glance at the others, seeing how Spencer is adjusting himself in his pants and the way Derek is watching you, his gaze so intense it almost feels like he’s touching you. 

“Guess it’s only fair if we all just… give in to it,” you murmur, your eyes flicking between them. The suggestion is there, unspoken but understood. 

From there on everything feels like a blur. You hear Hotch growl behind you as he wraps his bicep around your neck, pulling you in as his lips crash against yours. You whimper against his mouth, which gives him the opportunity to let his tongue slide in. You welcome his tongue with yours as your hand moves to squeeze the arm around your neck, making full use of the circumstances to feel up on his muscles. 

“You’re always driving me crazy when wearing this skirt,” Hotch groans in your ear as his teeth pull on your earlobe. You can find no other way to respond than let out a high pitched sound of enjoyment as his free hand kneads your ass through your pencil skirt. Spencer watches the scene unfold in front of him. How his boss roughly grabs and kisses you, manhandling you. 

 “I- I don’t know about this…” Spencer stammers. 

Morgan turns to him, breaking the intense gaze he had on you and Hotch. “Don’t worry Reid, she’s enjoying it.” 

“Are you sure?” Spencer asks, uncertainty in his voice as Hotch is pulling on your hair, giving him access to plant kisses and bites on your neck. 

Morgan grins, “Let me show you how sure I am,” he says as he steps towards you and Hotch. He rolls your skirt up to your stomach and lets his fingers slide over your panties, cursing when it easily slips between your folds, creating a wet sound. You moan at the friction, not in the state to feel embarrassed by how wet you are. 

“See Reid, she loves it,” Derek points out, licking his lips as he pulls your damp panties to the side. Spencer lets out a groan as Derek reveals your glistening pussy, his hand subconsciously squeezing the bulge in his pants for any form of release.

“Let me see,” Hotch insists, removing his lips from your neck. Derek slides a finger through your folds and proudly displays the stickiness to Hotch. 

“You’re such a little slut, aren’t you?,” Hotch whispers, his nose pressed against the side of your face. “Just been begging to get in a situation like this so we could all fuck you the way you deserve.” You whimper at his dirty words and hot breath on your skin. Your legs feel like jelly as he grinds himself against your ass. Derek continues to apply pressure with his hand as he lets his fingers rub up and down your lips and clit. 

Spencer’s eyes are burning holes in your chest. He just can’t understand how no one has touched your lovely tits, while they’ve been teasing him the entire time. 

“You can come here Spence,” you purr, hypnotizing him to walk towards you. He swallows as he’s close enough to touch you, close enough to hear all the little sounds you’re making as you’re being touched all over. 

“Can I-?” You don’t let Spencer finish his question as you quickly nod, throwing your head back as his finger grazes over your nipple, sending a direct spark of pleasure to your clit. 

“You’re beautiful,” he whispers mostly to himself in awe as he cups your breast, the shape fitting perfectly in his large hand. 

“Thank you,” you whisper back. It’s ironic how his sweet compliment is the thing that's making you shy.

Derek slips a finger inside of you with ease, and you bite your lip to hold back your mewls. “Don’t do that. I like the way you sound.” Spencer encourages, resulting in another moan from you, loving the effect his words have on you. 

Hotch unclasps your bra from behind and Spencer helps him by pulling your straps down, letting your breasts fall free. Hotch grabs your left breast, kneading it with his strong, calloused hands as he rolls your nipple in between his fingers. Spencer uses the momentary distraction to bend down and experimentally licks your nipple, humming at the sensation. He gives a couple more licks to your breast as he pulls your nipple in between his lips, sucking on it as he flicks his tongue against the sensitive bud. 

You feel overwhelmed by the way all of your erogenous zones are stimulated at once; Hotch licking and biting on your neck and ear, while massaging your breast and grinding his hardness against your ass. Spencer’s swollen lips and wet tongue tracing over your nipple as Derek caresses your thighs as he adds a second finger into your pussy. You realize that this is what pleasure is supposed to be like. The zones on your body are all connected and you haven’t experienced true bliss until those spots get triggered at the same time. 

“Morgan, is she ready?” Hotch asks, breathing heavily. 

“More than ready, sir,” Derek grins as he takes a step back. He lets his fingers slide out of you, making you whimper at the loss of contact, but then Hotch turns you around so that your chest is pressed up against the elevator doors where he was standing. 

“I need you for myself,” he groans. Derek tosses a condom from his jeans and Hotch catches it, ripping the package with his teeth while pulling his trousers down to his knees, not wanting to let a single moment go to waste. Your hands are pressed against the wall as he slowly enters you. 

“Oh my god… I feel so full,” you whine and you swear you could feel him grin as you register that he’s not even fully inside of you. You let out a long breath as you feel his balls make contact with your ass. 

“You’re doing okay there, princess?” Derek chuckles and you nod. Hotch slowly moves his length out of you as he slams his hips back in with a groan. You gasp as you wrap your hand around the back of his head, keeping yourself steady as he continues thrusting into you. His growls feel hot against your neck. His sweaty chest pressed up against your back, leaving you completely in his grasp.

“You feel that angel? How your pussy swallows my cock?” You let out a cry as you nod your head in agreement. 

“I don’t understand Y/N. You’re a big girl, use your words.” 

“Oh god…’’ Your head spins as he pounds into you. “I’m not going to tell you again Y/N, use your words.” He orders. 

“Yes!’’ you cry out. ‘’God yes Aaron, it feels so good. I can feel you so deep inside of me.” 

“Say my name again.” He moans as his hand trails down your stomach until it reaches your swollen bud. “Aaron, please… I’m so, so close.” He gives some quick taps to your clit, making you squirm in pleasure as your knees give out. His strong hands grip you by the waist and he hoists you back up on his dick. “I’m almost there honey, you can keep it up, be good for me.” 

You let out a string of whines as he uses the palm of his hand to swiftly move against your folds, indirectly bringing pleasure to your clit. You can’t take it any more, pressing your nails into his arms as you crouch down in front of him, shaking as your release hits you. Hotch groans loudly as his dick slips out of your pussy. His dick twitches as he takes off the condom, painting your back with hot spurts of cum.

You have your eyes closed, trying to catch your breath as you’re still riding down your orgasm. You hum as you feel the soft material of Spencer’s sweater vest against your back, cleaning you up. 

“You okay?” Spencer asks, kneeled in front of you. You nod your head and softly smile at his tenderness. 

“Yeah. I feel really, really good.” You answer, making Spencer return your smile. With him in front of you, you notice the visible outline of his bulge pressed against his thigh and reach out to touch it. Your fingers lightly brush over his length, causing him to shudder. 

“Do you want me to take care of you?” You ask sensually, looking in his eyes. 

“Not really,” he responds, taking you by surprise. He sees your expression and quickly corrects himself. “It’s not like I don’t want you to! I’d- I’d love you to do…”, he’s not actually sure what you planned on doing to him. “Whatever you would do. I just-,” his voice softens, meeting your gaze. “I really need to know what you taste like.” 

Your cheeks warm, feeling your arousal grow. “Okay,” you exhale. Spencer extends his hand, helping you up. You find your blazer and bundle it up for Spencer to lay his head on. You’re amazed at how willing he is to get down on the floor, ready to eat you out in a very nontraditional and arguable unsanitized way. You hover over his face as you get down on your knees, letting out a hum as his breath tingles your pussy. Spencer kneads your calves and runs his hands up the back of your thighs. He tilts his head up, placing a wet kiss on your inner thigh.

“Feels good,” you mumble. Spencer responds with a hum against your skin, the vibration causing you to moan. He grabs your thighs, slowly pulling them further apart. “I can’t wait to taste you,” he admits, sticking out his tongue and licking a stripe up your folds. You moan, arching your back. Through hooded eyes you spot the figure of Hotch. He’s sitting against the wall in front of you, lazily stroking his half hard length as he stares at you. 

Just when you were about to question where Morgan was, you catch him in your periphery. He holds your gaze as he approaches, coming to a stop right in front of you. His belt buckle hangs open, but it doesn’t look like he’s touched himself. 

“If you don’t mind, I’d really like to take up on that offer genius here denied.” You grin at him, hands reaching out to his belt. Spencer is keeping himself busy, licking and sucking up your juices. You pull Derek’s pants down, gasping as his dick springs free, slapping against his happy trail. You groan in delight as you wrap your hand around his shaft. He tilts his head back at the contact. “Fuck baby, your hands feel so warm and soft.” You lean forward and let some of your spit dribble down on his dick, making him hiss. You move your thumb in circles over his tip, mixing your saliva with his precum. When it feels like it’s wet enough, you move your hand up and down his length in a steady motion.

His tip grows red and you cannot resist licking your lips before putting your mouth on him. He feels heavy in your mouth as you take him in deeper, stimulating him with your tongue as you suck. His hands tangle in your hair, holding you as he moves in sync with your movements. 

Spencer moves a hand up the curve of your ass while he uses the other to unbuckle his belt. He slides his hand in his pants, rubbing himself over his boxers as he relishes in your taste. His lips nibble on your labia as his nose tickles against your clit. 

“Don’t get distracted, baby girl,” Derek states, softly pushing your head back down. You swallow around him and try to up your pace. Derek takes your breast in his hand, massaging it. As your nipples harden he takes one in between his fingers, pulling on it. You gasp at the sensation, making his dick slide deeper down your throat. 

“Fuck! Right there baby, that feels so good,” he pants. You blink away tears, continuing the steady movement of your head and swirls of your tongue. 

Spencer’s dick starts feeling too hot in his boxers and he pulls it out, so that it lays against his stomach. Your pussy is absolutely dripping because of the swipes of Spencer’s tongue and the taste of Derek in your mouth. Spencer can’t keep up with licking you clean, your wetness dripping down his chin. He reaches out to grab his length, the skin to skin contact overstimulating him. 

You notice Spencer getting restless underneath you. Derek’s dick pops out of your mouth. “Are you okay, Spence?” You ask. He hums against your clit in response, you let out a high pitched moan and instinctively bend your knees. “Sorry,” you apologize as you want to tilt your hips back up, but Spencer pulls you back down by your thighs, making you sit on his face.

“Oh god…” You moan as he starts devouring you. He keeps a hand firm on your ass as he starts jerking himself off to the beautiful sounds that you’re making. You lazily tug on Derek’s cock, too distracted by Spencer’s tongue. 

“Oh Spencer, I’m going to cum,” you whimper, mouth open and brows furrowed in pleasure. You start grinding yourself on his tongue, seeking your release. You find the perfect spot and Spencer presses the tip of his tongue against your clit, as you fall undone. Spencer laps up your juices and squeezes the load out of his dick as it splatters on his belly. You lift your hips to give Spencer some space. He moves away, joining you on his knees as he sits behind you, pressing featherlight kisses to your back. 

“I’m not gonna last that much longer,” Derek announces, who’s been stroking himself to your orgasm. “Come here, then,” you invite as you take him back in your mouth. Placing a hand on his thigh for support, you use all of the energy that is left in you to suck him off. Your free hand reaches out to play with his balls, which seems to be the trigger for him.

“Fuck, Y/N, baby, I’m going to cum!” He groans deeply as he fills your mouth. You quickly swallow his load, eyes watering as he pulls you in by your head, needing your lips on him as he rides out the aftershocks. 

“Fuck… You’re amazing, sweetheart.” He sighs, letting go of your hair so that you can catch your breath. 

-

“Who the hell is in there?” 

The voice outside is sharp and gruff. Everyone’s heads whip around, startled. Hotch swiftly buckles his belt as he strides towards the elevator doors.

“This is SSA Aaron Hotchner of the BAU. I’m stuck here with three of my agents.” 

The voice responds quickly, dripping with disbelief. "Why didn’t you morons use the emergency button?"

Your colleagues look at each other, then shift their gaze to you, all with accusing looks plastered on their faces.

"Hey, don’t look at me! I’m the first one that pressed the red button!" You say in defense. 

The voice outside huffs in frustration. "Red? It's a black button."

You blink in surprise, your gaze snapping to the panel. You crawl up to get a better look, and sure enough, there's a black button, boldly labeled ‘EMERGENCY.’

"What in the world?" you mutter under your breath. "Then what the hell is the red button for?!"

The voice outside laughs sarcastically. "How the hell am I supposed to know? I’ve been working here for six months. Don’t blame me because you can’t read." He pauses, clearly shaking his head. "FBI agents, my ass."

You blink in disbelief. You share an incredulous glance with Derek, then burst out laughing, your frustration giving way to amusement. "Seriously?" you mutter, shaking your head. 

Derek notices how Spencer’s been unusually quiet. “Speak up, kid,” he urged. 

“I’ve known what the buttons do the entire time,” he says, voice casual.

You and Hotch both turn to look at him, eyes wide. “What?!” You both exclaim at the same time. 

Spencer shrugs, a playful glint in his eyes. “I told you about those movies where people overcome their differences to try to escape. I wanted to see how we would solve it.”

Derek’s mouth drops open. “You’ve been sitting here the whole time knowing exactly what to do and didn’t say anything?!” 

Spencer smiles, looking almost proud of himself. “It’s a team-building exercise,” he says matter-of-factly. “Don’t tell me that you didn’t enjoy it.”

You shake your head, laughing in disbelief. “You’re unbelievable, Reid.”

As if on cue, the elevator jolts, and the soft ding of the doors opening fills the space.

decided to spin the 'asking the huge stranger at the bar to pretend to be your boyfriend to get out of an awkward situation' trope on it's head and try something new with nikolai and a fat fmc

cw: alcohol, manipulation, dirty talk, unedited with an abrupt ending

"need your help, no time to explain, just follow my lead." nik says in a low and urgent voice. your old fashioned hovers in the air, stalled on it's way to your mouth while you process this sudden favor that's being asked. before you can even utter a bewildered 'huh?', he's sliding onto the bench seat next to you, throwing his arm around your shoulders and pressing himself tightly against your side.

it's startling, to say the very fucking least. you're only, like, an acquaintance of nik's. he's a regular at the bar you go to, and over the past few months the two of you have gotten to know each other a little better through rounds of pool and a mutual interest in good whiskey and ice hockey. he's a good hang, affable and friendly, but he has this habit of making sure whoever he's out with does all the talking while tactfully sidestepping any personal questions that are directed his way. for as regularly as you've seen him and spoken with him, you couldn't list many facts about him aside from his first name and how he takes his liquor... and if you really think about it, you couldn't actually say for sure that 'nikolai' is even his real name.

if you're honest with yourself, you'd say his intentional mysteriousness makes you more than a little nervous. you're probably all right, though. you have no intention of prying, and the way you figure, so long as you don't give him anything truly compromising about yourself, you're probably in the clear from whatever havoc he might be able to wreak on you... but still. memories of accidentally overhearing him ply secrets out of off-duty cops and drunk businessmen play in your head on a loop. he didn't ask those questions for shits and giggles. something is definitely up with nik, but you have zero intention of finding out specifically what. although you're not entirely certain what the consequences of investigating could be, you're not all that keen to find that out either.

all of your concerns about him are rapidly pushed aside in favor of utter bewilderment and confusion as he rubs his hand up and down your arm, sitting with his thigh firmly pressed against yours.

"i owe you a drink or two for this-" he whispers into your ear before he kisses your temple, and you barely have time to register your surprise before a beautiful blonde woman in a pale blue button-up walks up to your table.

"hi, nik. didn't think i'd see you here." she says with a flirty giggle that makes your eyebrows rocket up on their own. what the fuck is even happening right now?

"why wouldn't i be? it's my girl's favorite bar." he squeezes your shoulder, a silent cue to chime in.

"oh, uh, yeah. the old fashioneds here are really good." you say awkwardly, still not entirely sure what's the situation is. is she an ex, or an overeager admirer he's trying to ditch? maybe it's best you don't know. you sip your drink and pat nik's thigh in a half assed attempt to sell whatever narrative nik is trying to push, and when you glance over, he looks thrilled.

a single perfect eyebrow lifts on the blonde's pretty face as her blue eyes dart between the two of you for a moment.

"oh, i see. i didn't-" she stops herself, pressing her lips into a thin, straight line, clearly upset and trying her hardest not to show it. "anyways. it was nice to see you, have a good night."

she's not looking at either of you, eyes dropped to the floor, and a sudden wave of guilt washes over you. it's difficult not to feel bad for her, really. you feel awful for your role in making her shoulders hunch in and her head drop a bit before she turns on her heel to leave. it makes your stomach drop, and you take a sip of your drink to smooth out the frayed edges of your remorse.

"goodnight kate, good to see you." nik calls after her, and the two of you watch as she sits back down at a table with four other men, her back to the two of you. you're not entirely sure of what's going on between kate and nik, but you think you might have just accidentally been party to her public embarrassment, and that sucks.

"nik, i feel bad. did you really have to do that to her?" you ask, and big brown eyes look at you with deep fondness as he coos at you softly.

"don't you worry about kate. she's fine, i promise. you just stay here with me tonight, hm?" he asks rhetorically, arm sliding down to your hip. "why don't you sit on my lap? it would really help me out if she looks over here again."

"i don't think that's necessary, you definitely made your point, and besides, i'll absolutely crush you." you try to deflect, but his arm around you is solid and steadily urging you to scoot even closer as he tries to reel you in. thank fuck for your sturdy build, otherwise you're certain he'd just pull you onto his lap without even asking.

"if i die, i die." he says simply, and you allow yourself a heavy sigh before you scoot over, throwing your legs over his spread thigh. knowing nik, he'll get what he wants one way or the other. it's best to just give it to him to save yourself the fuss. he grunts a little when you sit down, arm settling around your waist as you put your full weight on him.

"told you." you don't even feel bad for squishing him a bit. if anything, this is punishment for making kate feel bad just for liking him. or whatever. you're still not entirely sure what you've been thrown in the middle of. nik just grins at you, big and bright, like he couldn't be happier to be pinned in place by your fat ass.

"you look nice tonight, even better up close." nik says, dark eyes roaming up and down your body. "what were you doing before this? waiting on a hot date?"

you throw him an unamused look over his teasing. this is not the kind of bar you dress up for, so you don't. ever. none of the bartenders have ever seen you in anything but your most comfortable sneakers and loosest t-shirts. nothing about tonight is special, except nik wrangling you into his heartbreaking.

"i was watching the game." you nod to the screen on the wall, where sidney crosby has shot a beautiful no-look pass to evgeni malkin, who promptly shoots it into the net. let's go pens.

"i see, i still have competition, then. 20 professional athletes, all at one time." his small smile grows into a sly grin and he gently digs his fingers into the plush fat of your hip. "i think i'm winning, though. they're all working so hard to impress you, but you're in my arms anyways."

the resulting eyeroll is so forceful that you'd swear you might actually get your eyes stuck like that, just how your grandmother had always warned you would. nik just laughs, patting you on the thigh with his free hand. you quickly glance to kate, whose back is still turned to you. she's not looking at you and nik, but the men she's sitting with are. it's weird, you'd think maybe her friends would be mad or upset, but instead they're all grinning at you like lunatics. what the fuck? a gentle finger to your chin guides your gaze back to nik, breaking your train of thought.

"don't worry about them, keep your eyes on me. you're my girl, remember?" nik teases.

"for how long?" you ask, eyebrow cocked.

"as long as it takes." he replies cryptically, stroking his finger along your jaw. "fuck, i should have done this ages ago."

"why didn't you?" it's hard to tell exactly what specifically he's referring to, here's hoping his response gives some context clues.

"thought i might get a rocks glass broken over my head." nik says, inscrutable as ever. "enough about that. tell me about your day."

he sips his drink and nods at you, a silent 'go ahead. speak.' followed by a pat on your ass. you throw him an unimpressed look and he just aspirates a laugh into his vodka.

"well. i had a shit day at work after a long string of shit days at work, and then i went home, took a shower, came to my favorite bar, and right when the third period of the hockey game i was watching started, my sometimes pub quiz teammate wrangled me into hurting a beautiful woman's feelings and made me sit on his lap." you say point-blank, taking a sip of your drink. fuck, it really is a good old-fashioned. you're glad that this place at least has the decency to always have oranges and maraschino cherries on hand. it's not a given, considering how dingy this place is.

"sweet girl, you're still worried about kate? she's fine. i swear it." nik nods over to her table, where kate is leaned in close to a man in a beanie. they clink their glasses together, and while you can't see kate, the bearded man she's with is smiling softly. for some reason, that does make you feel a little better. maybe you haven't ruined her night after all.

"i promise i'm not such a bad guy." nik says. "i know women like you are always wary of men like me. but i promise, everything between you and me is on the up-and-up."

there's a lot to unpack there, but one part sticks out the most.

"woman like me? and what kind of woman am i, nik?" you challenge, prepared to be a little hurt, but his fond smile doesn't waver.

"a smart one." he says. "i know you have been... mm, paying attention. i have been paying attention, too. i've also been asking questions, but it seems you haven't. why is this?"

after a moment or two of blinking stupidly at nik, the dots connect. he's talking about his secret-gathering. he's telling you that he knows that you've noticed in prying . fuck. shit. oh this is potentially really bad. however, your intentional incuriosity might've just saved the day.

"i know when things aren't my business." you say carefully, and nik laughs. he sounds absolutely delighted by your response, scrubbing a hand over his face as he chuckles.

"you're going to make me fall in love, talking like that." he mutters to himself in russian, low and barely audible over the din of noise in this busy bar. he smooths his hand over your tense shoulders his ever-present grin takes on a slightly apologetic look. "there's nothing to worry about, sweet girl. everything is fine between you and me... although, i can think of a few ways we can make it better."

a broad, warm palm cups the back of your neck, fingers splayed to cradle your head, and something inside of you melts. is this what happens to scruffed kittens? it feels like every bone in your body relaxed at once, but you're getting a little lightheaded...

"breathe." says nik gently, and, fuck, you hadn't even realized you were holding it. your inhale is shakier than you'd expected, and you drop your gaze, covering your rapidly warming face behind your drink by tossing back the rest of your old fashioned.

"is your leg asleep yet?" you ask, rapidly changing the topic in an attempt to alleviate your embarrassment. nik's smile grows sharp before he leans in to whisper his reply.

"what if it is? will you move and sit on my cock instead?" he practically purrs, his warm breath in your ear making you shiver. it feels like your mind is forcibly reset, no thoughts, head empty, nothing computing while his thumb rubs alongside the tender skin of your neck. all you can do is blink stupidly at the screen on the wall, half-watching kris letang scowl in the penalty box as nik presses the second kiss of the night against the hinge of your jaw, and something finally clicks.

oh holy shit, nik wants you. he's not goofing around or joking, not like you'd initially thought. you're on his lap because he wants it, his hands are on you because he wants it, he's kissed your face twice because he wants it. jesus, it's been a hot minute since anyone's been this overt in their pursuit of you. the last few people you've been with sort of kept it clandestine, explicitly forbidding pda or telling anyone about your activities. but here nik's got you on his lap in the middle of a busy bar with his hands blatantly kneading at your hips and thighs. clearly, nikolai's got plans for you, and none of them are a secret.

"what?" you ask, brain still not fully processing that nik, your bar-friend and the worst pool player you've ever seen, is trying to get in your pants.

"could sit on my face instead, if you want." he offers, mild tone not matching how dirty his words are. big fingers gently move your chin, turning your face towards him. your face feels like it's burning, there's something about being subjected to this kind of attention in public that makes you feel a bit squirmy and unsure. the idea that it might be a prank is evaporated entirely when you see the look in nik's eye, a hunger that you've never seen before.

"i- i don't-" i don't understand, i don't know how to say yes to you right now, i don't know how to trust this after being burned so many times before, i don't know how to react other than stammering on your lap. your brain is moving faster than your mouth, and nik's brows furrow.

"do you want me to stop?" he asks quietly, face more serious than you've ever seen him.

"no." you say too quickly, and nik's smile is back, sharper than ever. "no, i- you just caught me a little off-guard, is all."

"come back to my place, drop the rest of your guard along with your clothes on my floor." he purrs, rubbing a thumb over your bottom lip. a shudder runs up your spine, and your thighs clench together involuntarily. nik notices it, of course he does, and he licks his lips before his hands suddenly retreat from your skin.

"what-?" you ask, confused.

he reaches behind his head and pulls his gold chain from around his neck, quickly looping and latching it around yours. a cheer rings out in the bar again, distracting you momentarily. apparently the penguins won the game, a shutout, and now while the other regular celebrate with fresh rounds of alcohol, the local news is starting in on a story about an austrian man who was killed when his house fell into a huge sinkhole. a gentle finger to your chin turns your face towards nik's again, and it feels like he's getting greedy for your attention.

"you look good wearing my chain." he kisses you gently, a fleeting peck of his lips against yours. "i've had dreams of fucking you while you wear it, and i am looking forward to making that into a reality. but first-" he grips your chin a little more securely, holding your head still as he gazes deep into your eyes. "tell me you want my cock, and i'll take you home and give it to you. i need you to say it out loud, before we do anything else. it's important."

your eyes dart around the bar, looking for prying eyes. everyone at kate's table is sufficiently distracted by whatever story the guy with the mohawk is telling, and everyone else is celebrating the hockey win. nobody cares about the big russian with the flustered fat girl on his lap. still, knowing you're not being eavesdropped on doesn't lessen the heat of embarrassment from your face as you try to make the words come out.

"i want your, uh," you swallow hard, and lower your voice in a fit of self consciousness. "your cock, nik. please."

"up." he commands with a pat to your ass, wasting no time. a single finger hooks under the gold chain around your neck and tugs, leading you towards the exit.

with the distraction of a growing heat in your core and the stars in your eyes, you don't see nik slip kate a wad of money as the two of you pass her on your way to the front door.

(unbeknownst to you, nik has one unread message on his phone that reads >>i want an extra fifty for that fucking giggle. that was oscar worthy.)

Pretty Girl Rules

1) Exercise a minimum of 1 hour a day. Any less time is pathetic.

2) NEVER eat more than 2000 calories, that’s disgusting.

3) Hair and makeup must be meticulously done at all times.

4) You cannot leave the house without your hair and makeup flawlessly done, even if it means being late.

5) Pants should only be worn 2-3 times a week. Anything else is dresses and skirts.

6) EVERYTHING must be shaved and hairless at all times. You don’t want your crush to brush up against your hairy legs, do you?

7) Outfits must be clean, and flattering to your figure.

8) Never skimp on hair or skin care. Clean skin and hair is crucial for beauty.

9) Your space must ALWAYS be spotless. No mess, no clutter, no germs, and nothing out of place. You don’t want to be a slob, do you?

10 ) Wake up no later than 9 am on week days, and 11 am on weekends.

10) Bathe and shower daily. One part of shower/bath a day must be cold to burn more calories.

12) Take sips of water between every bite of anything you eat. Staying hyrdated is essential.

13) Journal and write everything down. What you ate, how you feel, what made you happy, shadow work you've done, everything.

14) Your car must always be clean inside and out. Do it yourself to burn calories and do it to your liking.

15) Stretch every hour. It burns calories without building muscle, and it feels good.

16) Your nails should always be done unless there is a certain reason for them not to be.

17) Keep your bathroom clean at all times. For most of us, it is our second bedroom, and therefore we must treat it with care.

18) Walk at least 3,000 steps per day.

19) Multivitamins are your best friend (next to water), take them every day.

20) You must always carry gum with you.

21) Your skin must always be clean and moisturized. Dry skin is disgusting.

22) Your lips must always be exfoliated and moisturized. You can never have chapped lips

23) drink something, hit your vape, and smoke some bud before you start snacking - you're probably bored

Please return to heaven ~

me practicing for kyle, johnny, alex, rudy, alejandro, simon, john, keegan, farah, valeria, and kate:

🥵

Sir... 😳😳😳

Headphones highly recommended!

I'm creami- screaming!! 💦

me, going to the kitchen to get a snack after not leaving my room for 24 hours

Nikolai and Price sending each other chest pictures at their gyms:

i need him

y’all know that one audition tape Neil did? Yeah, so anyways make it Soap