There Is Something From Echoes That Haunts Me. And Its This

there is something from echoes that haunts me. and its this

The Conductor claims, had Osiris not created the Sundial, had I remained forgotten, Sagira would live still.

that. i’m tapping the microphone. that was the beautiful recontextualisation of why saint was acting like he was, why he and osiris couldn’t simply talk through it. saint was not just questioning his existence but weighing the worth of his own life against not only sagira’s life, but osiris’s immortality, his strength, and in a way his joy. if that was true and sagira could have lived does that not then make saint the cause of osiris’s suffering under savathûn? of everyones? is he also responsible for the subsequent months osiris lost to a coma? to the outside observer, obviously not. but i think about this from season of the haunted:

saint was already blaming himself for that. maya’s suggestion was already in his head, she just needed to bring it up.

and there’s this from season of the hunt, too:

saint’s existence, to him, has always been a quiet source of guilt. what makes him any more worthy of cheating death than anyone else? what could his life have cost? in maya he had a confirmation that his life cost something, whether it was actually true or not. that he was led to believe he had caused the person he cares about the most to suffer a loss so personal, and one saint was personally incredibly aware of the fallout of… man. of course he withdrew. especially when more and more evidence pilled up that there was something wrong about him. and how could he possibly explain to osiris any of it, when the root of it was something that would just open old wounds?

saint’s emotions—his loyalty, his love—are truly both his greatest strengths and his greatest weaknesses. i love it.