I Need U Jesus

when I was pulled under the waves

my eyes stung

it felt like when the shampoo drips in the shower

my mouth got salty

it felt like when I get fries from the place I hate

my body dragged

then rolled

it felt like nothing

nothing good

nothing bad

there's nothing under there

I could never hate Vera Whitefern

I could never hate Vera because of the scene where she broke her leg and got chocolate and a puzzle out of it, and then AUDRINA GOT CHOCOLATE AND A PUZZLE TOO? That had my blood boiling. I’m an only child, but do parents actually do this? It’s giving, “It’s your sibling’s birthday, but you get a gift too because we love you equally.” Like??? Love them equally on THEIR birthday. 

Also…

KIDS AREN’T BORN EVIL?

Baby Vera admiring Lucky was not a sign of her being an evil, ungrateful child who hated her mom. Of course the baby spent more time with the pretty, shiny lady that didn’t move much and not the mom running around the house cleaning. Ellie was projecting from, like, the moment she came back to the house. 

Damian “I don’t give a damn what Vera does” not giving a damn what Vera did also had nothing to do with her being an evil, ungrateful child. He was too busy projecting his fantasies about what perfect women should be like onto his other daughters, but he could have at least, like, given his other daughter and girlfriend love.

Ugh. It’s like that saying that men love getting women to do things but don’t like women that are willing to do the same things.

Anyways, everyone in that household seems to have hated Vera from the moment of her conception and called her an evil child. So…her feelings towards the family as she grows up aren’t signs she’s evil, they’re completely justified consequences.

I think we’re going to be together forever.

“Don’t say that”, said the older woman in the car. Hand on the steering wheel, her eyes remained fixed on the narrow one-lane road ahead of her. “I know you love him now, but what if someone better comes along?”

The younger woman stuttered in protest, “What if? Someone better? What?”

There was no one better. They belonged together. She was healing, and he was gentle. He laughed with her and the sense of humor she had developed, loved the jokes that made her the “funny one” because she was soft and small and wouldn’t be heard when she wasn’t being funny. He appreciated every thought she had and loved her for being alive. 

A fire burned hot in the young woman’s heart as she looked back at her mother. Her lips were barely parting as she finished her sentence “…probably not going to get married.”

first world problems

My current first world problem is that I'm so close to being a first generation college student

*my mom is from Natchez Mississippi, a pretty poor area, no one on her side of the family graduated college except her mom (I think she did a short teaching program) and cousin (went to a random school in mississippi).

*my dad is from virginia. his dad went straight to the military and didn't go to college, and his mom dropped out of college (story for another time)

My mom joined the Army after high school to pay for college and my dad went to West Point and joined the military. For graduate programs they went to Troy State. I am grateful for this because it allowed them to get better jobs, access to secure military bases, and slightly more respect in the world. BUT I refuse to become a service member. SOOO I don't have any parent connections at any school that I would be a good fit for.

tl;dr

both of my parents are first-generation college students with army-based careers but that story DOESN'T HELP ME AT ALL because being a second-gen student doesn't mean squat and i don't have a family connection in fields outside the army ):

Like I don't want to join the army or even work as a civilian member of the army workforce. I'm sick of it. I want to be a biochemist, d.o., or environmental scientist! And yes I could do those within the gov but I'm sick of the US government. I don't want to help the government. I want to help the world.

my dog is so fake

I went downstairs to get a midnight snack while my dog was sleeping. I turned on the light and made a bunch of noise but she only looked up when she heard the sound of a single goldfish dropping on the floorrrr

they would say noot noot if they could

I knew poinsettias "faked" having big flowers by just turning some leaves red but I didn't know the real tiny flowers in the middle looked like such idiots

i don’t know how to use tumblr yet don’t yell at me

You wouldn’t yell in the reblogs of a girl with glasses, would ya?

“When you stop talking to people, stop talking about them too.”

— Unknown

When I die you have permission to turn me into a frankenstein monster, donate my blood to a vampire, put a tree in me, feed me to the rats, use my bones for tools, put my skin over a drum, or let birds nest inside me. Just don't go through my search history.

Where are all my girlies that walk in other people's footprints in the snow so they don't ruin it more ):