The Bachelor - Finale Recap
The Bachelor - Finale Recap
Ladies and ladies (and, like, a few token dudes) welcome to the finale of The Bachelor. It’s down to just two contestants: the seemingly bred in a factory to be a perfect contestant on this show and fertility nurse Whitney, and the stunningly beautiful, has an identity outside of this but it is only being referred to as The Virgin, Becca.
Who will Chris choose? Will it be neither? Just as they want us to fear at the end of every season of this show, Chris wonders if he’ll even be able to propose to anyone because he’s so torn. I somehow have a feeling Chris won’t be pulling a Juan Pablo on us. I can smell a proposal a-brewing on that one.
Of course, the finale is live because why wouldn’t it be? Chrarrison has promised a dramatic turn of events from his dais in Bachelor Central. God bless him. Chris Harrison: American Treasure.
The finale will not be taking place in some exotic locale, oh no. We’re ending this thing in the only appropriate place: Arlington, Iowa. How could it be anywhere else when deciding to love and marry Chris is equally deciding to love and marry Nowheresville, Iowa?
Chris pulls up to his parents’ farmhouse where all the sisters and brothers-in-law and nieces and nephews have gathered to meet his candidates for future wife. His mom Linda is a treasure. She looks like she was carved from a strong American oak tree and knows secrets about life she’d dole out while making biscuits with you on a Sunday afternoon.
Whitney meets the family first. There’s a light dusting of snow on the ground, and it looks to be about six degrees out. Whitney is already emotional about the high stakes of making a good impression on his family. She obviously passes with flying colors because Whitney is a human rainbow. The sisters love her and the parents think she’s so beautiful and strong.
As they sit down to lunch, Whitney makes a toast to let the Soules’ Family know that she came on the Bachelor 100% for Chris. She also thanks them for being so welcoming to her and gets choked up in saying how much she loves him. I get choked up. What’s happening to me?!
The Sisters Three sit Whitney down to have a hard hitting discussion about her relationship with Chris and how she sees their future. This woman is so poised it’s insane. She is knocking all their questions out of the park talking about how she can’t wait to be part of a family again and how she is ready to be a mom and wife that she could just pick everything up for him.
The Sisters Three are completely taken with her, and how could they not be? Whitney could charm the pants off Stalin.
Then Chris sits down to debrief with his sisters. I know they are all related because they all share certain features. But it’s the strangest composite of features from both parents. Like Chris’s head is the same shape as one sister AND NOTHING ELSE IS THE SAME. And then he has the same nose and mouth as another AND NOTHING ELSE IS THE SAME. It’s so strange. They’re all good-looking people, but the way the genes sorted themselves is bizarre.
“What hesitations do you have with Whitney?” one sister asks him.
“I don’t. With Whitney I don’t,” Chris fires back right away.
So, knowing that he is confident in Whitney’s unwavering commitment to him and Arlington, they ask what he feels about Becca and how that differs.
This is a much harder question for Chris to answer. He doesn’t even really name anything specific about Becca that makes him really like her. Just some facts like she’s “athletic” and “shy at first”. This is telling. I really, really think that Chris is infatuated with Becca, but with Whitney he could MAYBE have a chance at something real, insofar as one can after The Bachelor.
“You came here to find a wife. You didn’t come here to find a girlfriend,” the youngest sister throws down. That’s a heaping spoonful of reality. Becca is a fun girlfriend he might fhave for awhile. Whitney is your wife.
We round robin over to Whitney and Linda having their heart-to-heart.
“So, you say you think you’re in love with my son. What do you love about my son?” Linda asks.
“I don’t think I’m in love with him, I know I am,” Whitney fires back. These are two women with backbones. I like them together.
“I lost my mom ten years ago, and I have been waiting to call someone ‘mom’ and call someone ‘dad’. And I’ve been looking to find someplace that can really make me feel loved and I can just be myself, and you make me feel that way. You really do,” Whitney tells Linda. Oh boy. Those are emotions! Moms! Losing moms! Finding moms! It’s a lot for me! Moms are the best!
“I know that I could take you and love you just like that. But that’s not my decision to make, that’s Christopher’s. And I just hope and pray he makes the right one,” says Linda. Oh wow well she’s the best. She totally has biscuit life secrets!
As the couple say goodbye to each other on a frozen dirt roads, they do a bunch of tiny smacky kisses (WHY?). Whitney leaves, telling Chris, “Don’t you dare forget how much I love you.”
After she leaves, Chris joins the men of the family in the work shed surrounded by metal and tools. So manly. Men.
Chris shares his reservations about how he knows Whitney knocked it out of the park with all of them, but he still cares about Becca so much. He’s torn and is looking for advice. He also doesn’t want the family to write Becca off after having been so blown away by Whitney.
“Whitney is all in. But it sounds like Becca has played her cards a little closer to the vest…I just feel like as guys, that is infinitely attractive. You know, it’s the girl at the bar that nobody can talk to. Is that part of it in your mind?” Jason, a brother-in-law asks Chris. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I THINK IT IS JASON. YOU ARE A SMART MAN.
Chris essentially shrugs that off, but we all know Jason is dead on.
The next day Becca joins the whole fam-damily.
“Relationship-wise I’m on the same page with these two women. Logistically, no,” Chris tells the family on his relationship with Whitney vs. Becca. He tells them upfront that Becca is neither as ready nor as willing to move to Iowa as Whitney. So now they are on the lookout for that.
Becca is so sweet and beautiful; she really does charm the family right away. Linda thinks she’s the funniest person on planet earth as she tells about how much her family loved Chris and then as she pokes gentle fun at how small Arlington is.
She sits before the tribunal of the Sisters Three to answer their questions. She explains that she knows she’s “falling” in love with Chris, but isn’t quite there yet.
“I’m scared that if I’m not at this place that I’m supposed to be at, that this all has to end,” Becca says. It does Becca. This is the Bachelor. This isn’t “Find Someone and Test it out in the Real World to See if it Works.” Her feelings here are COMPLETELY LEGITIMATE in a real world scenario. Most people don’t have to decide after dating someone for two months whether or not they will a) move cross country for them b) marry them. But like I said, this is The Bachelor. She can’t take it slow.
Lori and Jaci are both concerned that Becca does not feel as strongly or as sure about Chris as Whitney seems to. They have a lot of hurdles to get over.
Chris realizes after he talks things over with his sisters that he really needs to discuss the hard issues like long-distance and the logistics of their relationship with Becca. He is going to have to push her to see if there is truly a future there. They need a good, old fashioned Define the Relationship talk.
“Is she going to open up and be vulnerable? Because she’s gonna have to,” Lori says. God, how could the women in Chris’s family be so damn strong and he is such a Wet Willy?
Becca chats with Linda. And Linda, being adorable, starts with almost the same question she asked Whitney, “So what do you think of my son? Tell me what you think of my son.”
These two end up having a very real discussion where Becca is saying how hard it is for her to consider really, truly settling down and knowing if she is in love. Linda is pushing her and being very kind, but also not really pulling punches. Becca needs to think about the future. She needs to think about what she really wants and what Chris really wants. Becca has to be vulnerable enough to be open to love instead of just being so cautious and analytical.
“If you wanna go through your life and never take a chance, then what kind of life is that? And sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t. But you gotta put yourself out there,” Linda says. BISCUIT LIFE SECRETS. I REALLY HOPE THAT WOMAN KNOWS HOW TO MAKE BISCUITS BECAUSE SHE HAS SO MANY LIFE SECRETS TO SHARE.
“I don’t think she recognizes that what she feels for Chris is love. I don’t think she recognizes it. Hopefully, she will,” Linda tells the cameras.
Chris and Becca leave each other both feeling uneasy about where they stand. They realize how much they have to discuss.
The very next night at the Hotel Julian in Dubuque, Iowa. Chris meets Becca in THE CAPONE SUITE to have their big discussion. So, no day date? Just an intense evening chat? Ok. I’ll skip it.
The two sit down, intertwined, on her bed to have this Very Important Discussion.
“I want everything that you can give me from your heart that I can have right now. Just to know, because I’m struggling,” Chris says.
Becca has said “I’m falling in love with you but I’m not there yet” so many times I’m starting to wonder if it’s a cry for help. Is she just repeating this to help herself escape from this? She just keeps saying those words.
She also bluntly tells Chris that she can’t make any promises about the timeline of when she’ll be ready to pick up her life or fully commit to spending her life with him and have a family. And for me, that’s it. Chris wants a family and kids RIGHT NOW, and she is still growing and doesn’t know what she wants! Chris literally asks her what she wants, and she doesn’t know. She doesn’t have to in the grand scheme of things! I don’t! But let me say it again: THIS IS THE BACHELOR.
“Why don’t you feel like you’re in love with me?” Chris finally asks. She doesn’t know. She can’t answer that.
“All I know right now is that I want you,” Becca tells Chris. I think that’s too little. I don’t think that’s enough to make this work in the long run. Becca also reveals to Chris that her biggest hang-up is what she would find to do in Arlington that isn’t just being “a wife.” And that’s a totally fair and real point and is making me lean towards thinking Becca doesn’t really want this either. This show is about getting married, and it is clear that Becca does not want that. She wants out. Set her free, Chris!
Chris’s big thick noggin still doesn’t know what to do though. Christopher. The answer is in front of you, and it’s as Ann as the nose on Plain’s face.
Whitney.
She and Chris do get their full final day date, which if he and Becca had we never saw. Whitney and Chris are on his farm to do a little corn harvesting. Mmm, my favorite date. The Traditional Iowa Corn Harvest.
Obviously Whitney is over the moon about this and says she has to “pinch herself” to believe it’s real. Oh, this corn harvest is very real. Much like on Bali, the only time Chris has been fully animated and energetic is talking about farming.
Chris gives her the tour of his sparsely decorated home. It has potential, but you can tell that Chris’s mom did all she could to make it not just a white empty space. They drink wine by the fire, and Whitney pours her heart out to him even more than she already has.
With these two we also get an evening date at Whitney’s hotel suite to have a final talk before the big day. Whitney pours her heart out once more that she is totally confident that she could thrive in Arlington because she loves Chris so much. She makes sure that everything is laid out on the table between them, so that she can come out of it with no regrets.
They share many, many tiny smacky kisses before saying goodbye for the night. Whitney feels so confident that she loves him and that they have something great, but she’s still so worried and nervous that it could all be taken away in the blink of an eye tomorrow.
As the sun rises over the vast, snow kissed fields of Iowa, Chris peers out a tiny, smudged hotel window at Dubuque to consider his future. I guess instead of the traditional Shirtless On A Balcony Considering His Future shot that we normally get, we have to settle for this.
AND THEN MAYBE MY FAVORITE MOMENT OF THE ENTIRE SEASON HAPPENS. NEIL F***ING LANE (BELOVED PURVEYOR OF DIAMONDS AND TANNED LIZARD KIND) IS IN IOWA, AND HE IS NOT PLEASED.
“Did you ever think you’d be coming to Iowa?” Chris welcomes him.
“Did I ever think I’d be coming to Iowa? No. NO. I never thought I’d be coming to Iowa,” he retorts as he takes in the meager surroundings of Chris’s hotel room.
Chris works with him to pick out a ring all while voicing over his doubts about proposing to one of these women. Becca puts on a SLAMMING FLOOR LENGTH, LONG SLEEVED, BURGUNDY VELVET DRESS. IT’S THE MOST AMAZING THING I’VE EVER SEEN. Whitney is wearing a really pretty long sleeved black (it might be navy. I’m really, really bad at distinguishing black from navy) dress. It’s not quite the stunner that Becca is in.
The final rose ceremony will be taking place in the Soules’s family barn that has been set dressed within an inch of its life. There are hanging lamps and old car parts on the walls and staged light coming through stained glass. They even built a makeshift paddock for these two black horses that they no doubt rented for this whole shebang. I’m just delighted imagining the production designers in Pier 1 just saying, “Ugh. I don’t know. I guess farm chic is what we’re doing?”
This is it. We see the black stretch limo crawling along the dirt road to reveal who Chris is sending home, and in so doing, who he chooses as well.
Oh thank God it’s Becca.
Neither of them wanted this truly long-term. She slowly climbs through the obstacle course of hay bales and pallets they have designed and takes Chris’ hands. He makes a speech about how much he cares for her and what an amazing woman she is, but makes the turn by telling her she’s not really ready for what he wants.
She is completely understanding because of course she is. She isn’t ready.
“You’re gonna make somebody so incredibly happy, but I don’t think that I’m the guy that’s gonna give you what you need,” he concludes. Becca is so gracious as she says goodbye to him. I think she was expecting this and, though she’d never say it, was hoping for this. They hug goodbye and leave on really good terms. That went really smoothly.
She sheds not one tear in her exit interview in the limo. This woman is a pillar of grace. I also think she’s somewhat relieved that at 26, she isn’t tied down to world’s smallest town and just being a housewife for the rest of her life.
Now is the fun part. They producers are being cheeky as ever as they play music that's clearly supposed to evoke Field of Dreams over Whitney arriving at the Rose Ceremony Barn of Love.
Whitney gets out of the limo and you can hear how ragged her breath is from nerves. Good Old Chrarrison points out that she is shaking like a leaf. She is. Is her dress blue or black you guys? This is a serious problem I’ve had my whole life. Blue or black?!
He takes her hands to steady her and she is blinking like a crazed owl to calm herself. Whitney speaks first as she tells Chris how he has exceeded all her expectations of him and how sure she is that they will be together forever. And she says, “I love you,” to him like seven million times.
Chris starts his speech to her, and he’s still really bad at speeches. True to the end, my friend. True to the end. He is so impressed with her and excited by her and amazed by her.
“It’s not work for us. It’s natural. We both want the same thing, and it feels so right. It feels so perfect,” and he takes a deep breath and long pause, “And that’s what I want for the rest of my life. I love you.”
She is over the moon to finally hear him say it. So he gets down on one knee to propose marriage to her! They kiss! The music swells! He picks her up to hold her tight! They both feel like the luckiest boy and girl in the entire world! SO VERY MAN TINY TENDER SMACKY KISSES!
Chris gives the final rose to a beaming Whitney who just keeps saying, “I love you.” They share their final moments on screen sitting on the open edge of the barn window, and it’s quite lovely. Yay for them!
This time the After the Final Rose doesn’t need a full recap. Just a few bullet points. Thank GOD.
Becca was, once again, an absolute pillar of grace as she spoke to Chris. They are both on very good terms.
Whitney and Chris are still very much in love.
Jimmy Kimmel gave them a cow he named Juan Pablo.
And...the announcement of our new Bachelorette is actually a poisonous wound festering in my soul these last few days. They claim that both America and the producers were SO torn on whom to choose for The Bachelorette that they didn’t! Both Kaitlyn AND BRITT will be competing for the love of 25 guys. And at the end of THE FIRST NIGHT the men will determine who they will be pursuing in love on the rest of the Bachelorette journey. I have enough thoughts on this to fill an entire page, but in the meantime, what are your thoughts? How do you feel about an already depraved show pitting two women against each other for the men to decide who they deem more worthy of love? Ask is open!
And once again, thanks for going on this journey with me! You are all so great and make all this hard work worth it. XOXOXO
More Posts from Popculturepolarbear and Others
In Vain I have struggled! It will not do!
I am having some major technical issues getting the COMPLETED recap of the Bachelor Finale onto the internet machine. Please bear with me as I try to contain my rage and not throw my laptop out the window.
In the meantime, here’s a treat.
Throwback Thursday -
TBT to that one time Carey Grant was reading a script in costume with a teensy-tinsey puppy in his pocket accomplishing the once impossible task of becoming MORE attractive and statistically perfect.
Henley Monday -
I thought it imperative that this feature come out of retirement when no less than three separate people sent me this photo. Not only does it feature my No. 1 Beefcake Chris Evans, but the henley he is wearing is of utmost majesty. It is practically painted onto his perfect body that exemplifies the ideal male physique and I WANT TO LICK IT OFF OF HIM. OH, TO BE THAT TINY TAKEOUT BAG IN HIS MANLY GRIP!
Ahem.
In summation:
HUMMINA, HUMMINA, HUMMINA!
Henley Monday -
Hey kids! This week we're featuring three photos of the same glorious man in various henley situations. It's Deputy US Marshal Raylan Givens! Wardrobe on Justified loves nothing more than to bedeck the ruggedly handsome Timothy Olyphant in henleys buttoned-up, layered down, and always gently hugging his exquisite musculature.
We tip our hats to you, Justified wardrobe, and thank you for getting us through what is nationally acknowledged to be quite the dreary January Monday.
The Bachelor - Episode 8 Recap
"Caliente pero no caliente"
Oh my sweet, sweet friends. Do you know how much I treasure each and every one of you? It’s true. We are few, but we are proud hate-to-love, love-to-hate watchers of the Bachelor and this season, my, has it ever leaned more towards the hate side. I enjoyed chiding Sean Lowe for being a little dim, but if Sean was dim, Juan Pablo is one of those cave salamanders who evolved blind because they live in the complete absence of light. But we’ll delve into that later, for now, it is time for the historic, and often ill-fated, Hometown Dates.
Nikki is up first which bodes well for her. They never put a particularly bad/eventful hometown in the beginning. She hails from Kansas City, Missouri and if my friend Candice’s mother is to be believed, it is known as the “Fountain City” and has the most fountains in America! It’s a beautiful fall day, and they are dressed like models in a catalogue.
“Being in Kansas, it’s the Midwest. And I kind of like a little cowboy!” Nikki says of her plans for their day. Sure. You can like a little bit of a cowboy, but as hearty Midwestern stock myself, I don’t think “cowboy” is one of the main descriptors of our men. Sturdy? Sure. Beefy? Absolutely. Cowboy? Ehhh.
To prove his worth as a vaquellero, she takes Juan Pablo to a famous Kansas City bbq joint. It’s the real deal with plastic trays and sauces in bottles. Juan Pablo has never had bbq before and doesn’t even really recognize a rib. Turns out he LOVES barbeque though and is obsessed with the sauce. Then his final test of cowboy strength is to ride a mechanical bull in full daylight at an empty bar! Nikki just watches him ride around on the mechanical bull for awhile, and then he falls off. And then they ride it together. It’s yucky. Be glad you aren’t seeing it. Oh, and Nikki is in love with Juan Pablo and wants to tell him but can’t. That’s going to play out nicely.
Nikki’s family lives in a palatial estate. The mom, dad, and two brothers are all there. Nikki and her mom run away to have a chat right away. They talk about how there is a physical and a mental (HA) attraction. Her mom is right on board with her saying she loves him, with her saying that she would get engaged to him, with her being so head over heels.
Now Nikki’s dad talks to Juan Pablo and it’s basically just a job interview to be her husband. He’s a sweet man, and Juan Pablo says all the appropriate platitudes. Nikki and her dad talk and the brother’s don’t even enter the frame of the camera. Nikki is tormented about telling Juan Pablo she loves him. And then he leaves. Byeeee!
Hey, y’all! We’re in Atlanta for Andi’s hometown. Juan Pablo is really excited. How excited? “Andi is just mmm,” he says.
Andi takes Juan Pablo to the firing range to shoot some guns. It is “some southern initiation” for sure, Andi. I like that she’s just doing her own shooting and target practice while Juan Pablo struggles in vain to get a bullseye. He finally gets one and makes good on their agreement that he can’t meet her family until he shoots a bullseye. Onward to her family where things aren’t all peaches and cream!
We’re meeting Mom, Dad, sister Rachel, and a brother-in-law. Her dad looks like a bald cave troll in an orange shirt in the most horrific shade of orange. As they tell the story of their aventuras around the world, Dad has already started grilling just about the number of women left at various points. He is red-faced and furious and sure that these two are just “infatuated” with each and not truly in love. That is a fair point dad. It’s like saying “I believe she believes she’s in love, but she’s not.”
Mom and Juan Pablo talk about not really anything. Then Mom asks Juan Pablo to show her his dance moves so he’s calls out ANDI BECAUSE HE’S SIMPLE AND DIDN’T REALIZE THAT SHE WANTED TO DANCE WITH HIM. Then he gets it and dances with Mom. They have fun.
Her father named Hy, which is the name of southern terror, sits down to grill JP. It’s all making something out of nothing just for TV’s sake. Juan Pablo asks in the end if Hy would accept him and his daughter in his own family. Then we break to commercial, but guess what guys it’s more something out of nothing because Hy says, “I won’t answer you because the person that is good enough for my daughter is going to come to me and say there is no one else in the world for me.” Which is really discerning. It’s a way of saying “let’s cross that bridge when we come to it.” I like it. I know he’s tough, but he’s a good dad. Yay Hy.
When Andi talks with her sister tough, she plants seeds of doubt into an already doubting Andi. She brings to the surface a lot of the concerns and problems she’d been pushing down from the beginning. Andi just doesn’t know. Andi is unsure. She is still unsure when talking to Hy, and could see herself falling in love with him. So while Nikki is definitely in love, Andi is still seeing that she could maybe fall in love with him. She keeps repeating that she is “very, very close to being in love with him” which isn’t really a thing. It’s just the same as saying “I really, really like him! Maybe this could be something good!” Which is NOTHING. HOW MANY TIMES DO WE ALL SAY THAT? We all say it so often.
Now we must move along to Sarasota, Florida to see Renee’s hometown date! She’s so beautiful and is jumping out of her skin excited to see her son Ben for the first time in eight weeks. I love her. I just love Renee. She is too good for Juan Pablo. She is perfect.
They reunite with Ben and Renee is beaming. She and Juan Pablo watch his little league game, and Ben is adorable. What a cute kid. Too bad he gets to have some future emotional baggage meeting a Venezuelan lothario on TV. Juan Pablo says he’s so excited to have a son so he can play baseball, football, basketball with him. AND NEWSFLASH BUDDY: YOU CAN DO ALL THOSE THINGS WITH CAMILA TOO BECAUSE GENDER ROLES DON’T NEED TO BE SO FIMRLY DEFINED, YOU DINGLEBERRY.
Renee, Ben, and Juan Pablo come over to Renee’s parents’ Florida casual home to meet the parents and her brother. Everything goes very well with everyone. The family is so warm and accepting because they are Renee’s family, so of course they are a delight. She tells her mom that she is head over heels in love with Juan Pablo and her mom urges her to tell him. Her dad is so mellow and sweet. I just love these people. They are top of the line, good people.
Renee ends the night, but doesn’t end up telling JP she loves him. The competitor in me wants her to “win”, but I feel like this season “winning” is more who doesn’t end up with Juan Pablo. So I want Renee to be free of him and to find the best man in the whole entire world who can be a dad to Ben and a rock for her.
The producer’s know and love how much I know and love their tricks of cutting to random wildlife, and have started off each hometown thusly. We started with cows at Nikki’s, then geese for Andi, then pelicans for Renee, and for Clare? In Sacramento, California? For that darling woman we get a squirrel and a buzzing beehive. Never change, producers. Never change.
Clare is obviously at a 15 to start and we climb higher and higher from there. She does however make a good point that anyone can feel like they’re falling in love on the exotic trips they have been on so far, but it takes something special to feel that way in a simple park. And again, in the interest of being fair, Clare talks a lot about her father, but I get it this time. She’s home, and she misses him. I can’t hate a woman for missing her dad who’s passed away.
I feel like if Clare had saved all this heavyweight emotional stuff for right now, I would have liked her more. She tells a story about how her dad told her that whenever she misses him to just go to water and throw a rock, and as far as she throws that rock, he’s never farther away from her than that. I’m choked up just retyping that! That is beautiful. But it’s Clare. And she’s pulled the Dead Dad card way too much before now. And she’s too much. And she’s insane. It’s making it hard. At this point though, she and JP deserve each other. They aren’t hateful scum (Courtney and Ben), but they are certainly quite the Tweedledee and Tweedledum.
But there is a reason we have saved Clare’s hometown date for last. A big, big reason. A HUGE reason. It’s her oldest sister guys. She’s a huge ogre, and she is the worst. Drama erupts as Clare, the youngest of six girls, brings home the first man since her dad died. One of her other sister’s Lisa though is very sweet, very calm and very approving of Clare’s love. Her mother Aurelia is just a beautiful, strong matriarch with perfectly coiffed white hair. Aurelia is bomb.
Sister Madeline is also so kind and asks good questions, but not in a mean way. She affirms Clare and calls her heart “tender”. The rest of them are all so low-key and docile, how did Clare get to be so high strung and crazy? Just youngest sibling syndrome? Surely there must have been something else.
Aw snap. Now it’s time for Shrek (sister Laura) to get her claws into Clare. She tells Clare that “they” are not ready to give a blessing for her hand in marriage. Aurelia, who they keep calling “mama”, is sitting right there and can’t get a word in edgewise. Laura is being a condescending jerk; even Aurelia is like “I just want you to be happy.”
“I’m not going to let you manipulate mama,” Shrek says, and then she stands up and crosses her arms because Clare is “not respecting mama.” Mama is sitting right there. Then Laura stands up and walks to the edge of the garden just to “watch” Clare talk to Mama. Laura is a cranky old maid. Shut up and go home. I’m sticking up for CLARE, Laura! That’s how much of an asshole you’re being!
And now we are at the crux of the reason that Juan Pablo is actually just a stupid man. Aurelia and he chat for a hot second in Español. Aurelia is baller, but when she asks about the weather in Venezuela he says “caliente pero no caliente” which is “hot but not hot”. When asked about your home country that you miss so much, all you can come up with is CALIENTE PERO NO CALIENTE??? Come on, hombre. He just doesn’t even have thoughts. In English or Spanish, there are no thoughts in Juan Pablo’s hollow head. Aurelia knows you need to get out of town, despite giving you her blessing.
Let us sweep right along to the rose ceremony! Chris Harrison walks each woman down the green mile to wait out their nerves. Everyone is feeling nervous and tense because this is probably the highest stakes rose ceremony of them all. It would be hard not to take it personally getting dumped right after a guy meets your family.
Juan Pablo tromps out to give a boring speech giving thanks for everyone’s open hearts and open homes, blah blah blah, let’s get to the blood bath. Nikki is called first. Then Clare. And now we wait it out between Renee and Andi. It’s Andi.
Which means my girl Renee is going home. And she is so sad. And it’s hard to see Renee be so sad because she is a pillar of grace and dignity and kindness and strength. I can’t say enough good things about Renee. Juan Pablo understands the gravity of the situation because he starts crying as soon as he looks at her.
Even as they part ways, she is so gracious, and says she is grateful for the experience of opening herself up to love again. And he cries a lot. And tells her how much he respects her. And even though it’s not much, it’s something. It’s something to be respected. Renee you will flourish and find someone so much better than that old bag. I do even believe she has a good chance of becoming the next Bachelorette. She’s got a lot going for her in that department, but I almost don’t want that for her or her son. We’ll see.
So that is the end of hometowns! You guys, are you so excited that you get to come back TOMORROW for another recap?! I am excited. It means we get to spend more time in the alternate universe that is The Bachelor. They are promising us a very dramatic, very juicy Fantasy Suite episode. So pop over to find me on Twitter @Chasspod, hangout with me here on Tumblr for more recaps and other fun things, and don’t forget you can send me questions/comments with the ask button! I’m trying to start answering those more because I love interacting with you guys about all this hoo-ha. ¡Besos y hasta manaña, amores!
Henley Monday -A Day Late and a Dollar Short
It's finally happened. After months of consistently bringing you Henley Monday on Monday, I forgot to post yesterday. I could make an excuse about this or that, but seriously I just plain forgot until about ten minutes ago which makes me pretty awful.
But look! Look you guys. Look at Drake. Look at how chic his ensemble is. He has his henley layered, buttoned up, and even accessorized. He knows his Christmas so that heart wants to spread love this season, and he's obviously throwing up a peace sign to bring peace and good will to all. Good will even to those bloggers who forget their weekly duties sometimes.
Peace. Love. Henleys. Merry Christmas, y'all.
Henley Monday -
Happy day after Cinco de Mayo everyone! I bet when you woke up today you did not regret one single decision you made yesterday and felt like not just one million, but FIVE million bucks!
Haha, jk guys, I know you're all totes hungover and full of shame and regret for participating in a vaguely racist, meaningless holiday that serves as an excuse to binge drink.
Rergardless of your actions yesterday, you're stuck in a Monday now. A Monday that seems to drag on and on, and so here is Garrett Hedlund looking FOINE as Tom Haverford of Parks&Rec might say. His eyes, that hair, the suede on that jacket over a simple grey henley make Hedlund one very sweet sight for some very sore eyes.
Que se sientan mejor de pronto, mis amigos queridos.
Tomorrow I will be standing up in my best friend's wedding. Tess and I have been best friends since a chance meeting on our way to preschool when we were both three years old, and through thick and thin, have made it to this moment right here. So for the next few hours (before I really need to get my shit together and get to the rehearsal dinner), I'll be posting some of my FAVORITE wedding related clips from film and television.
This first one is from the seminal rom-com "My Best Friend's Wedding". Fitting, huh? It's also special because it's set in Chicago, just like us! And OUR bridesmaids dresses are purple, too! AND the bride is blonde! But that's pretty much where the comparisons end because I'm not going to kiss her and sabotage everything at the 11th hour. Or am I? (I'm not).
Best Part: the lobster claw waving waiters
Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. May the veracity of this remind you to never underestimate a bird, and to be thankful they are so delicious when slowly and aromatically roasted.
*Thanks to tumblr, biologyislove for this!
Henley Monday -
Well my friends, we are at another year almost over. With less than 36 hours left until we shift into a new era of hopes and dreams and pop culture happenings, I thought it would be a nice time to reflect on all the good things this year has brought us.....
Starting with a few pics of our patron saint of henleys Mr. Ryan "The Gos" "Daddy Gos" Gosling. He is a beautiful specimen of man that will never see it's equal in our time. Probably. Just enjoy as you reflect on the many blessings you've had in 2013. And I'll see you in 2014 my babies.
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