Bartender: Thanks For Stopping That Bar Fight, Spiderman. Can I Get You A Drink? It’s On The House

listen, I’m not the biggest fan of kids but if a child looks at me then you bet I’m gonna smile back at them. kids deserve to experience the world as a kind and safe place to explore okay.

I hope you guys like…eventually live the life you want to live and I hope nothing haunts you for too long and I hope you’re all kind to yourselves

ALL OF THESE REQUIRE GETTING OUT OF BED

Had a dream where I won a baby at a carnival and took care of it and got attached and named it. And then somehow it got lost and then I woke up

oh uh. scuse me. just a lil snail crossing your dash

glad that im not popular enough to have an evil shadow version of my blog that exists just to make contradictions on my posts

Not now kitten daddy's googling his symptoms

when the story is just not working, but you keep writing anyway