Purposefullylackadaisical - Purposefully Lackadaisical

when florence welch said “and everything i ever did was just another way to scream your name” and when mitski said “if you would let me give you pinky promise kisses then i wouldn’t have to scream your name atop of every roof in the city of my heart” and when taylor swift said “and i still talk to you when i’m screaming at the sky” and when phoebe bridgers said “there are no words in the english language i could scream to drown you out” and when oh pep said “heard you were yelling before you could talk” and when

oh how the horror of existence eats away at my heart but look how i cling on to the simplest acts of compassion, kind gestures, easy natural connections. bitter as i am i can't help looking at the world as if it's handmade just for me. i love loving, i love loving people. i love a soft love. no drama. no loudness. no doors being slammed. a silent love. steeped into the heart like a strong tea. jasmine scented. a love nurtured and moulded delicately with sturdy hands on a potter's wheel. a love made with love. a love to live for. a love that makes you want to stay alive, for tiny birds and the sky, for the ocean and the charcoal night. dying is no feat, we die all the time. if you are a lover, you must do the unthinkable, you must live. for you will be remembered and you will be immortalized in every bit of beauty that ever graces this earth.

a short collection on catering to men. Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn (2012) A Doll’s House by Henrik Ibsen (1879) The Robber Bride by Margaret Atwood (1993)

[it - stephen king // blood brothers - bruce springsteen // dead poets society (1989), dir. peter weir // maurice - e.m. forster // stand by me (1986), dir. rob reiner // bobby jean - bruce springsteen // no surrender - bruce springsteen // the body - stephen king]

and the grocery store is never just the grocery store. i'm staring at cereal boxes trying to find one that'll stain my heart honey-sweet again. i'm pacing the snack aisle looking for an epiphany or addiction. i'm circling the croissants like they'll make my life beautiful. i'm looking at birthday cards wondering who i have left to congratulate. i'm clutching my sleeves in the produce section. as if this particular lettuce will cleanse away years of inner turmoil. i'm cradling wilted bouquets like precious cargo--have i ever been held this tender, this secure? i'm hovering before the self-checkout and cashier line, wondering if it'd be nice to go through something with someone else for once.

Trista Mateer, Honeybee

stealing this from twitter

thoughts on death and marriage and girls

(sophocles, antigone 891-4, c. 441 bce; ovid, metamorphoses x.1-7, 8 ce; phrasikleia kore inscription, 550-530 bce; euripides, iphigenia in aulis 1502-3, 405 bce)

inspired by @regenderate and @risissecupido and also joan breton connelly and nicole loraux

The Knight Wonders What, Exactly, He Rescued by Jeannine Hall Gailey

1.pat the bunny, I'm not a good person // 2. // 3. mitski, a pearl, art by @hauntedomens // 4.hieu minh nguyen, buffet etiquette // 5.art from pinterest // 6.christa wolf tr. by jan van heurck, cassandra: a novel and four essays // 7.extracurricular (2020) dir.kim jin min // 8.louise bourgeois, destruction of the father/reconstruction of the father: writings and interviews 1923-1997 // 9.alice osman, radio silence // mitski, fireworks, art by uol.art (on insta)