For The True Cinnamon Roll Too Pure For This World

For the true cinnamon roll too pure for this world

What if the Quincy did the Hueco Mundo arc?

As requested by anon. :)

In canon, the Hueco Mundo arc was all about hollows and Aizen, of course. Aizen kidnaps Orihime, and Ichigo and company go and get her back. Fights happen. Friendship lessons are learned. Grimmjow is there. But what if the Quincy took over that kidnapping-in-Hueco-Mundo arc? What would have happened then?

1. Yhwach would send Haschwalth to kidnap Ishida.

Because if there’s one member of the company whose power Yhwach is interested in (other than Ichigo’s, of course), it’s Ishida’s. So naturally Yhwach would send his right-hand man, Haschwalth, to kidnap Ishida and bring him to Hueco Mundo.

Haschwalth: You must come with me or all your friends will die.

Ishida: Or I could come with you because holy shit the Quincy are alive???

Haschwalth: Oh okay.

Haschwalth: I guess I prepared that noose speech for nothing.

2. Soul Society would refuse to help.

In canon, Soul Society refuses to help because they claim that Orihime super wanted to be kidnapped. It was dumb. Their refusal would make *slightly* more sense in this case.

Yamamoto: Ishida is a Quincy. He went and joined the Quincy.

Ichigo: No, he was KIDNAPPED by the Quincy!

Yamamoto: He left a note that said, “See ya! The Quincy are alive and that’s rad.”

Ichigo: And would Ishida EVER use the word “rad”?

Yamamoto: When you guys invaded Soul Society, Ishida spent the entire time saying he was Quincy and hated Soul Society.

Ichigo: That’s just Ishida being Ishida!

Yamamoto: Yeah…we’re not helping.

Ichigo: BUT WHY

3. So Ichigo, Orihime, and Chad would go to get Ishida back

Later to be joined by Rukia and Renji, of course. Because friendship.

Ichigo: Let’s go save Ishida!

Chad: Possibly from himself.

Ichigo: Same thing as far as I’m concerned!

4. In Hueco Mundo, they’d meet a mysterious child.

In canon, that’s Nel. In this case it’s Liltotto I guess.

Ichigo: Look! A tiny child in the desert! Let’s rescue her!

Orihime: She’s so tiny and adorable!

Liltotto: Uh, okay. Whatever.

Ichigo: Success!

5. Meanwhile, Haschwalth and Ishida would bond.

You know, like Ulquiorra and Orihime in canon.

Haschwalth: I made you this Quincy uniform.

Haschwalth: You must put it on.

Haschwalth: And also you must eat this Quincy food or else I will force you to eat it.

Ishida: You know I’m on board with this, right? I came willingly and that uniform looks awesome.

Haschwalth: …

Haschwalth: I’m never going to get to shove you up against a wall at this rate.

6. But sadly, Ishida would also be tormented by Bazz-B and Bambietta.

Instead of Loly and Menoly, who torment Orihime in canon, Ishida would be tormented by two Quincy who are very unhappy about the interest Yhwach is showing in the visitor: Bazz-B and Bambietta. This is probably the time to remind us all that Ishida doesn’t have his powers, since he was kidnapped before his dad could help him regain them. So Ishida isn’t super able to defend himself.

Bazz-B: Fight back!

Ishida: I would LOVE to but I don’t have powers or weapons!

Bambietta: I am going to fucking cut you in half.

Haschwalth (from the doorway): …

Bazz-B: OH SHIT

7. Meanwhile, the friend group would split up and have their fights.

Only against various Quincy, rather than against various hollows, of course.

As Nodt: I will now show you visions of Kaien rotting away.

Rukia: That’s pretty traumatizing.

Rukia: I mean, not as traumatizing as it would have been if you had somehow convinced me you WERE Kaien.

As Nodt: I’m not that good at makeup.

As Nodt: Also - what?