Kristen Stewart On The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon

i want my baking to be so good that when someone eats it they either wonder why im not married or have a split-second panic abt proposing to me right then and there

Gay people wanted this (me)

My dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called “the last supper” 😳 you’ll be zonked out of your gourd 💯

Me: yeah whatever. I don’t feel shit. 

5 minutes later: dude I swear one of you will betray me

My buddy Judas pacing: surely it is not I, Lord?

are you mad at me: deconstructive, assumes the other person’s feelings, accusatory more than inquisitive

do you want me to kill myself: broaches a problem and solution in one, prioritizes action over feelings, proactive in seeking a resolution

please don't let him get out

Guys please stop calling hot people “daddy” or “mommy”. Sigmund Freud is getting too strong and is trying to break out of his casket.

floor time save me. floor time. save me floor time

yeah she "pegged me", and by "pegged" haha well. let's just say...,sword through my chest

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