Judgement

putting together the world’s worst robot polycule

The offers that can't be refused: the Metatron-Beelzebub parallels.

Because people keep telling Crowley said no, Aziraphale said yes. Oh, God, give me strength.

Crowley said he rejected Hell's offer, but did he? Let's compare the Beelzebub's and Metatron's methods. Let's find the parallels between the scenes.

The appearance of the superiors is accompanied by bell ringing in both cases.

Crowley and Aziraphale are unpleasantly surprised, they exclaim their superiors' names. Why would such high-ranking bosses personally visit a traitors' hideout?

They remind about the arrangement with their superiors.

The threats: the direct one from Hell, the veiled one from Heaven.

The change of guises.

The flattery.

The knowledge of the Earth as the deciding factor for their choices.

The mentions of Gabriel. It's logical for the conversation with Beelzebub, because the Prince's of Hell motives are already clear. Crowley was summoned for the purpose of finding their beloved Archangel.

What is the reason the Metatron mentions him? And as a benchmark for assessing Aziraphale's actions. From the point of view of the Voice's of God manipulative art, one can understand why. Aziraphale cannot be evaluated on the Michael or Uriel scale, because he himself considers them as bad angels.

And finally, the position offers. Crowley nodds while looking at Beelzebub, Aziraphale says he don't want to go to Heaven.

Bonus: the threats of erasing from the Book of Life. Crowley rushes to Aziraphale intending to save him. And Aziraphale having received additional threats from the Metatron tries to reproduce their conversation for Crowley.

They're the same, Your Honour!

Crowley has refused to be a Duke of Hell just like Aziraphale has agreed to be a Supreme Archangel. Neither of them have responded yes or no.

It's clear this demon lied to Beelzebub, but his angel is also very experienced in this matter. And Aziraphale is accused of doing exactly as Crowley did. Without a chance to get out of it, he decided to keep silent, so as not to incur the wrath of his superior. Namely the Metatron who is even higher in rank than Beelzebub.

@how-good-day после моего просмотра депо 17 пытается меня погрузить и заставить написать хеды по Кейт/Оуэн (которые, как потом выясняется, в отношения не клеятся):

А потом уже я хожу остальным фандомщикам их пихаю.

Пс я не считаю шип комфортом. Не смейте меня бить. И вообще это просто шутка.

The Big Damn Kiss

Buckle up, my fellow Good Omens Ineffable Mystery Puzzlers, Crackpotters, and Assorted Brainrotters, because I learned something HUGE yesterday.

This will be a bit of a long post, because I want to show you exactly how I got where I am. I want you to understand. I want to put all the naysayers to bed (ha! But I'm still gonna try), and settle this once and for all.

I know (almost) exactly what Crowley gave to Aziraphale during the kiss.

DO NOT TAKE ANY OF MY THEORIES TO NEIL! PLEASE!

Okay? Okay. Thanks. Shall we begin?

Ahem.

Firstly, whether you believe me or not, I am 100% certain that Crowley did, indeed, give something to Aziraphale in his mouth during The Kiss. I've covered that in the link previous. Okay? Okay.

I did not know what it was. I've now heard theories that it was a bullet (nope), a ball bearing (nope), hellfire (nope), and no one, NO ONE has suggested what I see. (If you have, hello! Talk to me!)

Here's our first foreshadowing Clue:

And here's our next foreshadowing Clue:

And the next:

And our last Clue:

With me so far? Well, that first GIF is a bit off, I couldn't find one of Crowley actually spitting out the flies. But he does. When Beelzebub first drags him to Hell, he actually goes "Pleaugh!" and spits out four or five flies. Edit: Found it!

Moving right along, we come to Crowley in Heaven with Muriel, looking at the trial. We learn two important things here:

One, Gabriel doesn't have a desk.

Two, Muriel does. Where they keep the records. And it's a bit lonely. Every few hundred years, someone comes and asks for something. Muriel can't access the sensitive ones, you have to be pretty high up. A throne, dominion, or higher. Like, maybe Supreme Archangel?

So if Gabriel doesn't have a desk, whose desk is he at when he's getting ready to leave Heaven? Of course I can't find a damn picture of Gabriel at the desk, but it's Muriel's. Where they keep the RECORDS.

Gabriel puts his memory into the fly, then gets on the elevator to go to Earth.

Now, when Gabriel opens the fly with his memories inside, we find out that it's a container. Bigger on the inside. You can put thing(S) in it. The bit we see of him remembering is shot in two parts, one where he's flying down a red tunnel, one where he's flying down a blue. If you slow this scene down and watch, you can see that he is NOT looking at just his own memories. There is more going on here, more that he was not present for. @embracing-the-ineffable put up a great meta about that here. Go look!

Now I figured Gabriel must have taken something else. Something important. Something useful. Something he meant to give to Aziraphale, except he forgot.

I also figured he must have left whatever it was in the fly when he took his memories out. Crowley must have realized while watching the trial footage that Gabriel also grabbed something else. I don't know when Crowley grabs the fly, but he does. And that is what he gives to Aziraphale in the kiss. Why? Well.

I had no idea what Gabriel took until I started working on the chiastic structure of season 2. I'm not done with that analysis yet, but let me show you one thing that I have found so far:

(The numbers are just to try and help me navigate the story and its events without time stamps)

My note #357 of what happens isn't quite right, but when I saw the only two times Aziraphale says "I forgive you" are towards the beginning of Season 2 and towards the end, I realized I had something.

Rephrase line 357: Crowley's kiss is forgiven IN EXCHANGE FOR RECORDS.

(Not that I think Crowley's kiss needs to be forgiven. It's just what Aziraphale says, and had to say at that moment, because the Metatron was listening in.)

What does Heaven in Good Omens remind us of most of all?

A big corporate entity. And what do powerful people do when they get fired from a big corporate entity? They download all their emails while they're cleaning out their desks. Damning emails. Emails that can be used to black mail or even destroy big corporate entities. Or, ya know, maybe they swipe some sensitive RECORDS?

Oh yes.

Records that Gabriel meant to give to Aziraphale, but he forgot. Records that Crowley realized Gabriel had put in the fly. The fly that Crowley grabbed once Gabriel had his memory out. The fly that he gave to Aziraphale when he kissed him. The fly that no longer held Gabriel's memory, but did still contain those damning records.

Here's Aziraphale reading the records:

Here's Aziraphale being horrified and outraged by what he's reading:

And here's Aziraphale realizing he has got some GOOD DIRT on Heaven. Maybe enough to bring them down:

That's it folks. I have no idea what the records actually say, and maybe we're not meant to know until season 3, but whatever it is, it's GOOD.

That's my story, and by God Herself, I'm sticking to it.

HAPPY HEADCANON DAY!!!! (Yeah it's me again hiii.😘)

remember we talked about the relationship between Willy and pineapple in their past? So, these guys have an amazing dynamic, and one of these “dynamic fragments” is the idea that Willy used to suffer from either high social anxiety or something, but in a crowd of people he was almost literally suffocating, he could be overwhelmed with panic, so much so that in this state he couldn't speak or even move sometimes without help. and of course, pineapple, like a good friend, seeing that Willy not okay at all, always took him by the hand and led him out of the crowd of people, after which he calmed him down if necessary. Over time, such attacks passed; now, among a large number of people, Willy feels only a slight anxiety.

In general, it seems to me that Willy often needs help to come to his senses. He looks like a nervous person, with a very precarious condition. at moments of the game, literally anything can throw him out of this fragile balance. the line between complete madness and sanity is almost erased, sometimes he behaves adequately, very much so (although in absolutely calm moments there is something that reveals his mental problems), but any wrong step and he will fall into madness. It is often simply impossible to know in advance what this “wrong step” will be.

One last thing. . . maybe Willy suffers from OCD???? doesn't seem to contradict canon, besides, I think that most of his problems stem from cruel, obsessive thoughts. the appearance of such thoughts and their content is not only the merit of OCD, but it is OCD that can make them dangerous. in general, his condition is rather a combination of mental and other problems. . .

about Willy/Findo. . . I simply rewrote what I wrote in Russian to couple of my friends.

DO NOT take it seriously. Please.

why does it exist? because Findo seems like an emotional person, very emotional. most likely, as a Middlewood resident, he is afraid of Willy Mack. terribly afraid. Willy didn’t choose him as a victim on purpose, the guy just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. . . But Willy will realize later that in a sense he has found a treasure, an ideal victim for his sadistic nature.

‼️TW? I'm not sure if this is necessary, but mention of suffocation, hint of cannibalism (that was an interesting theory or headcanon that Willy might be a cannibal and it fits this idea).

Kidnapping and maximum abuse. It’s fun with Findo, he’s terrified, almost fainting, cries, shys away, he seems to be trying to break free, but he is so afraid that he simply obeys. And absolutely seriously, he simply understands that anyway his life is in danger. And maybe if he resists, Willy will hurt him faster. Does he want pain? Not a bit, he's afraid of it. And what makes him even more afraid is undisguised sadism: if Willy star to hurt him, he is unlikely to stop.

This is how we begin. Willy regulary brings Findo almost to his limits on purpose, without actually doing anything. Because even a permanent violation of personal space will be enough. The guy is already in tension, he was fucking kidnapped by a serial killer known for his cruelty. An abundance of affectionate, but persistent hugs, touches on the arms, neck (it’ll be enough to strangle Findo a couple of times so that every time Willy’s fingers approach this area he will cause a plaintive, tearful “please. . .") definitely won't be pleasant, only more tension. Everything will result not in murder, but in torture and incomplete restriction of life.

And in the end, Findo will get used to it. Gradually he will completely stop twitching while being touched in any way. The brain is an interesting thing, amazing, and one of its wonderful properties is getting used to any conditions. It can really get used to anything (there was a terrible example of this in one film: Jews in a concentration camp had the opportunity to escape. Someone shout to them “run, you can escape!” and some of them really ran... But a considerable part of people were just standing. They're used to bullets, they're used to seeing death, they're used to it. They're so broken that they can't see the point in trying to save their life). Findo will sit humbly, he will already accept the hands on his neck, it doesn’t matter whether they gently stroke or strangle him until his mind becomes clouded, he will accept it without frightened pleading mumbling, as a matter of course, because this will become a must, it will be ordinary life.

And maybe someone will someday find out where all of Findo’s haters disappeared one after another, if anyone even finds such a connection (it’s unlikely, no one will know that on the day of their disappearance two will eat strange-tasting meat, and this, perhaps an important part of such a story).

leave your laundry on the floor for them

I don’t expect a response, but according to the headcanons of one artist, Sliver of Straw is obsessed with the Problem, and I also saw that there is a ship with her and Moon, so the idea came up to combine this.

the idea is that Sliver wasn’t always obsessed. she and Moon are about the same generation and from the very beginning developed an affectionate, deep love for each other. and then Sliver gradually lost herself over the course of life, completely dissolving in the Problem. Her mind is occupied only with the Problem. The Problem has suppressed her completely and devastated her, leaving only a vessel whose mind cannot escape from endless calculations, calculations and calculations.

Now imagine how Moon reaches out to take Sliver’s thin face in her hands, gently strokes her cheeks and talks about how she misses the former sparkle in her beloved’s eyes and how she doesn’t want to see that devastated, lost expression on her face.

but it's too late. too late. Sliver will never be the same. and then she'll just die, leaving Moon with devastating and longing pain in her chest.