Brother
TW: CSA
Tell me how does darkness feeds on an unsullied soul;
Am I the one to be blamed for your viciousness?
Or was it the gratuity of my parents' sins?
Or was it the ode of innocence that tempted you?
An ode you consumed.
You shredded me to ribbons so that you could use them
to tie the knots of your selfish yearnings;
Morphed me into an infernal machine in the pursuit
of your eternal fantasy.
Unbloomed; I was cradled in the soft bed of childhood
Yet, you stripped me away from that delectation;
And impelled me into the wretched abyss of unholiness.
Suffocated I was, as you took advantage of a frail heart,
and ruptured it from its hollow.
Yet I am the one they blame, I blame.
For being tainted, ruined.
Abhorrence filled in their gazes.
But, if to taint me is to ruin me, then let the gods be blamed for bestowing such wickedness on my existence,
For I was nothing but a child,
Slaughtered because of vulnerability and pestering naivety.
Tell me why does darkness feed on an unsullied soul, brother?
― Billy-Ray Belcourt, A History of My Brief Body
[text ID: To love someone is firstly to confess: I'm prepared to be devastated by you.]
considering making edgar allan poe’s works into my entire personality.
I think I have a crush on a boy and I’ve got to be honest, it’s not feeling great. Don’t know how people live like this all the time. Disgusting.
- you’re gay - can read - support gay people - want to hold a match between your fingers as you wander the halls of an ancient castle because it’s your only source of light amidst the ghosts of people long past - are an antelope - or want a chocolate bar.
No one will know which applies.
You don’t have to justify your existence. You don’t have to make yourself skilled or clever or funny in order to validate your presence in this world. You don’t have to turn your feelings and experiences into art or witticisms for them to matter. You matter just as you are.
ancient greek word of the day: θεομαχέω, to fight against the gods
“creature”, half•alive // Fliegeroffizier, Karl Alexander Wilke // Vicious, V. E. Schwab
Michael Cunningham, from “The Hours”
and the nights, bigger than imagining
black and gusty and enormous, disordered and wild with stars ✨
I just want to live in a big haunted Victorian house in walking distance of a bakery, a library, a bookshop, a forest, and a river and where I can befriend local ghosts and forest spirits. Not sure why that's asking so much.
Beware of the barrenness of a busy lifestyle | I write sometimes | 18
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