This Assignments So Hard I Can’t Even Romanticize Doing It

Michael Cunningham, from “The Hours”

"Forgive me, for all the things I did but mostly for the ones that I did not."

-Donna Tartt; The Secret History

Like my mother

Like my mother

Like my mother

I need to be beautiful like my mother.

She's the most beautiful woman to have ever lived. But no one knows that except me because no one else has the same wounds as her like I do which can carry the entire truth of her existence. No one else has cried when she cried, bled when she bled, died when she died.

No one else has inherited her rage.

No one else has inherited her grief.

No one else has inherited her bloodlust.

Except me

So I need to be beautiful like her too.

I'll paint my lips to hide the crimson stains of spitting my own blood.

I'll darken my eyes to hide the bruises from nights spent with mania instead of rest.

I'll pluck out every imperfection in my brow until it no longer furrows for men who do not deserve it.

I'll put kajal on my waterline so whoever makes me cry has to see me in all my horrifying anger.

I'll powder up my cheeks to hide the tears my father never dried and put lotion on the skin that holds the scars from wounds I was too young to heal.

Like my mother did.

Because I need to be beautiful like my mother.

Even if it leaves me lifeless.

She has been lifeless for most of her life too.

the feminine urge to kill

ancient greek word of the day:  θεομαχέω, to fight against the gods

Work Song by Hozier / Mahmoud Darwish

The eldest daughter urge to "move away from home and cut off her family"

—it's a very terrible realisation that whatever i do now will be affecting whatever i'll be in the future

One of the worst realizations that I have ever made is realizing that all I ever wanted was to be loved by my parents. I never would've turned out like this if they just loved me unconditionally.