Wheeljack Attempts Cooking For His Human Friends. It Goes About As Well As You Might Expect.

Cock Height

oh, hm. well. uhm

Haven’t seen a lot of TFA starscream content around tumblr😢

So can I asked TFA starscream x femme human reader who’s like the COMPLETE opposite of him? Sweet, kind, not bratty like him ykyk.

He definitely hates it at first but in all honesty she calms him down🤷🏻‍♀️ oh and could you perchance make this NSFW? Tysm🫶

Love me this bitch - he's definitely out there in terms of fruitiness ngl

He loathes fleshies. Or so he claims. It doesn’t take a genius to realize he’s full of shit. Then again, you lack the self-preservation to avoid him like the plague.

You can’t help yourself, he’s so utterly pathetic yet charming, the prettiest rat in the sewer system. You’ve spent more time than you care to admit hanging around the likes of him. Yeah, he’s annoying and his voice sounds like nails against a chalkboard – but you’ve never had the best taste in men. Or extraterrestrials for that matter.

Through the months spent together, you’ve patiently listened to his frustrations and innumerable plans to depose Megatron and take his rightful place as the new leader of the Decepticons. He doesn’t want a second opinion (and frankly you know better than to offer yours) – and you’ve come to see him for what he truly is: a child desperate for attention. Usually, he’s the one lying next to you, resting his chin on his crossed arms, leaning into your touch as he goes on and on about whatever’s bothering him. He mellows out, eventually. Powering down for a minute or two, only to come back online and pick up where he last left off.

He’s flighty (pun not-intended on your part), always on the move, coming up with new schemes to infodump about for hours on end while stroking your head with his digit. A villain petting his cat while monologuing.

You don’t mind it. Any sane person would, but you don’t. He comes to you insulted Megatron won’t give him the time of day, and you happily give him the attention he craves; caressing his helm until his rambling slows and his voice softens. Things got weird after he admitted your species wasn’t so bad. Was it an attempt at flirtation? You didn’t know enough about Cybertronian courting to recognize the obvious signs. Wings held high – EM field wrapping itself around yours. Humans, as he told you, have a primitive version of it – which makes it all the more impressive he went out of his way to reach for yours. Light as a breeze, yes. But undisputedly there.

Either you’re the chosen one, meant to commute with aliens and establish peace on an intergalactic scale, or (most likely) he’s wasting energy trying to rizz you up the Cybertronian way instead of googling how humans flirt.

Actually – you’re glad he didn’t. Knowing him, he would have stumbled upon “fratboy tips and tricks to bagging gals” and become insufferable as a result.

You’re not sure how you got together – it just happened after days of watching him strut around like a preening peacock,

Your parts are – to put it lightly – completely incompatible. Talk about jamming a brick into a blueberry-sized hole. No human being can survive what he’s packing. But you make it work. There’s more to interface than spike to valve action – or so he told you. And frankly, you have to agree. Exploration is a given considering your anatomical differences. There is little you can cover at your size, which he finds hilarious. Instead, he’s the one running his digits over you, delighting in your softness. Sure, he may be self-absorbed and his favorite subjects involve he, himself and him, but he’s scarily good at analyzing your reactions. Or… maybe you’re just easy to read. Eh, either way, it doesn’t make a difference.

He learns fast, and he’s quick to rub where you’re most sensitive. But it would be nice if he stopped teasing you for once; he makes you beg for it, draws out your pleas until your voice cracks and frustrated tears stream down your face. You could be cruel, give him a taste of his own medicine so to speak. But you’re weak. It only takes a glimpse into his eyes and the faintest prickle of static in his vox to convince you. He knows you cannot satisfy him properly – not that he actually cares.

His spike is warm in your hands, biolights pulsating like stars in the night sky. It takes the slightest kiss for him to dig his claws into the ground and demand you continue. And who are you to refuse? You’ve learned when to pull back lest you swallow too much and get sick, wiping the transfluid from his tip. If he’s noticed this in his sea of pleasure, he’s never mentioned it – too focused on the mouth diligently working his spike.

When he’s feeling generous, he slips a digit inside of you – but if you hiss in discomfort, he switches to rubbing the dull end of his claw across your clit, making you moan against his spike until you’re wet enough to take his digit.

It’s his way of rewarding you, the best “thanks for the orgasm” he can give. He doesn’t last long, but he refuses to stop fingering until you cum and he feels your walls clamp around him.

Once everything is all over, he acts all proud of himself, back to preening like a peacock with you curled up in his lap. For all his faults, Starscream cares in his own unique way.

What a devious little jerk <3

at what point does bumblebee start fluttering on purpose to make star jealous 😭

he can be a devious bug

메옵

do you like transformers: animated? here’s my collection of all episodes, shorts, allspark almanacs, tie-in comics, manga and titan magazines for TFA archived and available for download! 

Prompt : Starscream tries to make a poison to finally kill Megatron, but makes a love potion instead.

"No self preservation"

Starscream hunched over his makeshift lab, cackling as he mixed a bubbling, ominously glowing concoction. This was it. His greatest poison yet. No more miscalculations. No more half-failures. No more Megatron surviving out of sheer spite.

"At last," Starscream whispered, watching the mixture swirl into a deep, menacing shade of—

Pink.

"...What?"

The chemical let out a tiny, cheerful poof of pink smoke, smelling vaguely like candies.

Starscream's processor went completely blank.

He grabbed a scanner, quickly running a composition check. The results appeared on the screen:

TOXICITY: 0%

EFFECT: Romantic attachment, intense infatuation, emotional vulnerability.

Starscream’s wings flared in horror. "A love potion?!" He screeched so loudly that three Vehicons outside the lab spontaneously quit their jobs.

"No, no, no! I was trying to make death, not date night!" He flailed, pacing back and forth. He had to get rid of this before something stupid happened.

But just as he turned to dispose of it, the door slammed open.

Megatron stomped in, looking exactly as furious as usual.

Starscream yelped and hid the flask behind his back. "M-Mighty Megatron! What brings you here to my totally innocent and not at all treacherous laboratory?"

Megatron squinted at him. He immediately spotted the very suspiciously colored liquid.

Megatron sneered. "Another poison, Starscream?"

Starscream's entire frame went stiff. "WHAT? NO! Of course not! Why would you—"

Without warning, Megatron snatched the flask from Starscream’s servos.

"Megatron, DON’T—"

Megatron, dead inside, and with no self-preservation lifted the bottle and chugged it like a shot of cheap high-grade.

Starscream shrieked. "MEGATRON, YOU ABSOLUTE IMBECILE!"

Megatron wiped his mouth, unimpressed. "Please, Starscream. You’ve poisoned me so many times I don’t even pretend to care anymore."

Starscream grabbed his own head. "YES, BUT—"

Megatron crossed his arms. "What? What’s the problem this time? You wanted to administer it yourself in some diabolical plan of overthrowing me? I spared you time and effort. You should thank me."

Starscream took a deep breath, staring him directly in the optics. "That wasn’t poison."

Megatron raised a brow. "Then what was it?"

Starscream winced. "A love potion."

Silence.

Then Megatron scoffed. "There’s no such thing as a love potion. Love isn’t a chemical reaction you can bottle up, Starscream, that’s ridiculous."

Starscream threw his arms in the air. "TELL THAT TO THE MAGIC PINK JUICE YOU JUST WATERFALLED INTO YOUR FACE."

Megatron rolled his optics. "I am leaving. Try harder next time, Starscream."

—

Few hours later.

Megatron’s systems groggily rebooted.

Something felt… wrong. For one thing, he was comfortable, way to comfortable. Which was a bad sign.

His arms were wrapped around something warm. Something with wings.

He became aware of soft, rhythmic venting. A quiet, peaceful hum.

Something was pressed against him.

Something was snuggling.

Megatron’s optics slowly flickered online.

He was in his quarters. On his berth. Holding Starscream in a tight embrace.

—And that’s when Megatron, warlord of the Decepticons, commander of a mighty army, shrieks like a malfunctioning alarm system.

The ship I didnt know I needed

Maybe before becoming bitter they were the most terrible power couple of the entire universe