He Committed Third Degree Murder

i'm pretty sure there are similar hc to this but the headcanon i have about mr alfred pennyworth -one that you can pry from my dead cold hands- is that he's some kind of eldritch creature that took interest in humanity a few centuries ago and decided to become part of human society.

he was intrigued and fascinated by them so he chose to live among them, as one of them. he doesn't wish to alter anything majorly; yeah he's been part of wars and whatnot, but he mainly enjoys watching and observing how humanity grows all on their own.

alfred pennyworth was not his first name, but it's the one he's come to cherish the most because of the memories that come attached.

the batclan know yet not know. they CHOOSE not to know. cause alfred is alfred.

there have been huge uncanny valley-esque moments, but it's wtv cause alfred. is. alfred.

like when the lights always flicker when alfred is immensely displeased with someone. or how alfred always seems to understand the message, no matter how vague, or even non-verbal, you are about it. or how alfred always seems fine no matter how many years have passed. or how strong and able bodied he seems to be. or how he's always there, just when you need assistance. or how he knows where everyone is at any time. or how you would think he'd be a bit forgetful in his old age, but the man remembers every tiny detail, from things like mentioning you liked art to things like what color were the socks he laid out for one of his charges. or how even the gotham rogues know to steer clear of that butler because last time one of them tried, well, they haven't spoken on the subject but arkham staff say that they have been quiet ever since, only occasionally scream for no apparent reason when left alone for too long.

alfred is alfred, any bat would say. and that's what it is, really. alfred is alfred.

extra: when you go to the museum, you can see small little depictions of him in old paintings and even writings about a creature who took to mankind and made it its mission to nurture and care those who were down on their luck and help them achieve a higher purpose. alfred was there for many others before the batclan but he will admit that the batclan is so far who he has become fondest of.

Jurassic World and other media things: Have their raptors have ridiculously wiggly tails

Actual raptor tails:

the tail is so stiff the tendons became bones

i keep seeing sm good omens gifs and spoilers and i see gay and idk i think that means i should really watch it

yall haven't played the ultimate instrument and it shows.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DO NOT KNOW

THIS IS A TRUMPET

THIS IS A TROMBONE

THIS IS A TUBA

AND THIS IS A FRENCH HORN

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME

PSA: never discuss private affairs in your DMs, especially contraception and abortion. Social media moguls will absolutely sell you out to the government. There are already cases of people being charged based on evidence in their DMs.

snakes smell with their tongue

+ bonus: Stargazing Syndrome

This is the funniest thing I've ever read. I would have LOVED to see that

this is what happened right

Hes not in it guys…

(based on this)

salutations lower life forms, i have awoken from my long slumber in rememberence that the new year has recently begun.

now that i have decided to rejoin the living, mostly domesticated homosapiens, i will be sure to make it everyone's problem.