Here Comes The Tonal Whiplash Between This Comic And My Last

Im using this for my dnd character Gooey

having a discussion ab slime gender presentation i will return with my findings soon

Law's fivehead makes a debut

fem zosan based on that one game and the fact that Sanji is one of those who makes haircuts for strawhats

1 like = 1 prayer for chopper's mental health

So, in my perusing of various tags and my shameless love of Zeff and Sora, I present to you an idea I’ve expressed before, but different this time. 

Imagine you're a well respected Pirate with a love for cooking. Dying on a rock in the middle of the ocean wasn’t on our bingo card for this year, was it how did you expect to die, either? Not really, honestly, starving to death was not how you’d thought you’d go out. Apparently, it should have been. Being alone on a rock if starving doesn’t get you being isolated for so long will. Now apparently that isolation has gotten to you already because you're currently face to face with five little kids. No way the kids are real because well shit okay maybe the kids are real… that woman probably isn’t though. 

Okay, so all of them were in fact very real and just as starving as you, the kid's mom was way worse off than you or them. You were able to help the poor woman out at least a bit with how injured she was, and well, you couldn’t very well let all of them starve to death. All of them were obviously escaping something, given how skiddish the kids are around you. A pirate you may be, but your parents did at least raise a decent man, at least you like to think so. Which is how you lose a leg, not a full leg, granted, just like the knee and below. 

The relief you feel when you're rescued is short-lived when you're left with the kids so the ship's doc can help their mom. Who receives more attention from the ship's doc than you, who lost a leg. The smallest boy clings to you openly, while the rest seem to be trying to use you as a sort of shield, hiding behind you or under the bed you're in, since you know you lost a leg. Doesn’t take a genius to figure out they’re worried you’ll send them back where they came from, which you are not; you're not that heartless. 

When the ship's doctor deems you well enough to question, the kid's mom is out like a light; the poor woman must have pushed herself well past exhaustion and has probably been having the best sleep she’s had in a while. 

“So, how’d you end up on that rock? “

“Bad storm, shipwrecked.” 

“And these kids are all yours?” 

“Yup,” 

These seem to make the kids all let out a sigh of relief, probably have to explain to their mom how, apparently, you're their dad now, luckily, you're both blondes, and so are all the kids, which makes it believable. Seems the kids are committed to the bit types and call you papa a lot to get the point across and sell it when people are around. The five of them seem alright, the girls are the most talkative and Likely the eldest of them, rather protective of the others. Though a lot of them are extremely protective of the one who's stuck to you like glue, also the smallest of the five of them. You called her dragon fruit cause she seems to like pink, and kept not telling you her name, felt like you were talking to some kind of riddle master. 

Once you're finally back on the mainland, and their mom was awake, still not in the best shape, granted, but much better than before you got a more coherent story, and you know the non-riddle answer. Long story of the establishment of your restaurant, short, you basically show up with a family and over a few months. Which you just answered ‘got stranded on a rock’, more than a few times, the men would ask where said rock is because your ‘wife’, full air quotes around that because you're not married and weren’t really in a relationship for the better parts of the kid’s childhood.  Not that anyone listened when you said she’s not technically your wife, saying the kids weren’t yours felt like sacrilege, weirdly. Thus starting the belief that while you are not married, you two had kids out of wedlock, so why are you just acting like you are? The hoops people jump through to make sense of things when given a cryptic answer, so honestly kinda funny. 

Your relationship aside, you two raise the kids in relative peace, relieved because of who your clientele is. You teach them all to fight, of course, some taking to your style more than others. It’s in this that you learned of the face, the kids basically have the abilities of devil fruits, almost, but can swim. That surprise revelation caused quite a bit of turmoil, and the youngest two hiding from you for about a day, the middle one misdirecting you away from them more the a few times, and the oldest two seeming to take your anger. You weren’t angry, so much a surprise, and scared the kid would hurt themselves. If you weren’t sure the kids came from a bed place, this would have been the right lighthouse on the foggy day of that revolution. Anyway, the kids grew up and settled into this life well. The eldest and only girl (Reiju), dragonfruit, is the thinker of your little group, good with people and smart as all get out. Not the menchon a crack negotiator when it comes to people trying to change you extra for some bullshit reason. The eldest of the quadruplets, ginger root (Ichiji), was probably the angriest of them at the time as well as the most protective. He is the best with money of the three of them, leaving a love for reading and finding out new things, definitely the most plan-oriented child. The second oldest boy, pineapple (niji), loved to play blouncer and moonlight as a Mr Fix-It when it comes to anything with an Electric current and some things without, in all honesty. The number of times you had to shell out money for him messing with something, log pose, or navigational equipment when he was little can’t even be counted if you had all for limbs. Then, of course, there is the little eggplant (sanji), mouthy and mischievous, but what one of them isn’t really? Of course, he’s the cook of the three, having a love for it long before you got him. He’s one of those who really had a dream he needs to chase, they all do, but not in the day he does at the very least. If you had a favorite, it would be him; at least he’s the one who's closest to you and seems to think he has a debt to pay you. Never mind the kid would feed a rat if it looked like it was starving; his soft-heartedness made you worry at times. Finally, last but not least, the baby of the family pea pod (yonji) is the jack of all trades of them, the only thing he can’t really manage to do at least mildly well is make a rasatto. His drinks tend to be a bit on the stronger side, but he likes being out front in case of a fight. Also is the one most likely to start something aside from eggplant that is.  You were all comfortable, and while you’d like to tell them to go do what they want, all but one could say they are and have you believe them. 

Thankfully, however, the outlier is picked up by a ragtag group of pirates looking for a cook. With how big the appetite of captain is, you're glad he didn’t ask you. This, of course, is after some green-haired idiot almost dies on your front porch. Said green-haired idiot is later adopted by the man who almost killed him, ie, a regular who just so happened to be the world's greatest swordsman. For a while, he was in denial about that, but you kinda went through something similar when the kids were little, so you can’t really blame him. Anyway, eggplant leaves with them to follow his dreams, which seemed to kick off the others to sort of slowly test out leaving for longer and longer periods to do different things. You and their mom are very proud of them, and mildly worry about their bio-dad finding them, but you trust them to be able to handle it. 

Of course, of all the things you had expected to happen, your little eggplant getting romantically involved with the swordsman who just about bled out on your front porch was not on the list. He didn’t pick the long-nosed one who does lie a lot but seems rather sweet, or one of his captain’s older brothers, the fiery one, or the blonde one who seems a little feral. No, he picked the swordsman with no sense of direction and an adopted father who’s a regular. Thought perhaps the second part is a good thing because at least you can get to the kid that way, should he break your son's heart. 

His brothers were similarly outraged in a way at his choice, having to be stopped from heading out there to deal with the adopted son of a regular. Mostly by Sora as she seems the only voice of reason, with dragon fruit trying to get them to be more of a lay in wait kind of plan of action. It’s over a few bottles and a lot of consoling that you begrudgingly let sleepy dogs lie. Though not without groaning with ginger root whenever the mood strikes you both, or something comes up in the news. Pea pod is more excited about it than he perhaps should be, though it’s more he wants to fight the guy and his adopted father, for fun’zs’. Apparently. Dragonfruit and pineapple are likely making plans and scenarios for each contingency. 

Besides all of that, and giving occasional glares to the father of to man your sons are in love with. Things are peaceful in their own way, at least as far as you're concerned. Until what you’ve been worried about happens, the news coo’s announcement of the wedding of all five of your kids to members of the big mom pirates. Now were you and Cooks all stopped by the adopted father of the man your second youngest son is romantically entangled with not less, not to mention going to help them, not of course, without Sora yelling her head off at the man. Which he takes with no complaints, so that means that perhaps his son won’t be a complete waste of time for your second youngest son. 

You don’t hear much for far to long from any of your kids. Even Sora is getting anxious, and she’s calm in the worst storms, so naturally, the whole of your dive bar is very on edge. The only good news you hear comes from the news coo, that being the defeat of Kido and Big Mom by the Strawhats and a couple of other crews, but it’s the Strawhats you care more about. Now, this doesn’t say much, but it does mean that it is very likely that your kids are safe. The lack of call could just mean that the pineapple did something to the transporter snail again. Which seems to be right as you get a call finally, a few days later, only from the kids, not from the Starwhats shop. Pea pod is the one to give you a play-by-play, ginger root gives the more technical things, and keeps his baby brother on track in his storytelling. It’s amusing in all honesty, though they do voice how the boyfriend wasn’t there to help the second youngest of them, much to the brother's annoyance and distaste. Something to ask him later, when he finally calls, though it could be a whole given how easy he goes MIA for so long. 

It’s another few days before you hear from your second youngest, little eggplant, calling after a surprisingly quiet dinner service. Meaning you were able to patch in this still on the sea siblings for a little family call. The talk is rather nice until you bring up the boyfriend. 

“So how’s the green-haired swordsmen of yours, pea pod said he didn’t come to break up the wedding. Surprised he wasn’t there to object.” You half-joke, mostly to test the waters to see if you needed to kill the kid or not. “Can't imagine he was too happy either that you went to marry someone who isn’t him either.” 

The long pause was your little eggplant gaping like a fish out of water. “What? Why would he care?” 

His response is not silence but quiet, the kind you get before a violent storm. It’s not you but your eldest boy who talks first, ever so careful with his words. “Because you're together.” 

“We’re not together.” Now if any of you were listening to how his spoke you would have Hurd his confused. As well as how is voice picked up pitch to something close to yelling bearly held back because of the dangerous intent linger on the other end of the phone. 

You would like to say that you and your brothers reacted calmly. You would like to, but you didn’t, actually, the word calm wasn’t even in the same blue and any of you after that, bearly a sentence. “I’ll kill'im!”  You yell in unison with Ginger Root, who is your ranting buddy. The way you too okay off eachother is really amazing in honesty and you would feel pride if you weren’t so pissed off. You were about to hang up the call, grab your best knives, and head out there and teach that kid a thing or two about messing with one of your kids. As well as banning that dumbass regular who adopted him form ever coming back for daring to take in such an awful kid who doesn’t know the good he has when he has it. Ginger root is really just helping you plan this out whole voice his out anger, pea pod is shouting “finally! There can be only one! There can be only one! “ in the background, far too happy, but that’s not really a problem you're focus on at the moment. Pineapple was shouting at dragon fruit to turn the ship around, and saying they had a swordsman to kill.  You only stopped by the look Sora is giving you, which is amusement. 

“Hey, quiet all of you!” You shout, feeling your anger start to simmer down like the lid being moved a skew on a boiling pot of water. With the chaos quiled, even your second youngest, who you think was trying to get a word in, but honestly, you weren’t too focused on it in the moment. “What do they look for?” The question was obviously for your kids and prompted them to further listen, given the knowledge that their beloved mom is in the room. 

“Ask them if they’re together.” Is all she says while looking like this is the most hilarious thing in the world to watch.

“Eggplant, you and that waking patch of seaweed are a couple, aren’t you?” You're careful not to break eye contact with Sora, whose goggling like she knows something you don’t. 

“What ! No!” He shouts that mix of angry and frustrated that makes is face turn red when he yells like that. A trait he shares with his mother actually. 

“What do you mean no?” Ginger root should be back likely the same shade of red. 

“What’s going on ?” Dragon fruit says in the background. 

“Sanji and the idiot with the 3 swords were never together, apparently.” Pea pod means to whisper, but in that childish way that makes it easy to hear. 

“You're lying right, Sanji, say sike right now,” Pineapple says, taking over the receiver for a moment as he grouses. 

“Moss-head and I aren’t together now, nor have we ever been! Where are you all getting this idea ?!” 

“You're kidding, right?” Dragon fruit interjects with an almost laugh. 

“Have you two met you two?” Peapod adds 

“If you aren’t dating the guy then why are you two so touchy?”  Pineapple asks, though in a farther off distance than before. 

“Why are you all convinced we’re dating?!? I can’t stand him; we fight all the time!  It’s a brainless, boorish Neanderthal! “ 

“You insult and fight with him like you do your brothers and me, you're always near each other. “You are flabbergasted by this news, now as confused as a squirrel in the middle of the ocean. 

“You also look like you're gonna kiss a lot… like your faces are so close in some pictures.” Ginger root adds a similar tone to you at all this. 

“What does that have to do with anything?” 

“Figures insults were your love language or something.”  You shrug, sighing though your noise at this all while looking at a vary amused sora whose soundly staying silent at the moment and enjoining the chaos of her baby’s. 

“Doesn’t mean he’s included in it!” 

The exasperated sigh that comes from everyone besides him really should have been studied; even Sora pitched the bridge of her nose between two of her fingers as she let out an exasperated sigh. Thus begins the barrage of reasons why you all thought that. You included the adopted father of the swordsmen, as last you knew, he was also soundly convinced of the same. His denials and explanations are good and make sense, for a while at least. Then, of course, they get weaker and weaker until he’s just really saying ‘just cuz’.  You all drop the subject for the time being, as Sora wanted to have a more productive conversation with the kids, you know about all that happened and all the emotional stuff around the sperm donor before calling it a night and letting everyone get back to what they were doing before.

This little conversation kicks off a month of back to back calls at least one a day sometimes multiple with new defense on why he’s not in love with the son of a regular. Not just to you but to everyone, which while you and his mother enjoy hearing form him more often this is getting a little ridiculous at this point and no amount of gental words is stopping this tirade. 

It takes you telling him to get his head out of his ass and if he really didn’t care he wouldn’t feel the need to keep coming up with new defense in a not so nice tone and His mother saying basically the same thing but a lot nicer, after a day we’re some dumbass desided to try to dam near put a hole in your floor to get though to him. Then came the tears and the heartfelt conversation for it all to finally come out. Your little eggplant is head over heels for the guy and thought he didn’t have a chance, let alone know what to do with himself in this situation. Flirting wasn’t working, and with all that happened on the whole cake, it didn’t seem likely that it would ever happen, and he wasn’t sure he could handle the heartbreak. You offer to kill the kid, mostly as a joke, this time to lighten the mood a bit, as you offer some more fatherly advice to him. You can never know if you don’t try, and would he rather live in the abject heartache or actively do something about it, when he says the first one, you say no, no you don’t, which brings more mirth the the situation. Talking is the best way to handle this, and worst comes to worst, you’ll ban the boy's dad from the restaurant and send his siblings after the poor bastard for thinking he shouldn’t jump at the opportunity to pinch above his mediforcal dating weight class. After this conversation, you go back to bearly hearing from your second youngest again, and your other kids hearing the news of your little conversation, after back to plotting how to get rid of unwanted patches of grass. 

As for the regular, you both commiserate on the fact that you were both wrong, apparently, and had similar troubles when a would-be couple. Though apparently his adopted kid was more aggressive when the topic came up. You share a bottle of wine, much to Sora’s amusement as she watches you two bemoan your obviously stubborn children. You’d say you're on friendly terms, but that completely depends on whether his kid messes up or not, so you think it a bit, but never vocalize it. 

You all at least get the courtesy of a heads up before a picture of them is in the news, coo. So, dating now, but apparently when you get the paper world says that they're engaged, which you know they’re not. They got engaged because of the rather cryptic answer one of their crewmates gave as they tried to further escape the marines. Once again, it proves the hoops people jump through to make sense of things when given a cryptic answer is still funny to you.

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🎂🤡

Zoro & Sanji before Zoro got to see Sanji's fighting style

Follow-up:

Perona and Zoro both being yeeted to Mihawks goth island is my Roman Empire