Akilah Green On Chelsea 

I wonder how many chefs in medieval times were wrongfully executed because the king’s food tester had a deadly allergy.

obi-wan sneaking around the death star + the pink panther theme song

Me.

a new day

Tips for living alone

Buy a bat (I have my old color guard rifle) or similar. Keep it in your room/near your bed.

Get a lock for your bedroom door.

If you’re moving into a new place, change the locks. Who knows who had a key to your place before you.

Keep your phone/a phone in your room.

Get a weather alert system set up. App, weather call, little weather radio that tells you about major weather events.

Adopt a pet

Wave at your neighbors. Take note of the ones that make you uneasy. Watch out for kids always.

Be nice to your mail person. No matter what.

If you choose to drink/etc alone, unplug your wifi router. You’ll thank me.

Have extra seating. People sit when they visit. Your one comfy chair is great for you. Not so great for you + grandma + ur five cousins, your aunt, and a couple others.

Learn the self-Heimlich

When you take a shower, bring your phone to the bathroom in case you fall your phone is no longer halfway across the house, it’s just on your counter

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Idk what else

This is so wholesome

STORY TIME:

I work in a decent sized, local, indie bookstore. It’s a great job 99% of the time and a lot of our customers are pretty neat people. Any who, middle of the day this little old lady comes up. She’s lovably kooky. She effuses how much she loves the store and how she wishes she could spend more time in it but her husband is waiting in the car (OH! I BETTER BUY HIM SOME CHOCOLATE!), she piles a bunch of art supplies on the counter and then stops and tells me how my bangs are beautiful and remind her of the ocean (“Wooooosh” she says, making a wave gesture with her hand)

Ok. I think to myself. Awesomely happy, weird little old ladies are my favorite kind of customer. They’re thrilled about everything and they’re comfortably bananas. I can have a good time with this one. So we chat and it’s nice.

Then this kid, who’s been up my counter a few times to gather his school textbooks, comes up in line behind her (we’re connected to a major university in the city so we have a lot of harried students pass through). She turns around to him and, out of nowhere, demands that he put his textbooks on the counter. He’s confused but she explains that she’s going to buy his textbooks.

He goes sheetrock white. He refuses and adamantly insists that she can’t do that. It’s like, $400 worth of textbooks. She, this tiny old woman, bodily takes them out of her hands, throws them on the counter and turns to me with a intense stare and tells me to put them on her bill. The kid at this point is practically in tears. He’s confused and shocked and grateful. Then she turns to him and says “you need chocolate.” She starts grabbing handfuls of chocolates and putting them in her pile.

He keeps asking her “why are you doing this?” She responds “Do you like Harry Potter?“ and throws a copy of the new Cursed Child on the pile too.

Finally she’s done and I ring her up for a crazy amount of money. She pays and asks me to please give the kid a few bags for his stuff. While I’m bagging up her merchandise the kid hugs her. We’re both telling her how amazing she is and what an awesome thing she’s done. She turns to both of us and says probably one of the most profound, unscripted things I’ve ever had someone say:

“It’s important to be kind. You can’t know all the times that you’ve hurt people in tiny, significant ways. It’s easy to be cruel without meaning to be. There’s nothing you can do about that. But you can choose to be kind. Be kind.”

The kid thanks her again and leaves. I tell her again how awesome she is. She’s staring out the door after him and says to me: “My son is a homeless meth addict. I don’t know what I did. I see that boy and I see the man my son could have been if someone had chosen to be kind to him at just the right time.”

I’ve bagged up all her stuff and at this point am super awkward and feel like I should say something but I don’t know what. Then she turns to me and says: I wish I could have bangs like that but my darn hair is just too curly.“ And leaves.

And that is the story of the best customer I’ve ever had. Be kind to somebody today.

Do your PCs love getting loot? Do you like sowing chaos in your campaign? Well then, Dungeon Masters, look no further than Jay’s Dumb D&D Items! Remastered and tweaked by the incredible @currycurrie, this table provides a random selection of truly stupid and entertaining items well-suited for heroes and villains alike. Happy adventuring!

(PDF) + (Imgur) 

If a girl feels uncomfortable hanging out with you alone, and you get so offended by that, it makes you angry, she probably made the right choice.

Catching up on the reading pile

Since I'm stuck at home right now, I've made an effort to try to catch up on my reading pile.

Jack Reacher Book 1: The Killing Floor Being a big fan of the show, I decided to give the books a read. I have to say, I was disappointed. No Neagley and how stereo-typical "damsel in distress" Roscoe was were the two biggest disappointments. Also, the ending had a very "Super easy, barely an inconvenience" feel to it. I didn't hate it, mind you. And in fact I'll give the 2nd one a try. I'm chalking it up to it being a first/early work. Penguin Random House - $9.99

Mad's Greatest Artist: Seigio Aragones - Five Decades of his Finest Works One of my favorite artists & writers. His view on the world (especially in the "A Mad Look At..." series) often make me laugh. I'm sorry to hear that his health is not great these days and that his output has suffered because of it. This book is great and you should pick it up (if you can afford to). Running Press - Cover Price $29.95 (Out Of Print)

Tori Amos: Little Earthquakes (The Graphic Album) Various writers and/or artists present stories based on songs from Tori's first album "Little Earthquakes", as well as songs that only appeared as "B-Sides" on singles. The book is beautiful and most of the stories are very good. There is a modern day problem though as her long time friend Neil Gaiman has one story and the epilogue, where he talks about his 30 year friendship with the artist. Still worth picking up though. Z2 Comics - $39.99