In 1960, SAG And WGA Struck To Force Management To Adapt To The New Technology Of Television. Without

Things I need to remember. I don't know how many times I quit something quickly because I wasn't doing it perfect immediately.

We are playing Tapestry for the first time. The 12-sided die is the die you roll for the science track. We have already dubbed it "Bill Nye The Science Die."

One for sorrow Two for joy Three for a girl Four for a boy Five for silver Six for gold Seven for a secret never to be told

Eight for a wish Nine for a kiss Ten for a chance you must not miss Eleven for a wasp Twelve for a bee Thirteen for a coffee Fourteen for tea

Fifteen for a pencil Sixteen for a pen Seventeen to hear these options once again

Eighteen for pepper Nineteen for salt Twenty for an accident in which you were not at fault

Twenty one for Jerry Twenty two for Tom Twenty three - where are all these magpies coming from?

Twenty five no seriously Thirty this is weird Forty eight from where have all these magpies suddenly appeared?

Sixty two stop counting Seventy just run Ninety nine the revolution of the magpies has begun

Two hundred no more sorrow Five hundred no more fears One thousand for how long the empire of the magpies will last in years

(John Finnemore)

If a girl feels uncomfortable hanging out with you alone, and you get so offended by that, it makes you angry, she probably made the right choice.

About to see The Talking Heads, 57 feet high and 72 feet high!

Wow. The patience, kindness and calm communication skills. Outstanding.

From raindovemodel

an explanation is not owed

The Recent Realization That Completely Took Me By Surprise

“I’ve made the decision.  I’m giving up on dating.”

I made this proclamation to a friend sometime in the very early 2000s.  I was tired of everything that went with dating, or trying to get dates, and had gotten to a point where I, quite frankly, just didn’t give a damn anymore.  I was happier being alone, relationship wise.

My friend scoffed at me, and as I told others, they did too.  But for the past (approximately) 14 years, that’s been the story.  There really was no one I actively wanted to date.

So it came as quite a shock to me when one night a couple of months ago, as I was out at a bar with a group of friends, it became clear to me that I really wanted to ask one of them out on a date.

[This, BTW, is not the realization this blog post is about.]

I did not react well to this.  Remember a few months ago when I was making Vaugebook posts about frustration and falling into old mental traps?  Well, now you know why.  I had so many questions I couldn’t answer.  Where did this come from?  Why was this suddenly happening?  I was happy not being in the dating scene, why would I suddenly want to screw that up?  Why her?  I didn’t really consider how she would feel.  I was 99% sure she wasn’t interested.  In fact, I think I would’ve been more worried if I asked her out and she actually said yes!

A week later, I travelled to New York City to visit a couple of friends of mine.  While there, I discussed my recent revealation.  They had become engaged a couple of weeks before, so I took their view of my situation with a huge grain of salt.

But as I spent the day with them, and watched them together, I became aware that I wanted exactly what they had.

That connection. That emotional bonding. That love.

[This, also, is not the realization this blog post is about.  Stay with me here.]

I got on the train home and began thinking about everything and every emotion, past and present; what had led me to where I had been and to where I was now.  And somewhere between Harlem and Greenwich, I discovered the truth.

The truth was that, during all those years, I had wanted to date.

I had wanted that connection. That bonding. That love.

The problem was, during that time and up until recently, I didn’t love myself.  Truth be told, I down right loathed myself for most of that time.  And because of that, I didn’t think I deserved to be loved by anyone.

So when I would meet a woman who I thought was special, I would think to myself, “Too bad I don’t want to date anyone”, and put it out of my mind.

This is the revelation this blog post is about.  The revelation that, “I don’t want to date anyone”, was really my brain’s way of saying, “You don’t deserve anyone’s love.”

And once I realized that, everything going on fell into place.

I love myself now. I’m ready to date. I’m ready to love someone else now.

But, most of all, I’m ready to accept that someone can love me the same way.