Jack's Birthday In 10 Days !!

There are two kinds of love in this world; one that makes you forget the life you live, and one that makes you want to live your life all over again.

Lukas W. // Two kinds of love (via somepiecesofmyheartandsoul)

“Yes, you are. And I know one day, maybe tomorrow, maybe in a few years, maybe in a few decades- you'll look back on everything and smile. Because you made it, didn't you? You'll be happy, well, with somebody to love.”

“It'll be you.” Jeongguk whispered. But he knew it wouldn't be.

“Yes it will,” Taehyung replied in a faint whisper, but he knew it wouldn't be him either. Both knew, but didn't say a word. For at the moment, they were at peace.

A Letter I Will Never Send

This is not a love letter.

This is me pouring out my love, not the kind you think of, the mushy gushy romanticized crap you want. No, this is raw, unadulterated affection for you and your soul.

For the purposes of this letter, I am going to disregard the fact that you are ignoring me and that we do not talk anymore. That is irrelevant. We have both argued, screamed, apologized, and cried to each other too many times to count. Even if we did still talk, I would be saying this to you, maybe in different words, but telling you all the same.

Since the very first day we became friends, you have been a constant in my life, a constant amidst the tumult and drama of high school. You listened to me and offered advice with your perspective that is so opposite mine. I love the way you live in the moment and risk the superficial things that I hold dear. Being your friend made me come to the profound realization that life is so much more than turning in homework on time and getting straight As. Because of you, if a friend needs me the night before a paper is due, I will be there for my friend (hopefully I wrote the paper ahead of time).

You were the glue that held my life together when I was on the brink of destruction. Everything in my world was falling apart, but you and your friendship remained. I took that for granted. You taught me the value of true friendship, even if it does not last. I hope that I meant something to you, that I somehow repaid in part what you had given to me in full.

To this day, I still look for you in the hallways and listen for your voice among the tenors in choir. Even when we see each other or talk, it is all superficial. We barely graze the surface of what once existed.

I hate superficiality.

After three years, how could we, how could I, throw it all away?

Losing your friendship has been a process more painful than any breakup. It feels as if someone has taken a part of me; there is a hole in my soul where you once were. As if the physical pain was not enough, the process of emotional detachment from you has been long and rocky. After weeks without thinking of you, a single song or a memory or a Bible verse makes me recall how much I care for you, still, after all this time.

You know more about me than any other person on this earth. And even though you leave me behind, you will carry pieces of me with you forever. Treasure them. I do not regret giving them to you, for I trust you will keep those pieces of me safe.

Life is too short to be silent about the ones we love. The other day, I was thinking about the people I will miss most in college, and as much as I love my friends, I will miss you the most. I already miss you. I suppose our separation is merely a preparation for what is to come.

This is not a cry for you to come back to me, nor an invitation for a pity party on my behalf. We both know that “us” would never have worked in our favor. I just wanted to let you know how much you mean to me, and how much pain I am enduring as you ignore my snapchats and avoid eye contact. But still, this is not me trying to guilt you or regain your attention.

This is me telling you that I love you. Not as a boyfriend or as a lover or even as a friend. I love you as a person. You are so extraordinarily special, and I am blessed to have spent so much time with you as my best friend. I wish it did not have to end.

But alas, all good things come to an end, right?

february gray

"If I ever see a flaw of yours, i'd say my eyes are the flawed ones."

Mahmoud Darwish

Don’t fall in love with a good guy. Because when he leaves, you cannot hate him. You will think of all of the things he always did right; hating him will be so impossible, and loving him will still be so easy. Because he’ll want to be your friend. And you’ll want to be his, too. But catching up with him every 6 weeks will not be enough for your heart, and being his friend will be the most elaborate method of self-harm. Because he’ll still be the boy you fell in love with. When it’s all said and done, he won’t be anyone except exactly who you knew he was. And how do you fall out of love with the same exact characteristics that made you fall in love in the first place? So don’t date a good boy. Because when a bad boy leaves, at least you saw it coming. When a bad boy leaves, at least you can hate him. When a bad boy leaves, at least you can tell yourself that you were an idiot for falling for him in the first place. But with him— you did not see it coming. You can not hate him. You can not tell yourself you shouldn’t have fallen in love. Because he was a good boy, and good boys are good even when they leave you.

excerpt from an unfinished book #53 // “breaking up is hard to do” chapter: “let’s be friends” (via wherewritersblockcomestodie)

I could say:

I love Peter P.

And no one would know if i’m talking about Peter Pan, Peter Pevensie or Peter Parker

don’t rush things you want to last forever

Alive

Last night was the first night I felt alive in 2020. I was happy like I wasn’t for years.

We danced to our favorite songs. Sang at the top of our lungs. The center was full of people existing at the moment.

I got into a little trouble for going late, with my mom warning me she’ll never let me go anywhere again, but I don’t care. I was happy. I cherished every second of last night. I lived in the moment with my friends.

If given a chance, I’d do it over again. And maybe not go home after the night I will always remember.

011020

I was interested in everything and committed to nothing.

(via amargedom)