I Hate Explaining Jokes But This Fucking Scene From Kung Pow Makes Me Lose My Shit Every Time: 

humbled

Today I had to return an Amazon package at a Whole Foods, and at the krustomer service kounter there was a sign that said ‘free sample’ and a whole Oreo on a ripped piece of paper towel. So while the lady manning the counter was talking to someone else I ate it. And then she took my package and scanned my little code, and said I was good to go. But when I was walking away still chewing I heard her go ‘where’s my cookie?’ So I just walked away faster

Oh, you're a psychology major?

Name every psycho.

this is gonna enter my vocabulary for sure

It's really simple. If you're born with a vagina and you naturally have elevated testosterone levels, you're a man. If you have a vagina and you take testosterone, you're a woman. But also if you have a vagina, you'll never be a man. But also if you have higher testosterone then you were never a woman. Woman never yes man a vagina testosterone no was an elevated. Vagina man.

why so celibate

-the jerker