Bruce Truly Hates Magic With Every Pump And Beat Of His Heart.

For Guard: Are you planning on doing anything from Ichigo's POV, a scene or anything? Yoru-nee's reaction to what Kisuke did to Aizen? Does Kisuke get a medal or reward for LITERALLY tearing Aizen apart?

Hmm, well I did a bit of Ichi POV in the snippet before this one (an age and a half ago) even tho it was mostly Yoru talking. Yoru really just takes the whole Kisuke with bankai in stride, she knows Ichigo won’t stand for it if she tries to shanghai him into anything he doesn’t want, and she’s clan head enough to want to keep a Shihouin resource within the clan. And Kisuke’s not really one for medals/rewards (and honestly when is the Gotei/government ever prone to giving out rewards for services rendered), he’d much rather keep his abilities under wraps. But here’s a little something of Ichi and Kisuke discussing some of the fallout.

Edit: Uhhh the discussion devolved into really pointless UraIchi fluff sorry?

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jason comes back to gotham as red hood and the batfam have no idea who he is or that he has anything to do with the league of assasins until during a wayne gala theres a hostage situation and before bruce or anyone can figure out a way to go suit up a crime lord appears and saves everybody only to have a publically friendly catch up session with.... damian wayne.

damian covers to the press afterwards that its because of red hoods 'i dont hurt kids' rule and that he'd met the guy a few times in crime alley before he was dumped on bruce's doorstep. gotham's citizens are slightly concerned but honestly? the scary stabby child that's been glaring at them from the corners of parties since he got here with absolutely no backstory or history in gotham turning out to have a past with crime alleys most infamous protector/crime boss? it's a little comforting.

it's less comforting to the bats.

damian, getting out the car after the gala: I don't know what hood was thinking, making me his public ally. he's lucky the simpletons of this city bought that, don't you agree father?

damian: *turns to see the rest of the family staring at him with hard eyes*

damian:

damian: ...what did i do?

everybody's less than pleased that damian withheld the info that red hood is trained and from the LOA, but damian simply maintains that they never asked. when further questioned about why his relationship with hood was so familial and about what his identity is... they get

damian: hood was perhaps my favourite tutor back home, the only one i didn't kill. he taught me many things, from how to poison somebody to famous quotes and sayings from classic literature.

bruce: what. is. his. name.

damian: you know what one of those sayings was? 'snitches get stitches'

dick: *slams his face into the wall*

tim: well you did want him to be more childlike.

they eventually have to move past it because damian won't budge, unfortunately jason is finding this whole scenario fucking hysterical because holy shit he'd thought about coming back and pissing off his family through their secret personas but he hadn't even considered the beauty of coming back and pissing them off through their public personas.

and from then on the entire batfamily has to deal with pretending to be nervous or wary every time the red hood comes and crashes their very real wayne public events. it's fucking incredible. jason can't believe that he was gonna try and beat the shit out of tim to freak out bruce when all he had to do was grab a glass of champagne, walk up to the dude, and ask politely how stocks at WE are doing. 'brucie wayne' has no fucking clue what to do, and jason just poured the champagne against his helmet and let it all fall to the ground and everybody's too scared to say anything.

nobody else bats an eye when red hood becomes an occasional presence at these fancy events, apart from the people who know for a fact they could be on his shitlist. mostly because this is gotham, but also because they know he's a crime lord so like... riches and business running wise he kinda fits the bill for these things anyway? and if the stoic kid of brucie wayne eases up around him then the whole 'i dont hurt kids' thing must ring true so it's not like he'll cause too much trouble. also the guards are too scared to tell him he's not allowed in, so there's that.

the bats hate everything about this. they don't even know what red hoods game is, they have no idea why they're being tortured and they're getting paranoid about it. damian's absolutely no help because he's just happy to 1. get to see his brother on a regular basis again, and 2. get to see his brother find a less self-destructive outlet for the pit rage he's watched jason struggle with for years.

it's also just really fun to watch tim accidentally fall asleep against a wall mid-gala, wake up to red hood's helmet 2 inches from his face, and then almost break his own hand trying to punch it because he forgot that he wasn't in-mask and had to hold back last second.

dick is mostly just indignant because every time red hood shows up and hangs around near damian, damian immediately becomes a picture perfect public persona, interacting with the elites of gotham with the same expertise of tim or bruce. he's so mad that a crime lord can wrangle HIS little brother in public but he can't, that he completely disregards the whole crime lord thing and starts bugging red hood both in and out of mask about how to be a better older brother to damian. at one point he corners red hood on a rooftop mid patrol.

nightwing: ok, seriously, when I asked damian not to be rude to the new investors he told a woman her coat looked like it would hold up in a fight against two-face, but when YOU ask he becomes a model citizen, what is UP with that?

red hood, being an asshole: *gasp* y-you're.... YOU'RE RICHARD GRAYSON?

nightwing:

nightwing: ....oh my god you didn't know?

red hood: no i fucking knew you're just an idiot. and damian listens to me because I'm the only tutor he could never kill and he knows i'll beat his ass with my magic swords.

nightwing:

red hood: and also im the only one at the league who played Just Dance with him so i get special privileges, like telling him what to do.

dick asks damian to play Just Dance with him that night and damian just looks at him all forlorn, like 'it wouldn't be the same without the exhilarating thrill of knowing if anybody catches us hood will be stabbed and thrown in the lazarus pit again as punishment for corrupting me... it was really an unfair punishment considering he replaced grandfather's bed with a plastic pool covered by a sheet once, and the only punishment he got for that was being banned from the family dinners for two weeks'

dick stares at him. damian just adds 'he used to sit outside the window like a dog. watching and occasionally yelling about the injustice. mother gave him a plate of roast potatoes through the window once. grandfather disapproved.'

nobody knows quite what to do about red hood becoming a gotham elite, but they are becoming more concerned about damian's family's dynamic every goddamn day.

Your thoughts on sex pollen? Maybe Steve gets dosed on a mission and he needs *someone* to help him take care of it, but he and Bucky aren't together yet (just both in the mutually pining stage). So Bucky volunteers to take a bullet for Steve, to get to have him this close (but not really). Steve's crying out "I love you, I love you" the whole time and Bucky just tries his best to ignore it, because it's just the drugs talking, right? And after, Steve must feel so bad for "taking advantage."

My thoughts on sex pollen are “hell yes,” tbh.

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during occasions where Batman is really needed and Dick and Bruce are both unavailable for some reason, they have to call up Jason because he's the only other one of the bats that will properly fill out the suit. Bruce hates these occasions. Not because he doesn't want Jason to be Batman, but because Jason uses these opportunities to fuck with Batman's reputation as. much. as. possible.

while in the suit, he referred to 'himself' as the JLA's sugar daddy on live TV, and Bruce is still having to deal with it to this day. one time Bruce threatened Jason that he couldn't have guns on him while Batman, and Jason proceeded to leave his guns at the cave only to show up to the fight brandishing multiple giant water guns which he shot at police officers and nobody else. he flexes his arms and does 'sexy superheroine' poses every time he spots a camera aimed at him, even if he's in the middle of fighting somebody. he acts like he's best friends with the Flash. every. time.

Bruce wants to die inside. Dick quite honestly finds it fuckin hysterical, and he keeps trying to get into accidents whenever HE'S supposed to be Batman so that Jason has to do it instead.

Bruce tries to bribe Jason with money. Jason accepts the money. Jason does not stop. Bruce does not get his money back.

I'm obsessed with beefcake!Bucky's thick muscular abs/waist. It's just. SO BIG AND TONED I CANT TAKE MY EYES OFF OF IT. And I love that Bucky's big where Steve's small even after the serum. Like waist. Or thighs. THOSE THIGHS. Just. Ugh. I bet Steve (and Bucky too) love these differences between their bodies either. Right???

unf, GOD, yes. You are on my level, Nani.

I mean, they’re of a similar height now and I’d say their shoulder width is around the same but other than that? Steve’s still so much smaller!

Imagine him in Bucky’s clothes. Shuffling around the kitchen in Bucky’s pajama bottoms, still half-asleep and seemingly oblivious to the collective stare of his teammates on him. Everyone watching the way those pants slide low on his hips because of how tiny his waist is in comparison to Bucky’s.

Sam griping, “dear god, put a shirt on before Stark has a coronary; it’s seven am, Rogers, people can’t deal with this,” and then face-palming when Steve comes back wearing one of Bucky’s big sweaters.

Fits him near perfect around the shoulders but too big everywhere else.

…I’m now imagining this in the oblivious-couple/bedsharing universe and my heart eyes are strong.

Bedsharing and snuggling and clothes-sharing, oh my. *_________*

everytime tim pisses off jason jason's like "first you steal my fucking job, now this?!" and tim goes "i didn't STEAL robin, you were DEAD and the position needed to be FILLED." and then jason says "but when i stopped being dead you didn't give it BACK. when an office worker gets a replacement so they can go on maternity leave the replacement is supposed to FUCK OFF once the maternity leave ENDS." and tim argues "YOU WEREN'T ON FUCKING MATERNITY LEAVE JASON" and jason screams back equally loud "WELL I DISAPPEARED FOR AROUND NINE MONTHS AND THEN SHOWED BACK UP WITH DAMIAN WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!" and then tim leaping strikes him off a 6 story building

happy deathday to my baby boy😢sorry I'm late again.

I was rereading My Ananke and got to chapter 5. Literally all I can think about now is Obi-Wan and Anakin together on the study abroad program and how much TORTURE Obi-Wan would be in. Anyway, I love that fic. Thank you for writing!

🤍 So this is an infographic on my old school’s Rome study abroad program. Let’s investigate and see all of the ways that Obi-Wan would suffer!! I imagine that all of these Problems immediately flashed through his mind as soon as Quinlan made the suggestion.

1. Housing—Possibly be placed in an apartment near Anakin, and run the risk of seeing Anakin glistening and panting coming back from a jog in the morning. Very probably would end up walking to or from the apartments to the Rome center with Anakin, strolling through the Eternal City with a beautiful boy. Unacceptable.

2. Espresso—Guarantee that Anakin will learn Obi-Wan’s routine and preferred places and want to come stand very close to him at the bar and drink his espresso. Anakin might even get a cappuccino and get foam on his face, like the whipped Frappuccino debacle of the previous spring. Unacceptable.

3. Lecture—The Rome center is a converted fifteenth century castle, and the classrooms are filled with beautiful frescos. Anakin reading Greek in a spare classroom with fluorescent lighting is a familiar disaster, but hearing him read Latin instead, giving voice to the Aeneid or some Odes in a beautiful palace. Unacceptable.

4. Lunch—Campo de’ Fiori houses a market during the daytime, well-known for its flowers and fruit and vegetables. It would be like going to the farmer’s market near the university on with Anakin, except worse, because Anakin speaks zero Italian and would look at Obi-Wan hopefully for him to translate for him, and then gratefully when he does. Unacceptable.

5. Walking Tour—See above re: strolling around the Eternal City with a beautiful boy. Would he forced to continually remind himself that the rest of the class is there too and not just speak to Anakin tagging close at his elbow. Anakin would ask him interesting questions, listen to him explain obscure facts, look at things when Obi-Wan pointed things out and make impressed noises. Unacceptable.

AND YET all of these are relatively small, and fine, because nothing compares in terms of suffering with

6. Dinner by candlelight with abundant wine—Obi-Wan would probably try to artfully sit as far away from Anakin as possible, and then for all his efforts end up sitting directly opposite him down the long table, which is absolutely worse than sitting next to him, and he should have realized but he didn’t. He would have to keep his attention on his plate or the people close by, or else get stuck watching Anakin’s cheeks flush pinker, lips stained red with wine, eating good food and laughing, head tipped back, neck long. He’d be able to feel Anakin’s eyes all evening, more and more as the wine flowed. Would make the mistake of eye contact once, get stuck, the rest of the room falling away, and Anakin would be all he could see. Then they better not be stumbling back to their apartment building together after, or else they might get lost in an alley, against a wall, and allllllllll of Obi-Wan’s years of pining and self-control would be for nothing. Unacceptable.

funniest 'Jason Todd comes back as red hood and starts talking to the bats without telling that he is, in fact, Jason Todd' trope is where Red Hood starts becoming minorly friendly with the bats and lets slip that Jason Todd is indeed still alive, but not that he is him.

now this can result in multiple outcomes, however i think the funniest possible version is the version where while Dick is bemoaning about the loss of his little brother and how great Jason is and how he wants to talk to him again, and without a second of hesitation Red Hood just nods his head and goes 'oh yeah, hottest robin by far, too. sexy as shit, that guy is.'

this results in the entire bat family fully believing that Jason Todd was somehow revived and taken to the LOA where he met and fell in love with this murderous assassin known as Red Hood, and the two are currently in a relationship.

Jason, petty and pissed at his family, decides: holy shit that's funny. and he goes along with it, meaning there are multiple occasions where we get interactions such as

Batman, brooding on a rooftop: the second Robin... he has always had such a big heart.

Red Hood, cartwheeling in the background: big dick too, godDAMN

Batman: i am begging you to stop.

---

Nightwing: you're DATING my little brother? AND YOU WONT LET US TALK TO HIM?

Red Hood, full of shit: he's too busy visiting venues for our wedding next autumn. and before you ask, no, you're not invited.

Nightwing:

Batman: you mean to tell me, you're marrying my son, and you won't allow us to be at the wedding?

Red Hood: Jason's decision.

Batman:

Red Hood: Green Arrow's walking him down the isle

Batman: ok thats it-

---

Red Robin: so is your fiance happy about all this crime lord murder stuff?!

Red Hood: my future trophy husband understands that if he's going to be able to sit and look pretty for me, then I need to bring home some serious cash, now stop interrupting my work.

Red Robin:

Red Hood:

Red Hood: for real tho, Jason's so hot-

Red Robin: STOP IT

bonus scene:

Dick: Damian, did you know about this?

Damian, hasn't been paying attention: know about what?

Dick: Jason's engaged to Red Hood!

Damian:

Damian, knows full well Jason is full of shit because he grew up with the guy in the league:

Damian: hes what now

Jason in the background: *violently gesturing death threats*

Damian:

Damian: yes. i'll be travelling home in the fall to be the flower boy. I believe Todd has already picked out my suit.

Dick:

that christmas, Bruce Wayne receives a card with an obviously photoshopped Red Hood that's got his arm around Jason's shoulders, who also has a photoshopped wedding dress on. Damian is stood in front of them, a 'just married' banner in his hands, looking very much like he was paid to be there.

Dick never forgives Jason for making him think that Alfred was invited to the wedding and he wasn't.

What if: Both Ichigo and Urahara were booted back in time in the Swinging Pendulum universe?

Notes: Idk if I’ll continue this later (once those later SP canon parts are written). But I was in an UraIchi mood, and I’ve been trying to write some more of SP so here’s hoping this helps me get past that writer’s block.

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