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Addiction ( in only friends ) and how it impedes your perception of the situations you are in

Never thought I needed to write this but I have been seeing so many posts blaming ray and I wanted to get it out. Later if I have time I would write a dissertation about this topic because it's extremely important.

Disclaimer : Know that I am not absolving ray of his wrongdoings nor am I blaming his behaviour on other characters but we know the root of his behaviour but it seems like there is a lack of understanding.

All this is from my observations with people I know who have addiction so this is my personal experience and not me telling everyone how they should act or feel.

.................

Ray is a selfish person. We all know that. But so is Boston , so is mew, so is cheum. So why is ray getting the most hate. Because he is a drunkard. During ep 3 or 4 , when we saw ray at his most vulnerable , everyone was going oh poor ray. And now everyone is telling the opposite. Now I see a lot of people asking why mew and the others not taking care of him, even me. But this is why. See how easy it was for a major part of the audience to forget his addiction and completely blame ray. Now imagine if you are the one who has to deal with ray on a daily basis for two long years. It's exhausting , overwhelming and frustrating and eventually you are going to form an antipathy. My drunkard friend is not going to listen to my well intentioned warnings so why should I care. You can see it clearly in mews behaviour. Mew has given up caring.

Loved ones start giving up , because the pain the addicted one causes is too much to bear. And that is the reality of addiction. This was most clearly shown through rue from euphoria. Her mother, friends, sister cared about her but you can see the toll it creates on everyone.

Addiction is a harmful disease and one of the reason why is that it morphs the user into someone unrecognisable. Look at sober ray, his moments with sand, he's adorable, fiesty, sassy and very charming. But what he becomes when he is drunk or high is a selfish guy who doesn't care about anyone but himself.

Once again I am not blaming the entire thing on alcohol, but trying to say how that much addiction can cause one to act in ways they won't normally wont when sober.

Alcohol and drugs is ray's escape from his inner thoughts and his shitty lonely life. But he's got so dependent on it and his pain is too much that he greatly needs that buzz of happiness that alcohol and drugs gives him. He's so dependent on it that he can't be happy without it. I know that most portrayel of alcoholics have them be absolutely useless and trashed. But ray is not like that, which is even more dangerous , because he is a functional alcoholic.

And it's dangerous because it won't be clear to a lot of people about how he needs help. And more importantly it won't be clear to him about how he needs help. When ray thinks to himself all he can focus on is that he can do chores, he can talk to people normally, he can walk in a straight line, he is not an alcoholic in the way we are always shown, but he is. He is seen with drinks almost all the time, he spends the most time in a bar , he is probably walking around conscious but still drunk. And as long as he is a functional alcoholic , ray would never go or ask for help.

When you are that dependent on this , any tiny problem would have you running to escape , because the escape as an option is easy then doing the messy work of knowing when you are wrong or wronged and dealing with the emotions that come with it. We have seen ray doing it, especially when paired with mew.

When you are that dependent you don't see that you need help. To ray he is having fun, he's not miserable when he is drunk or high , when he is in that state he gets everything. So what if he is called a burden, he is still on top of the world. So when people say to him that he is an alcoholic he's confused , because he is not an alcoholic. He's having fun.

Now during ep 8 we are actually seeing him being selfish and an asshole. During ep 6 we saw him very effectively damaging his relationships. The common point between these two eps is that he is under the influence. Those are his sober thoughts but he won't say it aloud when he is sober but when he's drunk he doesn't have any inhibitions so he says everything that comes to him. Combine that with the pain of being called a burden , of unrequited love and he tries to escape from the feelings by drinking again and it forms a vicious circle. It came to a point where he lashed out and as always hurt people under the influence of something can be destructive.

I am not saying that what he did was right or the pain he caused was justifiable or should be forgiven. They shouldn't but rays feeling shouldn't be minimised too. Addiction is complex and asking for help can be a hard task. And in the case of ray I don't think he realises that he needs help. That's the problem with addicts, they don't know that the thing that's giving them happiness is the same thing that's causing them harm. Or they know but they are far too gone that they don't care.

Be it smoking , drugs or alcohol or anything else , people use it for escape but the usage becomes too much that their entire day is only fulfilled , when they get their daily dose of happiness from it. Which changes their perception to accomodate one and only one thing , the next fix, the next drink. Which is why they become selfish cause their entire world is wrapped around that bottle and everything else comes secondary.

Addiction has the potential to completely change a person. You know the person you grew up with or you know personally is somewhere inside there but what you see when they are under the influence is someone you never dreamed your loved one's can be. And it's painfull.

Another way people with addiction is dehumanised is that everyone uses them. You want a drink ? that person will always have a bottle with them, you need a fix that guy knows a person , want to have fun that person will show you a good time . I think a lot of people have heard these phrases.

For most people it's harmless fun, for the addict it's an ego boost . And it encourages them to continue that lifestyle. Which is what happened with raymew and the entire friends group in general.

They use ray but they are willfully blind to the harm that causes him. Mew was the one who wanted to try smoking, coke and party, ray never forced him, because for ray that is his happy place. Substances is the one thing that gives him happiness, he does not have the capacity to stop or think of it as wrong.

To ray , mew has finally chosen him, he is finally doing the things he loves. He's not going to stop mew from doing anything when he thinks he finally getting what he always wanted. Ands it toxic and it's not right but that's the reality of an addict.

And he should be happy about it but he isn't because he needs sand. And that is what confused him to spiral further and ignore his emotions and snort coke. Because that's the best thing he can do, run away.

Why is sand so important to ray ? I said in an another post that sands generosity is out of the ordinary. He's mature for his age in a way that makes me feel like he has known an addict before.

And ray needs that. He doesn't need enablers. he needs someone to physically stop him from taking it. Or atleast make him realise that what he is doing is dangerous. And sand is the one who's going to do it.

Thing is it's not sand's job to do it. But till ep 8 he was choosing to be that person. Saying that ray is forcing sand to do something is just taking away the agency from sand. He's not a kid. He's making his own decisions.

And if he is helping him it won't be an easy journey. If they are bringing the addiction rehab plot line into the show then I could see a scene happening that is reminiscent of the car chase scene from euphoria.

I really really liked this silly show. I think a lot of its problems come from the fact that it is an adaptation of a text that is almost a decade old now and shows it. (As much as I genuinely love the original, it is dated, and Returns goes a long way to unpick it).

But I like its humour (it's SO funny), I like its heart. I like that it has space for sincerity.

There are things that frustrated me - boss's moment of realisation and self acceptance was undone again and again, Mo starts out determined to fight but runs away again. And again. In the end, it's more like a sitcom or a cartoon in that regard: the conditions are reset, returned to the status quo (most especially with the factory reset of the amnesia plot) until something eventually shifts. Boss becomes almost like bugs bunny, popping up when he most isn't (or is) wanted - a trickster figure who stalls or moves the action on as required. If I watch it again (which I probably will), I'll watch it with this more in mind.

I like, also, that it gave Earth a chance to show his versatility. He's been so typecast that even still I see people surprised that he's not a 40 year old chicken rice seller. He's allowed to be goofy, sweet, and clumsy, to show what an excellent physical actor he is. He and Mix were given the space to improvise (the leg grab in the break up scene was improvised!!), showing their dramatic and comedic instincts. They seem to have really enjoyed filming this series, to have had the chance to try something new and work with a veteran actor like P'Krit.

It's so apparent that this show was made with love - it's not perfect and there are things that I would change - but I have so much time for it and I'm glad that it exists.

GMMTV BL KISS COUNT TRACKER

So...I'm more of a visual person. I love my graphs, and I love the idea of these GMMTV boys and their floating heads competing for the number one spot. I was inspired by this post to keep a continuous track of all the GMMTV actors and their BL kisses on this fun lil line chart. Please note that any non-BL kisses are not included in this kiss count, and any actor with less than 3 kisses is not included. The chart adds each male kissing partner each actor has had per year.

This is posted as of October 28, 2023 (aka the end of Only Friends)

As always, we have First Kanaphan re-taking the BL Kiss King title with 7 different kissing partners, after sharing it briefly with Mark (for like a week)!

For reference:

First Kanaphan - 7 kisses - Ohm (The Shipper), Gawin (Not Me), Khaotung (The Eclipse & OFTS), Mix (Moonlight Chicken), Mark (OFTS), Mond (OFTS), & Force (OFTS)

Neo Trai - 6 kisses - Louis (FUTS & The Eclipse), Mark (OFTS), Force (FOTS), Drake (OFTS), Title (OFTS), Mond (OFTS),

Khaotung Thanawat - 5 kisses - Podd (Tonhon Chonlatee), First (The Eclipse & OFTS), Pawin (55:15), Book (OFTS), Mond (OFTS)

Mark Pakin - 5 kisses - Ford (MSP Our Skyy 2), Neo (OFTS), Papang (OFTS), First (OFTS), Title (OFTS)

Singto Prachaya - 4 kisses - Krist (SOTUS), Ohm (HCTM), Nat (Friendzone), Plustor (Friendzone)

Fluke Pusit - 4 kisses - Jay (Warp Effect), New (Warp Effect), Thor (Warp Effect), Ohm (ABAAB)

Mond Tanutchai - 4 kisses - Book (OFTS), First (OFTS), Khaotung (OFTS), Neo (OFTS) - BOY CAME INTO THE BL SCENE HOT AND READY TO SURPASS THEM ALL

Ohm Pawat - 3 kisses - Singto (HCTM), First (The Shipper), Nanon (Bad Buddy)

Fluke Gawin - 3 kisses - Podd (DBK), First (Not Me), Krist (BMF)

Krist Perawat - 3 kisses - Singto (SOTUS), Lee (Jungle), Gawin (BMF)

Earth Pirapat - 3 kisses - New (Waterboyy), Mix (ATOTS, CLW, MLC), Papang (MLC)

Book Kasidet - 3 kisses - Force (Enchante, ABAAB, OFTS), Khaotung (OFTS), Mond (OFTS)

Force Jiratchapong - 3 kisses - Book (Enchante, ABAAB, OFTS), Neo (OFTS), First (OFTS)

I was going to wait until the end of the year to post this, but none of these actors have any BL works coming out (that I'm aware of) that could have them surpassing First or adding too much to their kiss count. With the ending of OFTS, I thought it was the perfect time to share!

Huge shout out to Force, Book, Mond, Mark, and Neo, who all destroyed the numbers this year by hoeing it up in Only Friends. We love you guys.

he waited for this moment his whole fucking life. nobody get it… He’s literally on cloud nine, he is SO geeked he is SO in heaven right now that he’s malfunctioning.

Only Friends: Sand's Reaction to Ray VS Boeing

I know some people will be annoyed that Sand wasn't more forceful in telling Boeing to leave him alone. In my opinion, this isn't really surprising. Sand's biggest strength and weakness is his kindness. He'll make concessions for people, even those who hurt him. Ray is a prime example. Why would his ex be any different?

Boeing's Dubious Intentions

It's glaringly obvious just how uncomfortable, stiff and exasperated Sand's body language is during their second exchange. This is someone he shared his ultimate dreams and passions with, which must have made the betrayal even more devastating. We still don't have the full context as to how this all went down, but I'm sure Sand hasn't forgotten that Boeing chose to leave him. Compared to their first re-encounter where Sand appears rattled and somewhat flustered, here he seems to display a more resolute lack of patience, possibly after reminding himself of Boeing's true colours.

This doesn't erase the fact that Sand had feelings for him once, cared about him once. Sand didn't choose to end the relationship, Boeing did. So there would have been unresolved feelings that Sand had to process alone in the aftermath. For Boeing to have the audacity to swan back in rightly warrants a less than lukewarm response.

Even so, Sand shows Boeing an incredible amount of grace when he certainly doesn't have to. He tries to calmly but firmly ward Boeing off. "State your business". "Just forget it. I don't think I'll go." "Just friendship. That I can give you." He makes it very clear that Boeing can find him at the bar but nowhere else. He's trying to establish a distinct boundary, which Boeing swiftly disregards.

Sand's Unease: Where Past & Present Collide

The way Sand is reacting says to me he desperately doesn't want Ray involved. He seems eager to keep him well away from Boeing. Sand could have chosen not to mention his ex's sudden reappearance, but decides to be upfront with Ray about it. I think Sand's turmoil is a sign of worry over what Boeing may do, rather than an indication of indecisiveness over his own feelings. The reason I say this is because Sand doesn't show any warmth, residual affection or happiness in seeing Boeing again. He looks mostly wary, unnerved even.

I can also see why Sand would try to refrain from openly displaying his feelings for Ray in Boeing's presence. If he exhibits just how much he cares about Ray, whose to say whether Boeing may pull another stunt like he did with Mew/Top and try to pursue Ray instead just to be messy. The way Sand looks at Boeing is laden with suspicion and uneasiness, particularly when Ray is around. This is really noticeable when Boeing first addresses Ray - Sand's whole demeanour gets much colder and standoffish.

We don't know precisely what Sand is afraid of - that Boeing may target any ill will at Ray? Or that Ray may be affected by his ex flaunting details about their history which could cause jealousy? Things are going really well between Ray and Sand right now but it's possible Boeing could try to stir up a misunderstanding or create conflict between them.

Ray's Protectiveness: "Deal with him or I'll do it."

Ray knows better than ever what Sand is like. He's all too aware of just how painfully kind and caring his boyfriend can be, often to his own detriment. Boeing is keen to exploit this very fact by trying to appear imploring towards Sand, "You never yell at me." Ray is also acutely familiar with how Sand struggles to say no to those he cares about.

Whilst Ray observes angrily, I like to think this comes from a place of being mad for Sand more than anything. If he's seen their entire interaction play out, he'll notice that Sand has not once initiated physical contact with Boeing. He doesn't shirk him off, but he certainly doesn't respond either. He keeps his arms firmly planted at his sides, and yet Boeing keeps trying his luck. Something about the way Boeing behaves with Sand feels like he treats him as a plaything - someone he used to have wrapped around his finger. Perhaps he thinks that the power he used to have over Sand still remains.

Sand's expressions also feel loaded with shame, as if he's repeatedly chiding himself for being foolish enough to love someone like Boeing, who so cruelly tossed him aside. That somehow he feels partly to blame. Maybe this is a Sand he doesn't want Ray to see. Yet here Ray is, on the side-lines, taking all this in.

From their very first interaction, Boeing is trying to undermine Ray. You can see Ray's growth as he doesn't confront or make a fuss, but chooses to respect Sand's wishes and instead stays quietly hidden to keep watch. He looks to Sand for confirmation he'll be okay on his own before leaving. Though he can detect something isn't right, he allows Sand the opportunity to handle this first.

As soon as he sees Boeing trying to cross a line, he steps in. He's not going to permit Boeing trying to drag Sand off somewhere alone, he'd rather keep the enemy directly under his nose.

What I'm hoping to see in Episode 12 is protective Ray to come out full force. I've said this before but the entire series has been Sand looking after Ray. Whereas this would be a great opportunity for Ray to look out for Sand, and to teach Boeing a lesson at the same time.

That eye contact in the last scene was so loaded. Ray's gaze is a silent threat- 'That's my man you're looking at, don't get used to it. If you're really stupid enough to try anything on my watch, I'll tear your neck out.' Don't ever underestimate Ray, he's small but feisty.

In the middle of nowhere , just the two of us.

BOC loves this theme

At this point anything else other than death is a happy ending for him

I don't think Only Friends will have a sad ending, not for Ray and Sand, at least.

I think it won't be like that because Ray's life is already so damn tragic and sad and I can't imagine ANY kind of sad ending that, at the same time, could leave the audience satisfied, if Ray's fate were to suffer more, even worse if it were to be a type of suffering that would see him completely alone, with no one in his life. And I don't even want to dare think about his possible death.

"Only Friends" is a very, very intense and in some ways, dark BL but based on the experience I've had watching other BLs, I have that tiny hope that at least Ray will find his happiness.

And perhaps this will apply to all the boys. Why not? Life is hard enough, at least in dramas we deserve a happy ending.

Their entire relationship can be summed up by a poor jinshi tag.

Jinshi can't sleep (based on that meme LMAO)

So the only thing I got from looking through the the umbrella academy posts is that I should be glad that I didn't watch s4 when it came out. Lol thanks for the warning UA ends with season 3 for me.