HE IS SO INTO THIS I CANNOT LONGER DEFEND OR PROTECT YOU STYLE!

The amount of love coming off of Ray and Sand is almost painful. The way they talk to each other and about each other? Ugh, my entire heart. It's all the little things and the ways that they're showing their love and then the music disappears with Boeing's arrival and changes and everything about Sand's body languages changes and all that love is suddenly lost in awkward lines and stiffness and separation and Sand looking away.

That's the hardest part.

The space changes so instantly between them when Boeing arrives. It's like a switch.

Tired Sand is still tired. So tired. He has so much drama around him and all he wants is a quiet relationship and to be able to go to concerts and enjoy music.

Oh. Oh that is a hard line.

And Ray is watching them and Sand doesn't say no. Sand doesn't say no to him. Not directly.

And then Ray stomps in to bring the jealousy and the pain and the fears. Because he and Sand might have just started to make everything work again but he's still the same self-hating, self-destructive poor little rich boy he's always been.

Ray is so reliant on Sand, he loves him so much, and he is literally watching Sand not reject Boeing again and again.

I love Sand to death and on every level but the fact that he is not actually saying no to him but seems to expect Ray to just... not be upset about it is not working. He pulls away when Boeing is there. He insists on sending Ray home to stay with Boeing.

Sand, my darling boy, what are you doing?

GMMTV BL KISS COUNT TRACKER

So...I'm more of a visual person. I love my graphs, and I love the idea of these GMMTV boys and their floating heads competing for the number one spot. I was inspired by this post to keep a continuous track of all the GMMTV actors and their BL kisses on this fun lil line chart. Please note that any non-BL kisses are not included in this kiss count, and any actor with less than 3 kisses is not included. The chart adds each male kissing partner each actor has had per year.

This is posted as of October 28, 2023 (aka the end of Only Friends)

As always, we have First Kanaphan re-taking the BL Kiss King title with 7 different kissing partners, after sharing it briefly with Mark (for like a week)!

For reference:

First Kanaphan - 7 kisses - Ohm (The Shipper), Gawin (Not Me), Khaotung (The Eclipse & OFTS), Mix (Moonlight Chicken), Mark (OFTS), Mond (OFTS), & Force (OFTS)

Neo Trai - 6 kisses - Louis (FUTS & The Eclipse), Mark (OFTS), Force (FOTS), Drake (OFTS), Title (OFTS), Mond (OFTS),

Khaotung Thanawat - 5 kisses - Podd (Tonhon Chonlatee), First (The Eclipse & OFTS), Pawin (55:15), Book (OFTS), Mond (OFTS)

Mark Pakin - 5 kisses - Ford (MSP Our Skyy 2), Neo (OFTS), Papang (OFTS), First (OFTS), Title (OFTS)

Singto Prachaya - 4 kisses - Krist (SOTUS), Ohm (HCTM), Nat (Friendzone), Plustor (Friendzone)

Fluke Pusit - 4 kisses - Jay (Warp Effect), New (Warp Effect), Thor (Warp Effect), Ohm (ABAAB)

Mond Tanutchai - 4 kisses - Book (OFTS), First (OFTS), Khaotung (OFTS), Neo (OFTS) - BOY CAME INTO THE BL SCENE HOT AND READY TO SURPASS THEM ALL

Ohm Pawat - 3 kisses - Singto (HCTM), First (The Shipper), Nanon (Bad Buddy)

Fluke Gawin - 3 kisses - Podd (DBK), First (Not Me), Krist (BMF)

Krist Perawat - 3 kisses - Singto (SOTUS), Lee (Jungle), Gawin (BMF)

Earth Pirapat - 3 kisses - New (Waterboyy), Mix (ATOTS, CLW, MLC), Papang (MLC)

Book Kasidet - 3 kisses - Force (Enchante, ABAAB, OFTS), Khaotung (OFTS), Mond (OFTS)

Force Jiratchapong - 3 kisses - Book (Enchante, ABAAB, OFTS), Neo (OFTS), First (OFTS)

I was going to wait until the end of the year to post this, but none of these actors have any BL works coming out (that I'm aware of) that could have them surpassing First or adding too much to their kiss count. With the ending of OFTS, I thought it was the perfect time to share!

Huge shout out to Force, Book, Mond, Mark, and Neo, who all destroyed the numbers this year by hoeing it up in Only Friends. We love you guys.

Do you guys think only friends will start talking about std's ?

This might be a tiny theory or me making something up but cheum and atom in the trailer is so interesting. Cheum looks so distressed and worried. And atom looks devastated. And it feels like an overreaction for a one night stand.Maybe atom caught something.

Idk it may be me jumping to the worst scenario but I also feel like that is the perfect place to bring it. I mean for a show that is sex positive there's a noticable lack of safe sex talk.

Exactly. And I was crying so much.

Ok the sun and the star is cringe (in a ‘this is definitely written for middle schoolers and not for me’ way), but it is also very endearing. The idea of slowly unraveling the strings of pain, heartache, anger, isolation and grief that you’ve wound deep in your chest after enduring so much trauma and figuring out the balance of light and dark that can and does coincide within you and the the realization that you do not have to carry the weight of all of it alone is just … excruciatingly beautiful and powerful

I am a Rayna and a rachel

Maomao knows what it is to be loved. Luomen loves her. Her big sisters love her. Lakan loves her (though she has no interest & may not believe he actually does because of thinking he'd abandoned her & her mother). Those who love her aren't perfect, but they want what's best for her.

And then there's Jinshi.

He has no idea if the people who love him actually do, or if it's because of his position/title/looks. He doesn't have good reason to believe people's feelings about him, because there's almost always going to be a condition to it, or some intention to use him. Even people like Suiren, who do love him, can't love him fully because of who he actually is

And I think that's why he falls so hard and fast for Maomao. Here is this woman that has no interest in his flattery, no desire to climb the social hierarchy at all. She doesn't sugar coat things. Jinshi knows where he stands with Maomao. All the tricks of the trade that he knows don't work on her, but what does work is when he drops the facade & is genuine with her.

Think about the scene when he gives her the hairpin.

It's the first time she's really seen him be himself. There's even a line in it where she is startled by the fact he's being sincere. I think up until that point, she thought he was just a vain & shallow guy. He'd really given her no reason to believe there was anything else to him. She likes seeing him be himself, not some sparkly shell of a person.

Yes, Maomao goes hard with the denial, but she also does show him real feelings. She gives him a measure of grace & is willing to forgive. Most of the time the feelings he gets from her are frustration/aggravation. Other people don't give him that. When she tells him she'll keep his secret & that he'll always be Master Jinshi to her, he doesn't doubt it. He knows he can trust her. In fact, I think he trusts her more than he trusts anyone else in his life. He knows that no matter who he becomes, she's still going to know who he actually is, warts and all.

He is so desperate for real, human connection. So desperate for real love (not even necessarily romantic love, though that's definitely something he wants). I think he's smart enough to know Maomao may never love him the way he loves her. Knows that hoping she will may be little more than a fool's hope. He knows that whatever he does get from her is real, and knows how unlikely it is he'll find anyone else that will be that real with him.

This is how everyone is about maomao and I love it

Rewatching Apothecary Diaries and remembering how much I love these dorks

Its me i am crying

I love the KNH/TAD community bc in one hand, you have anime onlys watching season 2's second ending song saying "oh wow I love Maomao having friends" and then you have LN readers crying and screaming bc of Maomao's friends.

Addiction ( in only friends ) and how it impedes your perception of the situations you are in

Never thought I needed to write this but I have been seeing so many posts blaming ray and I wanted to get it out. Later if I have time I would write a dissertation about this topic because it's extremely important.

Disclaimer : Know that I am not absolving ray of his wrongdoings nor am I blaming his behaviour on other characters but we know the root of his behaviour but it seems like there is a lack of understanding.

All this is from my observations with people I know who have addiction so this is my personal experience and not me telling everyone how they should act or feel.

.................

Ray is a selfish person. We all know that. But so is Boston , so is mew, so is cheum. So why is ray getting the most hate. Because he is a drunkard. During ep 3 or 4 , when we saw ray at his most vulnerable , everyone was going oh poor ray. And now everyone is telling the opposite. Now I see a lot of people asking why mew and the others not taking care of him, even me. But this is why. See how easy it was for a major part of the audience to forget his addiction and completely blame ray. Now imagine if you are the one who has to deal with ray on a daily basis for two long years. It's exhausting , overwhelming and frustrating and eventually you are going to form an antipathy. My drunkard friend is not going to listen to my well intentioned warnings so why should I care. You can see it clearly in mews behaviour. Mew has given up caring.

Loved ones start giving up , because the pain the addicted one causes is too much to bear. And that is the reality of addiction. This was most clearly shown through rue from euphoria. Her mother, friends, sister cared about her but you can see the toll it creates on everyone.

Addiction is a harmful disease and one of the reason why is that it morphs the user into someone unrecognisable. Look at sober ray, his moments with sand, he's adorable, fiesty, sassy and very charming. But what he becomes when he is drunk or high is a selfish guy who doesn't care about anyone but himself.

Once again I am not blaming the entire thing on alcohol, but trying to say how that much addiction can cause one to act in ways they won't normally wont when sober.

Alcohol and drugs is ray's escape from his inner thoughts and his shitty lonely life. But he's got so dependent on it and his pain is too much that he greatly needs that buzz of happiness that alcohol and drugs gives him. He's so dependent on it that he can't be happy without it. I know that most portrayel of alcoholics have them be absolutely useless and trashed. But ray is not like that, which is even more dangerous , because he is a functional alcoholic.

And it's dangerous because it won't be clear to a lot of people about how he needs help. And more importantly it won't be clear to him about how he needs help. When ray thinks to himself all he can focus on is that he can do chores, he can talk to people normally, he can walk in a straight line, he is not an alcoholic in the way we are always shown, but he is. He is seen with drinks almost all the time, he spends the most time in a bar , he is probably walking around conscious but still drunk. And as long as he is a functional alcoholic , ray would never go or ask for help.

When you are that dependent on this , any tiny problem would have you running to escape , because the escape as an option is easy then doing the messy work of knowing when you are wrong or wronged and dealing with the emotions that come with it. We have seen ray doing it, especially when paired with mew.

When you are that dependent you don't see that you need help. To ray he is having fun, he's not miserable when he is drunk or high , when he is in that state he gets everything. So what if he is called a burden, he is still on top of the world. So when people say to him that he is an alcoholic he's confused , because he is not an alcoholic. He's having fun.

Now during ep 8 we are actually seeing him being selfish and an asshole. During ep 6 we saw him very effectively damaging his relationships. The common point between these two eps is that he is under the influence. Those are his sober thoughts but he won't say it aloud when he is sober but when he's drunk he doesn't have any inhibitions so he says everything that comes to him. Combine that with the pain of being called a burden , of unrequited love and he tries to escape from the feelings by drinking again and it forms a vicious circle. It came to a point where he lashed out and as always hurt people under the influence of something can be destructive.

I am not saying that what he did was right or the pain he caused was justifiable or should be forgiven. They shouldn't but rays feeling shouldn't be minimised too. Addiction is complex and asking for help can be a hard task. And in the case of ray I don't think he realises that he needs help. That's the problem with addicts, they don't know that the thing that's giving them happiness is the same thing that's causing them harm. Or they know but they are far too gone that they don't care.

Be it smoking , drugs or alcohol or anything else , people use it for escape but the usage becomes too much that their entire day is only fulfilled , when they get their daily dose of happiness from it. Which changes their perception to accomodate one and only one thing , the next fix, the next drink. Which is why they become selfish cause their entire world is wrapped around that bottle and everything else comes secondary.

Addiction has the potential to completely change a person. You know the person you grew up with or you know personally is somewhere inside there but what you see when they are under the influence is someone you never dreamed your loved one's can be. And it's painfull.

Another way people with addiction is dehumanised is that everyone uses them. You want a drink ? that person will always have a bottle with them, you need a fix that guy knows a person , want to have fun that person will show you a good time . I think a lot of people have heard these phrases.

For most people it's harmless fun, for the addict it's an ego boost . And it encourages them to continue that lifestyle. Which is what happened with raymew and the entire friends group in general.

They use ray but they are willfully blind to the harm that causes him. Mew was the one who wanted to try smoking, coke and party, ray never forced him, because for ray that is his happy place. Substances is the one thing that gives him happiness, he does not have the capacity to stop or think of it as wrong.

To ray , mew has finally chosen him, he is finally doing the things he loves. He's not going to stop mew from doing anything when he thinks he finally getting what he always wanted. Ands it toxic and it's not right but that's the reality of an addict.

And he should be happy about it but he isn't because he needs sand. And that is what confused him to spiral further and ignore his emotions and snort coke. Because that's the best thing he can do, run away.

Why is sand so important to ray ? I said in an another post that sands generosity is out of the ordinary. He's mature for his age in a way that makes me feel like he has known an addict before.

And ray needs that. He doesn't need enablers. he needs someone to physically stop him from taking it. Or atleast make him realise that what he is doing is dangerous. And sand is the one who's going to do it.

Thing is it's not sand's job to do it. But till ep 8 he was choosing to be that person. Saying that ray is forcing sand to do something is just taking away the agency from sand. He's not a kid. He's making his own decisions.

And if he is helping him it won't be an easy journey. If they are bringing the addiction rehab plot line into the show then I could see a scene happening that is reminiscent of the car chase scene from euphoria.