Writing Takes So Long And Its So Tiring But If I Dont Write For The Rest Of My Life Ill Die

I've begun singing lately as a way to try to rediscover joy (and learn how to unmask). Unfortunately, my shiba inu tends to be the target of such serenades. She often slowly backs away and hides, all the while looking at me with the same expression I'd expect on a peasant mother who's just discovered that her child is possessed.

Putting on shows for this unwilling audience has become the highlight of my day.

I've been kicking an idea around in my head for ages and I keep running into roadblocks, so I hope that if I write stuff down it'll organize my thoughts. Or at least prevent me from losing them in a plethora of handwritten notes scattered around.

I love the relationships and characters in SW, but I've always thought that they were problematic. Plus, the dynamics and backgrounds didn't really fit the narrative I'd built up in my head prior to the prequels.

Since I don't really do fanfic (really bad experience in the late 90s), I thought I could fix it with by tweaking the characters and placing them in an OC setting.

Padme - Love this girl, but they really wasted her potential. First I'd get rid of her election and make her born royalty or a position of power. She's clearly trained for it from birth. I got the impression that she and her peers voluntarily pursued politics and I can't imagine the average kid being interested in administration or law from a young age. It just seems like an odd hyperfixation to have so many involved. She's also clearly a warrior and diplomacy is her weapon. I'd like to lean into the diplomatic Jedi archetype that the EU made for Leia, although Padme definitely isn't above getting her hands dirty and throwing a chair at someone when her words stop working.

I'd probably place her in a love triangle/throuple situation because I always thought that Obi-Wan suited her more. The romance in the prequels between her and Anakin seemed like it only happened because it had to happen rather than real chemistry, so I'd also try to do justice to their relationship.

Finally, Padme would disappear before anyone knew she was pregnant to protect the twins from their falling father. Darth Vader seemed genuinely surprised that he had a son, not that he was alive.

Anakin - The majority of my issues with Anakin is his behavior during his courtship of Padme. He was a walking red flag and while I know people ignore those all the time, he didn't come across as someone likeable...which he did in every other scene where he was allowed to be a Jedi warrior. His banter with Obi-Wan hinted at a deep friendship and his frustrations with the Jedi order/Council made sense even if they weren't articulated well. I think mostly I'd have to simply fix the execution of his flaws and insecurities.

I'd also close the age gap between him and the other two. Aside from the creepiness factor in his romance with Padme, the age discrepancy between Obi-wan and Anakin as apprentices/knights is kinda weird. Obi-Wan was supposed to be 25 in Phantom Menace. I get that he's going to be a mentor/old man later on in the series, but that seems really old to still be a padawan.

Obi-Wan - Nothing. You're perfect, baby. <3

(Except for the age thing.)

The problem with not having writer friends or friends who read books is that when I'm really excited, I have no one to share it with.

My BFF is an artist and they can show me drawings that they've been working on for days. I LOVE to see the sketches and evolution from the beginning to the finished product. We don't have the same visual process for writing. Instead, I end up holding my BFF hostage and sound like a nerdy loon while they desperately try to make sense of my rantings. I could work for an hour on a sentence and it looks about the same as when I started to an outsider! >.<

This year is the year that I'll finally accept that it's okay for me to act like a gremlin and I'll be one step closer to my final form!

Time to bring back

googledocs you are getting awfully uppity for something that can’t differentiate between “its” and “it’s” correctly

This is so endearing that I'd write him some Scotty smut if he were still alive.

In case anyone wanted; James Doohan knew about all the Spirk porn, and in fact wanted a copy for himself. He also seemed rather bored by the fact he was only ever drawn with women. Someone draw him some Scotty yaoi asap!

Too true, but I still think he's Padme's son and Leia is Anakin's daughter. She's more like him, despite being a diplomat.

I want to learn the ways of the Force and become a Jedi - like my father.

I have never liked the the skill versus luck debate, but it's acquired an intolerable dimension with the self-publishing groups I've joined.

The argument is deceptively simple, if you work hard, you should be successful. If you aren't, you aren't working hard enough. It doesn't take into account that luck has a part as well. A chance meeting with the company president may get me noticed. Or coffee spilled on my shirt means I miss that same meeting. Butterfly effect. Neither of those examples take into account how good I am at whatever I do; it's based things outside of my control. It gets more complex when you take into account economic background, education, race, gender, etc., but that's beside the point here.

This blindness gets worse when it comes to self-publishing because it involves two different skill sets: writing and marketing. I could be the best author out there, but if no one knows I exist, then I'm not selling anything. Likewise, I could be a marketing guru with a crappy book to sell and while I might do better initially, people will catch on and I'll not sell anything.

You can sharpen both skills, but only so far because luck is still a factor.

Perhaps I'm just frustrated by the lack of awareness that working hard doesn't always equal results.

Books I'm working on/completed:

Operation Blackout (2018)

Special Agent Morgan Connor's job is simple: track down humans with supernatural abilities and assess their threat level. When he looks into the Starr family, he stumbles upon more than he was expecting- sibling Others. The youngest, Cassie, is taken into protective custody while the elder, Orion, is forced to become the Bureau's newest asset. But the government isn't the only one interested in the siblings. Connor and Orion must contend with a group of renegade Others and the mysterious Mr. Lionhart while trying to uncover why both are so interested in the Starr family.

Whisper Glen (Forthcoming - Querying)

Aimless Rachel Brooks always wanted to have an exciting adventure like the heroes of her favorite books, but living in 1998 rural West Virginia limited her prospects to mere daydreams. Until the ghost of her Nana tells her about the town's population of magical creatures and Rachel finds her little world completely upended. Rachel begins studying under Nana to learn her responsibilities, but things quickly become complicated. Whisper Glen has been without a guardian since Nana's death and several Legends have taken advantage of her absence. Nana also hasn't been completely honest about the Guardians' history. Will Rachel master her new role or will things spiral out of her control?

The Melograno (2026)

When Amaryllis Volans and Rafferty Dodgeson wake from cryogenic slumber, they have no memories and no idea how they got on board the abandoned luxury liner Melograno. Unsettling visions of the crew and passengers plague the pair as they try to retrace their steps and signal for rescue. But the first ship to dock with them isn't there to help- pirates have laid claim to the floundering ship. Amaryllis and Dodgeson must work together to find a way to escape before they're killed or enslaved.

Operation Blackout: Lies and Convictions (Forthcoming)

After explosive Waterfront Incident six months ago resulted in euthanasia for all captured Others in the interest of public safety, Morgan Connor decided to work from within BSI to keep harmless Others safe. But his personal mission becomes complicated when he is partnered with old acquaintance John Reeves. And Reeves has a secret mission of his own: he's been tasked with determining if Connor should also be "euthanized". As the lies keep piling up, Connor is unexpectedly reunited with Orion Starr. Can Connor keep Orion's presence secret or will his lies be exposed?

Sometimes, writing is just editing. Editing is sometimes acknowledging that something doesn't belong in the work no matter how good it is. And that really hurts.

(Don't discard the material though. Save it in a separate file for later. Maybe you'll reuse it or maybe it'll remind you on a rainy day how good you are.)