It's Actually Funny How Humans Decided "fuck Living In Caves With All These Creepy Crawlies", Got Out

not doomed by the narrative, not saved by the narrative, but a secret third thing: employed by the narrative

do I think these dgm characters would survive the wilderness (barring immortality lmao)

Allen: of course. I’m almost sure he’s had to do it before (cross *cough cough*)

Link: no? The streets sure, but the true wilderness? Probably not, unless the crows get that kind of training

Kanda: no. He’ll survive a fight, but he’s not going to be able to scavenge or he’ll eat something poisonous lmao. If the order had wilderness survival training, he probably did everything wrong on purpose

Lenalee: no. She’ll also survive a fight, but she doesn’t strike me as someone who was taught those skills. If anything, I think the order would have intentionally kept her vulnerable in that way to further prevent any running

Lavi: probably. The bookman clan has to have training for that.

Miranda: FUCK no lmao (I’m so sorry, my love)

Alistar: Nope

Timothy: no, sadly. Any education he was given on the subject went in one ear and out the other.

Cross: Yes.

Mother: Yes, she gives old woman who mysteriously survives everything vibes

Klaud: yes… even though she seems like a lady accustomed to finer things

Tiedoll: no… maybe? He seems like a prepared man.

Road: yes. She’s older than she looks, and I think she figured it out because she was bored.

Tyki: yeah, but not because of any actual skill. He survives as a comedy gag.

Sheryl: no, richboy

Apocryphos: unfortunately, yes.

the Earl/Adam: yes. That is one OLD motherfucker.

Mana (no, I’m not explaining): he’s either like Tyki or he absolutely thrives. You go looking for him, and you find him with a fully functional cabin and a garden. It’s been only two days. He didn’t make either, nor did he find them.

Neah: I feel like the answer is no.

I am but Sisyphus, pushing the boulder uphill, hoping for respite, damned by my own hubris. (I’m taking three (3) writing interviews courses and I have no one to blame but myself.)

reading dgm truly is An Experience (tm)

a pet peeve I have in media is when the writer(s) try to write a strong female character and instead the just write a masculine woman. Of course woman can be masculine and strong (together and separately), but often I don’t feel like they write women who are masculine, they try to write a strong women and they can only conceive masculinity as strength. Also, I’m not sure if I’m phrasing this poorly, but it doesn’t always strike me that they write masculinity in the way a woman (or maybe a genderqueer person, though I haven’t had the pleasure of reading many original media featuring these characters prominently) might experience/express it.

one thing I appreciate about Xena as I’m rewatching it as an adult is that it feels like they’re women who have masculine traits/are masculine. Like, even beyond the fighting aspect, Xena often sits in stereotypically masculine way and takes charge/fulfills roles that are shown to be taken by men within the world they occupy. Additionally, I know that later, Gabrielle is joked to be “father” to Xena’s daughter, but I’m not that far yet, so I don’t know how far that’s taken.

idk, it just feels different to me. If anyone else has input/polite pushback I’d appreciate it/conversation! Or any other pieces of media that do this/explore women’s masculinity/gender expression/afab exploration of masculinity.

personally, I’m not the biggest fan of modern aus (the more distance from real life the better lmao), but in particular the significant traumas of the characters don’t always translate well (which… maybe the point actually). But seeing how the author does is always interesting! that said, here’s how the closest I can think of for a dgm modern au:

Allen: if you cut out the whole past self and possession situation, up until the Order, it’s pretty one to one. As a child, he had a limb difference and was trafficked. He met Mana and Allen the dog, the dog died, the place he was trafficked to burns(? maybe attacked and he was spared out of pity?) Due to the trauma of the incident, Mana gets worse, thinks Allen is Allen the dog and then they live on the streets until Mana’s death. Occasionally Mana mistakes him for Nea to keep that aspect of the trauma. Allen is attacked shortly after, survives, and is eventually taken in by Cross (and his debts). He gets a few stalkers or already has them and finds out later.

Lenalee: once again, the fighting is a bit tricky for a plain old modern au, but I can make some things work! After her parents died in an attack, she was adopted out of China into England to an abusive family. Eventually Komui was able to get custody of her… I’m unsure/doubtful he would actually be able to do this with the systems in place, so maybe foster care would work better?

Kanda: A cult??? I guess? And Alma died setting a fire maybe? Unless you want unethical government experiments in your modern au!

Lavi: … I don’t know about this one. A very emotionally distant family that shamed any expression of emotion or connection as weakness? But it doesn’t have quite the same implications, I think.

Miranda: Pretty easy! She’s still miserable and can’t keep a job. Poor Miranda.

Alistar: A bigoted, isolated small town? Very tough on this one. Maybe such a small town that superstition still runs strong and he was run out of town during a series of disappearances (actually caused by his girlfriend, Eliade).

Timothy: Pretty much the same. Abusive father who was eventually jailed for thieving, the orphanage where he lived had money trouble and he started stealing himself. Not sure where the trauma from the orphanage being attacked could fit in.

Mana: A crime family/mafia?? His brother (for reasons we aren’t sure of yet) went on a rampage and managed to take out most of the family, forcing Mana to kill him.

Link: he and his siblings/friends from the streets are adopted by a corrupt government official.

ffvii time travel au where cloud and tifa got married and the dynamic is this:

cloud, sighing: I miss my wife, zack. I miss her a lot. I gotta go, I’ll be back soon.

now, I know that cale henituse and bruce wayne have similarities. They both have an adoption problem, are cunning strategists, terrible at communicating, and are filthy rich. but I think on a fundamental level they would not get along. Bruce has (admittedly kind of necessary due to frequent mind control situations) contingency plans for friends and family. Cale would Not Vibe with that at all. He would rather die than do that shit.

plus bruce’s no-killing policy (again, valid reasons for this), and while bruce does various other brutal acts short of killing, I think this would cause some problems. cale might understand it on a moral level. But if they had to work together? They would be butting heads like nobody’s business. honestly, if they did have to team up to take down an enemy, I think there would be a confrontation a la “Ruthlessness” from EPIC the musical

everyone (but especially Cross and Mother) watching Allen Walker

just started a Xena binge, and every time she launches herself onto Argo, my first though is “ouch”