I Am Eating These Bookeepingverse Chap 😍

I am eating these bookeepingverse chap 😍

slitherer-outer - zhongli

synopsis: in which reader (unknowingly) attempts to teach the god of commerce how to stick to a budget

ship: zhongli x reader

notes: chapter 5 of the bookkeeping!verse

This was the day! This was the day!! After nagging the Director for what felt like ages, she finally gave you control over purchasing. From here on out, no purchases could be made without the Director’s approval, and you were there to enforce that decree.

What did that mean? It meant the Ferrylady would no longer accompany Wangsheng Funeral Parlor’s most troublesome consultant to procure supplies anymore! Yes, you had everything planned out: a shopping list, a strict budget, possible vendors… This was the day you would finally start beating into teaching Zhongli how to properly use and budget Mora!

You had to stifle a creepy giggle as you reviewed your plan one more time. You both would be purchasing supplies for an upcoming funeral rite for a prominent family within Liyue. The family had a long history tracing back to a little after the Archon War. Because of such, the items required to perform the rite were going to be expensive. After conducting a bit of market research, you came out with a budget of 150,000 Mora. At the very least, 125,000 Mora would be spent today. However, wanting to teach him a lesson, you told him the day before that the Director only allotted 100,000.

“You seem to be in a good mood,” came an amused chuckle at your side.

You glanced away and cleared your throat, doing your best to wipe the grin from your face. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Zhongli. I’m the same as always.”

You did your best to feign interest in the different shops you passed in an attempt to calm your raging spirit. It was going to be a long day, after all. Not only were the shops located all over the harbor, but you would have to compare prices too. Return trips would be inevitable. That wasn’t even mentioning the irritation Zhongli’s cluelessness was going to put you through. Speaking of which…

“Remember, okay? We only have 100,000 Mora to spend. We will have to be picky with the quality and price of everything we come across. There’s no shame in refusing to buy something that does not match our budget.”

“Yes, of course. Being that I am, as you say, not ‘well-versed in Mora,’ I’m sure I will learn much from your guidance today.”

Leave it to him to lay it on thick…

The first item on your list was a box of incense. Not just any incense would do, though. Qixin wasn’t a common ingredient used in incense, but that was what the funeral required. Seeing that the flower only grew at very high altitudes, the incense was typically quite pricey. You were estimating it’d be around 25,000 Mora, give or take a few thousand. 

You knew how it was going to happen. You could see it playing out before you. Zhongli would choose a pricey shop, the shopkeep would rip you off, Zhongli would agree to pay, and there you be to would swoop in to teach him that the budget most certainly had to be followed! You would crush his expensive tastes into the dust! So as he began leading you to the priciest shop in Feiyun Slope, you vibrated with excitement. Things were going to go just as you expected!

…

…

…

So… things most certainly did not go just as you expected. In fact, if you had to be honest, you had no clue what was going on right now. 

It wasn’t normal from the very start. When you took a step inside the shop, the shopkeep already didn’t seem to be in a good mood. And when he noticed you both, the glare on his face intensified. It took a bit to realize it wasn’t you he was staring at, but Zhongli. Which was strange. You knew the consultant got around a lot, but you didn’t think that anyone hated him. Sure, you didn’t exactly like him, but you never felt that strongly!

But your companion didn’t seem to notice a thing. Pleasantly, he inquired about the incense without missing a beat. Not much to your surprise, the shopkeep didn’t reply. He simply stared. After a few seconds, slowly and purposefully came his voice in a low gravelly tone.

“You. You Mr. Zhongli?”

Then the man stood up. His arms were thick, and his frame a hulking build. You’d mistaken him for a bear if he were covered in hair. And when he took a step forward, he loomed, no, towered over Zhongli.

“Ah, yes. May I help you?” Came Zhongli’s polite response. 

You wanted to scream. You wanted to cry. You wanted to throw up. You wanted to take Zhongli’s hand and make a mad dash to the Millelith. 

“There’s something I want to say to you.”

Tears pooled at the corners of your eyes; your legs threatened to collapse beneath you. The Wangsheng Funeral Parlor’s best consultant was about to be murdered and it would all be your fault. What in the world were you going to say to the director?

The man took another step forward, his hands clenched into fists, veins bulging. You had to do something. You had to do something!!

“Zhongli, I–”

Then the man dropped to his knees, took Zhongli’s hands…

And began to cry. 

…

Uhm…

Long sobs wracked from the man’s chest as tears dripped to the ground.

Umm??

The man wept as he broke out into a long story about his recently deceased wife. His wife was ill with an incurable disease that often left her in pain. Having no way to pay for her medical expenses, he was forced to pawn off her most prized hairpins to cover the cost of medicine. Sadly, after his wife eventually passed, he did not have the Mora to buy the hairpins back. But right before he gave up all hope, the “lady from the creepy funeral place” visited him with his late wife’s hairpins saying that the debt had been paid off by Zhongli. 

Though he could not give the incense for free as much as he wanted to, the shopkeep offered it for a greatly discounted price of 10,000 Mora. After much thanking, you both paid the vendor and left and…

What in the world just happened?

“Shall we head to the next place, First?”

You opened your mouth to reply, but no sound left. You still had no clue what just… What???

“Did you… know that man, Zhongli?”

He held his chin in thought.

“No, I’ve never met him. But I do remember finding a pair of beautiful jade hairpins collecting dust in Mr. Bolai’s shop,” he replied. “It would have been a pity if I left them, so I asked the Ferrylady pay them off.”

You narrowed your eyes as you searched through your memories. 

“Yes, I think I remember that. The Ferrylady even asked me to put some funds on the side for living expenses…” You groaned as your hands clenched tightly. “That wasn’t a business expense! You should have used your own funds for that!”

But Zhongli gave his usual smile in response to your frustration. “Perhaps, but it did turn out to be a suitable investment for us both in the end.”

He did have a point.

“W-Well, you can’t say that will happen in the future,” You blustered. “A-Anyway, let’s head onto the next place. We need a pair of jade bracelets.”

And as you took off ahead of him, you were going to make sure the rest of the day fell into place the way you planned.

…

So… the next visit also did not fall into place the way you planned… The moment Zhongli mentioned he would be visiting a “friend,” your mood took a turn for the worst. Just like before, you took a step into the shop, Zhongli asked for the items, and you both walked out with a huge discount. This time, in particular, 60,000 Mora dropped down to 40,000 in an instant. When you insisted on paying full price, the owner protested saying he could never charge the great Zhongli anymore than that “after all he’s done for the shop.”

What made it worse was Zhongli’s utterly infuriating amusement with the whole situation. 

“I am relieved. It seems we are well under budget. I did not expect things to run so smoothly.” 

Your nails dug half-moons into your palms as your lips pulled back into a smile that showed all teeth.

“Yes, almost as if someone planned this all ahead of time.”

“They all were coincidences, I assure you.”

“Mhm.”

But no big deal. You saw your fault. You would choose the next shop. The last item on your shopping list was a pair of high-grade raw Noctilucus Jade. From your research last week, you estimated it would range between 55,000-75,000 Mora, no lower. Out of the many shops that sold ore in the harbor, you chose to visit one near the end of Chihu Rock. That specific vendor specialized in high-quality ore and artisan products said ore. Most importantly, he was known to be quite pricey. There would be no discounts here! 

When you finally arrived, you were shocked that the shop was much smaller than you thought it’d be. Though the doors were open, the owner was nowhere to be found. Supposing he was in the back, you moved to examine the lefthand side of the shop which housed the artisan goods. 

As you examined the various goods, you couldn’t help but be impressed. You heard they were of fine quality, but that didn’t even come close to seeing them in person. There was one particular figurine that caught your eye. It was a bird made of iron with Cor Lapis embedded into its eyes and wings. Though small, the details were intricate and fine. If you saved up, you wondered if you would ever be able to purchase–

“It’s 165,000 Mora if ye were wonderin’.”

You immediately spun away as if burned with fire. There at the back of the store, the shopkeep stood, probably having just returned from the storage room. He was an older man, though not withered in the slightest. And with that intimidating glint in his eye, you almost wanted to hide behind Zhongli. 

“I-I was just looking, thank you,” you stuttered.

After composing yourself, you gave him your best smile.

“My companion and I are actually here to see your supply of Noctilucus Jade.”

“Yeah? What grade are ye looking for?”

Zhongli stepped forward.

“Your highest quality, boss.”

The shopkeep’s brow rose before walking into the back room. After a few moments, he came back out with a basket of jade. You took a step closer to examine them curiously. Even though you did not know much about precious stones, even in their unrefined state, they still somehow managed to look clearer than the polished jade jewelry you found being sold on the streets. Honestly, they were so beautiful you were half-prepared to skimp on the other supplies just to purchase one.

“95,000 Mora.”

Well, that was definitely out of budget.

“... Is what I would say normally,” he continued.

Uh-oh…

“Yer in luck. Our guys found a new deposit of Cor Lapis recently. High grade too.”

Oh gods…

“Dropped the price down to 45,000 Mora.”

Was the sound that just came from you a bark of laughter or a sob?

“F-Forty-five… That’s much lower than my research suggested,” you let out weakly.

“That fits within our budget, yes?” Butted in Zhongli with a twinkle in his eye. “We’ll take it, boss.”

And as the boss wrapped up your Cor Lapis, you simply stood there dumbly. And as Zhongli paid with the wallet he took from your hands, you were still in a state of shock. And as you walked away from the store items in tow, your brain was still blank. You were simply gone. 

Your companion, on the other hand, was not. 

With amusement emanating from him like waves, he gave you a smile with the brightness of a thousand burning suns.

“I am surprised. Although I was worried today’s task would be difficult, it proved simpler than I imagined.”

He then paused for much added effect.

“It most surely was due only to your exceptional guidance.”

You screamed.

—

As you placed all the items purchased within the parlor’s storeroom, you couldn’t help but feel impressed with your coworkers. The moment you stepped inside, they immediately avoided your gaze and glued themselves to their paperwork. Was it because your nearly tangible fury was making its goal to ooze into every nook and cranny there? Perhaps. Even Zhongli was quick to remove himself from your side once he could. 

Coward.

As the events of the day replayed over and over in your head, you couldn’t figure out where exactly you went wrong. This really should have been a simple task. There never was a time when Zhongli spent at a discount. He always opted for the premium option. So how in the world did every single occurrence today equate to not only spending less than your budgeted amount, but also less than the impossible amount you set up as a prank!?

You groaned and collapsed into your desk chair. You rubbed at your temples, hoping the pounding in your skull and the ache within your muscles would ebb away soon. In the back of your mind, you thanked the gods for not being able to turn down the director’s offer of ending early for the day. She giggled about how you would not regret her offer, and didn’t allow your hubris to refuse. You hated that cheeky grin of hers, but she was right. The sooner you got home, the better.

In your rush to pack your things, you almost failed to notice a small drawstring bag on your desk. It was simple, an unassuming blue, but the way it stood with ease indicated something inside. Reaching inside brought you face to face with something familiar: an iron figurine inlaid with Cor Lapis eyes and feathers. But who–

“Oh, Mr. Zhongli left that for you. He said it was a gift for your assistance today,” called the Ferrylady’s voice across the room.

But… wasn’t that strange? You only saw the figurine for the first time a couple of hours ago. It wasn’t like he could’ve gotten it in advance. You had a tight grip on the wallet the whole time. Not to mention you were the one that paid for every–

Wait a minute…

You lunged for the parlor wallet and poured the mora onto your desk. You counted its contents once, twice, three times, then once more. Something wasn’t right. Zhongli had a history of using parlor funds to purchase gifts for coworkers and friends. Not only that! He was the one that paid for that last transaction, the store that housed the iron bird. No doubt he must have taken advantage of your shock to make the purchase! 

But not a single mora was missing from the wallet.

Nor a beautiful phoenix of iron and Cor Lapis listed on the receipts.