I Go Crazy Over These Bitches

I guess I’ll never know??? And you’ll go on with the show??? And if you're ever tired of being known???For who you know?? You know, you'll always know me??

im not saying dorothea is kate & addy but im also not saying it isn't..

thinking about shauna listening to jackie talk about jeff like he never even mattered when shauna is pregnant with his baby because she just wanted something jackie had and wanted to be wanted by someone who wanted jackie and now jackie doesnt even care anymore and shauna is stuck with this forever. and then jackie dies and then the baby dies but not before shauna has to give birth to him in the wilderness in winter surrounded by people who eat the dead and now fucking jeff sadecki is the last thing she has of either of them and what the hell is she supposed to do with that? she's stuck with him forever.

thinking about shauna beating lottie almost all the way to death to get all of that rage out of her and then when that rage is out of her they give her a knife and tell her to slit natalie's throat, and then when natalie runs and shauna is let off the hook for one thing for once they give her the knife again and tell her to cut up javi, the closest thing to a baby, so they can eat him, and now she's stuck with this, too. and all that rage she burned off didn't go anywhere, really. it's still right there.

and then im thinking about shauna watching lottie and everybody else crown natalie the queen for virtue of not dying, which is the same thing everybody has been doing, except for jackie and the baby and javi who all took chunks of shauna with them and left her with nothing but a knife.

im thinking about shauna who watches everybody gossip and laugh through the springtime knowing that when winter comes she will be the person who will have to cut them all up one by one so the rest of them can live and its very easy to see why she isnt friends with any of them anymore by then. she looks at them and she sees cuts of meat and how is she supposed to look at anybody normally ever again after that?

and its cruel, of course it is, everything she does to coach ben. it's not his fault, it's not about him at all, really, except that he is exactly the problem. he's innocent. he judges them. he sees what they have had to do to survive and pretends he never profited from any of it. pretends to be above it, uninvolved. he judges them. he judges her.

and shauna needs complicity from these people. she needs somebody else to know what it feels like to hold the knife. she needs people to be stuck with those guilty votes forever. tai with the gun and melissa with the knife and natalie at the butcher's table so that she's not the only one. and so ben is the sacrifice.

i saw somebody say that shauna doesnt want natalie to have to feel the pain of butchering a person, thats why she puts the cloth over his face. but that's not true. she *needs* natalie to know the pain of it, the guilt of it, the weight. The cloth is a lie she told herself would make it easier but she knows that Natalie is about to know what the inside of this man's joints look like either way and that she's going to be stuck knowing that forever.

they are going to be rescued someday and everybody will say "we did what we had to do to survive" and shauna needs to not be the only one who really has to mean that when she says it. and i guess she has that now. or she's about to.

Oh to love someone so much you damn them, you damn yourself, you never stood a chance.

obsessed where stories where it is like. the mistakes are unfixable and the worst thing that could happen happened and nothing can go back to how it was. but there was still love in this and love will continue after this and love endures always.

KILL ME IF IT'S WORTH IT; ON FLESH.

silas denver melvin // ethel cain // george bataille // blythe baird // margaret atwood // nicole homer // emily palermo.

me waking up:

wow i can’t wait to go to sleep tonight

got bored, made a wattpad account, dare I try my hand out at editing a fanfic of mine as well??

“Maybe that’s why you demonised them, turned them into monsters, because you think monsters are easier to understand than women who say no to you.” ― Nikita Gill, Great Goddesses: Life Lessons from Myths and Monsters

“She thinks about it like a bundle of string, overlapping and crossing and knotting, everything tied together. John B to Sarah and Sarah to her and her to Pope and Pope to JJ and JJ to Kie and Kie to Sarah. Over and over again the string connects and tangles and loops around, a perfect mess of a family.”

Saw the ending to obx4, first of all wtf??

Second of all, wtf??????????

Time to go write a poly, found family fic where everyone actually communicates and is happy, and somehow Rafe gets a semi-redemption and saves JJ bc a fucking stab wound?? After everything???

i saw the tv glow is like. your childhood queer best friend got out of your town and got to live their better life as themself. your queer friend got out of your town and killed themselves because their delusions won them over. no matter your interpretation, you never see them again.