Can We Stop Acting Like Two People Deeply Loving Each Other Has To Mean They Have Something Romantic

Barbie (2023) dir. Greta Gerwig

Another thing I really like about Koisenu Futari, is how it exemplifies the ways amatonormativity also impacts allo people.

When Sakuko’s sister Minori gets proof that her husband is cheating on her (after actively investigating to make sure).

She’s still hesitant to divorce him.

Not because she still loves him (that doesn’t come up even once).

Not because he is a great husband beyond the cheating (the screaming match about how she was the only one taking care of their daughter shows pretty clearly that he wasn’t pulling his weight).

Not even because it’s a lot harder to raise two kids on her own (tough it is mention in passing - did I mention she’s 9 months pregnant at that point? and then promptly goes into labor?).

Not even really what society is going to say about her (even tough it would be completely justified, especially in Japan).

But because she’s terrified of being alone.

And then again while she's in labor

In that way, she mirrors Sakuko’s own fear of loneliness.

And of course, she associates being single with being lonely. Because amatonormativity.

She verbalizes the relationship elevator: getting married, having a child, buying a house, another child. She calls it "a game of adulthood".

But while she comes to the conclusion that she failed at this "game of adulthood", she doesn't really get to the conclusion that it's bullshit.

Even with her sister's example right in front of her, she has trouble imagining happiness outside of marriage.

Most likely because she still sees Sakuko and Takahashi's relationship as abnormal, and therefore reserved to abnormal people. So she can't apply their example of being happy outside of marriage to herself yet. Not when she's tried to hard to be the perfect normal woman.

But no matter if Minori believes it or not, single doesn't have to mean lonely, which Sakuko proves immediately by promising to always stand by her sister's side.

And then Sakuko meets Takahashi’s ex Haruka, who explains that she moved to the countryside after their break-up, and then started up her (now very successful) farm.

Sakuko’s reaction is to say it was then a blessing in disguise

To which Haruka thanks her, saying that most people are just sad for her because she’s “old” (around 40) and still single, even tough she’s perfectly happy as is.

She’s a really good illustration that:

amatonormativity impacts everyone who strays out of it, it doesn't matter if you're aro or allo

you don’t need to be aro to be happy outside of amatonormativity’s expectation

And in that way, I feel like that makes her an optimistic answer to Minori’s concerns about loneliness.

(And then of course there is Kazu-kun, but there is so much to say about him, he'll get his own post.)

I really liked that the shows takes the time to talk about those experiences, because it makes amatonormativity much more real. It is a systemic issue, so of course it impacts everyone.

And I think we've all had discussions like this, where other people's own internalized amatonormativity also completely invalidated our experiences.

So it was great to see it explored so clearly here.

(also this has nothing and everything to do with it, but the fact that in the credit, Minori is called by her husband's name. I don't think it's used in the show itself but. You know. All of a woman identity depending on her husband. All that.)

THOMAS SHELBY + smoking

The Shining (1980) Hannibal (2013-2015)

Y'all, I just watched the Babadook on Netflix and I took from it a message I probably wasn’t intended to. Slight spoilers below.

With everything Amelia deals with, the depression from her losses, and everything that came with the Babadook, I could relate.

I don’t have a literal demon inside or around me, but when I look at it from the perspective that Amelia was dealing with significant mental illness, it makes sense to me. You can’t get rid of the Babadook, of mental illness.

But you can live with it. You can learn to control it, overpower it. To see the symptoms of mental illness flare up like the Babadook did and scream in its face to f*ck off.

Mental illness is like the Babadook. It can scare you, bring you horrifying hallucinations and prevent sleep and cause you to hurt the people you love because you can’t project the hatred you feel for something invisible onto anything that isn’t invisible. It brings you voices and the more you deny it, the stronger it becomes.

But like the Babadook, mental illness can be controlled. It can be kept on a leash and treated like what it is - a burden. It can be handled and it can be weathered through.

I don’t know how many others like me will see this and relate, but all I can say is that when your symptoms flare up and present themselves in a scary way, treat them like the Babadook. Don’t let them into your head and don’t let them make you feel like you have to be hopeless. Like you have to be afraid and tell yourself ‘It’s not real’ even if you don’t believe it.

Look those symptoms in the face like Amelia did the Babadook and scream. Even mentally, even out loud. Scream. Tell it to f*ck off, and tell it that YOU’RE the boss, and that sure, you’re afraid. You cry. You show fear and emotion. But that’s because you’re not afraid to do that. To expose your vulnerability to this thing and still be able to roar at it. To shrink it down to size and control it.

Idk, I’m sorry for this rant. But I just connect to this movie. My mental illness doesn’t define or control me. It’s the Babadook. I may not be able to get rid of it, but I’ll be damned if I let it hurt me or those I love. I can live just fine with it.

If you relate to this or know someone who will, could you pretty please reblog this?

Shinichi Sakamoto

If you watched and loved The Bear and feel like crying some more you should watch Boiling Point (2021)

The village needs sacrifices. That's how it's survived. ヴィレッジ VILLAGE (2023), writ. & dir. by Michihito Fujii

Kodama:*Comes out as aro and starts lecturing her family on how harmful putting expectations on marriage can be.*

Takahashi:

"You and I are perfect for each other. Never believe anything else."

Dark in Dusk In Winter Color Palette Meme Request for @demadogs