How Do You Plan Events That You Host?

How do you plan events that you host?

Shila’s Guide to Hosting

I firmly believe that skills in hostessing and event planning are some of the most useful one could possibly gain; when you are trying to make and maintain connections, the best way to do so, unquestionably, is through hospitality. The most popular people at your high school likely threw the very best parties, and that sentiment, although somewhat changed in superficial presentation, does carry on throughout life. Almost all of my knowledge in this regard comes from my grandmother, a legendary hostess and very patient teacher, and I’ve been hosting my own little events right from my very first childhood tea party. When I was at boarding school, I loved hosting little gatherings with all my friends and I fully expect to do exactly the same all over again at university; presently, a very sizeable portion of my role in running the house is organising and hosting a great deal of the events that we’re constantly holding here, and so by now I’d consider myself a dab hand at the job. I have folders upon folders of resources and plans for such events but I’ll do you all a favour and offer up a few basic tips rather than the whole megilah; in any case, you only really need to learn the fundamentals before you’re already off to a flying start!

Written invitations, always

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m guilty of sending out last minute invitations by telephone rather than post, but for all but the most spontaneous gatherings, a hand-written invitation is the way. It sets everything off in the right direction, it’s appreciated by all, and it’s just such a personal touch and one that can be as formal or as casual as you like, from embossed cream cardstock send by post, to a quick, scrappy little note popped into your friend’s pigeon hole. I love receiving invitations, I put them out on my chimneypiece so that I can’t possibly forget to go, and I always hear from friends and relatives alike that it’s such a delight to receive a hand-written invite, it just makes the whole affair seem so much more special and sparkling. Do make sure to write the time and date clearly on the invitation, even for the most casual get-togethers, and for anything more than a supper between friends, then the dress code, too. For large, open-house events such as a summer fayre, it’s not necessary to send out invitations, but it can be a lovely touch to post little notes through the doors of the local neighbourhood inviting them to attend if they so wish; this is what I did for our Coronation garden party, and I’ve already received too many compliments to count from my neighbours around the village!

Understand your event & your guests, plan accordingly

Not every single event can, should, or need be a Great Gatsby-style extravaganza. Before you even begin planning your event, you must know exactly what it is you have in mind, and (even more importantly) what it is others will be expecting. Planning for a bar mitzvah, for example, is entirely different from a hen night, just as a shooting weekend requires entirely different preparations from a book launch party—the only common denominator being the certainty that mixing up the vibes will not result in many thank-you notes or returning guests. The most successful parties are those which have a veneer of fun and spontaneity atop a firm foundation of utmost military precision, so do ensure that you’ve planned out all the logistics, from giving your guests directions to the event’s location and having someone on hand to answer calls from the lost, to choosing exactly the right rooms to host the function and blocking off any unnecessary doors and verandas. It’s also crucial to know exactly who is invited, who is likely to cause trouble (hopefully nobody, but you can never be too sure!) and whether there are any present rifts between guests, any specific needs or accomodations people may have, and preparing for it all in advance. I learnt this lesson extremely early on in childhood, when I was often obligated to play with children who were rather boisterous and would break my toys—I learnt very quickly to lock away my most precious things, keep the door to my bedroom firmly closed, and subtly direct all the fun and games out into the gardens. Your decidedly more adult guests might not be at risk of beheading your Barbie dolls, but it pays to be prepared and hand the sturdier glasses to the more butter-fingered attendants, or prepare a bed in advance for the guest who you just know will inevitably end up staying over.

Enlist help if needed

Planning events is exhausting enough, but hosting them unaided is a labour too great for even Hercules himself. There is, in the eyes of most guests, nothing worse than a party wherein the host is frazzled, bedraggled, and constantly running to and from the kitchen with half-cold dishes; these people have attended your event not for the sake of dressing up and making small talk, but rather to see you, to catch up with you, and if you spend the entire time harangued and hardly visible then no matter how good the food or excellent the entertainment, the evening will ultimately never end up a success. If you already have staff to take that burden from your shoulders, then all the better, but if you do not, then it can be extremely worthwhile to enlist a trusted teenager or younger sibling to take guests’ coats and do the washing-up, it makes such an enormous difference and allows you as the hostess to enjoy the party, too. I’ve helped out many a friend and relative with all kinds of tasks at their events, it comes down to all the little things and even the very best host would find it quite impossible to stay on top of everything without help.

Play matchmaker

Perhaps the most crucial aspect of event planning is deciding on the guest list. People-lover that I am, this is one of my very favourite things to do and I just adore battling it out as to who ought come, who will mix well with whom, and finally drawing up the perfect list. A deep understanding of your friends and acquaintances, as well as of human psychology, is utterly necessary for this and you must be quite ruthless in cases. Keep religion and politics in mind as well as character when it comes to picking your guests, especially for more intimate gatherings; there’s nothing worse than ending up with a huge argument over topical matters at a dinner which was intended to be calm and subdued. Equally, though, it’s rather fine to keep things interesting, and, so long as you’re quite certain of the graciousness of your guests, to invite those with somewhat opposing tastes and views can result in marvellous and good-natured debate. People attend all but the most close-knit get-togethers with the intention of meeting new and interesting individuals, and it’s your responsibility, as hostess, to provide such opportunity. It can be helpful to keep an old-fashioned ‘hostess book’; a little notebook with spaces for menu planning, drafting up seating arrangements and table decorations, and keeping notes about guests’ professions, interests, and dietary requirements. I have a lovely little book from Cabana Magazine which was, somewhat ironically, gifted to me by a wonderful guest—but there are many different options available, although perhaps not as wide a choice as there once was.

Menu planning

Ah, menu planning! It can be such a minefield, especially when it comes to pairings and taking preferences into account. When preparing for an event, I consider menu planning to encompass three separate parts: the food itself, the drinks, and the table setting and decoration. Long gone are the days of seven full courses, and so your task as hostess is made a little easier, but it can still be a little tricky to figure out whether to serve two or three courses at a luncheon, say, or both cheese and pudding for dinner. I have a whole lifetime’s worth of tricks up my sleeve when it comes to feeding guests (that’s what having a Jewish mother does to you, I suppose!) but a basic rule of thumb is to keep the number of courses as minimal as possible, but for the courses themselves to be substantial. Little tiny Michelin-style portions rarely go down well at a private function unless they are canapés; equally, whilst introducing guests to new cultural dishes may be fun for all, I would advise against serving anything potentially objectionable in your home culture (in England, for example, many guests are likely to object to the serving of foie gras, or meat/fish dishes with head still intact) as well as very hot and spicy dishes, especially if young or elderly guests are present. Drinks are a little easier; for evening events, I tend to select one or two pre-dinner drinks—usually a shot of a good liquor, and then a cocktail that’s possible to make up as a batch and serve from a punch bowl—and then all there is to do is pair the food and the wine. It’s quite crucial that you don’t forget to include non-alcoholic options, for even if you are quite sure that none of your guests are tee-total, they may well be intent on driving themselves back home, presently taking antibiotics or other medicines which don’t play well with alcohol, or simply wishing to cut back a little on their drinking, and it’s entirely unfair to expect them to put up with a half-flat bottle of Coca-Cola, or, worse, tap water, when you’ve bought a lovely selection of alcoholic drinks for the rest of the guests to enjoy. Table setting is perhaps the simplest part of all, I would suggest doing as I do and keeping a little album of table settings and decorations that you like, so that you always have something in mind.

Don’t be embarrassed by the little things

So many people, young women especially, say to me that they’re quite afraid of hosting any kind of gathering out of embarrassment; and not embarrassment in their lack of experience, but rather in their lack of proper dinnerware. I say to you now that you really, really oughtn’t worry! I think that a lot of people gain the impression that having the right sort of cutlery and napkins is of paramount importance when it comes to hostessing properly, as etiquette manuals are positively overflowing with rules and regulations about which fork to use when and how to set a table correctly, but in practice, it really doesn’t make the slightest difference to a good party. I once held a lovely little get-together in my room when I was at school, it was a scorching hot day and one of the girls had brought a tub of ice-cream, but I hadn’t any bowls to serve it from—and so we simply ate scoops of ice-cream out of teacups, and it wasn’t a problem in the slightest; in fact, it was such a hoot to do so, and some of the girls still laugh about that day. All you really need is enough things to drink from and enough things to eat from for all of your guests, and that’s quite enough for all but the most stiff and formal events; I personally find mismatched crockery very charming indeed, and it’s become quite fashionable as of late to have an assortment of bits and pieces rather than a full matching set. In the same vein, I really shouldn’t be embarrassed by other such trivial matters as an outdated kitchen (heaven knows our kitchen at home is about 300 years out of date!), your guests have come to see you and they wish to see you happy, confident, and relaxed—not fretting!

Rest up well beforehand

I don’t know about you, but I do know that I suffer terribly from fatigue and that planning events can really knock the wind out of my sails if I’m not careful! The perfect hostess must be sparkling throughout the course of the party, and I know that I certainly can’t sparkle if I’m not well-rested. I’m extremely lucky in that I have many people behind me to help prepare everything on the day, but I still like to try and ready as much as I possibly can in advance, so that on the day of the event, I can rest easy and take a good long nap before it’s time to throw on my party dress. Even if you’re not quite so pathetic as I am, I’d still suggest taking it easy on the day of the event itself, so that you can conserve all your strength for energetically directing proceedings later; you don’t want to look tired in any way, or find yourself unable to keep on top of things as the evening drags on.