I’ve Been Cold, I’ve Been Merciless. But The Blood On My Hands Scares Me To Death, Maybe I’m Waking

I’ve written tons of characters, but as this is my original fandom, my first fandom I got into when I was younger, the first anime / manga and story I ever truly indulged in, I can say even with all the new stories, and new characters I’ve come to love, that after watching Tsuioku-hen / Trust and Betrayal once again, and knowing I will once again, glean it apart, that Kenshin Himura will always, always, be that one character (TM). 

Personal and fond musing under the cut.

I have so much to say, and each time I watch I have feelings and emotions and the ability to relate to him and understand him in a way I just...even eight months hasn’t dulled. I really don’t want to go without someone I deeply, fictional or not, empathize and relate with so personally ever again. I think his story and his character so similar to mine in personality to an eerie degree, the fact that we both are pacifists, achingly gentle people, and always strive to shield others has always resonated with me. His tragic life has resonated with me, and he has always given me hope that /my/ life that has had no small tragedies will be better because good things come to him.

This is a deeply personal post, but basically I don’t mind being compared to other characters, I always will humbly as possible find similarities in others and thank you!, that is our nature, but some characters are just that one character, that one story, that one you always thinks, ‘man we’re alike’.

And Rurouni Kenshin and Kenshin Himura are that. He will always be my favorite character. He will again, always to me, be unprecedented. The things he stands for, the things he wants to be, the countless lives he’s impacted and that innate aching kindness that he cannot let go of no matter what stage of his life...this isn’t even me being dorky, this is me completely serious that Kenshin will always be my favorite character in anything of all time. Not only that but we resonate deeply with one another. That’s something I wouldn’t trade, and honestly his story gives me hope for myself. That people like me can find peace and healing and purpose and always protect others.

This post doesn’t mean I don’t write other muses who have a different, but in their own way, equally special place in my heart, like Lucina, etc. But as I slowly invite friends once again to this place, this very, special, safe, sacred place, both in my heart and mind, engraved in me forever, I only hope that you even a little bit, cherish him as I do so wholly and utterly.

But yes, if you wanted to know Lily’s 20+ year favorite character going on into forever or as long as she’s alive, the character she arguably at the end of the day would  say she’s most like, most on keel with, can never let go of, will always carry those engraved messages inside her, then it’s Kenshin Himura, hands down.

Some stories and characters you come home to. And for me I guess every time I come here, I almost imagine someone telling me ‘welcome home’ just like in the story.

For those who write, those who empathize and resonate spiritually with a fictional story and character, I too, hope you find someone who is this for you. There is nothing wrong with finding yourself in stories. It’s natural and I encourage you. I hope that once more, I glean even further and more deeply into Kenshin than ever before. If you read this, thank you very much, I think those who know me know what this man means to me.

also you can tell how loved kaoru is in her community, as both the breadwinner, and an orphan of six months prior. i love how it emphasized her impact already in the lives of people willing to understand the path she walks especially after kenshin kinda...obliterated the entire gang that was going to take her dojo for sale all by himself. them all running to her alone really says a lot of kaoru’s character, and the person kenshin will, and is, inevitably drawn to. 

basically kaoru is the light of tokyo.

when the sheer presence / energy of kenshin’s discarded sword from the bakumatsu / revolution makes jin-e flinch and recoil and literally say what the hell is this ? because even kenshin’s imprinted aura is so powerful, he’s touching the sword of the strongest warrior in the revolution and he knows it.

The Poems of Emily Brontë; Privately Printed Poems, ‘XXXVII’ c. August 12th 1839

‘ 140 YEARS AGO, IN KYOTO, WITH THE COMING OF THE BLACK SHIPS, THERE EMERGED A WARRIOR CALLED ‘ HITOKIRI BATTOSAI. ‘   FELLING MEN WITH HIS BLOOD-STAINED BLADE, HE CLOSED THE TURBULENT BAKUMATSU ERA                                 AND SLASHED OPEN THE AGE KNOWN AS  ‘ MEIJI ‘ .

HE VANISHED; AND WITH THE FLOW OF YEARS BECAME A LEGEND;  KNOWN SIMPLY AS THE ‘ THE STRONGEST . ‘ 

IN THE ELEVENTH YEAR OF MEIJI,                            IN THE MIDDLE OF TOKYO…

                                        THIS TALE BEGINS…….  ’

HONESTLY THIS IS SUCH A MAJOR SCENE? Maekawa speaks of the old form of kenjutsu  when warriors measure each other with just a glance. He does this with Kenshin and immediately the two of them begin to laugh, or from my translation of my own manga, Maekawa says this:

‘ Don’t worry, Kaoru-kun. I’ve no wish to fight anymore. I can already see that I’ve lost. I gave him my fiercest glare and his eyes just let it flow away.’

 Basically this man, older than Kenshin - has lost to him - and not in malicious intent. Kenshin once again was presented with a powerful will, and no matter the will, his eyes just gently, like water, let them flow away - almost like the wind, he acknowledges someone’s desire to fight him, if they have even an inkling of how powerful he is - and he lets it flow away. He doesn’t want to fight any unnecessary battles and that these two could have a stare-down is a testament to both of them but for this analysis, really, Kenshin, because it shows his depth of will and control . 

He was offered a fight and his air-tight control and heart easily let it roll off his back. He has no desire. He’s seen enough fighting than this man has his entire life - and adding another that has no merit save competing for ‘strength titles’ is useless to a man who is called and feared by all as the ‘strongest’ a title he even claims to Aoshi that he can have because he has no ‘need of it’ all he cares about are the people ‘waiting for his help.’ 

The combined imagery and how gently Kenshin states with merely his eyes how he has no desire to fight a pointless battle is testament to his character, in my opinion, and his strength of heart - enough strength that he can easily, and gently disarm someone’s fighting intent aimed towards him with merely a glance, never losing a warrior’s respect for another.

*sweats*

                       𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐓 𝐈𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐃                        my life —                                      — has been stained                                                                  𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐓 𝐈𝐓 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃                                            ▬▬ι═══════ﺤ                    𝑰𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑷𝑬𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑵𝑻 𝑷𝑹𝑰𝑽𝑨𝑻𝑬 & 𝑺𝑬𝑳𝑬𝑪𝑻𝑰𝑽𝑬 𝑹𝑶𝑳𝑬𝑷𝑳𝑨𝒀 𝑩𝑳𝑶𝑮              𝑈𝑁𝑆𝐻𝐸𝐴𝑇𝐻𝐸𝐷 𝐵𝑌 𝐶𝐸𝐶𝐸   ❀   𝑃𝐸𝑅𝑆𝑂𝑁𝐴𝐿 𝐵𝐿𝑂𝐺𝑆 𝐷𝑂 𝑁𝑂𝑇 𝐼𝑁𝑇𝐸𝑅𝐴𝐶𝑇 !