Me at age 15 downloading music using youtube to mp3:
Cody screenshots from the new Bad Batch s2 trailer. đ
Im begging you do not kill him offâ
My name is General John MacNamara of the United States Military Special Unit P.E.I.P. (we call it Peep) and a lot of people tell me I look like Jeff Blim (AN: if u donât know who he is get da hell out of here!).
Nicky didnât know about Aaron until he was seven, and Aaron was three.
He overheard his father telling his mother that Aunt Tilda had apparently gotten pregnant and had a child without telling them. His dad was more angry than anything, but Nicky was excited. He had no siblings, his mothers family was all back in Mexicoâ now he would have a playmate!
He doesnât meet Aaron until the next year. Luther pays for Aunt Tilda to come down to see them.
Nicky thinks Aaron is the cutest thing heâs ever seen.
Heâs so tiny?? And heâs got these huge eyes and bright blonde hair and Nicky is instantly taken with him.
Aaron is much less taken with Nickyâ heâs too shy and Nicky is too loud.
Aaron is maybe the quietest kid Nicky has ever met, but that doesnât bother Nicky. He knows people are quiet until theyâre comfortable and heâs determined to make Aaron his friend.
The adults are too busy pretending to be civil to pay much attention to the kids. Nicky thinks itâs weird that Aunt Tilda hasnât paid Aaron any attention at all. It was Nickyâs mother who took him to go potty when they arrived, because Aaron was squirming.
He asks Aunt Tilda if he can take Aaron to the park with him and she looks at him like she doesnât understand. Then says, âI donât care.â
Thatâs confusing, because Nicky has to always ask his mom or she gets fussy.
Itâs Nickyâs Mom that tells him to be âcareful with the babyâ even though Aaron is four and not a baby, not really. But he kind of looks like one still, and he doesnât negate her like Nicky might have.
Aaron hardly speaks, but thatâs okay. Nicky can talk enough for two and Aaron letâs Nicky show him everything at the park. Heâs scared to go on the slide, so Nicky sits with him. Itâs the first time heâs seen Aaron smile.
Aaron tells Nicky heâs never been on a slide before.
Nicky thinks heâs kidding, until Aaron says âMommyâs too busy to go to the park.â
Nicky thinks thatâs sad. Maybe Aunt Tilda and Dad are just a lot alike. Dadâs too busy too. But Mom always takes him.
The trip is too shortâ but Nicky is happy because Aaron is very attached to him. âAttached to the hipâ is what Dad says when he notices Aaron follows Nicky everywhere. Like a baby duck, Nicky thinks. He even takes Aaron potty and helps Aaron figure out how to play with the new toys Mom and Dad bought him.
Aunt Tilda letâs Nicky. She doesnât seem to ever want to hold Aaron, which Nicky thinks is weird because Aaron is sooo cute and Nicky wants Aaron to sit with him all the time.
Aaron cries when they leave, but Aunt Tilda puts her mouth real close to his ear and says âshhhh!!â And Nicky thinks he sees her pinch his arm, but he doesnât like that so he thinks he must have imagined it. He doesnât cry again, but he holds his arms up to Aunt Tilda like he wants to be carried. Only she pretends she doesnât see.
Nicky doesnât see Aaron for a couple more years. Dad has to pay for them to come out again, because Aunt Tilda âcanât get her shit togetherâ and is âusingâ again. Nicky doesnât ask what sheâs using.
Aaron is still so small, Nicky is surprised. The first graders Nicky knows are much taller by now. But Nicky is kind of pleased because Aaron still looks kind of like a baby and Nicky hopes he hasnât forgotten him.
Aunt Tilda does pinch Aaron. Whenever he does something she doesnât like, she holds him real close and angry-whispers at him. Nicky doesnât always see he pinch him, but he sees the red marks. Dad says itâs fine, thatâs sheâs just trying to make him listen.
Itâs the only time Nicky sees her touch Aaron.
They only see each other every couple of years, and every time itâs harder for Nicky to get Aaron comfortable with him. Nicky offers to call him, but they donât have a phone. Nicky has never met anyone who doesnât have a phone. When Aaron is ten, and Nicky is almost fourteen, he shows Aaron how to write a letter and send it.
He gives Aaron a roll of stamps.
After that, they infrequently write. Nicky is always pleased when he sees how much better Aaronâs writing is than the last time. Heâs proudâ maybe because he knows Aunt Tilda wonât be.
He knows by then she neglects Aaron. It hurts Nickyâs heart because Aaron deserves to be loved, but Aunt Tilda only spends time with her boyfriends.
Nicky wants to do moreâ wants to be better for Aaron. But Nicky is so tired. He knows now that heâs *weird*, because boys arenât supposed to like boys. Not the way Nicky does.
Dad says itâs not a good idea to talk with Aaron until Nicky âfigures it outâ. In fact, itâs not a good idea to talk to anyone until Nicky âfigures it outâ.
Camp is the worst. Nicky knows heâs a sinnerâ he has evil thoughts and heâs unclean. Fixed. He just wants to be *fixed*.
That Christmas, he doesnât play much with Aaron when Aaron comes to his house. He doesnât want Aaron to get mixed up in all the nastiness in his life. Aaron doesnât ask him to playâ heâs used to being ignored. Nicky doesnât think about that until heâs already gone. Doesnât realize Aaron never once came to Nicky, that Nicky didnât try for Aaron in the way he knows he needs to. He curls in bed and cries. Itâs a worse sin than homosexuality.
Aaron has a brother.
An identical twin.
Nicky can hardly fathom it. Dad is so mad he turns bright purple whenever it comes up. Nicky is almost relieved to have that anger turned on someone other than him though. At least if everyone is focused on Andrewâ god, poor Andrewâ theyâre not focused on Nicky.
Nicky canât even be excited when Mom tells him Aunt Tilda is moving down with Aaron. Heâs so tired, heâs so very tired and hurt and crushed that he canât imagine what he will say to Aaron.
And when Aaron tells him, in a dead voice, eyes vacantly staring at the wall behind them, âMom didnât want me eitherâ, Nicky has no words. He tries to hug Aaron but Aaron gets too flusteredâ and Nicky is unclean anywayâ so he just cries himself to sleep when he gets home. Because how could anyone not want Aaron? And why is life so awful to people who deserve more? And Nicky prays and prays that Andrew found someone who loved him. That being given up was some sort of blessing in disguise.
Then thereâs Germany and Erik and good God, THIS, this is what living feels like. And for the first time in a long time, Nicky feels happy. He feels⌠clean. And Erikâs kisses wash away any lingering doubt. Because there is NOTHING unclean, or wrong, or bad about the way Erik makes Nicky feel.
So going back to America is the most awful thing Nicky has ever had to do. Because Germany and Erik have become home, become family. And Erik is the man Nicky will marry.
But then there is Aaron and he needs Nicky, even though he wonât ask for help. Wonât explain the bruises or the purple bags under his eyes.
But Dad says heâll handle itâ heâs made contact with Andrew. Andrew will be coming home to Aaron and Tilda. Nicky is happy, so happy that Aaron will get to have a brother. Someone he can love unconditionally and be loved by. He knows it wonât be simple, but he can hope for it to be good.
Andrew is even quieter than Aaron. They look⌠God, they look identical. Which makes sense, but itâs so weird. Only Nicky can tell them apart. The adults are useless.
Nicky would like to know Andrew better, but itâs hard and Andrew isnât very helpful in the process. Then Nicky is kicked out. He told Mom and Dad and the only thing that kept him from doubling over under their disgust and fury is the plane ticket Erik bought for him.
And heâs gone againâ to be with family he has chosen. And he can only hope the twins are good for each other.
Then he gets a call. From his father, who never calls. Thereâs been an accident. Tilda was on something again. She was upset and hitting Aaron, she wasnât paying attention. Sheâs dead, sheâs dead, sheâs dead.
And Nicky canât grieve her. He never liked her. But his heart hurts for Aaron because despite how shitty parents are, we love them. Even when it only ever hurts to. And Nicky hurts for Andrew, who got thrown into another bad mix.
What will happen to the twins?
The thought strikes him so hard, he doubles over gasping. Erik freaks out. Heâs never seen Nicky so utterly lose his composure. Panic attack, thatâs what this must be.
The twinsâ who will ever love them? Who will be there for them? Not Luther, who will only condemn Andrew for his unruly attitude and judge Aaron for any and all âfailuresâ. Not Mom, because she will only ever follow her husband.
He doesnât realize heâs gasping it, âthe twins, the twins, the twinsâ until Erik is crushing him against his body and saying, âWe will handle it. Iâm getting the plane ticket, baby. Iâve got you, weâve got them.â And he knows he will love Erik until the day he dies.
And so they go back to the states and sign documents no twenty-year-old should sign. And Erik finances the house and promises to help in any way he can. But he canât stay. His work wonât allow it and the twins donât want him around. Aaron is particularly nasty about it. Erik is offended but Nicky smooths it over. âHe just lost him mom. Heâs hurting.â Andrew doesnât speak hardly at all, but when he does, itâs cutting.
No one is there to soothe Nickyâs wounds, but Nicky has thick skin. He has had to have it his whole life or he wouldnât have even made it to Germany the first time.
And the twins⌠Nicky is just now learning how very broken they are. Before, he would see them quietly speak, see them interact cautiously with one another. Now itâs all silences, tense shoulders and narrowed looks.
Nicky tries to reach to them. But Aaron only ever snaps back and Andrew⌠apparently Andrew carries knives on him. Nicky made one attempt to get him to stop. One. It didnât go over well and Nicky decides to pick his battles.
But despite it all, he wonât give up. Not the way Luther and Mom have up on him. The way Tilda gave up on them. The way the world has always, always given up on them. No. Nicky will love them through it.
Nicky will love Aaron when Aaron spits out hateful words. Because hateful words are all he has ever known. And Nicky will love Andrew when Andrew answers with violence. Because violence is all that has ever touched him. And Nicky will love them both when they cannot love themselves or each other. Because who else will love them?
And when Aaron finally tells him the truth about the beatings, the drugs, the brother who killed his mother⌠Nicky will only love him harder. And he will still love Andrew because whatever else, Andrew deserved more than Tilda gave either of them. And Tilda⌠Nicky canât help that nasty, nagging thought that she got exactly what she deserved.
Thereâs no reward in loving them. Not even the guarantee that they will love him back. And sometimes that is so unbearable. But then, those moments, those moments that no one else in the world would understand the scope of.
When Aaron opens up to Nicky, his eyes blank but his lip wobbling ever so slightly. When Aaron tells Nicky things he has never dared tell anyone. Those moments.
Or when four men cane after Nicky and Nicky thought for sure this would be itâ but Andrew moved so fast Nicky was sure he was imagining it. Until there was blood and yelps and three guys where dragging Andrew off of those men. And everyone in the world talked about how crazy Andrew was but⌠but Nicky knew Andrew gained nothing from coming to his aid. Those moments.
Those moments that made the heartache worth it. Because Nicky knew that loving someone, even when the world wonât, is always worth it.
They are his cousins.
His family.
His twins.
And even though they are broken, and messed up, and bitter with itâ they will love each other through it.
Obi wan, about to do something stupid and looking for Dramatic Feelings moment: You love me, right?
Cody, suspicious: normally i'd Say yes, but i feel like this is going somewhere i won't like
âYou two could at least say hello,â Wymack said, somewhat aggrieved.Â
âThereâs no point,â Kevin said. âAll they are is a distraction.âÂ
"Itâs called a support network. Look it up."Â
"Thea is watching from South tonight,â Kevin said, looking to the elevated VIP box. It was too far away and too high up for Neil to make out any faces, but there was a small crowd gathered at the windowed walls already. Knowing the Court was here to watch them play sent a chill through Neilâs veins. Kevin dragged his stare back to Wymackâs face and said, âand my father comes to all of my games. That is enough."Â
On Wymackâs other side, Abbyâs gaze softened. Wymackâs jaw worked for a moment before he could say in an even tone, "Your mother would be proud of you."Â
"Not just of me,â Kevin said in a rare bout of humanity.
-The Kingâs Men (All for the Game Book 3) by Nora Sakavic
my scene for the @giveyourbacktome-zineâ! I had so much fun working on this and I was lucky to snag a #dadscene :D
CODY'S BACK CODY'S BACK CODY'S BACK
surely he will come to regret his decisions and fight back against the empire, surely
destroyed by Commander Cody and how he had a mind control chip in his brain and yet he stayed soft. he lost every single thing that ever mattered to him in one fell swoop and he didnât stop caring about his brothers or the citizens heâs supposed to protect.
he thinks he did Order 66 on purpose and he still chooses every single day to be a good person and to be better than that because thatâs who he is. heâs good to the bone and he always has been and always will be. no matter what. itâs his core trait. and nothing can take that away no matter how hard someone tries. iâm in pain
Ghost from the past Do you think how the last time Obi-Wan saw that face it was Cody giving back his lightsaber because I do
she/her | lover of shedding tears over black lines on paper/phone screens | swiftie | whovian | donât have a personality beyond loving to read and listening to taylor swift | psychology major that doesnât understand her own actions |
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