Fuck It... Bird Sneaks

my little brother & i are having a scholarly debate about mornings

Me, on the welcome desk in the library: Good morning, how are you today?

Customer: I have welcomed Jesus into my heart and so I am well today and every day.

Me, a little unnerved: Okay then! Is there something I can help you with?

Customer, digging around in his bag and pulling out an iPhone in a box: Unfortunately, Jesus can't help me with this fucking phone, so I came to the library.

one thing no one ever teaches you is that you can just make things nicer and more intentional- you can take your energy drink, pour it in a rocks glass over ice with a slice of lime on the rim, and sip it slow. and you'll think, "wow i am the biggest faggot to have ever lived". and you know what? you're right.

me: chat what do we think

the angel and devil on my shoulders: can you not call us that please

Pets love to show up like Hello i am Mystery Wet :)

“Dragon” is such a vague category of creature with such a ridiculous diversity of bauplans. It doesn’t matter how big it is or how many legs it has or whether it has wings or not: you can call it a dragon if it is kind of snakey, and/or breathes fire (virtually anything that can breathe fire has the potential to qualify as a dragon).

Case in point, look at all these different things that are dragons:

Seven years after, I see you again 😚