I STRUGGLED SO MUCH WITH THIS COMIC IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY

Doodle of Jonathan Sims through Season 1-5!

Not the final version I think. But wanted to draw him throughout the season. Had a BLAST and EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER RIDE while listening. BUT I'M FINE.

Anyway, here's a wet cat of a man.

After listening to episode 17 of TMP, I had to do something with that statement.

aha ha ha a (,: ouch

Sunflowers, c. 1982. Andrew Wyeth. Watercolor and pencil on paper

letting go

So, I feel like I’m losing my mind. I keep seeing metas about how Aziraphale wants Crowley to return to Heaven and be an angel again because he wants them to be on the same side/be good/change/etc., etc., etc. but I don’t see that at all. I actually see it as the very opposite.

Aziraphale loves Crowley just as he is. But there’s something more. Something huge.

Aziraphale loves Crowley and because he is an angel who is stuck in seeing things as black and white, he constantly praises Crowley for being nice. For being good. For being kind.

Aziraphale has watched Crowley on and off for 6,000 years. He watched him thwart the plans of Heaven and Hell because it was unjust. He spared the lives of innocents. He did small things that made Aziraphale happy just because (like making Hamlet successful and saving valuable books). And because Aziraphale sees things in black and white, he sees all the things Crowley has done as nice, as good, as kind.

Crowley vehemently attests he’s not nice or good or kind.

He’s not exactly wrong nor is he lying when he says this. When Crowley spares goats during a cruel bet over a righteous man and swallowing laudanum to prevent a suicide, when he prevents Armageddon by working with Aziraphale and stopping the Anti-Christ from being the Anti-Christ, he’s not doing the nice/good/kind thing.

He’s doing the right thing.

Crowley chooses to do the right thing without hesitation. He is better than all of Heaven and Hell who have callous and dispassionate view of all existence because he questions, because he makes choices. Crowley sees the world for all its messiness and he sees himself. He sees a place where he fits in. He sees the blurred edges.

And Aziraphale sees that, even if seeing the blurred edges is hard for him.

But here’s the thing that Aziraphale can’t voice.

It’s the reason why he told Crowley about being allowed to return to Heaven and become an angel again. He doesn’t want Crowley to change. He doesn’t think Crowley is flawed. Or not enough.

It’s something that is so monumental that it cannot be put into words. Because to put it into words would be more than blasphemy. It’s down right unthinkable for anyone in Heaven, Hell, or Earth to say what Aziraphale knows deep in his soul.

God was wrong to cast out Crowley.

Aziraphale believes Crowley can/should return to Heaven because he knows that Crowley should never have fallen in the first place. He wants him to be forgiven because when Crowley fell it was unjust. Aziraphale is trying to correct a mistake. He’s trying to do the right thing.

Yes, Crowley would never accept returning to Heaven. And Aziraphale was wrong to even suggest it (although that conversation is another can of worms to unpack).

Aziraphale loves Crowley. He loves him exactly as he is. He doesn’t want him to change. Aziraphale knows that Crowley the best of all of them. He wants to change Heaven because of it. Because God was wrong and Aziraphale knows it.

Aziraphale may have difficulty seeing beyond black and white, but when it comes to Crowley he sees everything crystal clear and in vivid color.

Deep in the night we are waiting / holding our breath, letting go

will wood tma fans wya

Jonathan Sims • The Archivist

Sophie’s silver hair

While I was looking for a screenshot of Howl’s Moving Castle, I stumbled across the same question spread over the internet: “Why is Sophie’s hair still silver at the end?”

I was surprised that the answer most readily given was, “because she still has the curse.”

This prompted me to write a mini blog about my own belief regarding Sophie’s silver hair at the end of Howl’s Moving Castle. 

So here it be.

The curse is never fully explained in the movie version of Howl’s Moving Castle (classic Miyazaki storytelling) but throughout the film, Sophie temporarily changes back to her normal age in moments of confidence, advocacy, and when she feels loved/loves others, like Howl. 

There’s A LOT going on in terms of how “old” Sophie looks and feels in different parts of the film. She has a much harder time walking, for instance, at the beginning of Howl’s than she does when she goes to the palace. 

In the palace scene, Sophie reverts to her normal appearance with her brown hair when she is advocating for Howl. As soon as Madam Sullivan points out that she’s in love with Howl, Sophie immediately changes back into an old woman. 

For Sophie, the old woman persona is both a comforting mask and a confidence booster. She continually makes comments throughout the film which cast being old in a positive light . For Sophie, she doesn’t have to worry about being “pretty” when she’s old, so it frees her to be her true, sassy, confident self.

Sometimes, as humans, we put on other identities so we can find out who we really are.

I fully believe that when Sophie changes back to her younger self for the last time with her silver hair, it’s because she wants to look that way, not because she’s cursed. She has the confidence of her old woman persona but she is the age she’s supposed to be. 

This is important: Sophie learned to love both herself and Howl when she was an old woman.

When Calcifer asks Sophie for something of hers he can consume to move the castle, Sophie gives him her hair. The cutting of hair is often symbolic of coming of age in Japanese media. It’s a final representation that Sophie is never going back to the person she was, and that she’s moving forward. 

At the end of the film Howl says, “Wow! Sophie! Your hair looks like starlight, it’s beautiful.”

And Sophie says, “you think so? So do I!”

Sophie loves her silver hair. What she learned as an old woman is never going away. 

It’s not a curse. 

It’s a metaphor, and a beautiful one at that.