Everything

On the topic of humans being everyone’s favorite Intergalactic versions  of Gonzo the Great: Come on you guys, I’ve seen all the hilarious additions to my “humans are the friendly ones” post. We’re basically Steve Irwin meets Gonzo from the Muppets at this point. I love it. 

But what if certain species of aliens have Rules for dealing with humans?

Don’t eat their food. If human food passes your lips/beak/membrane/other way of ingesting nutrients, you will never be satisfied with your ration bars again.

Don’t tell them your name. Humans can find you again once they know your name and this can be either life-saving or the absolute worst thing that could happen to you, depending on whether or not they favor you. Better to be on the safe side.

Winning a human’s favor will ensure that a great deal of luck is on your side, but if you anger them, they are wholly capable of wiping out everything you ever cared about. Do not anger them.

If you must anger them, carry a cage of X’arvizian bloodflies with you, for they resemble Earth mo-skee-toes and the human will avoid them.

This does not always work. Have a last will and testament ready.

Do not let them take you anywhere on your planet that you cannot fly a ship from. Beings who are spirited away to the human kingdom of Aria Fiv-Ti Won rarely return, and those that do are never quite the same.

Basically, humans are like the Fair Folk to some aliens and half of them are scared to death and the others are like alien teenagers who are like “I dare you to ask a human to take you to Earth”.

I’ve seen a lot of posts on my dash tonight about users who are threatening suicide, with other Tumblr members posting in effort to try to get ahold of them. I think you all should see this:

IF THERE IS EVER A TUMBLR USER WHO HAS POSTED A GOOD-BYE MESSAGE, SUICIDE NOTE, VIDEO, OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT, PLEASE FOLLOW THIS POST.

1. Scroll to the top of your dashboard.

2. See the circular question mark icon at the top? It’s the third one over from your home symbol. Click on that, and a screen similar to the one in the picture will come up.

3. Where you can type in questions, the box with the magnifying glass at the top, type in the word “suicide.”

4. Click on the first link that shows up. It should say, “Pass the URL of the blog on to us.”

5. Type in the user’s URL and tell Tumblr admin that the user is contemplating suicide and has posted a message indicating that they are going through with it or will be attempting. Hit send! Tumblr administration will perform a number of actions to contact the user and take the necessary steps to prevent the suicide.

TUMBLR: THIS COULD SAVE A USER’S LIFE. PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE SUICIDE THREATS.

Reblog this to keep other users aware. Suicide isn’t a joke, and neither is someone’s life. If you didn’t know this, someone else may not, either. Pass it on.

How 4,000 Physicists Gave a Vegas Casino its Worst Week Ever

What happens when several thousand distinguished physicists, researchers, and students descend on the nation’s gambling capital for a confer...

Fun fact: after the American Physical Society held their 1986 annual meeting at the MGM Grand, the entire city of Las Vegas politely asked APS to never, ever come back.

Was it because the physicists were super-smart MIT-blackjack-team forerunners who took the casino for everything it was worth? Actually, the complete opposite: they didn’t gamble. At all. After all, they knew their statistics. Most of them were broke grad students who had no intention of throwing away their stipends on fundamental misunderstandings of Poisson processes. As a result the casino gaming floor was dead. Sometimes the winning move really is not to play.

IF YOU NEED TO CALL 911 BUT ARE SCARED TO BECAUSE OF SOMEONE IN THE ROOM, dial and ask for a pepperoni pizza. They will ask if you know you’re calling 911. Say yes, and continue pretending you’re making an order. They’ll ask if there’s someone in the room.

You can ask how long it will take for the pizza to get to you, and they will tell you how far away a dispatcher is.

Here is an example video

You know what I hate? When people tell me to “get your facts straight”

I am not putting my facts through conversation therapy for your sake smh

Just accept them for who they are…

Reblog and put in the tags which one is worse: offscreen development or death for shock value.

I agree

Blob Blob

why is the official coolmathgames instagram account genuinely one of the funniest meme pages on the entire website

Deaf Metal- Jewelry for Hearing Aids & Cochlear Implants

I just saw the coolest thing! There’s a company called Deaf Metal that makes jewelry specifically designed to accessorize hearing aids and cochlear implants! They’re made of hypoallergenic silver and use a cool little silicone sling to attach the jewelry to your existing device.   

They create designs for people of all ages, gender presentations, and personal styles. For the hearing aid designs, they have designs that go behind the year as well as ones that slide onto the pipe going into the ear. They’re designed to be fashionable but not decrease function!

They advertise them as a way to both help you accessorize and to help you keep your hearing aids as findable as possible in the event that you misplace one, or in the case that your hearing aid slips off. Their safety chain options are available in both adults and children’s designs. 

They’re designed by a Finnish HOH designer named Jenni Ahtiainen who has previously done accessory work for people like Snoop Dog & Bono. She believes that hearing aids & cochlear implants should be like glasses, you should be able to style them to your liking. All the products range in cost from $15-50 and if you only wear a hearing aid in one ear, many designs offer the option of purchasing an earring for your other ear so you can match! You can see her other design work at @gtiejenni and @gtieneckwear.

Deaf Metal sells & ships worldwide (USA, Canada, Australia, Great Britain, Norway, Finland, and France, to name a few) from their online store and their amazon shop. They also have some brick and mortar retailers that carry their designs in Norway and Finland. 

You can find their website in this post’s sources.

So proud of my mother for doing her own research after I sent her that meme. A sign she hung in her car window.