My 5 Year Plan Is To Get Back My Joy

Anxiety is soooo cool, I called my providers mental health line to finally get some help and as soon as an actual person started to pick up I panicked and hung up.

side effects of being numb due to mental illness:

not crying for weeks and weeks on end until one day, you’re breaking down over something that isn’t actually worth getting upset about

not being able to tell if your feelings for people are platonic or romantic or if you’re just lonely

instead of caring too much, you don’t care at all about anything

not being able to process anything going on in your life and when you try, your brain stalls out

losing your train of thought every five seconds, so when you try to have a conversation, you have to pause and remember what you were trying to say

word vomiting

mind “static”

Lately I've been trying to be more in tune with how I feel, and fuck it's so hard to feel things again after trying your absolute hardest to keep yourself numb. But it also feels good to be in tune with my desires/dislikes/needs/ etc.

don't give up

fucking love when I'm on a call with someone and they start to do a little errand or go somewhere else and they say "and you're coming with me" like. absolutely I am let's go on an adventure I've been spirited away

I very rarely feel like I'm actually in the moment. like 95 % of time I feel like there's a thin veil between me and reality. I'm never present I'm never there

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