sorry that i ended two consecutive messages with "lmao." i don't know why i did that. it looks really dumb doesn't it. i'll edit one to get rid of it. you can end my stupid pathetic life if you want
One of the most frustrating things about being ADHD is the way hyperfixations and skill levels work.
So I, an ADHD person, will get obsessed with A Thing. I will research, I will practice. I'll check out library books, watch YouTube videos, seek out podcasts, all to learn everything I can about The Thing.
Thiat Thing is often a skill or hobby. Painting, writing, candlemaking, baking, mixology, tea blending.
But the thing with ADHD is that you'll be obsessed with it only to a certain skill level. Something where all the mystery is gone. It's not as fun once the learning part is over and it's just boring practice to get better.
Then abruptly, you'll lose interest and move to another fixation.
That skill level you've earned may be higher than your average person with a passing interest. But it's also lower than someone who specializes in said thing, who has put in those hard hours of practice and work.
So you start just forming this miscellaneous collection of things that you're good enough at to earn some praise, but still leave you feeling like you're just never *quite* good enough at anything because you can't just choose anything.
And you want to pick a Thing. To find Your Thing. The thing that fits, that you can finally excel at. But you just can't seem to.
when i was a teenager it felt very revolutionary to be cruel to myself. like some kind of slow passive protest against how much everything hurt. i starved myself of sleep and food and tenderness because it felt right. it felt sharp and angry and radical and i wanted to be those things. adulthood is the realisation that the world is already working to cut into you well before you learn how to do it yourself. caring for yourself and others is the real protest
a dead scene kid is trying to contact me through captcha
being alive is pissing me off. where are the moments of respite
heart - shaped scallion found In pho . reblog for good luck & yummy soup 500000 forwver
It’s normal for your symptoms to worsen when you get out of a bad situation. There are any number of reasons this can happen and they’re all valid.
This doesn’t mean you were better off in the situation. This doesn’t mean you’re weak. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure because you’re struggling with it now.
"-and then you were just there, existing, but we love you though." 😓
26/Non-Binary/West Coast/ 21+ Minors DNI/ Lover of the sea and shelled creatures 🐢/ Enjoy my tortured screams into the void
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