FOR REALLLL

(Across the Spider-Verse spoiler)

A concept in my head that been rolling around a lot:

Hanahaki, but instead of it being triggered by unrequited love, it's triggered because all the love you have for a person turns inwards because you're too afraid to show it.

So it kills you, not because someone doesn't love you back, but because you don't let it out and all that love you have stored, that could grow into something beautiful, turns on you and turns your insides beautiful.

Love is growth, and without any place for it to grow outside, it grows in. If you confess, reciprocated or not, the disease goes away because it's no longer trapped. It gives self-destruction a new meaning.

Long ago I designed a Spidersona, heavily inspired by JSR which I love

My new obsession. Please send help

I'm just thinking about if Adrien got the ladybug miraculous instead of the cat, because we were totally robbed of fluffy Tikki and Adrien.

Like, imagine she sees his life, completely taken aback, "Is this... All you want????"

And Adrien answers, "As long as my dad's happy, and we have our monthly scheduled breakfast, everything's okay."

"But you could have better than 'okay'????"

She explains to him that he's allowed to want things outside of the bubble his father puts him in, and that it's normal to want more, even if your life is "Perfect".

How she's lived for so long, and with all the things she's seen over history (wars, famine, violence, injustice, etc.) there's been many times when she's felt like nothing could be made better.

But the wanting of better things was important.

Being the kwami of creation, she explains that a big part of her is wanting. You can't CREATE, unless you WANT.

Which is somewhat new to Adrien because he doesn't really allow himself to want. If he wanted, there's a good chance he couldn't have it, because, he realizes, what he really wants is connection.

But, gosh, she makes it sound so... easy???

Adrien starts to realize that maybe what he wants, ISN'T what he has.

"Is it, really that easy, to have what you want?"

And she's like, "Yup. 🐞👍"

And you know how Tikki is such a good life coach/encouragement expert?? You can't tell me Adrien wouldn't soak it up like a sponge.

All the support he never had, is suddenly there. All the faith that she has, in his decisions and what he wants.

Like, the freedom from that??? The comfort??? The connection he's been longing for???

We all know what speaks to Adrien is people listening to him. Like, actually SEEING and HEARING him for who he wants to be.

(In the OG series, his connection to Marinette is partially based on it. She was the only person who saw what he ACTUALLY wanted, and wanted it for him too.)

And Tikki, being the kwami of creation, would love nothing more than for her holder to create. To see him grow and blossom into what he WANTS to be.

And the guilt that held him back starts to melt away.

In place of it grows curiosity!! The seeking of what he wants, which is something he's never done before!! It's all so new and exciting.

+ We get Adrien comforted by Tikki.

Imagine him, sad and alone, and then this tiny little thing squishing into his face, "You can do it Adrien!! I believe in you! It's okay!!"

And maybe his father doesn't change (He probably wouldn't smh-) but he kind of doesn't have to anymore? He says Adrien can't go to his friend's party.

So Adrien brings the party to him, hosting it in their foyer. Or he video chats them, with his disco ball on, and his music up so high his dad can hear it from his lair.

And this happens over, and over again, with everything.

His father gives out, because he knows whatever he takes away, Adrien just makes it over again, and WHY IS HE SO DARN DETERMINED NOW?!? HE WAS NEVER LIKE THIS BEFORE?!???!

So he starts to just let him do what he wants, because if he keeps him locked up, the "annoyance" is right in his house, messing with his plans.

In school, Adrien would probably join the debate team (Being seen and heard), and start going with Mylene and Ivan to their protests. Being the son of a famous fashion designer only adds to the causes they fight for, (Also, being seen and heard).

First day of school he immediately goes towards Nino, now knowing what he wants.

With a firm, "I'd like to be friends with you." Instead of a, "Chloe is my only friend, I have to stay with her."

He sees Chloe putting gum on the bench next to them, and immediately cuts contact with her (Blocked).

He's trying to take the gum off before the people who sit there show up, doing his best, because he doesn't want them to even know what happened at all.

And this girl taps him on the shoulder, and asks "What are you doing?"

And he goes, "Taking the gum off."

"You don't have to do that?" She says, setting her bag down, "I can just move over."

The girl was Marinette.

"I know you!" He says, standing up, "Your family runs the bakery around the corner!"

She snapped her fingers, "You always order the big assortment boxes of macarons!"

It's an instant friendship.

And Adrien silently thanks Tikki in his head for refusing to eat anything other than the Dupain-Chengs' macarons.

Circling back to Tikki and Adrien fluff,

IMAGINE THE POSSIBILITIES!!

Cuddling, Squishing, Supporting!! A friend who believes in him!

The physical affection he never got!!

She thinks he's so SWEET, and she leaves him notes of encouragement everywhere!!

Giving him a pieces of her macarons, and him bringing her around to all the best patisseries?!!??

Asking Marinette to make a tiny bed for her?!!!!?

TINY PAJAMAS-

You can't tell me he wouldn't. You can't.

-points- that sloth ain’t straight, but they’re very content about it!

ok im crying now!

satou mafuyu; as summer melts the snow

happy birthday to given's vocalist and guitarist, satou mafuyu!

may your seasons always be gentle and comfortable

*the 'ka (夏)' in ritsuka's name can also mean 'summer' & the name ritsuka (立夏) means 'beginning/first day of summer'

**yuki's (由紀) name technically means "reason, cause" and "chronicle" each character respectively but yuki, as pronounced (without minding the characters used), also means "snow"

sylvia plath - letter to ann davidow (letters of sylvia plath) // kizu natsuki - given, volume 1 // kizu natsuki - given, volume 2 // taylor swift - this is me trying // kizu natsuki - given, volume 5 // ocean vuong - on earth we're briefly gorgeous // kizu natsuki - given, volume 7 // frank bidart - half light: collected poems; "end of a friendship" // fortesa latifi // kizu natsuki - given, volume 5 // chloeinletters on tumblr // kizu natsuki - given, volume 2 bonus story "to the sea" // kizu natsuki - given, volume 2 // lindsey kustusch - calling // kizu natsuki - given, volume 2 // dua lipa - love again // kizu natsuki - given, volume 5 // anne carson - euripides // thelist on tumblr // kizu natsuki - given, volume 2 // kizu natsuki - given volume 9 // raymod carver - will you please be quiet, please? // kizu natsuki - given, volume 2 // kizu natsuki - given, volume 2 // charles bukowski - raw with love // kizu natsuki - given episode 11* // mary oliver - the pond, felicity

Never underestimate the bond between a teenage girl and the fictional non-canon bl couple she found in 2020 that altered her brain chemistry forever