Me And Who?

I love her so much. She is the only one who can make me feel anything anymore. I am dead without her. My only wish is for her to pay attention to me.

you heard them

R E A L

i’m only trying to protect you .. ! ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

T_T

People seriously underestimate the long term effects of constant loneliness

"why are you so weird?" Idk, maybe because being completely isolated while growing up has destroyed my brain and now I'm nothing more than a human-mimicking creature that bases all of my actions on what I think is normal human behavior rather than just doing things naturally

It feels intense when you are obsessed with someone beyond belief, yet they do not know and they act normal around you. It feels like you are hiding a water dam behind your back. At some point I might tell the person about it, but they will likely not feel the same. Like even if they are a yandere too, it is clear that they like someone else.

Tw: NSFW

On the surface it may seem like I am shy and collected, but there is also this underlying desire to dominate someone sexually. Once I get consent and know someone well enough, I will alter the way I sexually interact with them. First I will learn all the kinks and weaknesses of the partner, then I will bring them close to the edge of climax and deny them climax in the last moment until they beg me for release. I like teasing people and seeing them beg. I also have quite the obsession with women's anatomy including the clitoris. I could perhaps gently massage it with the palm of my hands while fingering her vagina to satisfy her.

I am definitely unlovable. I am just too insane and weird for anyone to relate to me or like me. I must accept this reality in order to continue living a life of loneliness, but a life without love is no life at all...I have no idea what to do.

Tw: vent, a bit of violence, gender dysphoria, and depression.

I am starting to lose hope. I do not think that anyone will ever love me as much as I love them. Depression makes it really hard to express my feelings. Everyone I care for will eventually find someone else they love more. I know that it will always happen. It is always gonna go wrong. I fear nothing more than failure and my life is just a big compilation of me failing everything. I cannot let go though, which is the scary part. It is almost as if you chop your legs off because they were walking into the school cafeteria on their own. The cafeteria full of eyes that see you (I must never go there). Then your body starts rolling on its own into the place, which sets you up for your ultimate demise. It is moments like this that I crave the nothingness, I crave to no longer exist, and I crave a release from my pain. I hate myself and I hate that I was born to look like a freak. I want to die, but I can't...The only thing left to do is to continue my obsession, it is too late to abandon it now, because she has overtaken my mind. The worst part of all this is that I am never gonna pass as a female because of my stupid body that I want to rip into pieces with surgeries. I am gonna change everything about myself until there is nothing left of me. I am just a big pile of waste, which is infested with trauma, ugliness, gender dysphoria, depression, anxiety, failure, the inability to do anything right, and a universe full of pain to show for everything I have gone through. Idk whether to give up or not...