Why I Do It

Why I Do It

It's been ten years since my husband and I began our sexual exploration, which has resulted in me having a long term sexual relationship with two other men. I know a lot of couples read this blog and are curious. I get your questions. I'll try here to explain a little, as briefly as possible, to answer the question: "Why do you have sex with other men? What do you get out of it after 10 years?"

First, I'll say that the reason has changed. At first, it was almost entirely because it turned my husband on. Turned me on too, of course, but...if it hadn't been a turn on for him, no way it happens.

Once I realized that the way we approached it strengthened our marriage, our communication bonds, and once I understood that I could have sex with another man without "falling in love" with him, then I began doing it for "us", but also for "me".

So, I find myself now ten years in and I can reflect on why I still do it. I love lists, so I'll make a list. It does not have a particular order. I'd place all of these as equal to each other.

Sex is healthy, and having this situation at hand leads to more overall sex.

It makes sex more interesting. Not that sexually monogamous sex can't be interesting, but it really can't be as interesting as when there's a third person involved. AndI don't mean just the physical. The mental/psychological aspect is even more important.

I love the attention from more than one male. I love guys. I love masculinity. The "friendship" I have with Ben and Colin are, outside of my marriage, my favorite relationships. I love talking to guys, getting in their brain. Having sex with them, especially when they know the boundaries, enhances that friendship beyond anything you could have non-sexually. Also, does it need to be said that it's just really super hot to get whisked away for a night or three with a hot man as his "date" or "girlfriend", and escape the reality of life for just a bit? Everyone has an escape--I think this is a very healthy escape. Being in their presence brings out the sensual femininity in me.

It gives me even more motivation to stay in good shape, physically, emotionally, spiritually.

It necessitates better and more communication with my husband. That's what this entire blog is about.

This is a hard one to quantify, but in my experience it makes me look at the world and my existence differently. I see the beauty and sexual appeal in a lot more. Almost like the difference between watching a black and white TV vs. super high def 4k. Even the curves in furniture can be sensual.

Did I mention the sex is good? It's better with my husband, it's better with Ben, than ever before. By that I mean the actual feeling of sex. The orgasm. It's better.

I enjoy giving to Ben (and before, Colin). Giving of my time, my talents, my ears, advice, and of course, my body. I feel like I'm a positive influence and a good friend.

That's a partial list, but everything else I could say about it falls under those general points.