Not My Island, Not My Yoshis

Warding off the oncoming depressive episode by reading about very old tortoises

you and your friend rushing to turn down the volume on these speakers in the computer room when Kelly in the “Shoes” video reached the bridge and started screaming FUCK YOU

Top 5 Sam flinches.

7) 12.03. Mary hugs Sam and tells her sons she’s leaving. Sam watches her all the way up to the door, but he still flinches resoundingly when it shuts.

6) 12.09. Sam, alone in his cell, as the metal door slams shut on his isolation: iconic. Wonderful. Season 12 gets rights for this, for the horrible nervous tension that Sam carries in confinement. (it occurs to me that I could probably do a top five Door Flinches tbh.)

5) 13.21. AAAAAAH. The only reason I’m ranking this so low is because it doesn’t have a ton of psychological subtlety, especially not compared to the lovely scene that follows, which is relatively flinch-free (Sam is twitchy around Lucifer, as usual, but there aren’t big flinches that stand out). But its purpose isn’t subtlety: it’s a jumpscare, and a fantastic one. It’s made all the better for how intentional Lucifer was with it: the flashlight, the waiting in the dark. And Sam and I both got fucking terrified. 13.21 My Beloved. 

4) 14.18. Dean smashes an entire wooden chair. This has been a quietly building scene--both Sam and Cas have been trying to placate Dean. Then Rowena reveals Mary is gone for good, and I love how deliberate the focus is here on the violence of Deans wrath and grief. There is real fear in Sam’s eyes. It’s not of Dean directly, per se--not that Dean will hit him with a chair, but it is of Dean’s mood, of what violence he will channel his devastation into. Of what shape this newest pain will be. He’s right to be afraid, because that anger will be directed at Jack.

3) 13.18. Another Dean flinch, but this one is anger specifically at Sam. Sam’s just explained that there’s no archangel grace left for another portal, that he used it all to heal Gabriel. He could barely get the words out through the horrible silence--there’s no music, nothing to blunt the tension of Dean’s anger. Dean’s outburst and Sam’s flinch, when they come, are abrupt and deafening. Notice how here, Sam ducks his head down and looks away, how he’s trying to deflect, how he’s trying to breathe deep and not react.

2) 15.20. it’s the Toaster Flinch (tm) of myth and legend. Sam and isolation: the loneliness of him and his toaster and the way every tendon in his neck spasms when it goes off. He’s the only living person for miles and miles, he’s mired in his mind, and he can’t help these nervous, visceral physical reactions. The space here is what gets me: it’s framed so deliberately even though there isn’t a specific narrative reason for Sam to react to a toaster, not like Lucifer or Dean or a threat--just the piled on years and years of reasons, of grief and trauma and his vicious and inescapable hypersensitivity. 

1) 7.01-7.02 are SO FULL of Sam flinches that I couldn’t choose only one. There’s one every few minutes. The mark of an S-tier episode. Actually, Season 7 in general is a treasure trove, and I wanted to add ones from 7.15 and 7.17, but I’m trying to restrain myself at least a little bit here.

I love the way that, fresh out of a hallucination, he reacts to Dean not by pushing or hitting him, but quickly pulling back, hovering one hand over Dean’s arm and pushing his other against the wall for support. Like he’s wary of resisting or fighting even before he’s realized it’s Dean.

This one is just. Really really nice. Similar thing, where he pulls away and quickly stops. He’s hearing Lucifer’s voice and Dean’s.

UGH THIS ONE THOUGH. It’s my favorite. It’s so violent but understated. The way Sam’s eyes flick automatically to his hands, and then the way his face settles into something both hurt and reproachful, how his mouth tightens into this very nearly chastising little line. The way that it’s an intentional and obvious trick, it’s a form of mockery that Sam is very very used to but still can’t help but react to. It’s clearly a sick shared joke. The mutual understanding unspoken here, the history, drives me absolutely bonkers. It’s imprinted on the back of my eyelids.

I’m gonna sparkle on this wednesday if it fucking kills me

Dream of me. Only me.