PAIRING : Sasuke Uchiha X GN!Reader
PAIRING : Sasuke Uchiha x GN!Reader
GENRE : hurt / comfort
WORD COUNT : 4.7k
SUMMARY : Since childhood, you were Sasuke’s quiet confidant—the one who never chased him, yet never left. When he chose revenge over the village, you were left with only memories and a lingering hope. Now, years later, fate has reunited you. As old wounds heal and emotions resurface, Sasuke is torn between the life he once wanted and the connection he can’t ignore. Will he finally let someone in, or is his heart too hardened by the past?
CONTENT / WARNINGS : emotional themes, grief trauma, abandonment issues, mild angst, slow-burn, heartfelt apologies, character growth, confession, no "y/n” mentioned
SONG : Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood
Your friendship with Sasuke began in a way that was unspoken, almost inevitable. You both belonged to prominent families, but there was no pressure to “be close” or to constantly seek each other’s company. The bond felt natural—two kids who understood each other’s silence, especially after Sasuke’s life changed forever.
After the Uchiha massacre, Sasuke withdrew from almost everyone, but you kept your distance in a way that felt respectful. You didn’t try to force conversations with him the way others did, and he seemed to appreciate that. You’d sit beside him sometimes in the academy, both of you content to let the quiet settle around you. When you did speak, it was about small things, or questions that didn’t pressure him. Occasionally, you’d ask, “Are you doing okay?” or, “Anything on your mind?” He rarely answered with more than a nod or shrug, but there was a weight in his eyes, as if he wanted to say something he didn’t know how to.
Once in a while, after classes ended or during breaks, you’d train together. Sasuke’s determination was fierce, as if each session was a step toward avenging his clan. He hardly talked about his family, but you noticed the way his expression changed, focused and almost haunted. And when he sat beside you to catch his breath, you’d make an effort to bring some lightness, whether through a quiet observation or a small joke. Sometimes he’d respond with the faintest of smirks, a rare sight that only a handful of people had seen. You might not have broken down his walls, but he trusted you enough to let you be there. That, in itself, was something you cherished.
—
As time went on, and as other classmates like Sakura and Ino developed crushes on Sasuke, your bond with him stayed steady, untainted by infatuation. While others would compete for his attention, you shared a camaraderie that didn’t need grand gestures. It was in the small moments: the shared glances across the classroom, or the way he’d wait an extra second after a sparring match, silently making sure you were okay before nodding and walking away.
Sasuke, in his own way, came to cherish this friendship too, though he’d never say it. He appreciated that you didn’t press for answers, nor did you treat him like a prize. Instead, you were just there, steady and patient, giving him the respect he couldn’t find in others.
When he was placed in Team Seven, and you were assigned to another team, things changed. Yet, there was still that comfort in knowing you’d both be around the village, even if on separate missions. Occasionally, your teams would cross paths on joint assignments, and while he remained his usual reserved self, you noticed a small change in him when he spoke to you. Sasuke would look at you a bit longer, and his tone softened just slightly in a way that wasn’t there with Naruto or Sakura. He wouldn’t admit it, but your presence grounded him, giving him a fleeting sense of normalcy that no one else could provide.
On one particularly difficult mission, your teams had been caught in an ambush. You saw a rare flash of worry in his eyes when you were hit, even though he quickly masked it with his usual stoic demeanor. Later, as the teams rested and regrouped, he’d walked over to where you sat, silently offering a water canteen before looking out into the distance, as if pretending the exchange had never happened. But in that gesture, in that rare flicker of concern, you saw that he cared—even if he didn’t fully understand why.
The day he decided to leave, he sought you out—not under the cloak of night as he would with the others, but in broad daylight. Something about your friendship made him want to give you a proper farewell, even if he wasn’t sure what that farewell should look like. The two of you walked to a quiet part of the village, a place where you’d once trained together as kids.
There was a heaviness in the air, a feeling that you couldn’t quite place. Sasuke’s gaze was distant, but something in his expression seemed conflicted, almost vulnerable.
“Next time we see each other…if that ever happens…” he started, his voice trailing off. The words hung in the air, filling you with a sense of unease.
“What do you mean?” you asked, your heart sinking as you searched his face for answers.
He didn’t respond immediately. Instead, he looked down, an almost guilty expression crossing his face before he straightened, hiding it with a mask of determination. “You’ve always been…someone I trust,” he said, his voice almost inaudible, as if admitting it to himself for the first time.
Before you could ask him what he meant, he reached out, his hand lingering near yours for a moment. His fingers brushed against your wrist, a gesture so small yet filled with a weight you couldn’t understand. “Thank you,” he whispered, his voice softer than you’d ever heard it.
You opened your mouth to speak, to ask him to stay, but something stopped you. You knew that he had made up his mind. And so, instead, you simply nodded, swallowing the words you wanted to say. “Take care, Sasuke,” you replied, your voice barely holding steady.
He gave you one last look, something like regret flickering in his eyes, before he turned and walked away. You watched him go, realizing only after he’d disappeared from sight that this was his way of saying goodbye.
Later that night, as you replayed his words and his expression over and over, the truth sank in. Sasuke was leaving the village, leaving you—and it hurt. Yet, a small part of you felt honored to be the only one he’d said goodbye to. It was as if he’d left a piece of himself with you, a promise that, no matter how far he went, you’d always hold a place in his life.
You didn’t know how long it would take, or if he’d ever return, but you decided then and there that you’d wait. You’d wait for him, believing that, someday, he’d come back. And until that day, you’d carry his trust like a quiet vow, a reminder of the bond you shared that transcended words.
—
Three years had passed since that quiet farewell, and you’d held onto the memory of it. You didn’t know if you’d ever see him again, but a part of you had always kept hope alive, silently believing he’d return. Then, as fate would have it, during a mission with several of the Konoha 11 to locate Sasuke after his fight with Itachi, you saw him again.
It was a mere glimpse—Sasuke standing there, exhausted but resolute, his form silhouetted against the fading light. Your eyes locked, and time seemed to stop. There was no exchange of words, only a quiet, intense gaze that held unspoken emotions neither of you fully understood. The years of silence fell away, leaving only the remnants of an old, unbroken bond. Sasuke didn’t smile, didn’t offer any sign, but in that moment, something deep inside him stirred—a flicker of familiarity and comfort he hadn’t felt in years.
And as you met his gaze, you felt the same. You didn’t know why, but seeing him there, alive, felt like a missing piece of yourself had returned, even if only for a moment.
—
During the war, Sasuke had seen you again. And this time, he saw a different side of you. Where once you’d been quiet and patient, a steady presence in his life, you now carried a fierceness that impressed him deeply. He watched you fight with skill and determination, handling challenges with calm resilience that rivaled his own. There was something about your confidence, your unyielding spirit in the face of danger, that drew his attention more than he’d admit.
He’d thought of you as the person who’d always been there, waiting in silence, yet now he saw you as so much more. A subtle respect had grown within him, and while he’d never voice it aloud, a part of him admired your strength, your growth, and the way you’d found your own place in the world, even without him.
In his mind, he couldn’t help but acknowledge it: You’ve become incredible…in ways I never expected.
—
It was after the war, after everything had finally ended, that you saw him again. He’d just come from the hospital, signs of fatigue in his features, but his gaze was clearer than you’d ever seen it. The two of you met by chance outside, and there was a moment of silent recognition as he nodded toward the path beside you, a quiet invitation.
You walked together in the growing twilight, the orange hues of the sunset casting long shadows around you as the last light dipped below the horizon. It was a familiar quietness, like so many moments from years ago, but this time, the air was charged with something heavier, something unresolved.
Finally, Sasuke stopped, looking away as he took a slow, measured breath. “I…,” he began, his voice rough, uncertain. “I owe you an apology.” He looked down at his hands, almost as if searching for the right words, his expression unreadable but tense.
You stayed silent, letting him gather his thoughts. He was never one to speak easily, especially about matters so close to the heart, and you knew he needed the space to work through this on his own.
“I was…cold,” he continued after a moment. His voice softened slightly, as if the admission took him by surprise. “Back then, I never… I never tried to explain myself. To anyone. Especially not to you.”
There was a brief pause, and he looked away, frustration crossing his face. “I don’t know how to say this,” he muttered, more to himself than to you. Then, after a moment, he turned his gaze toward you, his expression uncharacteristically vulnerable. “But I knew you were different. I knew I could…count on you. And I still left.”
Your chest tightened, emotions flooding in at the sound of his words. “Sasuke,” you whispered, unsure if you wanted him to continue or stop altogether.
He held up a hand, his gaze intense as he looked at you fully. “Let me finish,” he said, his tone gentler but still firm. “I’ve been thinking…about all of it. About how much you put up with. All the times you tried to help me, tried to understand me, and I never gave you a real answer.”
You could see the faintest hint of guilt in his eyes, a weight he’d carried, even if he didn’t fully understand why. “When I left,” he continued slowly, “I told myself it was for revenge, that nothing else mattered. But that last day, when I saw you…” He trailed off, searching your face as if looking for understanding. “It felt…wrong. Leaving you behind. I couldn’t explain it, not then. But it bothered me.”
You swallowed, feeling the lump in your throat. “Then why did you leave without a real goodbye?” you asked softly, your voice wavering.
Sasuke’s gaze dropped, his expression unreadable. “I thought…if I said more, if I tried to explain myself, I’d be too weak to actually go,” he admitted, his voice barely audible. “And I thought I had to be strong, to cut all ties. But it wasn’t that simple. You were the only one I said goodbye to. And even then, it…haunted me.”
For a moment, the silence stretched between you, filled with years of unspoken words. You could see the conflict in his expression, the way he struggled to put his emotions into words. “I didn’t realize how much I’d hurt you by leaving,” he continued, his voice almost a whisper. “And now, I know…I can’t change what I did. But I needed to say I’m sorry.”
Your heart ached at the vulnerability in his words, at the raw honesty you’d never seen from him before. “I was hurt, yes,” you admitted, fighting back tears. “I didn’t understand why you had to go, or why you couldn’t trust me enough to tell me. But I knew you had reasons. And despite everything, I forgave you long ago.”
He looked at you, surprise flickering in his eyes. “You forgave me?”
You nodded, a small, bittersweet smile crossing your face. “I figured, if I kept holding onto the hurt, it would only make things worse. And…I believed in you, Sasuke. Even if you didn’t say it, I felt like you cared. That was enough.”
He seemed to struggle with your words, almost uncomfortable with the weight of your forgiveness. “You always were too understanding,” he murmured, a hint of self-deprecation in his tone.
“And you were always too stubborn,” you countered gently, a soft laugh breaking the tension. “But that’s who you are.”
A faint, almost reluctant smile tugged at his lips. He looked away, as if the emotions were too much to bear. “I never…expected you to wait. For me to come back,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
You stepped closer, looking up at him, catching the brief flicker of uncertainty in his gaze. “It’s alright. You’re here now.”
Sasuke let out a quiet breath, his gaze softening. “Thank you,” he said, the words simple yet filled with meaning. It was as if, in that small phrase, he was saying everything he couldn’t put into words—the regret, the gratitude, the unspoken connection that had kept you tied to each other all these years.
As Sasuke turned to leave, the weight of his promise lingered in the air. The sun dipped below the horizon, casting long shadows over the village. You felt a renewed sense of hope, knowing that the bond you shared was stronger than ever, despite the trials you had both faced. And with that, a new beginning opened between you—a chance to rebuild not just your friendship but the trust and bond that had endured through years of silence and separation.
—
As the sun rose over Konoha, you found yourself at the training grounds, practicing your techniques. The rhythmic sound of your feet hitting the ground echoed through the quiet morning. You focused, but your thoughts kept drifting back to Sasuke. The lingering memory of his apology had stirred something within you, a warmth that urged you to hope for more.
“Focus,” a familiar voice called out, snapping you from your reverie. You turned to see Sasuke approaching, his brow furrowed in concentration as he watched you. “Your stance is off.”
You grinned, feeling a rush of happiness at the sight of him. “Thanks for the tip, Sensei,” you teased lightly, adjusting your stance. He rolled his eyes, but a hint of a smile ghosted across his lips, reminding you of the boy you had known long ago.
As you trained together, the air buzzed with unspoken comfort. Occasionally, he would offer you pointers, his tone serious yet softening with every exchange. Each shared glance held unspoken understanding, a reminder of the bond you were slowly rebuilding.
—
One evening, you found a quiet spot near the river, the gentle sound of flowing water providing a calming backdrop. You both sat on the grass, enjoying the peace that surrounded you. The sunset cast a golden hue across the landscape, and you couldn’t help but feel content.
“Do you remember the first time we came here?” you asked, breaking the comfortable silence. Sasuke glanced at you, the corners of his mouth twitching upward in a faint smile.
“Yeah,” he replied, his voice thoughtful. “You fell in the water trying to catch a frog.”
You laughed, the memory bringing warmth to your chest. “I was determined! But you helped me out,” you reminded him.
“Because you wouldn’t stop whining,” he shot back, but there was a hint of fondness in his tone. The two of you reminisced about old memories, the laughter bridging the gaps between the past and the present.
—
After a long day of training, you decided to share a meal. You prepared a simple dinner, and when Sasuke arrived, you laid out the food on a small table outside. The night air was cool, and fireflies danced around you as you both dug in.
“This isn’t bad,” he remarked after taking a bite, surprising you with his praise. You raised an eyebrow, unable to suppress a smile.
“Just ‘not bad’? I thought I could impress you,” you teased, leaning back in your chair. Sasuke glanced at you, a flicker of amusement in his eyes.
“Impressing me isn’t easy,” he replied, but there was a lightness to his words now, a softness that made your heart race.
As you both enjoyed the meal, the atmosphere was filled with easy conversation, laughter, and the comfort of companionship. It felt natural, as if the years apart had only strengthened the connection between you.
—
One night, after a particularly exhausting day, you both lay on the grass outside the village, gazing up at the stars. The sky was clear, and you pointed out constellations, your excitement palpable.
“Look, that’s the Big Dipper!” you exclaimed, tracing its outline with your finger. Sasuke turned his head slightly, a glimmer of curiosity in his eyes.
“Do you really believe in that stuff?” he asked, a hint of skepticism in his voice.
“Why not? It’s nice to think there’s something bigger out there,” you replied, glancing at him. He was silent for a moment, contemplating your words.
“Maybe,” he finally said, his tone thoughtful. “But I think…what’s important is right here.” He motioned between the two of you, and the weight of his words settled warmly in your chest. It was a small moment, yet it held the promise of something deeper.
—
As the day approached for Sasuke to leave on his next mission, the mood between you grew heavier. You both knew it was part of his duty, part of who he was, but the thought of him being away again made your heart ache.
“Be careful,” you urged, your voice softer than usual as you stood at the village gate. He met your gaze, the intensity of his dark eyes making you feel like he was searching for something.
“I will,” he promised, and for a moment, you felt a sense of peace.
“Just…don’t take too long this time,” you added, trying to keep your tone light despite the lump in your throat. Sasuke paused, and in that moment, you saw the flicker of a smile.
“Next time we meet,” he said slowly, his voice steady, “I’ll make sure to have a better goodbye.” And with that, he left, and you knew that this time, you would be waiting.
With each encounter, the distance that once defined your relationship faded, replaced by a deepening connection that felt both familiar and new. As time passed, you both embraced the changes, finding solace in each other’s presence, which slowly turned from friendship into something more.
The journey had been long, marked by pain and loss, but now, as you walked alongside Sasuke once again, the path ahead felt promising. The bond you shared was evolving, hinting at the possibility of love, quietly waiting to be acknowledged.
—
As the weeks turned into months and the months quickly into a year, the bond between you and Sasuke continued to deepen. The unspoken tension between you lingered like an electric current, and every shared laugh, every moment spent in each other’s company seemed to ignite something new in your hearts. Yet, while the connection felt undeniable, neither of you had taken the leap to acknowledge the shift. Sasuke, in particular, struggled with the burgeoning feelings that swirled within him.
Sitting outside on a warm summer evening, you both watched the sun dip below the horizon, painting the sky in hues of orange and pink. The air was still, and for a moment, it felt as though time had stopped. You turned to look at Sasuke, who was staring intently at the sky, his face illuminated by the fading light.
“What are you thinking about?” you asked, breaking the silence. He shifted slightly, glancing at you with an expression that was both contemplative and guarded.
“Just… how everything has changed,” he replied, his voice low. “It feels different now.”
You nodded, your heart fluttering at the possibility of him meaning more than just the sunset. “Yeah, it really does. We’ve come a long way.”
He didn’t respond immediately, and you could sense that he was grappling with something deeper, something he wasn’t quite ready to voice. Sasuke had always been more comfortable with action than words, and you respected that, even as you wished he could share more of what was on his mind.
As the stars began to twinkle overhead, you lay back on the grass, watching the constellations appear one by one. “Do you remember the stories we used to tell each other about the stars?” you asked, your voice soft and reminiscent.
He chuckled softly, the sound warming your heart. “I remember you always had some elaborate story about them.”
“Of course! They were all very important,” you teased, sitting up to face him. “And you always pretended not to care, but I know you did.”
Sasuke looked at you, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Maybe I did,” he admitted, his gaze softening. “You just… have a way of making things seem more interesting.”
That comment made your heart skip. You smiled back, feeling a rush of warmth at the sincerity in his eyes. “Well, I’m glad I could entertain you.”
As the moments passed, you both fell into a comfortable silence. But the quiet between you was filled with an unspoken understanding, and that was when it struck Sasuke.
Days later, Sasuke found himself deep in thought as he trained alone in the woods outside Konoha. Each punch and kick felt more powerful, fueled by a growing sense of determination. But as the sweat dripped down his brow and he paused to catch his breath, it hit him like a jolt of electricity.
He loved you.
The realization was startling, yet it made perfect sense. You had always been there for him, through his darkness and his pain. You never pushed him to be someone he wasn’t; instead, you patiently allowed him to be himself, to feel the way he felt, and to heal at his own pace. While he had spent years isolating himself, you were the one person who saw through his walls and accepted him as he was.
And it wasn’t just about your patience; it was the way you challenged him. You made him think, you brought laughter into his life, and you shared your dreams and fears with him, fostering a connection that felt both intimate and genuine. You had never demanded anything from him, yet your presence was a light in the shadows that surrounded him.
As he stood there, a countless of emotions flooded him—fear, joy, and a fierce longing to express what he felt. But there was also anxiety; what if you didn’t feel the same way? The thought of losing the friendship that meant so much to him was almost unbearable.
A week passed since Sasuke’s revelation, and he knew he could no longer keep his feelings to himself. The next evening, he invited you to meet him by the river—the same spot where you had shared so many laughs and memories. He arrived early, his heart racing with anticipation and dread.
When you approached, the sun was beginning to set, casting a golden glow on the water’s surface. You smiled brightly at him, and for a moment, he forgot his nerves.
“Hey! You’re early!” you exclaimed, settling beside him on the bank.
“Yeah, I wanted to make sure I had some time to think,” he replied, his voice steady despite the whirlwind of emotions inside.
“Thinking about what?” you asked, tilting your head curiously.
He took a deep breath, preparing himself for what was to come. “About us,” he said, his tone serious.
Your eyes widened slightly, and he could see the intrigue mixed with concern in your expression. “Us?”
“Yes.” He hesitated for a moment, searching for the right words. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. About everything—about what we’ve been through and how much you mean to me.”
You shifted slightly closer, your heart racing at the intensity of his gaze. “Sasuke, what are you trying to say?”
He paused, gathering his thoughts, the weight of his feelings pressing down on him. “You’ve always been there for me. Even when I pushed everyone away, you never gave up on me. You let me be who I am, without judgment or expectation. And… I don’t think I ever truly expressed how much that means to me.”
His words hung in the air, and you watched him, your breath caught in your throat. The sincerity in his eyes was palpable, and you felt a warmth spread through your chest. “I… I appreciate that, Sasuke. I really do.”
He swallowed hard, his resolve strengthening as he continued. “But it’s more than that. Being with you, talking with you, training together—it’s brought me a sense of peace I didn’t know I needed. And I’ve realized… I love you.”
Silence fell between you, the weight of his confession settling like a blanket over the two of you. Your heart raced, and you felt a mixture of shock and elation.
“You love me?” you echoed, your voice barely above a whisper.
Sasuke nodded, his expression earnest. “I do. I’ve tried to ignore it, but it’s become impossible. I don’t want to hide how I feel anymore.”
Tears pricked your eyes, not out of sadness, but joy. “Sasuke, I love you too!” you exclaimed, unable to contain the happiness that bubbled inside you. “I’ve felt this way for so long, but I never knew if you felt the same.”
A rare smile broke across his face, and the tension that had been coiled in his shoulders eased. “You really do?”
“Of course!” You reached for his hand, intertwining your fingers with his. “You’re my best friend. I’ve always cared for you, but it’s grown into something deeper, something beautiful.”
The moment felt surreal as you both sat there, fingers laced together, hearts racing in synchrony. Sasuke’s grip tightened around your hand, a warmth radiating from his touch that sent shivers down your spine.
“Then let’s not waste any more time,” he said, his voice soft yet resolute. “I want to be with you—fully, completely.”
You nodded, a wide smile spreading across your face. “I want that too.”
He leaned closer, and you could see the uncertainty in his eyes, a vulnerability that was rare for him. “Can I… kiss you?” he asked, his voice almost a whisper.
“Yes,” you breathed, your heart racing as he leaned in. His lips brushed against yours, tentative at first, before deepening the kiss. It was sweet, filled with all the unspoken words and emotions that had built up between you over the years. Time seemed to stand still as you both melted into each other, the world around you fading away.
When you finally pulled apart, you felt breathless, a sense of joy flooding your heart. Sasuke smiled softly, and for the first time, you saw a glimpse of the warmth that lay beneath his typically stoic exterior.
“Wow,” he murmured, his cheeks slightly flushed. “That was… nice.”
You laughed, the sound light and full of happiness. “Nice? That’s all you’ve got?”
“I mean, it was more than nice,” he corrected himself, his gaze intense. “It was everything.”
As the sun dipped lower in the sky, painting the horizon in shades of purple and gold, you sat together, hands intertwined, feeling an overwhelming sense of contentment. The future felt bright, filled with possibilities and adventures yet to come.
Sasuke glanced at you, his expression softening. “I know I’m not great with words, but I want you to know I’m here for you. I’ll always protect you.”
You squeezed his hand, a smile dancing on your lips. “And I’ll be here for you too, no matter what. Together.”
The two of you shared another kiss, the warmth of your connection solidifying the bond that had been formed through trials and time. With every moment spent together, you knew you would navigate whatever came next, hand in hand.
note : If you liked it, I’d appreciate it if you could please leave a like and reblog. ᥫ᭡
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wc; 4.5k words
For; @heesquared
If you could count,it has been exactly 4 years,2 months,and a solid 3 days,ever since you last saw,or heard from him, got a last proper kiss from him, got to hold him in your arms,and its been way too long since you both ignored the random show going on the background and just focus on each other’s pleasure. You, for sure missed all of it. Every small details of when you were together came rushing down your mind. It was still fresh on your mind how it all ended. You downheartedly sat in the car,with Heeseung,who was appreciating the outside view,with his hands on his lap. You weren’t sure where to look at all. Your mind was screaming for you to go and just say hi,the first words you ever would’ve spoken to him that day,but you stayed quiet,the courage inside you slowly breaking down into uncountable pieces. But it all came to a halt when heeseung spoke up,”did you eat anything yet?”. You were hesitant to answer. What could you say?that you had been on an infinite diet,scratch the times where your friends forced some nutrients down your throat because you were in a spiral of depression?that you were a total wreck?that you didn’t have the heart to eat without him? Your silence was killing him from the inside. He couldn’t help but still worry about you. Your well being. If you ate or not. If you slept soundly or not. If you still…love him or not. You being quiet at his question,made him feel like he was overstepping the boundaries which were never there when it was all lively. He didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable around him, this one last and first time being with you,he would rather get humiliated in a full setting rather than making you feel uneasy, He was that serious about you. So he just muttered a small ‘whatever’ and went back to sightseeing. The tears were really stinging your eye,threatening to fall.But you acted quick and grabbed a napkin from your purse,wiping the unnecessary droplets of water. The motion caught Heeseung's eyes. Oh how badly he wanted to make you sit on his lap and hold you close to his heart,knowing his heartbeat calms your cries down,and strokes your hair. However,it took all his willpower to not do that. He couldn’t do that anymore. But,it was just only going to last for an hour or two,so why not just….calm you down? Your hands were clutching onto the cloth’s material like it was the only thing you had at that moment,until,you felt a sudden warmth engulf your fisted hands.heeseung
Opting to move your hands,you couldn’t…like at all. It seems to have frozen both you,and the time around you and heeseung,who was now rubbing his thumb above your knuckles in a soothing manner. “Is this ok?” he asks,not patching his eyes up with your softened gaze yet. Of Course it is. It always has been. You can even tell me to sit on your lap and cry my heart out,I would do that. You know I would.
You just nod,and he acknowledges. You both fall into a pit of silence after that,not knowing what else to do anymore after.
When you got out of the car,Heeseung wished he could at least kiss your forehead before the last hearings were announced. And that you both would officially part your ways as what once you both believed to be called eternal love. His breathing seemed ragged and unstable as he signed the papers. He couldn’t believe this day would be left to be ever imagined,let alone be witnessed. It was all like a hallucination when he saw you signing it too…with a tad bit more tears escaping your eyes. All this happened while haera was outside,playing with your mom in the car,who was just as equally as sad as you were about this decision. But she had to stay strong for both you and her granddaughter. She waited till you got back,and drove you both home. “Do you want to go to my place y/n?I cooked your favorite” your mother offers when she sees you sucked too much into your phone. And she could tell you were looking back on the memories your phone held. Knowing you won’t reply much,she just sighed and took the matter in her own hands. Haera had been asleep the whole ride,for which she’s very energetic when you all reached home. “Here you go” your mother’s voice chimes in as she sets a plate of your favorite dish and places a fork beside it. “So….” “Hmm?” you reply taking a bite of your dinner,in which you had zero interest in as of now,mind filling in the thoughts of certain someone. “What’s your plan on going back to your place? Have you and hee talked about it yet?” At the mention of his name,you stopped eating and kept the fork down and looked at her. “We both agreed on getting our own places earlier when the lawyer was contacted and yori said she would let me binge in for a bit before i could work again and get a room for myself” “Will that be good for you?i want to keep haera with me for a while as well..” she says as she looks over your shoulder,to the child who was know focused on her crayons and drawing stick figures. A part of you wanted to say yes. Because it would definitely be not ok,in a situation like this,for heeseung to come and visit his daughter while you’re around. It was already awkward between him and you,it was more than enough to not create such an environment for your daughter. You didn;t want to face heeseung for now,and not for a month or two..you needed to get back on your feet again,you had to put yourself and your daughter first this time. “It’s okay mama,i can manage it,yori even said she hadn’t met my daughter for a while,it will be fine” you assured her the best you could. At least,it would be less awkward when yori would be with you if heeseung strikes a visit…
“And..what if he visits?” “Just tell him where i am beforehand of his arrival,it would be better” “Oh okay love”
After moving in with yori,you couldn’t stop thinking about him. If he were here,he would pick you up out of the blue,just to tell you he loved you alot. If he were here,he would not waste a single chance of stealing kisses from your lips…If he were here..he would never…hesitate to bury his cock all the way to your womb,filling you up till he was satisfied…
You still remember how faint his voice was on your years,moaning and whining,just by bottoming out in a hurry,his hips in a halt because of how tight your walls would squeeze him. He would chant your name over and over again as he would notice the bulge of his twitching length inside you. How fun it was for him to apply pressure down the place under your navel,seeing you squirm under him and scream his name repeatedly. He would never stop his assaulting thrusts till you cream his cock good,only you could milk his cock the best.and he would- Mere thoughts like this were interrupted when you heard the doorbell ring. So you went to the door,opening it,only to reveal..your ex husband..yours and his child in his grip.
Your mind went blank at the sight of his appearance. You were not expecting a surprise at this hour of the day. But to your dismay,it was never meant for you as his eyes went directly went to his daughter who was hugging her dad,almost asleep because of the journey she had to get here,to you. You and Heeseung shared the duty of taking care of your child in turns.He would pick haera up for a week or two,given that the distance between you and him got a lot wider,and would drop her off to you at the end of his shifts when he could. You did the same. Your daughter couldn’t help but giggle when he started kissing all over her face playfully. The scene alone made the butterflies wilder in your stomach. He was always gentle and kind with kids. No wonder kids like him. No wonder kids want a dad like him. Your daughter was just as lucky as you were.. heeseung asks her“be good to mommy okay?i’ll take you to a playdate next time,only you and me okay cotton ball?” Your eyes were focused on his way,and your mind kept recalling the words that just came out of his mouth. He was just being nice. He was just being nice. He was just being nice.
She nods earnestly,and earns a head pat from the man,who just smiles at her answer. “Can you wait for me a bit?i have to talk to your mommy,you’re my angel girl,we’ll go to the slides right after okay?and we can get any ice cream you’d like” he says as he pinches her nose softly,not too hard at all.Her eyes instantly lit up at the offer,she looked so happy and agreed,going back to her plushies,playing with them. The breath you had been holding out for who knows how long,eventually escapes as you see him walking towards the door…Should you ask him to stay back for a bit long?Would that be too indecent?would it look selfish for you to hold him back..?what would he think about it? “Heeseung-”
don’t say it… He turns on his heels after stopping midway,his eyes finally falling on your figure ever since he got here. It’s not like he was apparently disgusted by your presence,it was just that he didn’t have to break down right then and there,infront of you,believing that you wouldn’t be there to rub his cheeks and wipe his tears for him anymore… “Yes?” Don’t you dare….know where you are now “Would you mind if-umm..” Anything else but that…please “What is it?” Dammit he’s being all soft again..his voice…
“A k-kiss-” ………. “It’s okay if you don’t want it-i understand i was just spewing random shits-” “We can’t….it’s not like it used to be anymore…i’m sorry” Oh….if him ignoring you earlier didn’t break you,this kind of did…like..a major damage to your hopes. Your eyes started to sting alot and before you knew it,tears gushed out..And what happened to be the softest touch you could remember,it was just a tissue paper,with none other than heeseung holding it under your eyes for you…He was not the person who loved you anymore..He was trying to be different. “Please stop crying,haera might worry later and i would lose my dignity as a dad” he tried to joke it out,tried to be sure that you didn’t hear his voice breaking,and he might have succeeded but it didn’t help your tears at all. He wished he still could just at least hug you.His heart was begging for him to just go forth and engulf you into the world's tightest hug,whisper how much he missed your presence,the scent of you,your everything… You do the work for him when you finally shatter and clutch onto him,finally crying in his arms… his breathing just got shakier than ever as he just hesitantly moved his arms up,but not fully hugging you.His chin,now placed atop your head as he inhales a deep breathe,having to have gotten over a big pressure off his chest…all just for a hug he didn’t know he needed..ever since you both got divorced. When your cries seem to have calmed down,he carefully navigates his eyes down to look at you,not caring anymore if it affects him or not…he just needed to see any bits of you. He had to. Or else his heart would go crazy. The moment your red and puffy eyes went up to his face,you caught him staring right back at you. The air suddenly feels too thick to even move a muscle among the two of you. You’ve never felt this much warmth ever since he walked out of your life,leaving him to feel the exact same. But this all was wrong. “Even if you look at me like that,I cannot” he says while holding you firmly. “Just once,i promise i won’t ever bother you about it……please” Bother….it never had been any ounce of what you just claimed to be as a bother. He would kiss you in a heartbeat,you knew that too. But the weight on his heart felt a lot heavier. It was just a kiss…but was it like old times?not at all…he couldn’t see it like that at all. You’re existence and the recalling of the divorce was distracting him from everything he had. “Fine..but only once.okay?after that,i leave” “H-hmm,okay,thank you for consid-” He captures your lips in the most delicate and the softest way possible,still worried if he crossed any non-existent boundaries. But the way you can feel the heat of his body radiate to yours completely,you don’t know what to focus on anymore. His lips had always felt this moist and soft whenever you both shared a kiss. It would always end up with you being on his lap. Your hands,as if it was a reflex,worked their way up to the back of his neck,pulling him closer. Heeseung didn’t seem to care anymore,finally having your lips on his after a whole year,and he felt like he could kiss you forever,hold you close like this,rip the paper into pieces.
His hands started lifting up your cardigan,feeding his fingertips in to feel the bare skin underneath the layer of clothing,making you sigh as you felt his cold touch on your waist.
Somehow, he can’t help but ponder silently about all the times he had been craving nothing but your touch,only for you to not be there,crave how you would sit on his lap and paint his face all red with your newly bought lipsticks,telling him how much you loved him,adored him,and cherished him,only for you to leave all that and walk on a path of your own. And now,he has a stable life now,he knows how to balance his work life and spending time with his daughter,he was contended with how his pace was,he was recovering from everything……
Unfortunately for you, his mind quickly took charge of him as he abruptly pushed you away. He couldn’t be in here..with you anymore without getting carried away. He needed to be out of here as he started to feel the urge to completely turn into a putty for you.
“I should go now,i’m sorry for getting carried away” he says as he turns to leave Please stay hee…I need you so much…
As if he had telepathic powers,his instincts told him to run back to you,and he did. “Fuck it” he hastily ushers as he basically runs to you and lightly picks you up while connecting your lips with his in a hungry kiss. He couldn’t take it anymore.His lips work wonders as he swiftly licks your lower lip making you gasp,easily earning access to slide his tongue in. He makes sure to devour every corner of your mouth,not caring about the way your teeth clash. He doesn’t give you enough time and backs you up to the nearest wall.
Gently, he places you on your feet,your small frame now caged in by his broad one. His eyes looked down to where your thighs were rubbing together in anticipation. “Fuck look at you”
“We need to go somewhere more private” he says, not even bothering to guide you to the nearest bathroom he could find. He leans in and kisses you again,a bit harder this time,hands instantly moving down to grope your rear cheeks,caressing them. You moaned at the contact of his perverted touch against your skin but you craved this so much….
“Needed you so much too angel,been such a mess ever since…do you feel that way too?” “Yes hee,been wanting this for so long…couldn’t think of anything else but you” you confessed,your words earning a chuckle from the latter.
“What was I doing to you in your mind,hmm?”he asks as hands are now under your cardigan again,snaking up to your chest. His hands molded perfectly with your breasts as he gave them a light squeeze. Moaning at how good it felt,heeseung looked pleased by your reaction. He wanted to do more,and he is going to do more before he starts regretting where he is right now. “Gonna fuck you so good” he says as he unbuckles his belt and ties your wrist with it,behind your back. The action sends your mind in a frenzy as you felt his tongue licking a fat strip on your neckline. He dragged it down to your collarbone,sucking onto the bone and showering the area with his love bites. “Tastes just like it used to– fuck can never get enough of this” the taste of your skin melts in his tongue as he completely lets himself go. His hands quickly drop down to grab your hips and turn you to face the mirror in front of you. The sight was oh so pleasant,your pussy gaping and clenching on nothing but air,waiting and begging to be filled,stuffed,abused,reddened. You would take anything from him. His fingers,his tongue. But nothing would satisfy you the way his cock does.
“Pretty girl tell me where should i put it?guide me” his voice got more raspy as he looks at the mirror,eyes totally enchanted by the way your face looks so wreckable. He could just stuff your mouth with his cock but that's not what you wanted now,he knew very well how to please you…how to have you begging for him to do more than just using your face to get off.he knew you better than yourself.. “A-ass,want it in my ass–” you whined out as you felt the tip of his length rubbing up and down from your butt hole and your leaking hole,teasing each one at a time,watching you hiss whenever he playfully pushed in the tip on either. “As my girl wishes”
Your eyes widened at the sudden intrusion in your very small and tight hole,his raging cock penetrating past the tightness and the heat hugging his meat deliciously. It was so much that he had to halt his hips,feeling like he would be pushed out before he could even bottom out properly. “Never been so tight,fuck– you’re gonna be the death of me i swear–loosen up a little” his lips purse as the pleasure of your walls smear over his senses. And when he finally pushes in more of his girth,he can’t help but moan when you suddenly open up for him,taking him to the brim. “That's it,open up for me–let me give you what you want”Your mind was all over the place as he started moving,grabbing a hold of your hips. He pulled you back into his length,your hole getting wider each time he thrusted up. It was something in you,you didn’t know,needed to be fucked like this,with the chances of being caught by anyone,yori or even your daughter. His hips jerked up to yours,on loop as he led his hands up,bending down on you to capture your nipples in his torturing hold. He flicks it over and over. You can’t help but moan louder each time he rams right into your spot,so fucking perfectly he could die for this to happen over and over again. You looked so beautiful like this. All blown out,so pretty just for him. His palms move to your thighs,feeling the soft skin as he uses them as a leverage to plough into you even more. In between your thighs,your slick coats his dick to the right amount as it slides back in and out with the urgency to feel you even more. Heeseung thought he was living in a dream. You were chanting his name like he was doing yours. He moves your bended figure to the closed door of the bathroom. Your palms now flat against the wood as he fucks up to you. His eyes watch you lovingly as you try to blur out the obscene sounds coming out of your mouth but he smiles when he realizes the sounds down there are never doing you justice. “Be fair baby,let those tiny gasps out,come on”he demands, issuing a harsh thrust which aims enough to form a small bulge in your stomach. He almost succeeds in making you moan out loud. Your eyes roll back as he does so,telling him to go faster. He turns you around and rakes your thighs up with a bruising grip around them,lifting your ass up a bit for him to shove it in more easily. That for sure would leave a great noticeable mark. And you’d love that. Wrapping your legs around his torso,all while his dick still inside you,he wastes no time in repeating his motions again. But only this time,his lips are desperate to find yours. Biting any piece of flesh his lips find,he keeps licking and sucking your lips. Giving you the messiest and dirtiest makeout you could ever have. Strings of saliva connect you both as he takes a moment to breathe,mouth open,eyes bewildered by your appearance. He couldn’t stop sliding it in,he got meaner about his thrusts as each second passed by,making you moan uncontrollably as you just stay there,being held and fucked dumb by your ex-husband. He’s so good with his hips that you don’t even notice his fingers teasing your other hole. “Think you can take it?bet you can’t and i don’t care if you can or not”he whines as he forcefully pushes in two of his digits in your cum hole,the thumb being left out to rub the nub. He does it so effortlessly,fuck your ass and penetrate your pussy at the same time– it all was too good for you Your starts clenching on his fingers and his dick,was as equal with it’s pace,not slow at all. He was so close,he could feel it. Eyes in a trance as it only saw fuck her fuck her fuck her soo good she can’t stand for days. You cried out at how good he was being to you. Giving you his cock,abusing your cervix like he owns it,slapping your ass countless times…
“Baby i’m gonna cum–it’s too warm and tight f’me–shit y/n!” his whines got louder as he felt his high approaching. “Could fuck you like this every goddamn day if you’d let me–feels like heaven in here–fuck”
You could only moan at how precise he was with what he wanted,and he wanted you to shower his dick with your juices. He wanted you to lose your mind over how good he made you feel. He wanted you to cum so much that it would push his cock out of your hole itself. It was getting too addictive in there,he wanted you to make sure you were left all used,broken and only for him to fuck anytime and anywhere. After all you were his fucking woman. “Should i cum in your ass?your back?your mouth?your pussy?” “cum in my mouth please–” “C’mere” he quickly pulls out and brings your face down to his cock,forcing it in your mouth. Your jaw hung only loose at his demanding hands. He fists his cock,stroking it fast,the tip flush pink and ready to shoot his seeds right down your throat. “Take it take it-take all of it-fuuckkkk!” Hot spurts of cum get in your mouth,your face and your chest as he keeps jerking off to his hands,chest heaving up and down slowly as the post orgasm breath gets taken in by the both of you. His eyes look warily,of any signs of negativity in your face,noting that there’s none,he collects his pants and retrieves his belt from your wrists,eyes not surprised when he catches a slight bruise over there. He felt sorry for hurting you like that…or even when he mindlessly took you by your ass… But it all was a one time thing-you just wanted any type of solace,and he only gave you what he could. He prayed you won’t take the words he said prior to him finishing in your mouth,to heart. He would feel guilty if he was the reason your feelings resurfaced again,he couldn’t risk that to happen. His eyes watch you now,but there only a hint of sadness in them now,as he knew if he walked out,it would be only him again…But that’s what is the best for the both of you. Things like this happen hee,just walk out….it’s ok
Millions of words could have been said to each other if only he just cupped your cheeks and told you he loved you always and forever,if you replied with a kiss on his cheeks,letting him know you both would work it all out again. It would have even worked out if you both had cried it out to you heart’s content,being in each other’s arms..But he was scared..scared that it would end up happening again. One time was more than enough to shake him up completely as a man.
Haera reminds me of you so much….it hurts,love The only words which made up to your ears before you watched him leaving you alone….again,was
“I-i will be back next week,y/n”
Nct x Mila will be the death of me
𝕾𝗖𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗔𝗟𝗦, 𝓗𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗟𝗜𝗡𝗘𝗦 ❳ 𑁍 𓄹 𝙴𝙽
概括 › 𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗒 ﹕─┈ A friendly clip of MiLA and NCT DREAM go viral for not-so platonic reasons — and the ENHYPEN boys are not-so thrilled about it.
﹟ 𝘄𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀𝘀 ፡ ፡ dating rumours, jealousy/possessiveness, not proofread, make out sessions between [ ˗ˏˋ ★ˎˊ˗ ] borders (you can skip if you feel uncomfortable)
✩ 𝗻𝗼𝗍𝖾𝗌 ᵕ̈ ིྀ ! 💍nonnie inspired me with this and this ask so shout out to you 😘 dont know how i feel about this chapter but wanted to post it in case anyone does enjoy it… might take it down later for editing but we’ll see how it goes 🤧
part i. | part ii.
MILA WAS NO STRANGER TO SCANDALS. She had been centre of a few since debut. There was the scandal about her supposedly bullying her members, the one about her apparently copying Kiara, and that one time people accused her mother of rigging the results of I-Land so that she could debut… No matter how hard she tried to be the model idol, things didn’t always work out. No one in the industry was safe.
One of Mila’s greatest accomplishments had been that she had yet to be involved in a dating scandal with another idol — a feat in this generation of Kpop, where netizens would speculate about romantic relationships between idols for simply exchanging eye contact for more than five seconds. And while she had the few ships here and there, nothing reached to a height as it did with, say, Karina and Heeseung.
But of course, there was a first time for everything.
“I’m getting ready to head off now, Oppa,” Mila called out. Pulling her satchel over body and picking another bag full of food off from the table, she prepared to leave the Enhypen dorms.
She was on her way to the SM Building for two reasons: the first was to have lunch with Aespa, and the second was to do with the bag of food she was carrying. The food in the bag that she was carrying was homemade Chinese cuisine she made for none other than her friends in NCT — Chenle and Renjun — who were part of the group’s China line, and whom she had asked to film a TikTok for ‘Sweet Venom’ together before she had lunch with the Aespa.
Mila got along well enough with the two of them at first. For a while, they weren’t really her friends as much as they were kind and gentle seniors. They looked out for her as elder artists and a shared kinship over their motherland; and she would greet them politely whenever they crossed paths at music shows or award ceremonies. Yet there wasn’t any sort of lasting bond between them.
It wasn’t until one day when Mila had offered to make some Chinese cuisine and drop it off for them — like she was doing today — and had unintentionally broken down the wall that was between them. All of a sudden, it was like she was pulled into their bubble and made one of their people. Like a baby bird taken under their wing.
“Are you sure you’re warm?” Jay asked.
Jay ran a hand through his tussled hair after giving Mila a gentle kiss on the forehead as a greeting. Since it was still early in the morning on a day off, the others were still asleep of groggy with sleep. And so, only Mila — who had to get ready and be presentable in time to leave — was fully awake.
Mila nodded. It tended to get chilly on the early hours of the morning, and Jay knew she was sensitive to colder weather. But Mila had opted to wear a warm turtleneck and a fluffy jacket over the top, so she didn’t need to worry. “Warm as a toastie.”
At that moment, Heeseung had stumbled out of his room, looking like he might topple over and fall asleep at any second now. He rubbed his eyes, pouting as he saw Mila standing in the kitchen with her bags, ready to go. “You’re leaving already?”
“Why did you get up? You should get some sleep,” Mila said.
“I wanted to see you off.” Heeseung wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. He leant back and placed a chaste kiss to her cheek, a light smacking sound resonating as he parted. Patting her head, he smiled at her. “Have a good day, okay?”
Mila nodded with an eye-crinkling smile. “I will.”
Mila turned to Jay and wrapped her arms around his middle. “Say good morning to the others for me,” she said, as Jay stroked the top of her head and hummed in agreement. “Sorry I couldn’t help with breakfast this morning.”
Jay smiled softly. “No, it’s okay. You just have a good time out today. Don’t worry about anything else.” Jay held both her cheeks in his hand and pressed a soft kiss to her lips, sending a wave of butterflies off in her stomach. “I love you, Angel.”
“I love you more,” Mila replied instantly. She then reached out and tugged Heeseung closer so that she was hugging both Jay and him. “Love you both so much.”
Heeseung chuckled. “Love you too, baby.”
With that, the two elder members bid farewell to the girl as she skipped out of the door, before waving one last time, and following her manager to the car. Jay closed the door behind her as she left, and then the two went right back to sleep, to make the most out of this seemingly quiet day. Little did they know at the time about the buzz that would find its way to their quaint little dorm.
‿︵‿︵‿୨ ୧‿︵‿︵‿
MILA HAD A STRANGE relationship with SM Entertainment. Briefly, she remembered an encounter she had when she was at a dance competition back home in China, at the younger age of twelve. At the time, she met a beautiful woman there, who approached Mila’s mother and handed her a card with an all-too familiar logo. She claimed to be a scout from SM Entertainment, and said that Mila had the makings of an idol.
At the time, Mila had turned them down because of a lack of interest. And it wasn’t until later that Mila would learn that her dream was, in fact, to be the idol that scout saw her being.
When Mila thought about it, it seemed SM was the first to recognise her potential. And it was strange to think about the possibility of her debuting under SM in another world — especially when she had made so many friends there.
“Renjun-gē, I’m at the company now.” Mila shut the door of her van as she hopped out, her cellphone held up to her ear in one hand as the other carried the bag of food she prepared. From the other side of the line, there was a bunch of voices overlapping each other, causing Mila to tilt her head. “Are the others with you?”
While she had originally asked only Renjun and Chenle to do a TikTok with her, surprisingly enough their company suggested having the whole group film together with her — and her alone. Mila was confused but didn’t question it, seeing as Be:Lift gave permission for it. She didn’t know why, but she started to have an inkling that publicity through interactions was one of the reasons. Similar to the way Heeseung and Sunghoon had done a TikTok with Karina and Winter not too long ago.
However, Mila had yet to be on a familiar basis with the other NCT Dream members. Since they were in different generations — despite being close in age — and were her seniors in the industry by many years, they didn’t really have many reasons to become friends. But from what Renjun often said about them and what she saw of them in their content, they seemed like a fun group of people to be with. And Mila was nothing if not eager to form new connections.
“Yeah, we’re all in the practice room,” Renjun replied. He then suddenly told Mila to wait for a few seconds and yelled, “All of you be quiet! I can’t hear!” in Korean, before switching back to Chinese as he apologised to Mila. “Sorry. They’re being rowdy again.”
At that exact moment, Mila could hear Chenle’s distinctive voice yelling in the speaker, “Hi, Mila!” only to be followed by loud screams that reminded Mila of a distressed dolphin. Mila laughed. “It’s okay,” she told him while laughing, “Me and my manager are going to enter now. See you soon.”
With that, Mila entered the SM Building, and made her way to the practice room floors. And that was how Mila and her manager ended up at one of the dance practice rooms, filled with a rowdy bunch of males who didn’t realise she was there until she was almost hit in the face by a stray shoe.
Mila instinctively ducked and covered her head as the shoe hit the ceiling with a ‘thwack,’ before falling to the floor in front of her. Looking startled and confused, she uncovered her head looked up to see Lee Haechan in front of her with both hands over his mouth and wide eyes.
“Oh, sorry,” he said awkwardly.
At that moment someone in the background had stumbled out from the closet, which was originally being held closed by a startled-looking Na Jaemin. Mark Lee’s head was darting around everywhere as he struggled to find his balance.
“Where did my shoe—!” Mark stopped mid-sentence when Jeno cleared his throat, and the older male froze like a mannequin when he made eye contact with a sheepish Mila. “…Go…?”
Park Jisung scratched the back of his neck and awkwardly turned to Chenle, who was holding his stomach from laughing at the events that unfolded. Renjun face palmed in the background. Mila smiled hesitantly, before offering a polite bow.
“Hello, sunbaenims.”
‿︵‿︵‿୨ ୧‿︵‿︵‿
MILA WOULDN’T HAVE GUESSED from first impressions that NCT Dream were made up mostly of introverts. But somehow — as if abiding by the law of “opposites attract” — it had made things easier for Mila to get along with them, despite their initial awkwardness.
“Wah, this looks good!” Chenle said as finally looked inside the bag of dishes Mila prepared for them. (Once the Dream managers arrived at the practice room, a few minutes after Mila, they went straight into the professional business of today’s agenda, leaving little time for Mila and the Chinese boy to catch up. “Thanks a lot, Mila! You’re the best! The WayV hyungs will be so jealous.”
Mila shook her hands in denial and smiled as Chenle walked off to show off Mila’s gifts to Renjun. She smiled and turned to the three members standing with her: Jeno, Jaemin and Jisung.
Because there were so many people in the one TikTok, they would be doing several different groupings with Mila in a single take: starting with the maknae line (Chenle and Jisung), then Mila and the 00-line (Jeno, Jaemin, Renjun, and Haechan) and then her and Mark. There were bound to be some mistakes, so the TikTok didn’t end in just one attempt. But rather than feel annoyed, Mila quite enjoyed the chance she got to interact with the seniors.
“By the way, how old are you?” Jaemin asked suddenly. Mila hummed and lowered her drink bottle as she looked at the male, who reminded her somewhat of Sunghoon for reasons she couldn’t quite pin down. (Later she would realise it was because they were both handsome but very chaotic,l introverts, who seemed quiet at first, but were far from it.) “Is Jisung older than you?”
Mila nodded as she made eye contact with the youngest of the group. While it was true that he was older — and the same age as Enhypen’s 02z — Mila couldn’t help but see him in the same light as one might regard a baby chick. Something about him didn’t radiate the same air of maturity (or dare she say, sexiness?) that Jake, Jay and Sunghoon did.
“That’s right,” she replied, as if she herself had forgotten about that fact. “I’m a year younger. Born in 2003.”
“Wah.” Jisung had a shocked expression on his face, while his hyungs laughed at him. It was no secret that the once youngest idol to debut was awkward when meeting others younger than him. But this time in particular, he seemed even shyer than usual. “I can’t believe it…”
“Oh, so we’re all your oppas? You’re the youngest one here?” Jeno asked with a shocked expression. He had been maybe the easiest to get along with — not because the others were difficult, but simply for his smile, which reminded her of the warm eye-smile of Sunoo, and instantly made her feel comfortable. Mila smiled and nodded at his question. “What about in your group? Are you the maknae.”
“I’m the youngest girl, but there are three other members who are younger than me,” Mila explained. “Our maknae, Ni-Ki, was born in 2005. Our oldest, Heeseungie-oppa, is the same age as Chenle-oppa.”
“What about me?” As if on cue, Chenle walked into the frame. “Oh, by the way— I was just telling Renjun-hyung, and we think you’re the only ‘E’ type here.”
“Right!” Mila said, before clicking her fingers. “I was just thinking about how I heard from someone before that almost all of you are ‘I’.” She then gasped. “Wait, this is an important question: Are you guys ‘F’ or ‘T’?”
“I’m a ‘T’,” Jisung replied. Mila made an “oh” expression and nodded slowly, causing the others to laugh. Meanwhile, Jisung blinked in confusion. The first thing he thought of was Eunchae’s viral ‘Anti-T’ meme, and wondered if Mila was the same. “Why? Do you not like ‘T’?”
Mila shook her head vigorously. “No!” she denied vehemently. “I really like ‘T’!”
“Oh, that’s me.” Mark suddenly joined in with a raised his hand. He and the members of Dream — Haechan, Renjun, and Mark — walked over to join the smaller group after returning from their bathroom break. “I’m a ‘T’, too,” he clarified.
Mila turned and said, with an utmost serious expression, “Then I like you.”
Mark froze and opened his mouth. But no words came out, and he stood there like a gaping fish, unable to respond to Mila’s words — which suspiciously sounded like a confession, though they were anything but. It wasn’t that he felt she meant it in that way, or that he necessarily wished for her to, but that it was so sudden he was taken off guard. He couldn’t help but be flustered.
The other Dreamies laughed from around him, and his face turned a bright shade of pink. Coughing into his fist, Mark turned around to hide his blush.
Mila, on the other hand, paid no attention to it. She instantly made her way over to her manager when the older woman called her over to look at the last take they did of the TikTok. Slowly the others made their way over, and they all watched the footage on Mila’s manager’s phone.
“Wait,” Mila said as she squinted, “Do I really look like that?”
“Like what?” Haechan asked. “Do you mean the shape of your hair? Or your facial expression.”
Mila burst out laughing. “No, what I mean is— why does my face look a little puffy?” Mila squished her cheeks as she furrowed her eyebrows in concentration. “Or is it just me? Do I look like that?”
The boys loooed between the screen and Mila and shook their heads. Jaemin in particular — who was leaning down next to her — took a not-so discrete scan of her entire face, before smiling kindly at the girl. “No,” he reassured. “You look better in real life.”
Mila looked at him before laughing, half in shock and half because she didn’t know what a proper response was. For someone who received a lot of compliments, it was sure difficult to know how to respond to them. However, she was saved from the awkwardness as the others laughed along with her, creating a cheerful, friendly atmosphere.
Looking back, she might not have been as careless as she was if she knew what would happen later on. But she couldn’t have known that the entirety of their interactions together were caught on camera. Nor did she know they would be posted as Behind The Scenes shoots, for the rest of the world to see — and to speculate about.
‿︵‿︵‿୨ ୧‿︵‿︵‿
‘GOOD WORK TODAY.’
Mila smiled as she read the new message she received in her group chat with the NCT Dream members. Briefly, she considered the thought of introducing Kiara and the Dream members — and she smiled wickedly at the thought of giving the elder female’s boyfriend reason to be jealous. After all, Kiara was a big fan of Mark’s before she debuted…
Mila was cut off from her thoughts when she spotted Aespa heading towards her. After singing a quick ‘Thank you’ with an emoticon, Mila quickly shut off her phone and greeted the older girls with a smile and warm hugs. For the next few hours, Mila left her phone untouched and simple enjoyed the presence of the Aespa girls as they enjoyed their brunch and caught up on all the latest gossip.
Mila just didn’t realise she would be one of those topics.
“Oh—” NingNing paused mid-sip of her drink. She had pulled her phone out to bring up a TikTok to show Mila, only to be surprised by what she saw. NingNing turned to Mila with a surprised expression. “Mimi-yah, you and NCT Dream-sunbaenims are trending.”
Mila hummed calmly. She had expected this to happen after all. “I guess the TikTok got uploaded.”
Karina furrowed her eyebrows and leaned over, before her mouth parted in shock. “No, Mimi-yah… It’s not just the TikTok.”
Karina took the phone from NingNing, and held it up so Mila could see the screen. From either sides of her, Giselle and Winter leaned in closer to get a better look. Mila’s jaw dropped as she saw the one thing she didn’t expect to be uploaded — her interactions with the NCT Dream members. Specifically, the ones that were easy to twist and misunderstand.
“Then I like you, too.” Mila’s face in the clipped video on the TikTok NingNing found made her cringe at how easy it was to misinterpret out of context. That clip was then followed by the clip of Jaemina looking her up and down and telling her, “No. You look better in real life.”
Mila paled. It took a few seconds for adrenaline to kick in, and then all of a sudden, she was fumbling for her phone. The first thing she did was open her phone and check her group chat messages with the boys, and sighed heavily when she saw a bunch of spammed messages from them.
Mila was looking forward to this lunch for a long time. But as soon as Jay said ‘we need you,’ nothing else matter. She was halfway through reading the word ‘need’ before she was packing her bag and bidding farewell to Aespa, before sprinting her way to the lobby, where she had texted her manager to meet her.
The last thing Mila wanted was not to be there when her men needed her reassurance the most. She didn’t care if she had to drag her manager by the wrist like a scene in a Kdrama — all that mattered was getting back to them. (And preferably before Sunghoon got his hands on any of her plushies.)
‿︵‿︵‿୨ ୧‿︵‿︵‿
MILA WASN’T SURPRISED TO see Heeseung standing there at the car park, waiting for her. If she knew him well enough, she would say that he used his matthyung card to make the others stay inside while he quickly got some alone time with her before they inevitably started to bicker about the trending tag.
He had his arms crossed over his chest as he stood tall, stance wide. Mila quickly bid farewell to her manager — who decided to let Mila and Heeseung go off to the dorms alone — and ran up to Heeseung before throwing her arms around him in a tight hug.
“I’m sorry you had to see that, Oppa,” she said sincerely. “I didn’t mean for it to happen…”
Looking up at Heeseung, Mila frowned as she looked into his eyes, trying to find something. It wasn’t usual for him to be this quiet around her, so she worried that the clips got to him more than she expected. Now that she thought about it, he was unusually quiet on the group chat as well…
“Are you okay?”
Heeseung didn’t say anything, simply caressing her cheek, and then letting his hand fall to her wrist. “Let’s go,” he said softly. And without another word, he gently pulled her along behind him as he made his way to the elevator. She could feel the tension in his shoulders as if it were her own. And while she wasn’t intimidated by him in any way (he was Heeseung, after all), she couldn’t help but feel a little helpless seeing him this quiet.
As the elevator door opened, Heeseung placed a hand on her lower back, before gently ushering her in. He didn’t say a word to her, only pursing his lips as he nonchalantly pressed the button to the floor to their rooms. It was silent, save for the sound of the mechanisms of the lift in operation.
Mila bit her lip nervously. “Oppa—”
[ ˗ˏˋ ★ˎˊ˗ ]
Mila didn’t get a chance to finish before Heeseung had backed her up against the wall of the elevator, her lips colliding with hers. She gasped at the sudden contact, her fingers subconsciously reaching up to grasp his shoulders, while his arms came up to cage her in on both sides of her head. Yet, she didn’t feel trapped — only comforted by the closeness of his body to hers.
Yes, this was the Heeseung she came to know. The one who craved touch more than space; the one who would breathe in her kisses, even if it meant losing air. From the way his mouth fitted against hers — latching on like it was the bridge directly to her heart, mind and soul — to the way his hand reached up to cup her jaw, as if doing so meant holding the cusp of the world… All of it was so Heeseung, Mila didn’t know what to do without it.
He didn’t say a word, but she understood him anyway.
I love you, he said with his kisses. I’m yours, he admitted with a sigh. And you’re mine, screamed his touch.
She tugged on the strands of his hair, standing right up on her tip toes, and he hummed approvingly into her mouth, before pushing his body right up against hers. Her heart was erratic against his chest, and his grip was firm on her skin. Deep and passionate were his kisses, making her knees weak and her stomach flutter.
Then all too soon, it was over. He pulled away as if someone had been dragging him away by the collar. Hesitant. He sighed the moment his eyes met hers, before flickering down to her swollen lips. The flames in his dark orbs flickered out and he swiped a thumb against her bottom lip.
[ ˗ˏˋ ★ˎˊ˗ ]
“Sorry,” he said hoarsely. “I just… After I saw all that… I really needed you.”
“And you have me,” Mila said with a smile, reaching up to cup Heeseung’s face, before pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek. His eyes fluttered closed, melting instantly under her affectionate actions. “You always will. I’m right here.”
Heeseung smiled gently before turning to kiss the inside of her hand, just as the elevator door dinged. “I wanted to be selfish and steal you away for a little bit… But we should talk properly with the others.”
Mila laughed. “We definitely should.”
With that, the two walked into the dorms, hand in hand, where the others awaited them impatiently in the living room, as if they had a million things to say.
‿︵‿︵‿୨ ୧‿︵‿︵‿
“I’M HOME.”
Mila laughed helplessly as she was met with the sight of Riki side-eyeing her from where he sat on the couch, his expression set in stone. She bit back a smile at the endearing sight of him and the rest of her boyfriends sulking in the middle of the dorms.
“Did you have fun?” he asked deeply, his voice reverberating through the silent air of the living room. Unsurprisingly, there was a colourful range of reactions to the clips — but they all had the same undertone of envious green. “You and your friends were cute.”
Mila smiled and took off her shoes. Without a word, she walked over and sat beside the younger before hugging his arm, pulling his hand onto her lap. “You’re cuter.”
Riki huffed and turned away, but the way he laced his fingers through Mila’s was enough to tell her that she succeeded in lowering his guard. From beside Riki, Jake faced Mila with his enticing lips pulled into a frown. “Why are you only complimenting him? I’m a ‘T’, too.”
Mila smiled. She knew where he was going with the last statement, but letting him bait her anyway, to enable his sulking. If not to get it out of his system, then so she could spoil him later. “What’s that got to do with anything?”
“‘I really like ‘T’!” Sunoo imitated Mila’s voice, reciting her words from earlier. He then gasped dramatically and said, in the same high-pitched voice, “‘Oh, you’re ‘T’, too? Then I like you.’” Sunoo scoffed. “Seriously, why don’t you just confess your love to them while you’re at it.”
While he knew Mila’s words were taken out of context, he still felt slightly offended that she only mentioned liking ‘T’ types, when he himself was an ‘F’. So he thought he would give her minor grievance out of pettiness — though not in a way that would cause her to feel guilty.
Mila burst out laughing. She reached over and pulled Sunoo’s hand into her lap while he pouted, turning his head away in a similarly haughty manner to Riki. Mila smiled. “You know what I meant by that.”
“Still, there’s the, ‘You look better in real life,’” Jay said, a sneer on his face to show how strongly he felt while watching that particular scene. Sitting in his chair with his legs spread and his chin rested on his fist, he looked at Mila with an unreadable expression. “I don’t like the way he looked at you, Angel.”
“You were so pretty today, too,” Sunghoon added, his eyes trialing over her form head to toe. “And they got to compliment you and see you all dolled up before I did…”
Mila bit her lip. “Even if he looked at me in any way that wasn’t friendly, I wouldn’t care. I don’t really mind what others think about how I look,” she said. Then, with a slight blush, she added, “I mean— I’ve gotten used to be calling ‘pretty’… But I only get flustered when it’s from one of you.”
“Really?” Sunghoon was standing with his arms crossed against the wall, his biceps bulging against the material of his shirt in a way that momentarily stole Mila’s focus. He smirked slightly at the sight of her distracted gaze, before raising an eyebrow tauntingly. She pursed her lip as he regarded her with his intense gaze. “What else, Princess?”
Jungwon scoffed. “Can you not do foreplay in the middle of the living room? We’re right here, you know.”
“Whatever.” Jay threw his hands up in the air, before leaning back in his chair as if he were unbothered by everything around him. (He wasn’t.) “It’s not like you wanted for this to happen. All I know is that I’m not going anywhere near TikTok for the next month.“ Jay paused and then held up his arms towards Mila. “Come here. I want to hold my girl.”
Mila smiled. Riki and Sunoo, who were still giving her the silent treatment, let out little laughs of their own, their shoulders shaking as they tried their best not to break character. After giving last squeeze to both their hands, she kissed the both of them on the cheeks. Then Mila stood to walk over to Jay so she could comfort him — only to be pulled down into Jake’s lap as she passed by.
“There,” Jake said. “That’s much better.” He wrapped his arms around her waist, ignoring the glare from Jay. Jake then nuzzled his nose into Mila’s neck, humming contently as he inhaled the scent of her perfume. “Bet they didn’t get to hold you like this, huh?”
Mila shook her head vigorously. “Of course not.” She turned around and faced Jake with sincere eyes. “I don’t want to be held by anyone but you.”
Jake chuckled. “That’s right…” He closed his eyes as he placed a chaste kiss on her neck. When he spoke again, his voice came out muffled, as if he were drunk on her scent. “That’s our girl.”
Jungwon sighed from beside Jake. The young leader gave Jake an unimpressed glare. And though he whined, the same male relented and released his hold. Jungwon immediately pounced on the chance and pulled Mila towards him, nuzzling her the same way Jake did.
“It was so annoying,” he said. “People kept calling you guys cute together and everything… I wanted to hit them through the screen.” He frowned as he rested his chin on her shoulder, eyes lidded as they were trained on her lips. “You’re ours.”
Mila cooed as she cupped the younger’s cheek, pressing soft kisses to his dimple.
“That’s right,” she said. “I know it sucks, I get how it feels. But know that I’m not interested in anything anyone else has to say. You’re the only ones I want and ever will want. That hasn’t changed.”
She smiled as she looked around the room.
“The NCT Dream-sunbaenims will be good friends, but that’s all they are or will ever be. I’m younger than their maknae, who they treat as a baby — they probably see me as their younger sister, if anything. They’re far from falling in love with me. And as for me… Well, you know I love you.” She then recited one of her favourite quotes: “‘And if I loved you any less, I might be able to talk about it more.’”
There was a sweet pause on the sitting room, as the tension faded way. Heeseung smiled as he took a seat next to Jay, after having observed everything from the entry. It seemed Mila could take care of everything fine. Then again, that was to be expected.
“I’m really sorry that you had to see this go trending for that reason…” Mila frowned. “I didn’t know they would post those clips, considering how easy it would be for shippers to take it out of context.”
“No, don’t apologise,” Heeseung said softly. “We know it’s not your fault, and I still don’t know why the company let that be posted… But we love your smile, and how you make others smile too. Don’t lose that for anyone. Not even if you think it’s to protect our feelings.”
“If you’re ever scared about what we might think,” Jay added, “Then don’t be. Even if we get jealous, we just wanted you to be happy.”
“Hyung’s right,” Riki said with a smile, breaking his vow of silence against her. “I think it would be sadder if we saw you go viral for looking sad. I’d rather see you smiling, even if it’s not with us.”
Mila blinked, her chest feeling warm. She as just grateful that the boys didn’t blame her — but that they also didn’t expect her to change the way she interacted with other people for the sake of the public’s opinions. She giggled.
“Same goes for you,” she said. “Let me spoil you when you need it. Right now, just let me know what you need. This is about you and how you feel.”
“Well I still haven’t gotten to hold you,” Jay said, looking at Jungwon, who pretended not to hear him as he held onto Mila in a possessive grip, too busy placing chaste kisses on her neck to talk.
“And I still haven’t gotten my kiss.” Sunghoon pouted at Mila, and then suddenly turned to Jay. “Your plushie is going to be the first to go.”
Heeseung tried (in vain) to calm them down. “Okay, let’s leave the plushies out of this.”
Sunoo turned to Heeseung with suspicious eye. “By the way, Hyung, what did you talk about before you got back with Byeol? It was really unfair that you got to her first — I think we should cut down your cuddle time with her to make things even.”
“I dibs the extra hours!” Riki said, raising his hand.
“Why would you get them?” Jake asked incredulously. “No way in hell, man.”
Mila laughed. As she watched the the boys bicker, she started to plot mischievously about how to turn around the situation in their favour. She knew the company wouldn’t take any action against them, either, as long as there was a positive response from fans. So a little more ship moments wouldn’t hurt, right? What was a little teasing for fans?
(Just a few days later, NCT Dream and Mila’s interactions were blown out of the trending list by Mila and the boys’ most recent, incredibly cute, incredibly suspicious ship moments.)
TAGLiST !
@lanamoonroh @3amstarlight @nikitopia @one16core @onlyuyu @xinikons @clar-iii @shinrjj @nee-issaire @elizalabs3 @lol6sposts @cyberpunksunwoo @woonkies @alaezasmystery235 @haechansbbg @jiyeons-closet @wonsctz @euniceruiz11 @curly-fr13s ( cannot be tagged )
I just know the heeseung one will HURT
MUSE OF PARADISE
❛ you were the sunshine in a season of rain. . . ❜
WHERE. EDEN Labels is the cream of the crop for entertainment companies, and you are their next rising star. But life in the spotlight isn't always bright, and among the cheers and applause, you hear tales of broken dreams and shattered hopes. Still, if you can bring happiness to even one more person, you'll be satisfied. You just didn't realise how much your presence could change the people you meet along your journey to the top.
OR ───your legacy is that you loved, and were loved in return.
PAIRINGS. en- hyung line x (f)idol!reader ( ft. songwriter!heeseung, actor!jake, model!sunghoon, bodyguard!jay )
GENRE & TROPES. written series, romance, slice of life, grumpy x sunshine, fake dating, "she fell first, he fell harder", "touch her and you die", etc...
WARNINGS. discussion of mature themes, suggestive content (no smut) smoking, alochol & drugs, sasaengs/stalkers, beauty standards, body dysmorphia, more tba...
NOTES. the stories are self-contained and don't require you to read the other parts to understand them. the yn of each story is essentially the same person, but at different stages of your life, meaning that there is no overlap of timelines. the stories are in order of when they take place in your career, beginning from debut, to when you're more established as an idol. but that also means that at some point, you would have broken up with the main lead of previous parts, so if you want to imagine the yn's being different, that's up to you; it doesn't effect the rest of the stories dramatically in any way. <3
SWAN SONG.
❲ 🦢 ❳───WHERE. a washed up songwriter meets a bright new singer who shows him what it means to fall in love again . . . READ HERE ?! ꣹ ( ESTIMATED RELEASE; MAY '24 ) ◜
Lee Heeseung, a young songwriter, has lost his spark for music after a messy breakup with his former lover – his muse, the singer who all his songs were dedicated to. But in order to retire and leave the industry, he must fulfil the requirements of his contract and produce one final song for the company. It is no easy task: for a year, he has been surrounded by unfinished lyrics and notes. The last thing he expected was for you – the one who would be singing his new song – to fill in the empty spaces in both his music and his heart.
MAPLE TREE.
❲ 🍁 ❳───WHERE. a jaded bodyguard has his heart melted by his newest charge . . . READ HERE ?! ꣹ ◜
Park Jongseong had met his fair share of stars, each more flawed than the last. Between divas and playboys, he has heard and seen more than a bodyguard should. But if it's taught him anything, it's that fame has a way of changing people for the worst. When a stalker incident two weeks after your debut leads to the company hiring him for your protection, he assumes that you'll be just like the rest. But upon meeting you, all he can think about is your pure smile and your golden heart... And all of a sudden, he wants to protect you for as long as he can.
CRYSTAL LAKE.
❲ ❄️ ❳───WHERE. a model who is forced to keep up a persona finds someone who sees right through him . . . READ HERE ?! ꣹ ◜
Park Sunghoon was the new hot issue of modelling. Detached, dismissive, and distant, the media's Park Sunghoon (the so-called 'Ice Prince') was the dream of every girl who wanted to be the one to melt his cold heart. That was the image imparted upon by his company, and one he had done a good job of upholding. When he is given the opportunity to play a role in the new music video for a singer, he doesn't let his guard down once. But somehow, you find yourself chipping away at his mask, bit by bit, until he stands before you completely himself.
POISON APPLE.
❲ 🍎 ❳───WHERE. a playboy actor dates a singer for publicity and ends up crossing the line of real and fake . . . READ HERE ?! ꣹ ◜
Jake Sim was the sweetheart of the acting scene – charming, handsome, and a man with a golden heart. But little did his fans know that he was also the main character of the nightlife scene. He had a different girl on his arm every night, and when he wasn’t on the set, he was in a club. After a scandal threatens to sink his reputation, the company looks for a way to keep his image afloat by distracting the public… by making him do the one thing he can't: commit. And you – being the sweetheart of the idol industry – are the perfect candidate for the job.
© chaconnenha ( ALL RIGHTS RESERVED )
Wake up and break up
𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐋𝐘 𝐁𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 – 𝟓𝟖
𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐘𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓: 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧
↬ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐉𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
↬ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬!𝐀𝐔, 𝐂𝐄𝐎!𝐉𝐚𝐲, 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐲!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
← 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 — 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 — 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 →
(A/N: we literally only have two chaps and the epilogue left this is CRAZY 🤕 thank you guys so, so much for all the love and support, am sending everyone kisses pls accept them as a form of gratitude 🥺 i love you all sm💞 feedback is always appreciated!!!💞🧸)
TAGLIST CLOSED: @soonigiri @xrr-s4sha @kwiwin @heelcvr @deobitifull @kpoprhia @doodlelibrary @abrazosolorcereza @certifiedmoa @sleeping-demons @heerinnie @ohmy-moonlightx @heeswif3y @hoonieluv @fakeuwus @jongszn @cheybabey @ineedsomezzz @super-amberlynn @kshoshi @tinie03 @jseongies @mimikittysblog @primroselover @heebrry @jebetwo @donghyckl @07myonlylove @enhamysunshines @quemirasboboandapaya @lostwonderwall @seuomo @enhaz1 @teawithbucky @beomgyusonlywife @dammit-jjk @lhsvibez @azurez @boutyouwonu @finchyyy @ocyeanicc @jaylaxies @in-somnias-world @zerasari @spookyauthorspopmusictrash @capri-cuntz @fluerz @3amstarlight
my love (mine all mine) ☆ jake sim
☆ non-idol! jake x fem! reader ☆ summary: after years of abuse, jake is afraid of love, so why do you have to be so warm? ☆ genre: angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, implied adult! au, very domestic ☆ warning(s)? domestic violence and abuse, poor parenting, 1 mention of self harm, implied mention of suicide, kinda indulgent sorry ☆ word count: 1.5k
The earliest memory that Jake had was the sound of porcelain plates crashing against the tiled kitchen floor, and the wails of his mother.
For a period of time, it was all that he could remember: going home to a cold house, hand-in-hand with his older brother, his heart pounding in his chest as his young mind wondered if Dad was going to hurt Mom again, or if they'd go back to loving each other tonight.
He couldn't have been any older than nine when he experienced the wrath of his father first-hand, when he came to school in May wearing a long-sleeve shirt and long pants as if the early-summer weather wasn't rising, the scent of citrus filling the air. Sure, the bruises, and later scars (because of course, his father just had to try to stab him with a broken beer bottle), hurt, but nothing would compare to the silence that rang through the house after a screaming match. It would pierce his ears every single time, so loud that it was deafening, yet so silent that Jake could hear every single breath that his mother took as she pulled at her hair, driving blades into her skin, ignoring the quiet rumble of her child's stomach.
He'd gone to bed hungry many times. Too many times.
But, perhaps the worst memory that Jake had was the morning after his seventeenth birthday. Jake spent his birthday outside the house, not wanting to be suffocated by the taste of salty tears and domestic violence in the air. He came back late, much later than he should have.
Thank god, neither of his parents were home, and his brother was already off to college by then. When they weren't screaming at each other, physically assaulting their son, or neglecting him, his parents were either off to work, or hanging out with their sketchy friends, drinking all of their responsibilities (like their children) away like nothing else mattered.
Or so he thought.
Because the next thing he knew, his mother was shrieking at him, hitting him with the same hands that should have been cradling his face. And when his bastard of a father heard the commotion, it was almost like he was excited, excited to have an excuse to put his son in a chokehold. It seemed like the only time that his parents wanted to agree with each other was when they could hurt him.
As his lungs closed in on him, his choked breaths gasping for air while Jake tried to pry his father's hands off his neck, he felt light-headed, a fuzzy feeling filling his head until his body lost all its strength.
Jake swore that he would have died that night, if it weren't for the barks of the family dog.
If his perception of family, love, and marriage wasn't already warped, that early morning of his seventeenth birthday did.
He vowed to himself then and there, that he would never get married, nor would he ever start a family.
Yet, as you held him in your arms, enveloping him with warmth as hot tears streamed down his face, Jake could feel all his resolve slipping away.
Indeed, his vow held up. It held up all throughout college and for years into his adulthood. He became known as the "single friend," the friend that was always the designated driver because he'd rather die than consume a drop of alcohol.
But then you pranced your way into his life.
You, with your beautiful face. You, with the brightest smile that he'd ever seen. You, with the softest, most gentle touch.
When you wrapped your arms around his torso, pressing tender kisses against the nape of his neck as you giggled a soft,"I love you," Jake's heart pummeled to his stomach.
It was suffocating.
His hands were clammy, so moist with sweat that he had to wipe his palms on his jeans. His chest would pound, loud enough for it to be the only sound filling his ears. His stomach twisted, a hot coil curling in his abdomen. It was nauseating.
But the worst was what he felt in his throat.
Something wicked— Something overwhelming and painful— clambered up his throat. It wrapped itself around his neck, pulling tight like the noose his mother threatened to put around her own neck. When it crawled up to his mouth, Jake nearly threw it up. He tried to swallow it down, but he gagged.
And it was already too late.
He'd already muttered the words, "I love you, too" back.
Love was terrifying. If he loved, what would happen? Would he get married, and enter a life of pure misery?
And what if he had kids?
When Jake was angry and he looked in the mirror, he hated the way that all he saw was his father's eyes staring back at him. His mother always told him that he looked like his father anyway.
Jake knew he wouldn't. He would never lay a finger on another person, let alone his own kin. But as days and years passed, his voice only sounded more and more like his own father's. He couldn't help the way his expressions scarily resembled his mother's, the same ones that he'd seen contort into fear, wrath, and indifference.
But here he was.
In the dark, his face was buried in your shoulder, the same ones that he'd kissed. You patted his back as he let out sobs, wet and salty tears wetting your skin.
It was another night, where you and him would hang out and flirt in your apartment, maybe do a little kissing.
Maybe he shouldn't have laid down with you. Maybe he shouldn't have let you put your fingers in his hair, stroking it gently as he laid on your chest. Maybe he shouldn't have listened to your every word as you traced his face, muttering to him everything about him that you loved about him. He shouldn't have, he really shouldn't have. Especially when you ended it all with a kiss to his eyelids, whispering into his ear, "I can't wait to marry you one day."
Jake always did his best to contain his emotions. After all, he'd learn to do it so well because of his home life. No one had to know about his struggles.
Yet he couldn't help the wave of emotions that crashed down on his shoulders. One moment, he was smiling in your kiss, the next his face was wet.
It didn't help when you were so warm to him. You cradled his face, kissing his tears away, hands holding him like he was a piece of glass.
"I'm scared," was all he could say.
Because that was all he felt in that moment.
Fear.
Fear, because he couldn't figure out why he was crying.
Fear, because now all his emotions were spilling out.
Fear, because you said you wanted to marry him.
Fear, because he, too, wanted to marry you.
You didn't let him go that night.
You stayed there with him, letting him cry into your shoulder until the sun rose. You didn't know why exactly, but the way he gripped your waist like you'd leave him was enough to tell you.
"I know, I know," you'd whispered into his ear. "I know, Baby."
All he did in response was pull you closer, and chant your name like it was a prayer, like you were his god and he was your worshiper.
Jake's favorite memory was the sound of wailing.
Not the wailing of his mother, not the wailing of his older brother, but the wailing of the child in your arms.
He could only watch with misty eyes as the small newborn clung to your chest, loud crying filling the hospital room.
"Jakey," you said weakly, flashing him a smile. "Look what we made."
We.
That's right.
This child was his and yours. As he held the baby, being careful not to do anything stupid, Jake stared into its crying eyes (as if his eyes weren't crying, too).
When Jake looked at his child, he saw his eyes. He saw the same eyes that his own father gave him. He wasn't filled with fear, or anger, or guilt— he felt love.
This child didn't have his father's angry eyes, the eyes that Jake spent his entire life believing he inherited.
No, this child had Jake's eyes, Jake's eyes that were filled with love.
You giggled softly as you watched your husband's intent and utterly fascinated gaze at your child. He snapped his head up at you.
"I love you," he blurted. He didn't say it a lot. It felt like poison on his tongue when he did, something unnatural and not meant for him. But in that moment, it felt like his entire being was made to say it. "God, I love you so much."
Yes, Jake would run.
He'd run, and run, and run, from love.
He'd run as far as he could, until his legs gave out.
He'd run for eternity, because he knew that one day, he'd walk to you.
ᴅʀᴀɢᴏɴ'ꜱ ʜʏᴍɴ
when a girl's fate relies on magical stones placed around the world.
CHAPTERS 1-5
CHAPTERS 6-10
CHAPTER 11-15
[unfinished]
idk what job to give suguru in this new fic
𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍 – 𝟖
𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓: 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐬
⤲ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐋𝐞𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
⤲ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞!𝐀𝐔, 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝!𝐀𝐔, 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭
⤲ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: 𝐍𝐞𝐰 𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲, 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞, 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞. 𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐬, 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨'𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐟𝐟 𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧...
← 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 — 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 — 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 →
(A/N: HUH? poison!heeseung actually getting a chap where he's NOT a possessive weirdo??🤭 so next chap's gonna be a little filler and chapter ten is gonna be a written one and ofc finally the housewarming party let's GO, lmk what you guys think might happen; feedback and reblogs are always appreciated!! and tysm for everything babies 🧸💗)
TAGLIST: @soonigiri @thvhannie @enhaz1 @kpoprhia @abrazosolorcereza @deobitifull @mixtape-racha @certifiedmoa @jungwon-xo @hoonieluv @enhamysunshines @jaehoonii @pussyslayerhd @neocockthotology @heerinnie @onionzzzs @hee-pster @3amstarlight @xxxxrvexxxx @primroselover @mimikittysblog @iea-tsand @lhspeachie @xiaoderrrr @viagumi @smg-valeria @kells5595 @heeseunghee7 @xrvrqs @ddazed-lhs @heebrry @fakeuwus @dammit-jjk @ivyannemarie @thekinkpopstandsforkrackheads @s00buwu
sim jaeyun — brighter days inc.
— “you’ll wait for my love? “i waited for your love.”
pairing. fem!reader x sim jaeyun.
warnings. angst, my heaviest angst post yet tbh, fluff moments here & there, layla !!, lots of miscommunication, lots of crying and panicking moments, no happy ending :(
word count. 12.3k
synopsis. just how bad was the punishment of falling in love with sim jaeyun?
— a, note. i apologise in advance for this, i would like to point out that this was completely and fully inspired by the we can’t be friends music video along with the entire eternal sunshine album by ariana !! i only added minor details & scenes here and there but hope u enjoy ! <3 p.s !! this whole post is viewed better in dark mode !!
「 just wanna let this story die, and i’ll be alright. 」
The soft fabric of your shirt soothed your trembling fingers, gentle wind breezing past you once the bell of the door jingled ahead of you, indicating the arrival of another patient wretched with agony and their own pain.
Your vision danced between the walls, the countless photos that hung on the brick pillars claiming a guaranteed peace of mind with the eye catching and loud titles of “brighter days ahead!”, different posters inked with the participants’ positive reviews towards the operation that haunted the patients whom were anxiously sat next to you, some wiping their tears while others gazed hopelessly into the wooden floors, their legs shaking up and down the longer the nurse took to call their names.
You pulled your jacket closer to your chest, in hopes of it protecting you from the words printed onto the paper in front of you, you had read the sentences over a hundred times by now yet you still couldn’t bring yourself to fully accept them.
You have given extensive thought behind your decision and give “Brighter Days Inc.” the exclusive permission to remove this person completely from your memory:
— ☐ yes | ☐ no
Closing your eyes multiple times while chanting “please let me wake up” was deemed futile, you couldn’t bring yourself to face the reality of the situation you had put yourself in. Though you had your reasons, countless of them. You had every right to sit in the waiting room for this clinic, yet you still couldn’t gather up the courage to fully accept the weight of the truth.
The great weight of the truth that weighed heavily on your shoulders, you knew this was the correct decision. You knew you weren’t physically affecting anyone by doing this, you practically weren’t going to hurt after this, yet your actions still hurt the present you, the one who was able to sense a thin veil of tears forming along her waterline for the nth time since you stepped foot into this clinic.
And you were doing this to save her from the pain, from the heartbreak you had been suffering through. The harsh wood of the board felt hurtful against your skin, the piece of wood agonisingly heavy atop your fingertips, your hand placed the pen in your lap before it instinctively moved towards your neck, caressing the special pine cone necklace that adorned your chest.
The feeling of the pendant beneath your touch felt gut wrenching, your whole being freezing as the sudden sharp edges grazed your skin, the pendant that held so many great memories to you that you hoped would comfort you for the last time felt like the thorns of a rose splitting your fingertips.
It was the sudden sharp dig of the edge of the pine that reminded you of a precious memory, one of the most special days in your life when your two favourite people walked into it.
Your foot sunk deeply into the snow beneath you, the wind a cold breeze blowing against your blushed face, your nose a distinct red shade as you sniffed due to the cold weather, hands digging further into your warm pockets to allow the blood to rush back to your frozen fingertips.
The breath turned into a glowing mist ahead of your eyes as it tumbled past your lips, you smiled softly at the sound of your best friend announcing her departure to collect more wood for the fireplace the two of you had wanted to create, you turned your head to the side to locate her small figure slowly disappearing into the slight fog that started to form a few minutes before the two of you had arrived to the small forest.
You took notice of how heavy the snow was, the ground a vast white that glittered with the sunrays, the sudden urge to lay on the floor that appeared as faux clouds and cotton overcame your senses and before you could rethink your decisions, you were already surrounded by the comforting cold of the snow hugging your every limb and every inch of your body.
Memories of your childhood flashed through your eyes, the happy moments that were filled with laughter exchanged between you and your friend as the two of you made snow angels, joyful giggles flew in the air around you once you both stood up to compare the shapes to one another and chuckle at the ridiculous outcomes.
Before you could fully indulge yourself in the memory, you felt a foreign object pressing against your foot, your eyes shot downwards to the sight of a dark circular item— a pine cone?
Your heartbeat unexpectedly picked up its pace, was there someone around? You weren’t in an area that had pine trees around them, they were atleast a few miles away from you.
Loud rustling reached your ears from ahead, what sounded like a person quickly walking— in an abnormally fast way that made you prepare yourself for the appearance of any random person, your senses heightening at the possible danger awaiting, the shadow slowly appeared in front of the fog, a really short one that confused you.
Once the mist finally had dispersed, revealing the last outcome you had been expecting— an adorable puppy that jumped its way through the snow, you stared at the shimmering fur that had gotten covered with small bits of the sparkling snow, the puppy barked at you in excitement, their tail swaying behind them in the snow while their shining eyes studied your face.
Your hands held onto the pine cone, a smile stretching out on your face once you noticed that the puppy was waiting for you to return the item, sitting in front of you patiently in a well behaved manner, a clear indication of how attentive and careful their owner is.
“Is this yours, hm?” You questioned, voice playful and low in fear of possibly disturbing the overly excited puppy who only barked in delight at your question, and as your hand was reaching forward to return the beloved pine cone, you and the sweet puppy’s ears picked up the distressed yells a large distance away.
The puppy turned its body towards the direction it came from, breathing the cold air in before barking countless times as if to signal their location and on cue the rushed footsteps that dug into the snow approached your figures closer.
“There you are, Layla.” A young boy appeared from between the twinkling mist, his features sharp and eye catching the closer he walked towards both of you, a charming smile etching its way onto his chiseled face at the sight of his beloved dog, “I was getting worried, pretty girl.” He breathed out in relief before finally noticing your presence.
His back suddenly straightened, shoulders pulling back while his eyes widened before the prettiest pink you’ve ever seen dusted his ears and cheeks, “oh hi.” He breathed out shyly, he could feel his heartbeat drumming in his ears as the last thing he was expecting to find Layla next to was a gorgeous girl.
You couldn’t help the quickened thump of your own heart either, the appearance of this young guy that was clad in a large dark coat, black pants along with a matching hat that revealed small peaks of his dark brown hair had your mind reeling, he was undeniably handsome.
“hello.” You whispered back, instinctively holding the pine cone towards your chest as holding eye contact with the beautiful man only made your body buzz further with excitement and nervousness, the guy also losing his internal battle with the possibility of facing you as his eyes had only been following his dog’s moving tail in hopes of calming his own nerves down.
The said puppy’s gaze danced between her owner and the new friend, unfamiliar with her owner’s sudden shy side appearing in front of a potential friend making her suspicions arise, and the moment she was about to bark in the direction of her owner once again, the guy spoke out.
“Did she tackle you onto the floor?” He asked, tone laced with concern at the realisation of your position on the snow while you held the pine cone in your hand, “no!” You quickly denied once you lifted your head and saw his worried expression, thousands of apologies disappeared from his tongue at your words and he couldn’t help but breathe another sigh of relief, “I’m actually making… snow angels.” Your voice had dropped a few octaves towards the end.
Quieting your own words to hide them from the handsome guy that you prayed wouldn’t make fun of you for your childish behaviour from your first ever encounter, you were preparing yourself for the worst reaction to slap you across the face and for his laughter to reach your ears yet— “oh I love snow angels!” His excited voice pulled you out of your thoughts.
You turned to face him again, to see the genuine excitement and fondness lacing his face before patting the snow next to you, a warm smile gracing your features that made the unknown boy’s heart to leap in his chest, “come join me!”
The loud ring of the bell harshly pulled you out of the sweet memory into the reality you had been dreading, all of your senses returning to the present made a sinking feeling take over your heart, by the time you leave this place you won’t be able to remember this precious memory.
Your hand instinctively wrapped around the pine cone, in attempt to protect and shield it from the possibility of disappearing, the idea of one of the most precious days of your life dissipating from your memory lane made your shoulders sink further, the anxious feeling of pure unease settled deeply into your bones, and before you were able to prepare yourself further, you felt your throat closing up.
And as if your own body had turned its back towards you, your gaze had shifted beneath the cursed words to the bottom of the paper, where a clear and bold line awaited your pen to grace upon it.
signature: ________
Your vision then travelled towards the boxes, the finality of your decision settling into your limbs when your hand finally moved from your necklace to hold onto the pen again, and with a heavy heart along with a new veil of tears aligning your eyes, you finally allowed the first drop of ink to land on the paper.
☒ yes | ☐ no
The wind around you turned colder, it felt as if the breeze was scolding you for such decisions, the guilt by now had started to eat you up alive, tainting your brain and choking you up on your own unshed tears, you tried to breathe in deeply, attempting to calm your heaving chest down as with each passing second you felt your lungs constricting further.
“Miss, are you ready?” The nurse had suddenly appeared next to you, caring and worried eyes scanning your shaky figure on the seat, knuckles white around the wooden board that held your signature and confirmation for the procedure, your head lowered in shame of the sight of your tears being revealed, though all the hurt was evident in your body language.
“This way, miss.” She quickly guided you towards the office, your hand reached out to carry the box next to you, the cardboard that contained all of your memories that were stuffed into items, her hand reached out to hold the trembling board from your weak one while the other hovered around your lower back, bringing an odd sense of comfort for you as your feet walked you towards your own heartbreak.
The walls of the office appeared cold to the touch, the solid floor beneath you brought the aura of seriousness for you, almost as if awakening you from your hurtful thoughts to the reality of the situation, there was no turning back now. Then with each step that you took towards the chair, memories of this morning took over your mind.
Layla, your precious puppy sat ahead of your crouched figure in front of the bed, you sat atop the mattress that felt so unwelcoming, so foreign to you, as if you hadn’t slept multiple times between the same sheets with your love before.
Your puppy was cautious, big shining eyes studying every tear drop that ascended down the curve of your cheekbone, her own body slouching with each sob that wrecked through your body, “I’m sorry.” The yellow light from your bedside table casted a soft glow on both of your small figures, Layla reached towards you, one of her paws landing besides you on the bed as she lifted herself up while the other was placed gently against your leg.
“I can’t continue staying here, baby.” You explained to her, with each break in your voice her ears dropped lower, the sadness and confusion evident all over her adorable face, long gone was the look of excitement and pure love that painted her face whenever she saw you, as if she was able to understand your words she pushed her fluffy body towards you more.
“I can’t be with you, or jaeyun anymore.” You whispered, sweaty and cold palms reached out towards her small face, her golden fur comforting you as it brushed against your skin, you allowed her loving presence to curtain over the overwhelming sense of fright that your stomach was unable to digest, her familiar scent coating your senses bringing a feeling of ease into your panicked state.
“I love you so much.” You whispered to your little cupid, the one who had brought you together with your first true love. The one who had unknowingly brought so much happiness and joy to your dull life with her and her father’s presence.
“Are you ready, miss?” The doctor called out, dragging you out from the reality that only existed in your head now, a cloud of doom now hovered above your head as there was no space to return back to, this was it. That was your last time with Layla, ever.
The pill of the reminder suddenly seemed to large to swallow, the thought of an eternal separation from your beloved little cupid felt agonising to you, the tightening in your chest worsened, your fingers dug into your own palm to cause the tiniest bit of satisfaction when the pain travelled throughout your nerves, you deserved this.
You had known this was the correct decision a long time ago, this was the only way you had been able to save yourself but god how could you be so selfish at the same time? How could you leave two very important people behind you and live in eternal bliss? You heart began to thunder against your ribs, each thump begging you to return, to turn back on your footsteps and go back home.
To return to your love, to your small family, to endure the pain and the sting of the knowledge that jaeyun would never view you the way you had done.
To return to your angel, the one who sat by the door with her tail swaying behind her excitedly at the sight of the door opening, in hopes of a possible walk with her best friend, then her tail suddenly paused atop the wooden floor while her pointy and excited ears dropped, breaking your heart when you crouched down to kiss her head for the final time, in hopes of your feelings conveying to her through the loving contact, atleast for the last time.
You knew the love you held for him had to be dissipated. Though the pure, innocent adoration and devotion your heart carried for him didn’t deserve to be gone. Yet it wasn’t worth putting Jaeyun through possible pain and suffering.
If only you had known from the start that this was the consequence of your actions of inviting Jaeyun to create snow angels with you on that morning would lead you to the punishment of falling in love with Jaeyun, you would’ve never stepped foot into the snow that day.
The doctor held your hand gently, his eyes held nothing but sympathy and pity for you, your fingers pale and shaky in his hold as he placed the small device on your index finger, the pulse reader instantly showing your quickened heartbeat on the screen, “the procedure is going to be a quick and painless one…” the doctor’s words echoed throughout your eardrums, each word drifting off from one ear to the other as your vision was stuck on the numbers constantly picking up.
As if a chain had been tightened around your neck, your throat closed up further, you suppressed every sob that threatened to escape from you, your feet had gotten numb on the chair at some point while you shut your eyes with reassuring words replaying in your head in attempts to soothe yourself, yet each one was being repeated atop of an image of a smiling jaeyun behind your closed eyes.
The nurse behind you had brought the two iron pieces closer to your temples, each one glowing with a red light, indicating the disconnection while they approached your skin, and once both pieces were attached to you as if they were pieces of magnets, your heart only sunk further in your body.
The doctor exchanged incoherent words with the nurse that your ears weren’t able to comprehend, your senses only picking up the constant beeping of the monitor, each beat picked up its speed, symbolising how your heart was beating rapidly at the thought of your one and only love, at the thought of losing him entirely in less than a few minutes.
Your eyes then landed on the screen besides you, blue lights blinding your sight as you took in the multiple tabs open on the screen with “generating link” as the largest one, the percentage increased quickly, each number made your breath turn shorter as the gravity was finally settling in, the small sting that you felt on the sides of your head was incomparable to the ache of your heart, still filled with so much useless hope after all these months.
“Are you ready?” The doctor asked, a consoling smile etched onto his features, you nodded quickly, eager to get the procedure done with now before your weak heart convinced you to run outside of this clinic and into the arms of the man you fell in love with.
“Alright then.. we should be starting…” the doctor’s voice slowly disappeared, his words gradually faded away from you as your eyes remained shut while the machine forced you to a trip down your beloved memory lane, your memory path that was dedicated for sim jaeyun only.
The first memory you had shared with him after your first encounter played in front of your closed eyes, you remembered this one in a crystal clear way, the sight of you and Jaeyun walking hand in hand was imprinted onto the back of your eyelids, the familiar sight making your heart jump into your throat.
“I’m gonna win you the teddy bear!” Jaeyun shouted excitedly as he walked, his grip on your hand firm yet gentle while he made his way through the crowd in the carnival, rushing towards the claw machine quickly, bumping into random people every few seconds making you laugh at his enthusiasm, unaware of jaeyun’s heart thundering in his chest at the sound of your laughter.
“You really don’t have to, Jake.” You rushed besides him and the second the baby blue and pink lights of the machine landed on your smiling face he felt his breath hitching in his throat, your shining eyes presenting as windows to your excitement and pure joy you felt besides him made his heart leap in his chest, “but i want to.” he breathed out gently, mesmerised besides your distracted frame.
your eyes studied the glass window curiously, jaeyun was confused as to why he could tell exactly when your eyes landed on the teddy bear he mentioned, confused as to why he was able to study all of your expressions so well so soon, to why they mattered and intrigued him so much, surely the fleeing thought of cradling your face gently into his arms was an intrusive one, and totally not because of his own feelings and urge to do so, right?
his hands reached out to push his coin into the slot before reaching towards the small handle, his fingers buzzed with excitement and anxiety, the need to win this teddy bear for you chanting throughout his mind as he lowered the claw onto the fluffy toy, and once the iron claws wrapped around the bear, your hand sneaked its way between both of your figures to lace with his fingers, a soft squeeze of encouragement that made the boy’s heart thump needily.
“You got it, jake!” you beamed from besides him, you quickly held the fluffy toy in your arms, hugging the precious teddy close to you, the sight making jake’s world slow down its rotation, his heart jumping into his throat as he took in the sight of your happy expression, your sweet and thankful words falling onto his ear before they travelled out the other, he was hypnotised, your happiness casting a spell on him effortlessly.
“Jaeyun..” he suddenly breathed out, snapping back into reality with a soft, loving smiling permanently etching its way onto his face, “hmm?” You questioned, moving your sparkling eyes from the toy to his handsome face, his sweet grin made rose dust along your cheeks, he reached out to hold your hand before he spoke out again, “call me jaeyun.”
“Okay, jaeyun.” You chuckled affectionately at him, one hand intertwined with his slender fingers while the other held the teddy close to your heart, “what are you going to name it?” His eyes dropped back onto the teddy, quickly switching the topic as his heart felt like it was on the verge of exploding the longer he drowned in the ocean of your eyes.
“Jakey.” You smiled at the sight of his eyes widening, eyebrows lifting as he audibly laughed, the sound ringing like melodies in your ears. The view of him blushing and laughing under the stars becoming your favourite in that instant as everything else around you blurred and your sole focus was on him and only him.
“Let’s take you and Jakey to the ferris wheel then.” He joked before walking towards the said ride, fingers still laced with yours as he pulled your shy figure gently to follow him throughout the crowd.
And suddenly with a mere blink you were stuck in the middle of moving bodies, one hand unbearably cold while the other held onto a teddy, confusion laced your expression as the lights of the ferris wheel glowed ahead of you, why were you here in the first place?
Just like that, Jaeyun disappeared from a precious memory that belonged to you.
Your surroundings in front of the ferris wheel darkened, a small circle of light engulfing you before your dissociated out from the memory, you had your eyes closed shut, not daring to open them when all you could hear was the murmurs of the doctor and the nurse confirming the removal in the first memory.
All you could detect was the consistent sinking and pain aching in your heart, the dizziness in your head as you altered your memories and forcefully removed the only person who you ever truly loved in your life, the agony from the thought so great that it allowed new streaks of tears to decorate your skin.
And as you let out another shaky breath, you were pushed into another memory.
The harsh breeze of the wind grazed jaeyun’s skin while his teeth chattered slightly at the icy stabs along his arms, he quickly moved from the sidewalk to the empty road that accompanied the ray of sunlight courtesy to the shorter buildings next to it.
His shoulders relaxed at the warmth that travelled his system, his fingers didn’t feel like they were about to fall off anymore the longer he kept them pushed into his pockets under the sun, he relished in the vast difference between the cold breeze and the warm sunlight, a weird sense of soothe scurrying into his mind.
The comparison was awfully familiar, yet he couldn’t quite put his finger on what it reminded him of.
Nonetheless he continued walking, making the final turn that allowed the sight of his house to enter his line of vision, his insides buzzed with worry and excitement at seeing you again, your appearance always brought him solace especially when he walked into the view of you playing with Layla happily in the living room.
Yet whenever he remembered the position both of you were stuck in regarding your importance in his life, his mind got jumbled with negativity and worry again.
But he was determined that tonight was going to make a difference.
Especially with the apology he had spent days memorising, his finger brushed against the small box in his pocket that brought an unexpected but welcomed wave of positivity for him, it was the first time that he felt so confident in himself with something that involved both of you.
The slight graze of the velvet against his skin reminded him of the way your skin felt against his, the sunlight that glowed atop his honey skin beautifully reminded him of the warmth your love provided for him, oh how he adored you.
And there was jaeyun, finally walking towards his door with a pep in his step, his chest feeling ridiculously lighter while the blood rushed to his face at the thought of you in front of his eyes.
His shaky fingers wrapped around the handle before pushing the large piece of wood, layla instantly greeting him at the door with a welcoming woof of her own, making him smile widely.
“Hello my princess,” he spoke with a soft voice, kneeling down to pet her after closing the door behind him, all worrisome thoughts disappearing from his brain the second her soft fur nuzzled against his palms, he chuckled at all of her licks against his cheeks, turning his head as he giggled and unknowingly seeing your missing shoes on the floor.
Confusion wrapped around his head as a weird, unnerving emotion settled into his stomach, he quickly looked around the living room for any sight of you only to be left further confused since you hadn’t told him about leaving the house today.
“Is she not home?” He questioned layla, his glossy eyes returning to the puppy who visibly lost all of her enthusiasm, quieting down and only licking at his palm in hopes of bringing some sort of comfort to her owner the longer he desperately searched for any sign of you.
“It’s alright,” he walked towards the living room, a sudden wave of dizziness crawling its way to his conscious, he involuntarily closed his eyes at the unexpected pain while his feet quickly led him towards the couch with a worried layla trailing behind him, “she’ll come back.” He whispered, comforting himself while his hands reached to hold onto his head.
And before he could realise, he laid onto the soft fabric of his couch as a wave of sleep took over him while his consciousness drifted. Unbeknownst to him, that would’ve been the last time he would remember you.
「 i don’t wanna tip toe but i don’t wanna hide. 」
The doctor’s hands paced around his instruments panically, your soft sniffles ringing in both his and the nurse’s ears as their heart broke for the nth time that day at the sight of the memory on the screen of their computer, the memory that held an immense amount of pain as the only thing you could focus on in that moment was the view of jaeyun sitting down next to a random girl, his arm wrapped around her shoulders while she turned her head to the side to quickly peck his jaw.
“Is that not.. jake?” Your friend asked from besides you, her eyes widening at the sight of the guy who captured your heart huddled next to an unknown girl by a cafe’s window, the view inevitably catching your gaze too as your brain almost shut down at that moment.
“It is.” You whispered in confirmation, the cobbled stone beneath your feet glued you atop of it while your world slowed down, just like your first encounter— you felt everything around you slowly dissolve till your sole focus was on jaeyun with a random woman.
You friend thankfully picked up your irregular breathing, and she was sure if she had listened close enough she would’ve also been able to hear the sound of your heart shattering into countless pieces while your face was an open window to your emotions.
The feeling of your stomach sinking completely brought you back into reality, the situation was laughable really, just a few weeks ago he seemed too shy to even hold your hand yet here he was now with his arm around another woman.
He might’ve not been able to hold eye contact with you just a few weeks ago, but right now he was able to laugh at the top of his lungs at what looked like a joke the woman said.
“Let’s go.” Your friend sternly announced, holding your hand the second she noticed your eyes swelling up with tears and quickly pulled you to walk into a different alleyway while jaeyun slowly disappeared in the background, leaving the random woman to sit alone in your memory before you quickly tumbled into another one.
Your vision began to slowly clear, another memory opening up ahead of you as you felt yourself getting lost in your emotions regarding this whole procedure.
The aroma of the coffee was pungent in the living room, wafting through the air accompanied by the sweet scent of cinnamon, Layla’s sweet coos and quiet noises of approval and support kept you company and sane after witnessing the man your heart thrummed for wrapped up in the arms of another woman.
Due to the unending conflict and doubts eating away at your mind, resulting in a very upset you and a worried Layla to walk around the house to distract yourself, and the perfect distraction did you find when your feet dragged you into the kitchen.
“I guess it’s just me and you.” Expressing yourself to Layla had always been something that came very easily to you, she was your closest friend at the moment after all. Always by your side to comfort you whether it was by cuddling you with your tears landing like rain drops on her soft fur till you fell asleep or by urging you to play with her and get your mind off her dad.
And right as you were about to move the few pastries from the tray onto the plate on the counter, you and Layla’s ears picked up the familiar and dreadful sound of the door being opened, announcing Jake’s arrival with the loud creak of the wood once he pushed it forward.
As expected, the air that carried the dizzying scent of your pastry was suddenly filled with tension. As if each golden particle of the sweets that travelled through the air while carrying your love transformed into a harsh droplet of ice, the atmosphere further thickening uncomfortably when the boy walked inside of the kitchen to the sight of you in front of the counter with your puppy nuzzling to your leg.
“That smells amazing..” he muttered, feeling shy and small when faced with your stiff back, and he knew he deserved the treatment that you had for him, he knew that you had seen him with someone else. Yet he didn’t have the heart to even think about bringing up that conversation, deciding by his own that stuffing the confrontation into a small box and pushing it far away to a corner in his mind was for the best now.
“Thank you.” Your response was curt, almost monotone with the way you tried your best to not have whatever conversation between you two last longer, his presence alone was suffocating enough for you, you didn’t have the heart to face him.
And jaeyun of course noticed all of this, he noticed the way your back was still faced towards him. A clear and painfully obvious contrast from the way you used to greet him with a loving hug and sometimes even a sweet, shy kiss to his cheek if you were really in the mood for it. The memories of those adoring welcomes will always eat away at his conscience, a constant reminder of what he lost.
But was jaeyun going to ask you to talk with him so both of you could finally address the invisible tornado of unspoken emotions in the room? Of course no.
“I was wondering if you…” he trailed off, voice quiet and almost hesitant in approaching you, and his doubts began to gnaw at his heart when your shoulders tensed further, his anxiety made his tone even more jittery when he continued “want to spend some time with me..?” The final syllable was a mere whisper.
Jaeyun felt the distance between you both panicking, he’s never felt you so far away and unreachable for him even though he knew the reason but his fear of rejection and possible failure was overpowering his logical idea of actually hearing your side and confessing his own thoughts, deciding alone for both of you that the best approach to this situation was not acknowledging it in the first place.
“It snowed yesterday, you know.” He pushed his coldly sweaty hands into the pocket of his sweatpants, he could unwillingly hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears, his frame was apprehensive as he kept switching his weight from one foot to another while awaiting for your answer, fearful from you declining his offer before he even finished off, “so.. wanna make snow angels?”
He let himself loose, letting go from all of his previous uncertainty and revealing a sweet smile when you finally turned around to face him, a ghost of a grin on your features that never failed to set his chest on fire and make his mind reel, a simple “okay.” had jaeyun was over the moon.
Even if Jaeyun was undeserving of your acceptance to his offer, even if this whole action will have a returning moment that will bite you both deeply but in that specific second the need to be wrapped in each other’s warmth surpassed any other feeling you both could have thought of.
And after minutes of being avoidant, hours of steering away from the unavowed storm of words that needed to be exchanged between your two souls to hopefully ignite some sort of hope for your love, after a day full of your eternal bliss in ignorance where you two played into the parts of loving partners that you had formed in your head that was far, way too far from your reality.
You found yourself tangled beneath the satin sheets, clad in your love’s shirt while he laid on his side to face you, every element surrounding you in this current atmosphere was a very clear display of love, of intimacy and devotion that circled the two of you.
With every intrusive thought of just how many times he’s been in this exact position with another woman that you pushed into the back of your head, your grip on his fingers tightened, it was almost driving you insane. The uncertainty and insecurity in your placement in his life was so evident for jaeyun in your actions, and it made his heart ache.
Further proving that he’s not the one for you, because of his undying need to comfort you and whisper his love for you in your ears to wash away all the bad voices in your head that were pushing you to believe that you were the complete opposite of what he saw.
Someone who deserved the utmost love the entire universe could be able to forge and give.
And out of nowhere, the forbidden three words craved their way onto his tongue, jaeyun’s heart leaped into his throat with the suddenly controlling urge to declare his love for you, his love that bursted inside of every vein of his and made his heart thunder between his ribs.
“I..” he unconsciously started, his tone a mere whisper that made your eyes widen, your fingers froze around him making him realise his own words, breath knocked out from his lungs at his own voice that was wavering. So full of emotion, carrying each and every ounce of combined fear and love that he held for you, there was no going back now, he thought.
“I lov—“ and his words were lost in the air, jaeyun was abruptly pulled away once again, vanishing from the other side of the bed and leaving no trace behind him, you sat up in shock at his unexpected disappearance, your chest rising and falling rapidly when he evanesced wholly.
The confusion only settled in a few moments later, why were you sitting on bed and searching for someone? And what was with the sinking and dreadful feeling in your stomach?
Before you could dwell in your turmoil further, a different scene of your memories started to play ahead, it was the day after.
「 and no matter how easy things could be if i did. 」
The scent of the blooming flowers of spring around the cafe distracted you from your friend’s disappointed gaze, her movements with the spoon that mixed the coffee with the cream halted before she cleared her throat, successfully garnering your attention and allowing you to see her dissatisfaction with your situation in only her eyes.
“How muc—“ “listen.” You cut her off, aware of the way that she was about to give you advice for the umpteenth time, to convince and coax you to leave, you felt used to it at this point. Her meaningful words failed to penetrate the wall you had built around yourself regarding anything that was related to jaeyun.
Her hope diminished further when she saw your tired eyes still overflowing with love, the neglect and exhaustion evident in your features, the lack of attention and reciprocation of love from jaeyun was crystal clear to your friend, she absolutely hated seeing you like this.
But she knew that Jaeyun had you wrapped around his finger, your heart drummed for him in a symphony created for only him. She knew that if your love was an ocean then you had drowned a long time ago.
The similarities between you two was almost frustrating for her, as if you both were created from the same soul blown into two different bodies, the love you held for each other heavy, intense and impactful yet you both cowered when faced with the mere possibilities of confession and rejection, far too afraid to lose one another and unaware of the fact that you both were slipping from between the other’s fingers.
“I know.” You whispered, voice barely audible beneath the chatter of everyone around you in the cafe, your heavy lidded eyes stayed on the cheesecake your friend convinced you to order as you felt no appetite, your stomach finding more comfort with the feeling of ache and longing than anything else.
“But I can’t do anything.” Your words broke towards the end, lowering your head in desperate attempt to hide away your glossy eyes from your friend that felt her heart shatter at your frail and weak frame, “I can’t force myself to not love him.” And before you broke down further, your friend’s arms wrapped around you and pulled you into her comfort.
And the feeling of her love and whispers calming you down and engulfing you settled a short moment of peace into your chest before your sight shifted into another memory.
The reminder of why you were here in the first place rang in your head when you finally entered the most dreaded one.
You didn’t want all of your happy memories to fill your being with sorrow, you didn’t want to grieve over a person who you saw everyday, he lived his life before your very own eyes, his every breath that called out to another girl, confessed his love to another woman whom you wished and hoped would become you one day matched with your every breath that called out to him.
Every day and every night your lips refused to not hold hope for his response, till the syllables of his own name tasted foreign on your tongue. they tasted bitter to you, not the familiar sweetness you felt when you had called out to him in the first few months of his delightful presence in your life.
The lightness you felt in you had turned into the constriction of your chest on you, the heavy weight atop your ribs felt as if they were pushing against your heart, punishing it for being so reckless and careless to fall in love with the only man you weren’t meant to be with.
Now each beat of your heart that you were convinced thundered for him, felt like hell breaking loose in between your veins, the burst of ecstasy and excitement had all dulled down to aches of anguish and despair.
And before you knew it, the rush of joy that ascended throughout your body had transformed to absolute misery.
Here you were again, in another painful memory. The mattress sank softly at your weight when you gathered the courage to face your love and your fear, though you weren’t quite sure when those two interlinked.
You knew love was never supposed to be fearful, the unblemished love your heart had held for the boy who had his back turned towards you on the bed was not supposed to frighten your mind with dread of the outcome of tonight.
Jaeyun was on the other side of the bed, huddled beneath the blanket as if using the fabric to protect himself from his surroundings, hiding away from the reality and the truth that awaited him with impatience, “jake..” you whispered, voice low as you tested the waters and longed for any sort of reaction from him.
Yet he remained stoic atop the sheets.
From your perspective, jaeyun appeared so close yet so far away and out of your reach, as the days passed by he pulled further from your grasp, backing away from the same hold that once brought comfort to his distraught conscience, as if the graze of your fingertips burned him.
And before you were able to realise it jaeyun was too far away, standing a large distance far from the circle that contained your warmth, where you stayed. Both of your beings were suddenly standing in a parallel line with no signs of interlacing in a messy circle once again.
You weren’t exactly sure when both of your hearts had gotten intertwined so awfully to one another, a tangled web forming between your ribs. Yet it seemed that whatever force connected the two appeared defenceless and weak when faced against the same force that was rapidly pushing your bodies and minds away from each other.
It appeared like the love that poured in every web and vein wasn’t enough to pull your soul against his own.
“We should talk.. we need to.” you breathed out, tone heavy as if you knew he was going to be quick to shut you out once again, but you weren’t sure if you were going to walk away for a safe amount of time before returning to him again this time.
Just how many times have you lived through this exact scenario? And how many times were you willing to do so?
“There’s nothing to talk about.” he replied through gritted teeth, closing his eyes once he felt the familiar burn around his iris, and there it was. the same answer you had memorised yet so desperately tried to forget, it left a bittersweet feeling to your moment, you were expecting it and the melancholy of hearing it again settled into your emotions.
Instinctively, you turned your head towards him. Your eyes tracing every tense muscle beneath his shirt, the rigidness of his shoulders as he appeared uncomfortable in his own room and god was the thought a punch to your gut when the possibility of your presence making him uneasy crawled its way into your brain.
And the guilt returned to your system immediately, “i’m sorry.” you spoke, words dragged from your strained and tightened throat as you desperately wanted to sprint into the bathroom before a sob fell from your lips. You felt pathetic, really. His coldness and curt replies never affected you as much as this one, maybe it was because you knew this was going to be your last attempt.
With your eyes unfocused on your surroundings, your feet pushed the door of the bathroom behind you before you leaned onto the wall for strength. And unbeknownst to you, jaeyun finally let out a shaky breath fall from between his bruised and bitten lips, allowing all the tears to spill past his skin, the same skin you so lovingly kissed just a few months ago, and now the mere thought of your lips against him was shredding his own emotions apart.
Jaeyun knew that with every harsh word he spoke, he was also single-handedly ripping apart every web between your hearts.
The pale blue moonlight illuminated the room, landing directly on the empty spot in the middle of the bed, as if asking for one of your tense bodies to move towards one another, yet both of you remained with your backs against eachother. Jaeyun was slowly counting the seconds, he knew the exact amount of minutes it took you to fall asleep by now as he had repeated the same routine every night, except this time your breathing was taking longer to deepen than it was supposed to.
That was until he heard a quiet sniffle ring in his ears.
He froze atop the cold sheets, the sound echoing in his mind as if it was tormenting him, the blame and guilt instantly rooting themselves deep in his stomach and extending their branches far in his body, planting themselves fully in his lungs till the point he couldn’t breathe, his breaths turning shallow the more sniffles and quiet cries of heartbreak reached his ears.
The sweat around his palms turned icy, his own body betraying him as he remained paralysed beneath the blanket, his heart screamed at him to go, to move for good for once, fingers itching to turn around and wrap your shaky figure in his hold, to protect you from the demons that were tormenting you both endlessly, yet he couldn’t move.
The louder his heart drummed in his chest to move, the sterner his mind reminded him of how much he deserved this, after all those months of neglect who did he think he was to suddenly switch and turn back towards you? After all those steps he took away from you, how dare he even think of walking back on the same footsteps?
And so he stayed. His body stoic in fear of moving an inch.
He breathed out his first deep breath when he realised that you stopped, when you finally fell asleep and he was able to move and breathe again. Jaeyun wasted no time in getting up from his side of the bed, his feet felt cold against the floor, each step he took towards your side felt heavy on his heart, countless pangs of guilt arrowing themselves directly across his chest at the sight of your sleeping frame hugging the blanket close to you.
The closer the walked towards you, the more he felt the torturous sting in his eyes, he gulped the moment his rigid frame made contact with your blanket, sitting down right next to your small frame. And as he took in the features of your face that he so dearly loved he felt his soul hurting further.
He noticed all the glimmering streaks of tears that aligned your skin, your wet eyelashes that carried and held onto smaller droplets of your pain, the soft redness tainting the tip of your nose matching your cheeks, the longer he stared at you the worse his hands ached to hold you against him.
The comfort of your aura around him had stayed the same, your mere existence around him felt tenderly welcoming to him. The presence that felt like the manifestation of a hug from the whole universe, the warmth that was carefully picked from every star in the galaxy was all provided to him by the heavens in the form of you.
Yet his presence had changed. It had matched yours in the beginning, the presence that was a combination of all galactic bodies, the mere light of his aura challenged the light of the sun and all the stars combined, a glow so bright that rivalled the brilliance of every heavenly titan, he was otherworldly. he was your sunshine.
And now the warmth of the sun had dulled, dissolved into the shell of what he used to be, you thought that maybe each light had its own darkness since even the moon had its own dark side that it was ashamed of turning to show.
His fingertips landed against your soft skin, the disappearance of the coldness from his body the moment it made contact with yours made him melt in front of your sleeping form, and he allowed himself for once to sob all of his pain out.
“I’m sorry..” he whispered, voice breaking as he attempted to convey his emotions once they intensified by the seconds, his misery streaming down his face, “I’m so sorry..” he repeated, the heaviness in his heart worsening at the sight of his tears dripping down onto your blanket, his pain surrounding you once again.
“I wish—“ he gasped for breath, his insides shattering apart the longer he spent next to your frame, “I wish you hated me, so much.” He finally breathed out, his heart stinging with each word, sight blurring further as more tears fell past his cheeks.
“You don’t deserve me, my love.” Jaeyun smiled sadly at your sleeping form, the thought of you receiving the same kind and brave love that you felt for him brought a short-lived happiness to him, he knew he was incapable of reciprocating the adoration that filled you whole because of him.
Jaeyun was scared the second he realised that you had handed your heart over to his hands, he knew his bravery wouldn’t hold enough power to clench his fingertips around your fragile heart, resulting in the delicate and weak item to slip out of his fingers and shatter like countless pieces of glass on the floor.
How he wished he had the courage to love you the same way you loved him, to adore you the same way you adored him, to run back into your warm circle and keep you hidden and protected in his embrace till the end of times, yet he was incapable. His fears and doubts eating away at all the potentials that existed in your heart.
“But I don’t want you to not love me either.” He cried quietly, the thought of you receiving the same love you deserved from someone else destroyed him completely, the visualisation of you smiling the same way you do with him to another man had his hands springing upwards from your skin to grip onto his hair, paining himself in hopes of the torturous image dissipating from his mind.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated once again, his eyes stinging at the continuous hurt his body had bottled up and just got the courage to spill, Jaeyun knew he wasn’t brave enough to show and confess his love to you the way you had done for him, and that fact tugged further on his heartstrings.
The rational part of him hoped aimlessly for a day to arrive where you would realise your worth, realise that jaeyun was still being eaten alive with his fear and doubts and guilt all at the same time, his love for you was overflowing yet he hid each and every bit of it so well.
He knew you deserved better, his rational part always tormenting him with his unworthiness and pushing him further away from you, yet his heart— god his heart couldn’t possibly handle the simple thought of you being away from him.
It was his weak side that still clutched you against him so tightly, the side that was fully and wholly controlled by his emotions that were feral for you, the part of him that desperately ignored all warnings and reminders of his logical side.
Deep down, you knew you and jaeyun were never meant to be. The difference between you and him was vast, similar to the difference of the sand and the ocean, the land and the sky, the moon and the sun. Both parts completing each other while repelling one another at the same time.
You two were never meant to intertwine in the first place.
And even if Jaeyun was finally ready to push every pearl and grain of sand into the ocean, to make the sky fall atop the land and to alter the moon and the sun’s planes’ into a permanent eclipse, it was way too late.
For by the time he wakes up, he won’t even be able to remember you.
The metal pieces on your temples glowed green, indicating another opening for a memory for you, a few days after your despair with jaeyun, where he finally collected all the dispersed courage from his head and went out of his way to make it up to you, inevitably wrapping you both further into his unhealthy cycle of messing up and redeeming himself.
Disregarding the fact that both of your hearts can only take so much. After so much heartbreak and neglect to the core of your soul that only held passion and love towards him, it was bound to give up on trying one day. But you were still loving him. And jaeyun ignored all the voices in his head when they began to claim that your unreciprocated love can’t last that long. Because Jaeyun believed in you.
And maybe it was blinded belief, blurred with his own hope that contained to bloom in his chest, his hope to fix and repair himself as soon as possible so he can present himself to you wholly, even if his time was running thin, even if he didn’t believe in himself, he still found comfort in the small amount of optimism that maybe he can bring the version of him that you adored in your to life.
You both knew that you fell in love with a side of him that he was too afraid to share, too doubtful to uncover and give himself and his most vulnerable parts to, and he knew that he had imprinted himself onto your mind, tattooed his presence onto your heart and he could say that the same implied to himself, it was only a matter of time.
But Jaeyun didn’t know that the longer he was taking to mend himself, he was breaking you further. Just how much longer were you supposed to wait for him to walk back and finally engulf you in his arms again? How much longer was he expecting you to wait while he cured himself? How much longer were you supposed to wait for his love? Unmindful of the way that you, yourself needed to heal as well.
Yet here you were, hand laced with jaeyun’s as he pulled you towards the dining room in the house, his excited giggles rang throughout the walls before the sound got trapped in your head and repeated continuously, your legs moved you in front of the table where a small chocolate cake was placed with three candles atop the icing.
“I made t—“ he started off before he felt your puppy’s fur graze his leg and cut his words, “me and layla made this for you.” He corrected himself, you were still facing the glowing cake with your oh so gentle gaze that never failed to make jaeyun sigh lovingly besides you, “happy birthday, my love.” He whispered, each word knitted with his undying devotion for you, and you felt it. Which made you love him further.
“Thank you, Jaeyun.” You replied, the room suddenly blurred from around you as your only focus was back to him again, to jaeyun’s charming smile and twinkling eyes when you finally faced him, the soft golden burn from the candles made him glow beautifully for you, with his closeness to your body and his fingers still intertwined with yours, you felt yourself falling in love with him all over again.
And jaeyun felt the same, your grateful grin as all of your features softened when your gaze met his made his heart melt into a puddle in his chest, the familiar electricity buzzed between both of your frames, the small glimmer of hope became a fired storm that lit and roared more when the two of you only seemed to get further lost in each other’s presence.
With jaeyun’s face inches away from yours, his arms reached to wrap around your waist, swiftly lifting and placing you on the wooden table next to the cake, the surprised gasp that fell past your lips made him chuckle, his hands then lowered to rest on your thighs, “make a wish, sweetheart.” He spoke, you could feel each flutter of his eyelashes against your skin as he held you close to him.
His slow breath that brushed against your collarbones when he pressed his forehead against yours, both of you closing your eyes to drown completely in this moment, dedicating your mind, body and heart in the close and comfortable warmth of one another that your souls craved for so deeply and desperately, the need clawing away at your heart and finally settling once your hand moved onto his chest, settling above his ribs. You almost melted against him when you felt the rapid thumping of his heart beneath your fingertips.
He moved his head into the crook of your neck, a sudden drowsiness creeping through him as he felt so safe and shielded with you so close to him, you didn’t feel as far and cold from him like you usually do, and that thought brought so much peace to his mind for the first time in months.
And so you breathed his scent deeply, surrounding yourself further in him as you made a wish where you weren’t asking for too much, just for jaeyun’s love.
“Blow them out.” He lifted himself away from you, his fingers ghosting against your legs while he smiled encouragingly at you, both of your eyes seemed glossier with the light of the candles casting down on them.
“Do it with me.” You requested with your tone fragile and careful. jaeyun’s widened, his eyes turning into crescents as he looked at you tenderly. He nodded making you turn your head towards the candles, the slight warmth provided by the small fire lead shivers to run down your spine before you both leaned down and blew on the candles together.
And right when you turned back to face jaeyun with a grin, you were left alone next to the chocolate cake, the cold air jabbing at your skin while your eyes uncontrollably sought for the sight of anyone, you could’ve sworn you felt warm hands on your thighs, but there was no one else in the room other than you and layla.
Where did this cake come from? And why were you not able to remember who made this cake?
「 i waited for your love. 」
All at once, the machine glitched. Losing its track on the map of your mind when the lights around your temples glowed scarlet, indicating the loss of the connection, the interlink pausing for a brief second when a sob wrecked through your body when you remembered the memory you were about to erase.
The nurse’s rushed movements to carefully pat your cheeks that were dampened with your tears were useless against your gut wrenching cries, a rush of emotions that raged in your chest before they fell through your eyes, like a dam shattering apart as the waterfalls streamed down your face and separated from your chin to land on your lap, gradually dampening the fabric.
“Please keep t-this one.” You whimpered, each word falling apart as your voice quietened slowly, your hands reaching to clasp around the necklace that graced your chest, the small piece of pine almost penetrating your skin with its sharp edges the tighter you held it when you opened your blurry eyes to the sight of the doctor and the nurse gazing at you warily, the sorrow was shared in the room as their sympathy towards you was clear in the windows of their eyes.
The woman’s warm hands gently held onto your shaking shoulder while you begged and sobbed with the machine glitching to please keep this upcoming memory, you felt helpless. More parts of your love, of your heart being ripped away from you were finally catching up to you and god was the pain absolutely unbearable.
Was this the punishment one had to pay for the innocent act of falling in love with sim jaeyun?
Words and voices became blurred and intangible from around you, the apologies from the nurse and the doctor never fully processing in your mind as the sorrowful memory had started to play ahead of your eyes with no help from the machine.
Your last whispers were to keep this memory, to leave the memory so you can hold onto the final and most precious piece of sim jaeyun that you got to see and experience first hand, the moment where your adoration and devotion towards the boy was solidified, before the pieces returned to glow in thier emerald hue and the device relinked.
Your head ached with the continuous tears flowing down your face when the memory of you and jaeyun sitting next to each other on the couch unfolded, his fingertips ghosted on your skin, dancing around and drawing shapes and words only he knew the meaning behind while he held you close to him, the inexplicable need and desire to hold you near took a hold of him, and you understood it.
You and jaeyun understood one another beyond the boundaries others deemed possible, you understood his soul so well, his soul that was crafted from a language so intricate and delicate and you were fluent in it. And when faced with the opposite situation of him knowing your soul, he flowed in every crack and crevice of your being easily.
his presence had seeped its way throughout all of your walls that you spent day and night building, growing rapidly all over your walls like vines before breaking them all one by one, till he rooted himself in a great spot, deep in your heart.
If possible, he knew your soul better than he knew his own. But the disagreement of your minds overpowered the link between your hearts and unraveled your tangled souls from one another.
And maybe your mastery in his language was the dawn for the demise of your sweet, innocent love. Because you hated that you could tell how fidgety and anxious jaeyun was around you in this current moment.
“Is something wrong?” You finally had the bravery to voice out, worry worsening when you felt his movements freeze. He cleared his throat before sighing, pulling himself slightly away from you to stare into your eyes.
You felt time slowing around you when you saw his glossy gaze, sim Jaeyun looked breathtaking with the amount of emotions that swirled in his eyes, an amount you couldn’t even begin to fathom or comprehend, you felt yourself gradually losing yourself the longer both of you drowned on the other’s presence, the atmosphere then carried a great sense of doom that both of you decided to ignore.
Too scared to face the results of your avoidance.
“I have a gift for you.” Jaeyun breathed out, the weight that he dragged on his shoulders became heavier when he continued his typical routine of ignorance, of running away from the problem in every possible direction even if they led him to the most tragic path.
Nodding to encourage him, you pursed your lips in anticipation, excitement sparking slowly when you finally pushed away every anxious thought of what could be possibly bothering jaeyun, his hands reached towards his pocket where he pulled a box, your eyes widening when— “I’m not proposing!” He quickly blurted out once he caught your shocked expression, “it’s just— a special gift.” He blushed making you tilt your head in confusion, unknowingly deepening the blush on his face.
“Here.” He handed you the white velvety box, your fingers brushed against the fabric one final time before opening the lid and god you’ve never felt so many conflicted emotions all at once.
The intense vehemence and hurricane of feelings swirling around your heart and chest uncoordinatedly lead the device unable to keep up with the contrast between your happiness in the memory and the sheer ache that you were facing in the current time.
Like the tides of an ocean, your regret washed down on you. Intensifying as if the waves were battling with a storm, escalating the worse the strikes of the thunder became with the time. How were you supposed to forget about him?
“Why are you crying?” His voice was weak, lips quivering in panic of you repelling his gift, hating the small pine cone necklace that adorned the box in your hands, “what?” You asked, confusion laced in your voice, you were over the moon why would you be crying?
You fingertips left the soft pine cone pendant to touch your face, flinching when feeling the small tear drop on the pad of your finger, you never cried in this memory.
“Please calm her down, her emotions are disrupting the memory.” You heard the muffled voice of the doctor followed by the panicked and comforting whispers of the nurse in your ear, whispered promises of living in peace and finding happiness barely reached your mind when you were wiping away your happiness yourself right now.
“Let me help you put it on.” Jaeyun proposed, smiling softly when you nodded and turned around after handing him the necklace, Jaeyun chanted words of reassurance in his head in hopes of calming his shaking fingers that burned when they brushed against your skin, clasping the necklace for the first and final time around your chest, he felt happiness and pride blooming in his heart at the satisfaction of having a piece of himself around you at all times.
“Turn around so I can see you, pretty.” He leaned in and whispered into your ear, his smile widening when you chuckled at his words and turned around.
But why was there no one behind when you turned?
Gasping through your tears with the pieces glowing crimson around your temples, you searched through the blurry figures of white coats and stethoscopes for a different one, though unknown to you who exactly you were searching for, your eyes still raced through every corner of the room.
“Please calm down, miss.” The nurse reassured, pushing the device back onto your temples when you still weakly looked around, too exhausted to respond or fight for your belief that someone is supposed to be here for you, “we’re one final memory away.” You heard the doctor talk before breathing a shaky breath in and taking your final trip to your memory lane.
“I’ll return before night, love.” Jaeyun shouted from the door, hoping that you weren’t able to hear his wavering voice when he left you on the only day you asked for him to stay, but after all of your attempts and requests to get him to stay were unsuccessful, you stayed in the room with your puppy as you waited for her father.
And what was supposed to be two hours became three, what became three turned into the evening, and here you were with your back leaning against the door Jaeyun walked out from when it’s past midnight, Layla’s figure quickly found your own crouched one, arms wrapped around your knees to allow the sleeves of your shirt to catch your tears when the thunder struck for the nth time that night, the night that Jaeyun didn’t return.
Your chest felt empty, as if your heart had been ripped and now the cold air passing through the void of where you used to hold a blinding love made goosebumps align like constellations along your skin, you felt hollow.
“I don’t know how much longer I can do this, baby.” You cried to layla who’s ears only lowered, if it wasn’t for the poor lighting in the hallway you would’ve been able to also see her own glossy and hurt filled eyes at the sight of you, “I’m sorry, I couldn’t make him love me.” You turned your head from her silhouette. Shame, humiliation and heartache overflowing you entirely as you sobbed behind the same door jaeyun was leaning against.
He stood there with his frame freezing from the cold, another night of him not being able to tell the difference between the rain droplets falling from his hair and his own salty tears as he allowed the guilt to eat him up from the inside out, not having the heart to possibly open the door and greet the view of a heartbroken you.
He had seen the sight of your tired eyes too many times, and knowing that he himself was the root of the pain made the heartache devour him whole, so he slid down onto the wet floor beneath him with his back towards the door, chuckling tearfully at his own patheticness.
If only he had the bravery to free fall into the sweet and accepting love that bloomed between the two of you like you had, maybe he would’ve been on the other side of the door to engulf you in his arms and console you.
But who was he kidding, he’s the same guy that couldn’t handle the responsibility of your pure heart and distracted himself with other women, surrounding himself with different fragrances and lipstick prints all when the lady of his heart was always within arm’s reach.
He wished he had moulded himself back into the version of him that you met, the loving and easygoing Jake that gazed at you with stars in his eyes, but the damage had already been done. There was no turning back now.
Especially not when you finally opened your eyes fully to the blinding light in the room, the soft blue light being sighted in your peripheral vision, indicating the completion and the success of the operation.
Elation sparked in your body, gradually burning into a small fire when you couldn’t remember anything.
“How are you feeling, miss?” The nurse asked, a hopeful smile gracing her features while she gazed at a confused you taking in your surroundings as if it was your first time, “weirdly.. light?” The doctor chuckled at your words, “the operation was a success.” He spoke before grinning pridefully at his triumph.
“You did amazing, miss.” The nurse praised as she helped you to stand on your own feet with no heavy weight on your shoulders for the first time in months, discarding the metal pieces before shaking your hands, words of gratitude and wishes for a healthy and happy life were exchanged before you finally walked out of the door belonging to the office, taking your first strives with no burden or guilt surrounding you as if you were floating.
Oblivious of the knowledge that Jaeyun woke up with a headache on the other side of the city, the back of his head pounding with him barely able to register Layla’s worried coos, unable to fully open his eyes and lifting his hand to rub the sleep away before— wait was he crying?
The young boy stared at his hand that shined with his tears in confusion, why was he crying? He tried to remember if he had seen a nightmare, a dream, anything— only to reach no answer.
“Hey pretty, don’t worry about me it was probably a dream.” He decided on comforting his puppy that only cooed sadly, his hand reaching forward to pet her fur while the other reached into his pocket to retrieve his phone when it brushed against a foreign object.
Jaeyun’s eyebrows furrowed when he pulled out a small box from his pocket, the item resembling a weirdly intimate small box, he opened it to reveal a beautiful ring— a promise ring. embroidered with a bunch of small diamonds around the silver lining, his confusion deepening when he had absolutely no clue of who this ring could possibly belong to.
He searched the inside for any sort of engraving to no avail, “who was this for..?” He whispered to layla who deflated further into the floor, sadness overflowing from her eyes at the defeat and loss of her friend.
And at the end, you and jaeyun’s tragic love story became encapsulated into a small forgotten star in the vast, wide and endless sky.
Already opening new opportunities and doors for different stories to be woven into your lives, you finally met up with the guy your friend had set you up with, and you knew the decision of trusting her taste was successful when a tall, doe eyed guy showed up to your table.
“Hello, my name is heeseung.” He smiled sweetly, his warm aura welcoming and pulling you in completely, unknown to you that this was just the beginning of your story with the love of your life, both of you getting lost in tangled conversations filled with questions and your interests, unaware of the different couple passing outside of the window.
“Wait so jungwon scored right?” Jake laughed, engrossed in the story of how his best friend almost ended up in the hospital, “after making riki trip, yes.” The girl besides him chuckled when Jake threw his head back in laughter, without noticing how his puppy stood outside of a cafe window, layla was no longer following him and instead she seemed to gaze intensely into the window.
Her tail swishing in excitement and joy when she spotted your figure sitting on one of the chairs, accompanied by a man that wasn’t afraid to wrap his arm around your shoulder while you laughed at his words.
Both you and Jake blind to the sight of the conflicted puppy who’s head only swished on both of your distant figures with two different people around you now before walking away with a heavy heart in jaeyun’s direction.
Maybe you and Jaeyun were never meant to successfully intertwine.
— fin
a,note. this feels so weird to share now because this is my first ever heavy angst filled work that’s also very emotionally connected to me in a way, first of all thank you ariana for releasing album of the year and inspiring me to write this, if you haven’t listened to eternal sunshine please so as soon as possible.
second i’d like to share how somewhat uncomfortable it is for me to share this as i had to take a lot of breaks throughout writing it (i’m an emotional b word pls) and also there were alot of moments that were inspired by my closest friendships / emotional experiences so i really feel like im sharing some sort of part of myself with this as well, but either way i hope u enjoyed reading this !! i love u layla and i’m sorry :(
when the silence breaks
part 1 | masterlist | requesting rules
summary: after a painful night at the club, the days that followed are filled with silence and heartache. that is, until a late-night knock at your door comes from a drenched and regretful yet determined max verstappen.
NOTE: no warnings are really needed, all you need to know is this is a part 2, and it’s just angst with a happy ending/ hurt+comfort.
w.c: 2.1k
a/n: part 2 to the max angst, this was written for the lovely @inevesgf again of course; but there was a few requests for a part 2 from you guys so here it is! i hope you all enjoy the ending, and let me know your thoughts on this via reblog, comments or asks! reminder that requests are open if you guys have any ideas.
it’s been a few days since the incident at the club, and the emotional toll has weighed on you heavily. every time your phone buzzes, you always look over in hope that one of the notifications are from max, but it’s never him.
the silence was deafening.
you’ve spent the past few days in a haze, constantly replaying the night at the club in your head, each time you remember what was said you feel a shot through your chest, negative emotions overtaking you.
tonight you’re having a night in, blanket wrapped around your shoulders on the sofa as you try to distract yourself with one of your favourite films. it doesn’t do much to help though, because it doesn’t take long for memories of max to come flooding in; it was his favourite movie too.
you end up barely paying attention, the tv merely acting as a background light. the sounds of rain battering against the window only adds to the melancholy atmosphere.
you realised you were gaining nothing from this, so you’re about to give up on the film when a sudden knock at the door pulls you from your thoughts. with furrowed brows you glance over to the clock, which lets you know it’s just past eleven. you debate in your mind if it’s worth even answering— who knocks on someone’s door at this time of night?
but against your better judgement, you hesitantly make your way to the front door. your heart is pounding, anxiety running through your body as your hand shakily reaches for the handle. looking around, you realise you have nothing to protect yourself with, should this be a scary encounter.
you were ready to be met with horrors at the other side of the door, but you weren’t expecting to be met with the sight of a soaked max verstappen. he’s drenched, his hair plastered to his forehead from the rain, and his clothes sticking to him uncomfortably. despite his disheveled appearance, there’s a mix of determination and regret in his eyes.
you hadn’t even noticed the bunch of flowers he was holding until he shuffled them in his hands, and only then did they catch your eye. your eyes widened in shock, seeing that he had bought you your favourite flowers. “i know they’re a little.. worse for wear,” he awkwardly coughed out, holding them out for you.
you took them from his grasp, muttering a thank you as you held them to your chest. your eyes fitted over max again, watching as he anxiously moved from balancing his weight on one foot to another.
for a moment, neither of you speaks another word. the silence is thick, and there’s words on the tip of both your tongues, but you don’t dare speak first, and it seems like he doesn’t either.
the intensity of his gaze is what’s keeping you grounded, not letting your thoughts get the better of you. you can’t seem to break eye contact with him, and it seems like an eternity before your body finally moves; and you signal for him to come inside as you step to the side.
max nods at you, taking one step inside before he turns his head turns to look at you. his presence is overwhelming, your back against the wall as you continue to stare up at him. you gulp at the proximity, letting out a shaky breath before you tell him to head into the living room.
your words break him out of whatever trance he was in, and he lets out a low hum as he follows your instructions. you close the front door as he walks away, letting out a deep sigh before turning around, walking into the living room as you try to calm your nerves down.
you’re stood at the doorframe of the living room, leaning against it as you wait for him to take a seat on the sofa. but it never happens, max simply doing a 180 to face you. the tension is palpable, the air thick with unresolved emotions.
it’s silent for a few moments before max is the first one to speak up. “i’m sorry,” is all he manages to get out, his voice low yet hoarse. it’s only now that he’s inside and out of the rain you can actually see it— he’s been crying. it the hoarse voice wasn’t a giveaway, his eyes were red and his cheeks were flushed— and it was obvious it wasn’t just raindrops rolling down his cheeks.
you sigh, shaking your head at him. “max, you don’t need to apologise, it’s my fault we’re in this mess,” you told him, eyes trained on the wooden flooring beneath your feet. swallowing hard, you felt tears stinging at the back of your eyes as you let out a shaky breath. a sad smile paints itself upon your lips as you finally meet eye contact with him again. “you don’t have to feel the same way, max. i shouldn’t have said anything about my feelings that night, especially when i was far from sober.”
max’s eyes widen in surprise, your response far different from what he was expecting. it takes a couple of moments before his brain finally connects the dots; that you’re under the impression he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. panic flashes across his features as he quickly shakes his head at you. “no, no, that’s not what i meant,” he begins to explain himself, stepping closer to where you are in the doorframe. “i didn’t come to tell you that i don’t love you.”
your gaze is casted upon the floor again, not having it in yourself to look at him. your heart aches as you try to keep your composure, “max, really— it’s fine,” you insist, despite the tremble in your voice. “i don’t need you to reassure me you love me in a different way, i know it’s platonic.” you tell him, eyes closing when you see his feet fall into your eyesight.
max feels a wave of desperation wash over him as he hears how hurt you are, the defeat evident in your voice. he reaches out, gently grabbing onto your forearm as he pulls at it, uncrossing your folded arms. he gives your arm a squeeze and instinctively you look up at him. you can see the distress in his eyes, his confidence he has every other day is non-existent at this moment in time.
you go to take your arm back, but max’s grip is firm, a contrast to the soft “stop” he let’s out in return. the desperation in his voice captivates you, and you find yourself listening to him, and what he has to say.
just a moment ago you could see the distress in his eyes, but now— now, they were clouded with too many emotions to read, especially in your current state. the seconds feel like hours, the silence between you both almost suffocating. you want to stand your ground, tell him to let you go, let him know he doesn’t need to say what you already know— but the words are stuck in your throat, tangled with the fear you’re feeling.
max opens his mouth before shutting it again, his jaw clenched as he tries to make sense of his thoughts and he wants to say. “i… i need you to listen to me,” he finally says, his own voice trembling. he lets go of your arm, and instead of stepping back, he takes another step closer to you, his eyes never leaving yours.
your heart races as you look up at him, the space between you both slowly becoming non-existent, aswell as the fierce eye contact felt like it was going to kill you. “max.. if you’re going to say you don’t feel the same, you don’t have to—“
“that’s not it!” he lets out desperately, shaking his head sharply as he interrupts you. he runs a hand through his damp hair, his frustration evident. he’s never been the best with his words, never the type to open up to you about feelings such as infatuation or love, his emotions were always a touchy topic. you can tell he’s wrestling with his thoughts, trying to get the truth out to you.
“i was scared,” he admits, his voice rough with emotion. “i’ve been scared of messing this up, of losing you, and that fear—“ he stops himself for a moment, inhaling deeply and tries to gather himself. “that fear made me push you away, and i shut myself off. and i regret it, i regret it so much, because it gave off the impression i didn’t care, or that i didn’t feel the same.”
your breath hitches, your heart rate quickening as you process what he just told you. the pounding in your ears from your heartbeat was almost too much to bare, but you pushed through because you needed to know what he was going to say. “then why..?” you trail off shakily, allowing max to explain himself.
max met your gaze again, and this time the emotions in his eyes were clear and unmistakable, and it caused a deep warmth to heat up your cheeks. “because i do love you,” he confesses so quietly, you wondered if you made it up until you continues to talk, “and that terrified me. it still does to an extent. but the thought of losing you is so much worse.”
your breath catches in your throat as you take in everything he said, allowing max’s words to sink in. you’ve spent so long hoping and dreaming for this moment, in so many different scenarios— but never did you imagine this specific one.
“i love you,” he repeats, his voice still quiet, scared as if the words are going to do more damage than he had caused previously.
you know you heard him right when he repeated it, and it didn’t do anything to slower your heartbeat, rather it made it pound even harder. without thinking, you move a little closer, your hand reaching up to cup his cheek, searching for the tiniest bit of proof to help you realise this is all real, and not some sick dream. his skin is warm beneath your touch, and that simple feeling sends a rush through your veins.
“max,” you whisper, his name slipping from your lips like a prayer, like a question, like a thousand emotions wrapped up in one word.
max doesn’t wait any longer. in one swift motion, he closes the distance between you, his hands finding your waist and pulling you against him. there’s a brief moment where both of you hesitate, breath mingling in the tiny space between you, eyes locked onto one another for confirmation.
then, with a soft, almost desperate sound, his lips crash onto yours. the kiss is everything, months of pent-up emotion, of hope, longing and — especially the past few nights — fear, all rolled into one. it’s messy, passionate and perfect in its on way. his hands don’t stop moving, going from gripping your waist, tangling in your hair to then cradling your face, like he’s afraid you might disappear once his touch leaves you.
you kiss him back just as fiercely, pouring everything you’ve felt— every ounce of love, every moment of doubt, every fear of rejection— into that kiss. the world around you fades; the only thing that exists at this very moment is max. the feeling of him, the taste of him and the overwhelming relief of finally, finally having him close.
you finally pull apart from one another, gasping for air as your foreheads rest against each other, the both of you breathing heavily. his hands move back to their position on your waist, thumbs circling your sides as if he’s trying to ground himself in the moment.
“god, i’ve wanted to do that for so long,” he murmurs, breath hot against your lips.
a small smile tugs at your lips as you nod against him, your voice still shaky, “me too,” you admit, just as breathless.
for a moment neither of you say anything else. you just stand there, holding each other, basking in the warmth of the moment. it’s not the picture perfect confession you’d imagined, but it’s real, and that’s all that mattered.
max finally pulls back, just enough to look into your eyes. “i’m sorry,” he whispers softly, his hand moving to your cheek as his thumb strokes it. “for everything. especially for how i acted at the club.”
you shake your head, your heart swelling with many emotions— love, relief and forgiveness, to name a few. “it’s okay,” you mutter back breathlessly, leaning to place a soft kiss against his lips, sealing your words with the simple act. “we’ll figure stuff out, and we’ll work on it.”
and with that, the night ends not with the bitter taste of regret, but with sweet promise of something new, something real and something worth fighting for.
-
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