Run Away

don't let me go

if I try to leave

hold on, hold on

or I am gonna fall

just by proving you

I could fly on my own

without your wings

saving me from my

heavy stubbornness

I would love to allow me to be loved by you But honey, oh honey don’t doubt the loudness in my head words which scream how not enough I am over your words how much you adore me I want to let myself fall right into your arms where you would hold me tight and close but still every little bit of space would be just enough room to develop a black hole which teleport me right into my brain where my thoughts wait like thirsty wolves ready to punish me for letting myself fall for you

I got lost in your sheets in the tightness of your arms in the rhythm of your breath in the warmth of your heart

yet I found myself in love a place of tenderness I found myself with you a place of lost and found

respect is not love and not a quality to fall for it’s a simple thing an act of human decency so don’t fool yourself by thinking they are the one only because they are human and know how to act like one

A dream which took me back to  you

Last night I’ve dreamed about you. 

I’ve dreamed about us

About the past, the fight, and the short but yet so beautiful periods of peace.

I’ve dreamed about you and your beautiful laugh and your even prettier smile.

I’ve dreamed and I fell back in love, in love with us and the past. 

I’ve felt relieved to have you back. To have the past back, like nothing ever happened. Like this is just as and how we use to be.

We didn’t share a world together, we created a universe. Both of us used to live on our own planet, but there was no space between our worlds. Not a tiny bit. 

But who of us knew how fatal it would be when two worlds who were ment to be together, would separate for a moment?  Who of us knew, that a moment could mend eternity? Who of us knew that there is a universe, where our worlds would be miles away from each other? Who of us knew how broken our worlds were? Who of us knew that our universe was about to fall apart? 

And than 

I woke up. 

Alone in my bed.

Shivering from the cold you left behind.

Searching you desperately in my bed. 

Where are you? 

Why aren’t you here?

What happened?

Was this really just a dream?

There is too much space without you.

Too much.

I can’t

breath 

But still

You are gone.

Because it was me who left.

Because there was nowhere to stay.

Because we couldn’t fix our worlds once again.

Maybe it was me who left.

But it was you who didn’t said a word.

Not even goodbye.

finding myself drifting to sleep in your arms knowing that waking up next to you will be a great reason to wake up for

fallen for the moon

I used to adore the night fill my soul, fill my heart with the soft cold light of the moons shining tears and drink them until I am nothing but a dream drunk demon in love with the fading promise of an everlasting love between the moon and me connected with those nighttime wanderers which bear the same fate searching her light   even when she is fading waxing, full and new holding on to something I am way too small for

Honey

Honey, you want to heal? forget the ugly words and the things he did how he blew out the candle  and you found yourself lost as the light faded away

Honey, you want to move on? Let go of the past  and the “I love you”s you shared Take back the person you gifted the time you shared Take back everything you don’t want him to keep

Honey, you want to live again? Leave the sadness you found after love and start all over again Find love in yourself and the things you enjoyed  Make room in your mind by throwing him out Find comfort in being alone

Honey, is that what you want? Healing, moving on and living? Because the truth is, it’s all in your hands but you rather remain in your situation Do you fear that the pain it takes to let it go would be more hurting than the pain you are currently in?

Honey, you won’t heal by  rereading and relistening old text messages and voice mails You won’t move on by  asking the universe for a call from him You won’t live again by reliving the memories you saved in your mind

You won’t find yourself by searching him

Honey, stop it,  Stop procrastinating on the future  Stop hurting yourself with the past  Don’t throw yourself away  It’s your love where you will find yourself again Not his

It’s you where you will gain the power from to heal move on  and live again

When did "I love you"s  lost their worth? They are no longer a promise of feelings but rather a confirm of enjoyment they are the life we dream of but not the dream we live they are the desire we hope for but not the passion we find they are a lie we replace with the truth but not the truth we see in each other we love to live a lie because it is so much easier then to go outside again and find someone where “I love you” is more than a construct against the loneliness

At least the pain shows

you were real

we were real

this was real