Starry Sturgeon

Moodboard for turning the frickin frogs gay

(have a nice day 💫💫💫)

I hope this is satisfactory :]

logic brain knows that nothing’s gonna happen october 19th. but god do dan and phil love committing to a bit.

So I work for this older couple taking care of birds and a horse and they have this parrot and today I was sitting in their living room talking about the parrot, and the woman I work for said something like “the DNA test results say she’s a girl but she’s never layed an egg or tried to make a nest. I think she might be gay. Which would really be the best of both worlds.” And the parrot just nodded happily so all I have to say is GAY PARROT

So my family has a Gay Pirate Plate.

Stay with me.

We do not know how the hell the Gay Pirate Plate was first acquired. This being a point of contention is actually pretty plot-relevant; the saga of the Gay Pirate Plate began with my grandmother and her sister, who, for some ungodly reason, both BADLY wanted the Gay Pirate Plate and believed it to be rightfully theirs.

I should back up, firstly, to establish: The Gay Pirate Plate is the cheapest, tackiest, ugliest plate in existence.

It is in no way a collector’s item. It is physically impossible for it to complement anyone’s decor, because the colors in it are garish. It’s just a ceramic plate with a gay pirate painted on it, and the painting is, this cannot be emphasized enough, extremely bad.

(How do we know the pirate is gay if he’s just posing on a plate? Listen. Fully 100% to stereotype, but he is. He is gay. There’s an energy. That pirate is a flaming homosexual. That pirate has sex with men and does it frequently. That pirate is fucking gay, all right, he just is.)

Anyway. The point is that this is an extremely cheap and ugly plate with a poorly-executed painting of pirate on it who is like a nine on the Kinsey scale.

My grandmother and her sister fought a blood feud over this plate for their entire lives. It would be on the wall in my grandma’s house, and then her sister would visit, and then it would be gone. She’d visit her sister and the plate would be on the wall and her sister would pretend it had always been there. She would steal it back, hang it up, and, when her sister visited, pretend it had always been there. This continued for DECADES.

When the sister died, the Gay Pirate Plate lived triumphantly in my grandmother’s house. And then my grandmother died. And my aunt, who had lived with her and been her carer throughout her life, rightfully inherited their house.

We visit my aunt after the funeral and stay with her for a week or two.

Me, my sister, and our dad. Her brother.

The three of us look at each other. We don’t say anything. We studiously avoid making eye contact with the Gay Pirate Plate mounted proud and ugly on the wall. We notice one another studiously avoiding looking at it. We notice one another noticing. We say nothing. We come to a silent consensus. We pack up to leave. We get in the van. Our aunt comes out to say goodbye. I loudly announce I need to use the restroom before we leave. She obviously stays outside to continue talking to my dad.

I take down the Gay Pirate Plate, stuff it under my oversized sweatshirt, go outside, and get in the van. She happily waves goodbye as we drive off.

Two days later my dad gets a phone call that opens with hysterical laughter and “You FUCKING ASSHOLE did you seriously STEAL THE PLATE–”

Anyway. The gay pirate plate lives in my dad’s house currently.

But he’s trying to get me and my sister out to visit him. And plate mounts are cheap.

unfortunately tumblr only allows 10 poll options and there are so many more legendary vines, but….. here goes

well yes!

Buses are very tolerant of humans and not skittish at all. Trains are much less tolerant and they get scared easily ... Trains hate when their way of life /schedule is disturbed. Even a small deviation will be very stressful for a train. While buses are used to it. They have to deal with cars every day so their tolerance is very high. Buses are like large herbivores. You can't push them over or make them do something they don't like. You may train it but they still go their own way most of the time. Very independent. While a train doesn't know what to do when it sees a plastic bag on the tracks

gender is a performance and im getting heckled by those old gay muppets

Explains why you speak as an old god, deprived of peace

Have You Ever Slept.?

once, but my sleep was disturbed and my grave ransacked. Now I can never know peace