Jeff I Swear I Will Hack Into Your Pofile And Change Your URL Myself.

Why do we as a society keep coming back to sex jokes?

Penis blast hilarious

Elon Musk lands on Mars and steps out of his spaceship

“It’s a small step for a man, but a giant leap for mankind,” says ground control officer and cuts off all communications.

Puki will you leave tumblr because everyone’s acting like it’s dead now :(

oh yeah its SO dead.

1000 notes this post. Now

Diavolo was def the kid that got braces lmao😂😂😂

Like the kind thats metal and he had to wear that until he hit adult age. His toofers just wont budge and he never gets them adjusted on time. He avoids the dentists like they are made of pickes lmao

Omg 😂😂

Barbatos dragging Diavolo with that gaudy headgear to the dentist and they're like "Christ dude you were supposed to come here a century ago we gotta start all over"

Now Diavolo wears Invisalign and he's so embarrassed about taking it out in front of MC for the first time but Barbatos watches him like a hawk and will not let him take one bite of his meal until he removes them 😂😂

It should 100% be illegal for companies to make you give them your payment information when you sign up for a free trial version of their product. It is not necessary and there is no good fucking reason for them to do it. It’s blatantly just so they can steal forgetful customers’ money.

Merry Merry Merrry Merry Christmas

I am going to eat this entire candy cane.

yippi

Okay okay. If we can't get a detailed description if then eating it, can we at least see their reaction to the boxes? Please :3

Sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh I guuuueeessss 😏

James cocks a brow when he examines his box. It looks fancy, whatever it is. An expensive gift from Mika, perhaps? An admirer?Then he opens it, and his eyes bulge.

Erik, too, examines his box with a quizzical knot in his brow, though he’s smiling. Surely it’s something decadent from a fan. He has many, after all. If his name is on it, then it must be something personalized.Erik opens his box and it takes him a moment to fully process and piece together what he’s seeing. A chocolate dick. Sweet Satan. It’s his dick isn’t it. It is. How was this made? Erik catches himself suppressing laughter. He could think of someone to give this to…

Sam doesn’t show it but he kinda feels bad that someone got him something this fancy-looking. He’s not the type who can appreciate fancy-looking shit. That’s James’ whole schtick. He hopes it’s something he can actually use.When he opens it, he sees it in all its green phallic glory for all of a second before dead-ass dropping it on the ground and walking away, looking like a man who has been dead inside for years. And yes, the candy-coated chocolate cock cracked when it hit the ground.

Matthew is bristling and bouncing on his heels as he opens his. Someone got him something nice! Someone spent money on him! He bets its gonna be something great. He doesn’t know what, but it’s gotta be! It has his name on it! There’s gold! By sheer virtue of it being a gift it’s great of course, but now he’s dying to see—Holy Shit It’s A Penis. Made Out Of Chocolate. Oh Beelz It’s His Penis. That… that’s his penis sculpted in chocolate holy shit that’s GREAT!!!! He’s gonna get the tallest glass of milk he can pour; this bad boy isn’t lasting a day.

Damien doesn’t remember hearing anyone drop them off, and he can already hear that it isn’t from Mika. What could this be? It’s in black and gold which is… a bit of a mixed message. Commoner and Crown Prince colors. Strange…He cautiously lifts the lid. And slams it shut, hunching in on himself and spewing a laugh through his teeth like an elephant, eyes frantic in his incredulity. Damien actually lowers to his knee and covers his face with an arm, wheezing, turning pink in the face. Eventually he scrambles for his phone and takes a picture for his snapchat. -Spit-roast for the sweet-tooth.-

I'll give it a try

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)