There's No Better Feeling When You’re Writing And You Become Aware Of The Fact That The Plot Is Actually

some blackinnon headcanons

- they don’t use terms of endearment on each other. i believe sirius use them in a sardonic way, like if he calls you “darling” you are in trouble for sure. for marls, she’s the type to call little kids “sweetheart” when they come up to her with their troubles.

- sirius call her mckinnon most of the time in front of others o public situations and marlene/marls in private o delicate situations. for marlene is sirius most of the time, unless she’s trying to make a point, then she calls him black.

- marlene is not as confident as sirius but knows how to play at her strengths. quidditch it’s a big thing for her during school, but later on it’s also incantations so she is very good at certain types of magic. she’s particularly good at conjuring shielding charms. i like to think of it as a projection of her own heart.

- that last one also plays a part when sirius thinks of her after finding out she died. he can’t help but think if it were any other curse but the killing one, she might’ve survived.

- in general, marls has a bit of trouble with defense magic. she can protect and deflect easily, but attacks are more difficult for her. it’s not until she’s confronted with DE attacking people in front of her that she gets better at it. she’s better at doing things for others than herself in that sense (then again, marlene might’ve died protecting her parents or brothers).

- sirius is good at everything as we know, he’s annoying like that.

- marlene is really tall for a girl, almost the same height as most boys which is annoying cause she likes taller guys. enters: sirius black, annoyingly tall for everyone except for marlene.

- marlene doesn’t looks like it, but sirius is often times amaze at how strong she is. she doesn’t hold back either, how else could she be a good beater otherwise? also, has impecable aim.

- marlene gets better at healing charms, potentially even considering becoming a healer. not because she wants to, but because someone has to. it also has to do with the fact that sirius doesn’t particularly care for his own injuries, doesn’t seem to grasp the concept of being unable to defend anyone properly unless he’s in top shape. honestly marls doesn’t care either, so sirius has to learn a few charms to heal her too in the end. it’s the only way they allow for it to happen, by way of taking care of each other.

- sirius was the first to realize they were something worthwhile. he’s not really the type of guy to pour his heart out, but at some point he does ‘cause his running out of ways of showing marlene he’s not going anywhere. probably the most frightening thing he ever did in that regard.

- marlene is not exactly the prettiest girl in school, but she’s the type of girl annoyingly label as “one of the guys” except said guys actually wants to go out with her. it’s more her vibe than anything else.

- visually they are the complete opposite: dark/light hair/eyes, sharp/soft features (i have a whole stupid canon of the blacks actually being black that could also work here, but i’ll keep it that way for now) also marlene hair is long when sirius is short and vice verse.

- marls doesn’t like to read much and sirius doesn’t nap often, but on the rare occasions that happens, sirius lays on her chest and marls read above his head.

- they both get kinda lost without a sense of purpose so whenever they feel the other may be as risk of spiraling, they come up with crazy plans or invent something they need the help of the other. they know is a lie, but play along anyway. it helps.

blackinnon headcanons | physical appearance edition

marlene’s eyes are brown with green and golden highlights noticeable with sunlight. to sirius it reminds him of the surface of lakes at sundown.

sirius’ eyes are light blue varying to grey. most people describe them as cloudy skies. to marlene it reminds her of the foam of the waves at the bottom of cliff where she spent most summer visiting her grandmother in the tiny island she lived.

marlene is tall (175 cms) but she still needs to tiptoe to reach sirius’ lips (186 cms). however, she’s the perfect size to drop little kisses at the nape of his neck. she loves doing that particularly when she has freezing lips after a winter excursion to hogsmead.

sirius looks very lean at a distance, but when you get up close and personal (as marlene does), turns out he’s very broad and muscular. marlene is constantly surprised when she buys him clothes having to look in the larger sizes. but it turns out that it provides her with comfy clothes when she borrows (sirius claims she steals) something to wear. she will be caught dead admitting he’s the reason she sometimes buys shirts and jackets on his size that are actually hers. she just loves when he wears them and his scent cling to her clothes long after.

on the other side, marlene leans more on the smaller frame but she’s all fiber muscle. she claims it’s all the tips in nutrition and proper training from her quidditch captain (the one and only james potter), but actually is due to the fact she constantly try to run and catch up with her older brothers so she could play with them. if it weren’t for that, she probably look more like a regular and more muscular quidditch beater.

that last one gives sirius plenty of chances to trick people into betting against marlene in quidditch matches or sometimes wrestling matches in the common room. marlene plays along because she enjoys proving people wrong. ofc that doesn’t last long after they finally catch up to the fact that marlene is actually quite strong. also, prof. mcgonagall frowns down on sirius gambling scheme.

sirius has always wore a signet ring with the family motto engraved in it. mostly hiding with magic, but because their cousins accused them with his parents he started wearing a lot more as to hide the family one. after he runs from home, marlene gifted him with his very unique and personal signet.

marlene wear lots of jewelry because she has always loved how her mother looks wearing them. most of her stuff is inherited, except for earrings. she went nuts piercing her ears first summer she went on an excursion with sirius in muggle london.

sirius wears a pinky ring that belonged to marlene and marlene wears a thumb one that belonged to sirius, but they also have a matching hoop with a little start dangling in both their left ears. sometimes, because she can’t quite comfortably use her wand, she takes the ring off and wears it as a necklace. sirius copy this once they join the order, in fear of losing it.

they both get into muggle clothing. sirius as a rebellious thing and marlene because she actually finds it more comfortable to move around. the matching leather jackets only became a thing after marlene borrowed sirius’ so often but she still prefers wearing his.

marlene cuts sirius’ hair, sirius does marlene pink highlights. as for bleach, sirius would rather marlene magically altered her hair as it looks more clean, but marlene really loves when her roots are showing. because of this, sirius makes sure to help her in hopes to get every strand of hair so it’s last longer all clearer.

as for tattoos, sirius never went too crazy seeing as he like doing them the muggle way and because of the order he didn’t have much time. marlene never got around to get any, though she wanted plenty.

i’m afraid those of us who like blackinnon have been cursed too

Teenage Trelawney swearing up and down that she saw the Grim at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, telling everyone at Hogwarts even though nobody believes her. Meanwhile Sirius is sat at the back of the class like 😶😶😶

ballet academy au | blackinnon

—where have you been? been ages you since you joined me for a run.

—turns up i don’t have anything else to run from.

—ha, can believe you said that with a straight face.

—been practicing.

—what? your poker face?

—no, you idiot. i’ve been practicing. with marlene.

—you’re joking.

sirius made a face. of course not even his best friend would understand. he didn’t either.

—you’re not joking. wow, that’s much worse. what has gotten into you, mate? thought you were leaving this place.

—turns up if i leave, they sack her too.

—didn’t think you were the caring type.

sirius fell backwards onto his mattress letting out a frustrated groan. it was all such a mess. he was a fault away from being suspended, possibly permanently. and yet…

—wait, i was joking. you seriously care if she gets thrown out? has mckitten gotten under your skin?

—don’t call her that.

—so she has. fuck me, i might need more than a run to wrap my head around it.

—this is all lupin’s fault. if he were here, i wouldn’t have to be dealing with none of this shit.

—sure mate, you keep telling yourself that. let’s pretend like you didn’t tried to actually be her partner from the start.

sirius came back up, sitting on the edge of the bed, appalled at the accusation.

—that was different, i was trying to get her into bed back then —he protested as if that was a much better reason.

—oh black, you’re going to wish that’s all that would’ve happened. you’re in so much trouble now.

sirius could still hear james laughing down the corridor on his way to make his nightly run.

he was right, though. he was in trouble, one way or another.

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3 | pt. 4 | pt. 5 | pt. 6

Hi! I’ve been reading some “Sirius Lives” AUs lately and they got me thinking about how his response to trauma is characterized in canon/fanon.

From what I’ve seen, Sirius in fanon is generally portrayed as someone who finds it very difficult to recover from trauma and who takes a long time to adjust to life post-Azkaban or post-OotP (in AUs where he survives the book). A lot of it is based off his behaviour in OotP, where his depression persists across the year and includes “fits of sullens”, retreats to Buckbeak’s room, etc.

But I find it pretty ridiculous (not to mention unfair) when Sirius’s depression in OotP is used to generalize his “typical” behaviour + coping methods. Sirius can’t recover in Grimmauld Place, because being stuck in Grimmauld Place is exactly the source of his trauma in the first place – it’s the house itself which is a living trigger for him (literally, given his mother’s portrait and Kreacher). It’s like asking him to heal from Azkaban while still being imprisoned in Azkaban, or asking Harry to heal from his experience with the Dursleys while being actively stuck with the Dursleys at Privet Drive.

I think a better example of how Sirius copes with trauma is his state after PoA. He was in a human rights violation prison for twelve years after losing his best friends and being wrongly framed for murder. After he escaped, his year-long murder plot culminated in an explosive night where he was severely injured, nearly got the Dementor’s Kiss twice, had multiple emotionally charged interactions, and was then forced to flee for his life after losing his shot at freedom. That’s…terrifying to even think about, tbh.

And yet, in less than a month’s time, we see that Sirius had not only managed to successfully go into hiding with Buckbeak, he had also staged a sighting to draw security away from Hogwarts, updated himself on the wizarding world, and begun a “cheerful” correspondence with his godson. It’s also implied that he was enjoying himself in tropical paradise.

A few more months after that, this is how Harry describes him:

“Sirius looked different from Harry’s memory of him. When they had said good-bye, Sirius’s face had been gaunt and sunken, surrounded by a quantity of long, black, matted hair — but the hair was short and clean now, Sirius’s face was fuller, and he looked younger, much more like the only photograph Harry had of him, which had been taken at the Potters’ wedding.”

He seems to have been doing really well? It seems that Sirius was able to move on with his life very quickly and with relative ease. And this is despite the fact that he was a hunted fugitive who had to cope with the knowledge that almost the entire wizarding community hated him. He didn’t even seem to have had a wand.

Later on in the book, when Sirius comes back to Hogsmeade, he lives in a cave and has barely any human-to-human interactions (apart from the trio) for months. But again, he seems extraordinarily well-adjusted. He converses with the trio, sends Harry regular letters, gives him advice and comfort, etc.

I think fanon wants Sirius to be, or assume that he was, a lot more affected by Azkaban than he seems to have been in canon. He is absolutely haunted and embittered by it, anyone would be, but a major plot point in PoA that he is astonishingly functional despite it. (Even in prison, he’s described as “rational”, “bored”, “cool as you please”). So if he’d lived past OotP, I don’t think it would have taken Sirius much time at all to adjust to exoneration and a life outside Grimmauld Place – I actually think it would have been a pretty swift and smooth process for him. It's like how people assume he automatically wouldn't have been equipped to be a godfather to Harry because of trauma from Azkaban ... except we see in Goblet of Fire, despite being on the run and living in caves, he actually IS perfectly equipped for the role. It’s circumstances in OotP that are the main problem, not Sirius’s own personality/capabilities (and even then, he is the adult Harry trusts the most and goes to first).

The impression I get is that Sirius has an exceptional and almost surreal level of endurance (I mean, this is explicitly canon), as well as the ability to bounce back from trauma remarkably quickly. And if he’s like this after Azkaban of all places, I think his composure would have been even better as a teenager. I often see him characterized as acting/lashing out at Hogwarts or to his friends as a response to family issues, but I really don’t think he’d do that at all. Even in Azkaban, he appears bored and unaffected by his predicament; in OotP, he retreats to the room with Buckbeak. Which doesn’t mean that people around him would be unaware of what he was going on (the wizarding community was clearly well-informed about each other, and the way Slughorn spoke of the Black family indicates that they were very well-known – I think their heir running away would been a major source of scandal/gossip), but I don’t think Sirius would seem outwardly affected by it. I see him acting cavalier/dismissive, maybe joking about it, either dealing with it privately and/or properly discussing it with only James, Remus, Peter, and later Lily. I also feel like sometimes there’s too much focus on Angst™ after his break from his family, but I mean…Sirius ran away from his abusive, prejudiced home, I think he would have felt a significant degree of relief/freedom/happiness as well, akin to Harry after he left the Dursleys.

Sorry, ik this got way too long, but what do you think??

thank you for the ask and for taking the time to write all this! no need to apologize :)

I think I at least partially agree with you in identifying the main source of Sirius's troubles in OOTP as being trapped in one of the main sources of his trauma, and in seeing him as someone who has a lot of endurance and resilience. And I think the idea that he's too affected by Azkaban to raise Harry is wrong-headed. Like, come on, he's clearly the best person for the job. I also think he can sometimes be shown as too outwardly affected by running away or whatever in marauders era fics--I think he tends to bottle things up, so I can see him lashing out when it finally gets too much. And he deflects a lot and acts like he's fine. He's not going to be having deep emotional heart to hearts, I don't think. Also you didn't mention this but one thing that stands out is that he's really not super angry about his wrongful imprisonment, and doesn't blame Remus or Dumbledore or anyone who might have prevented it, though I think he would bring up the 'remus you left me in azkaban' card when trying to wound him in an argument, but doesn't actually believe that. I think Sirius doesn't get too upset at injustices done to himself in general, he gets upset at wrongs done to other people. I do think that he would be--and is--affected by Azkaban, he just doesn't show it in 'obvious' ways. I think Sirius copes best when he has a goal to focus on. in fact, that's how he copes: finding something to focus on--he'd probably do this after running away, too, for instance maybe it's fixing up the motorbike. So in POA his goal is to capture Peter. And he's extremely single-minded in that to the point where his judgement isn't great, which is where I see Azkaban shining through--the knife incident wasn't a great idea and ended up counterproductive, or injuring Ron to get to Peter. I also think that at this point Sirius didn't have much to live for, thinking Harry hated him, and so didn't care what risks he had to take to get the task done.A and then the Srieing Shack happens, and now he has a new goal and hope for the future which he didn't have before, and so he focuses on raising Harry and avoiding arrest and he's doing a lot better with a purpose that doesn't end with someone (and probably himself too) dead. And then OOTP comes and he loses his purpose because he feels like he can't do anything for Harry and he can't do anything for the war, and also he's stuck in Grimmauld, and everything he's been pushing down comes back with a vengeance since his coping mechanism of focusing on something concrete he can do and staying active is no longer possible, and so he turns to other coping mechanisms (like alcohol).

i like to think we all have trouble fan casting sirius black because we all agree he is too perfect to be real.

marauders band au / blackinnon

remus: she came to one of our concerts once. i mean, she came every time she could. but that time she went full glam. brought a few of her models friends with her. sirius pulled them onto the stage.

james: i wanted lily up there too, but she said if i started flirting with her right in front of everyone then they’ll start questioning who the others were. made her regret it though (laughs). people next day thought me and mary were a thing.

peter: that was the last time we saw her wearing her hair long. she jumped on the platform with me. flirted with remus and sirius both. dance with all her friends, but people could only stare at her. she was dynamite. i don’t even think she was on something. i don’t. it was just her pure energy.

james: sirius pulled her to the front. made her sang with him the chorus.

remus: people went nuts. none of us new she could sing. her voice was raw, a little raspy, like she had pebbles on her throat but somehow they melted on your ears.

peter: she disappeared from the public eye for a while after that.

(pls pls pls picture marlene in miley cyrus outfit for her mother’s daughter performance at tinderbox festival. obviously the leather jacket would’ve been sirius’)

the tragedy of regulus arcturus and the comedy of sirius orion

ac: insntatt on ig/tt (please go leave a like, she’s a dearest friend of mine)

Do you think Remus had a second of happiness and relief when he saw Peter alive on the map just before the pieces started falling into place? That he thought "oh thank god, he's alive, my friend is alive" but then he understood that if Peter was alive, something awful had to have happened? That a great and terrible mistake must have been made? And do you think that while his heart was breaking with understanding and hatred, another part of him kept him going, thinking that after all, Sirius had always been the Sirius he knew?