How To Survive A Trip To IKEA

How to Survive a trip to IKEA

Never go alone- bring a partner. Travel in pairs

Before entering, ensure that someone not entering knows you are going in, and when you expect to be out

Before entering, determine the cause of your mission- your mission objective. Bookcase? Couch? Oven? Meatballs? Figure it out

Upon entering, locate The Path

Do not disengage from The Path until you have reached your mission destination. Many have been lost forever to the wilds of IKEA by not obeying this. Very few are ever located again by the sparse store employees.

Upon reaching your mission destination, you may disengage from The Path ONLY when accompanied by your partner (physical contact should be maintained- ie, holding hands, holding shirt sleeve, both holding an end of a rope, etc)

When you disengage from The Path to acquire the data for your mission objective (ie, the item number for the bookcase, couch, meatballs, etc), it becomes your partner’s responsibility to maintain visual contact with The Path. Much like weeping angel statues, The Path will move if not actively being watched. This will strand you and your partner in the wilds of IKEA, so ensure you choose a partner wisely.

Upon acquiring the mission objective data (ie the item number), navigate back to The Path. You may disengage physical contact with your partner once you have safely returned to The Path

Do not leave The Path again. It will naturally end at the warehouse/stock section. This is a long, huge hall with many branches.

At the entrance of the warehouse section, acquire a cart if necessary. Using your item coordinates, locate your mission objective. Do not leave the main hallway except for the branch where your item is located. Like The Path, the wilds of IKEA sometimes sneak up on travelers that wander the warehouse section

Once your item has been loaded, head to the check out section. Do not touch anything in the boxes along the way. They appear to be full of candles or stuffed animals or useful kitchenware; it is a ruse. They are carnivorous.

After checking out, exit to the loading area. Load your item, and leave.

Do not look in your rearview mirror as you leave. It shouldn’t pursue you if you don’t look back.

Asks Galore!

Hit me with it guys, I’m happy to answer anything 100% truthful! 1:When did you lose your virginity?

2: Rough sex or soft sex?

3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes?

4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex?

5: Favourite sex position?

6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive?

7: Have you ever had any one night stands?

8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place?

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating?

11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like?

12: How often do you have sex?

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?

14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?

15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?

17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?

18: Are you into dressing up for sex?

19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?

20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be?

21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?

22: Do you/would you use sex toys?

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?

24: Would you have sex with your best friend?

25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)

26: Something that will never fail to get you horny?

27: Early morning sex or late night sex?

28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex?

29: Favourite body part on the same sex?

30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:

31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:

32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]

33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:

34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:

35: Worst possible time to get horny:

36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?

37: How much fapping is too much fapping:

38: Best sexual complement you ever got:

39: Favorite foreplay activities:

40: What do you wear to bed?

41: When was the first time you masturbated:

42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

44: Have/would you ever have sex in public?

45: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?

48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not)

49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

53: Do you watch porn?

54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?

56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?

57: If you could give yourself head, would you?

58: Booty or Boobs?

59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do?

61: have you ever watched someone masturbate?

62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate?

63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?

64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate)

65. What is your bra/penis size?

66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?

67. When was the last time you masturbated?

68. When was the last time you had sex?

69. When was the last time you watched porn?

70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?

71. Guys:Circumsized?

72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?

73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?

74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?

75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?

76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?

77. Which wet dream was your favorite?

78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?

79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?

80. Favorite sexual position?

81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?

82. Are you into any BDSM?

83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?

84. Do you like dirty talk?

85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?

86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?

87. What kind of porn do you like to watch?

88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?

89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them?

90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?

91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?

92. Ask whatever you want

4 notes View Post

slavetoaesthetics

11 years ago

Well, was re-watching the series and watched Erwin recruiting people to the Survey Corps, and just had a flash to the Beast Titan, something seemed too familiar for coincidence.

Is it just me or does Erwin Smith and the Beast Titan seem similar? I dunno, but when looking at them both I feel they have something in common.

[Personally I don’t really see it but postin this for people to discuss.]

1 note View Post

slavetoaesthetics

12 years ago

AskPCM Reblog Contest!

From now until 8/6 reblog this post as many times as you want for your chance to win a Riot K-9 Nasus skin. A number will be picked at Randomizer.org to determine the winner.

Good luck to you all!

446 notes View Post

slavetoaesthetics

3 years ago