Shoot Me.

The voyage west at the end of Return of the King is extremely funny to me, because just look at who's on board. You've got:

Frodo Baggins, hero of the Shire, in need of healing but also excited to see Valinor and meet the legendary elves who live there, a gentle soul

Elrond Halfelven, as kind as a summer, looking forward to peace west of the sea, probably wants to go chill out in a cottage with his wife for the next thousand years

Which seems fine. And then we get to everyone else.

Gandalf, cheeky bastard who's gotten so used to being a weird old wizard in Middle-Earth that's he's forgotten what Maia are supposed to act like, will immediately cause problems

Bilbo Baggins, noted storyteller, definitely planning to break into Aule's halls to see his dwarf friends, will ask all the elves weird questions and then sing about their lives and deaths in front of them, will immediately cause problems

Galadriel, who came to Aman half for Celebrian and Elrond's sake and half to taunt all her cousins about being the only one of them to survive the First Age, enjoys causing problems, will immediately cause many problems

(Also, to be clear, these are not three isolated problem-causers, they absolutely spent the entire trip to Valinor actively planning to give Amanyar society and the Valar an aneurysm.)

I just love the idea of Elrond, now reunited with Celebrian, and Frodo happily having tea with Elwing and Earendil, with nothing to interrupt them but the gentle sounds of the tides.

Meanwhile Galariel, Bilbo, and Gandalf are collectively bullying Mandos into releasing Maglor Feanorian from the halls because:

Bilbo wants to read him his translation of the Noldolante, which is written as a cheery Hobbit drinking song

Elrond always complained about how Gandalf and Maglor were both insufferably vague about advice and Gandalf needs to make sure he's more infuriating than Maglor as a matter of his wizardly pride

He still owes Galadriel money

It’s interesting how diseases rip through schools at incredible speeds despite being in an arguably modern, clean(ish) environment. I wonder if it has something to do with the whole “you need a doctor’s note to excuse your absence of even one day” combined with the average price of going to a doctor, the lack of education on things like “you’re still contagious even after the fever goes away”, and the overwhelming message of “if you don’t struggle through it, you’re a failure!”

Daniel, it appears I have won us another free iPhone 15! Yes, I’ve given them your address and banking information. To aid in the collection of our prize. Daniel— do NOT raise your voice to me, Daniel. You forget yourself. Why must you always belittle my accomplishments? Beloved, we need only pay shipping

warrior nun cancelled. first kill cancelled. paper girls cancelled. one day at a time cancelled. the owl house cancelled. im not okay with this cancelled. legacies cancelled. everything sucks cancelled. the babysitters club cancelled. dare me cancelled. i know what you did last summer cancelled. teenage bounty hunters cancelled. the wilds cancelled.

the attitude held towards sapphic media is clear and honestly just appalling. im so sick of this treatment we deserve better than this.

Definitely not a morning dog

The comment on Hannah's tweet... This post... I just know he's in the tags, snickering to himself as he scrolls through everyone's "he's gonna fuck that old man!!!!" posts. Peepaw having the time of his life stoking the rpf flames, shoveling the figurative coal into the fire like it's his job and rent is on the line. A menace of proportions previously unbeknownst to man. My fear mounts every day we inch closer to the next promotion cycle and he is once again unleashed in front of cameras. God help us all.

A List of Very Convincing Reasons why Elrond Peredhel Cannot become Noldor High King after Gil-Galad, written by Dnorle Lehderep

He's like Finwe's great great great grandson; that's clearly too many generations away.

Also he's technically a Feanorian and they're like, super cursed and also dispossessed so maybe he shouldn't be in the line of succession.

No one can agree on whether his claim comes from the Nolofinwean or Feanorian lines. Clearly the best solution to this is for him to not be king.

Galadriel is right there.

He turns into a bird sometimes and everyone knows that birds can't be elf-kings that would be silly.

Yes, he does have one of the three rings "for elvish kings" but Cirdan also has one of those, and he's not an elvish king, so frankly it doesn't matter.

Gil-Galad's will, which states that Elrond inherits the crown, was clearly forged. I will not explain how. Trust me on this one.

C'mon guys he's not even technically an elf. Yes Melian was a queen over elves without being an elf. Yes Dior was a half-elf elf king. I don't see what that has to do with anything.

Do we really need a king?? Apparently some edain are experimenting with a new system called "democracy" and fraknly that sounds a lot better and cooler than having another king.

We'd have to get the crown resized again and that would be a lot of work.

He wears his hair partially down. In public. If that's not scandalous I don't konw what is.

I know his followers keep talking about how great of a leader he is, but they're mostly Feanorians, so clearly that doesn't count.

Galadriel. Is. Right. There.

He probably doesn't even speak Quenya. Don't ask anyone at court to confirm this.

He's very busy revolutionizing the field of medicine in Rivendell right now, please leave me him alone.

Clearly he doesn't wear enough jewelry to be a proper Noldor king.

There's something so beautiful and holy about getting married in an empty church without a priest or any witnesses. I'm thinking of louis and lestat and I'm thinking of anne lister and ann walker. There's something so queer about wanting something that's embedded in our culture but wanting to do it in its purest form, devoid of all pretensions and unnecessities that people have attached to it over time. I want to tell you that what we have is holy and I'll spend my whole life worshiping it and i want to do it free of all the dirt that society has glued onto marriage. I want it to feel the way it felt for the first lovers who came up with the idea because they knew what they had was holy and they wanted to create a ceremony to celebrate it.

"Oh good show, sir. For a moment, I was afraid you'd had a rational thought"