Whoever Invented Cozy In Bed Was A Genius. And Whoever Invented Getting Up Should Be Burnt At The Stake

i do love the idea of the Justice League finding out Batman’s identity and the fact that he’s actually just a tired vigilante dad and immediately discrediting his spooky-scary-intimidating reputation, and Bruce just being devastated about it. he worked so hard on that reputation, on that respect, and it’s all down the drain just like that. nobody flinches away from his glare anymore, because they’ve seen him glare at Red Hood and get a spoonful of mashed potato flung into his face for the effort. nobody cares about his threats anymore, because he tried to threaten Red Robin to go home and rest one time and Tim just giggled at him deliriously before mocking his tone and stealing his coffee. they’ve seen him pick a splinter out of a whining Nightwing’s finger mid-meeting. Damian once called him a condomless harlot to his face when he told him not to bring his swords onto the watchtower. he’s lost control.

he decides he wants the fear factor back and in all his brilliant genius, he decides the best way to go about that is to invite the league round for a fancy dinner party, specifically so he can use all his ‘brucie wayne’ acting skills to channel the essence of every creepy-rich-guy-in-haunted-manor movie he has ever seen in his life. it is the only time his kids have been fully onboard and willing to contribute to one of his plans without any complaints. they almost seemed more eager to pull it off than he was.

they spend the entire day making the manor look old and slightly abandoned, much to Alfred’s displeasure, and ensure that the only lighting is a fuck ton of candles, just enough to light the halls while leaving the corners and edges shadowy and ominous. Damian is allowed to have some of his more ‘skittery’ pets roam the manor freely for the night, causing occasional scritches and scratches to come from the ceilings. all of the kids dress in their best funeral attire, apart from Jason who gleefully pulls on an old white shirt stained with blood from when Tim crashed through his window with a stab wound, requesting a medkit.

when the league arrive they’re greeted by all the kids lined up on the staircase, staring at them blankly and ominously, while Bruce gives them all a large grin and ushers them into the creepy looking dining room. the league are somewhat nervous.

during the dinner the kids act completely different than the league have seen them in-mask. polite, cordial, and refusing to show an ounce of emotion. they pick at their food and only speak in vague sentences that refer to various horrific events of their past. Bruce has never been prouder.

the first close call they have to breaking character is when Bruce presents a bottle of red wine without any kind of label. as he pours a slightly disturbed Diana a glass, she asks where he got it from. Bruce happily gestures to Jason as says ‘my second eldest procured it especially for you, earlier today.’

Diana looks across the table at where Jason is grinning eerily at her by candlelight, still visibly stained with blood, eyes glowing slightly green. she pales, and Tim knows he can’t watch her shakily lift the glass to her lips without bursting out laughing. he refuses to be the one who fucks up first, so he dramatically stands up and declares he must ‘go feed the experiments’ before storming out the room. ‘the experiments’ are in reference to the pen of rabbits outside that glow in the dark because Damian rescued them from a testing facility, but given the environmental context it sounds much more sinister.

Jason joins him by the pen to also start wheeze-crying in private about 20 minutes later, because apparently after Oliver Queen had finished with his bbq rib, Damian had leaned over and without blinking stared into his eyes to blankly state ‘i would love to feed your bones to my animal friends, if you don’t need them anymore.’ and from the other end of the table Jason had snorted wine up his nose from how hard he was trying not to break.

amazingly, they never break character, although it came pretty close when after hearing another skitter from somewhere above, Stephanie climbed up from the table into the crystal chandelier and deftly returned to present the table with a large tarantula cradled in her hands, to which Damian stood up and declared, ‘ah, dessert! i will help pennyworth prepare it.’ before taking the animal and leaving to put his beloved spider back in it’s enclosure. the league genuinely seemed to be under the impression they were about to be served a tarantula-based desert, and upon seeing their faces at this realisation Dick had to pretend he’d dropped a fork on the ground so he could duck by Bruce’s chair and stuff a napkin in his mouth while he got his laughter under control. Bruce pats his shaking son’s back below the table cloth, determinedly staring at their guests with that same creepy-grin he’d kept up the entire night.

every member of the league makes their excuses to leave early, much to Bruce’s exaggerated disappointment. the second the last of them is out the door Alfred turns to face the family and says ‘mission accomplished. now get this manor back to it’s proper state.’ and they have the spend the rest of the night cleaning.

totally worth it, in Bruce’s mind. none of the JL will look him in the eye for weeks afterwards, and it was honestly the most successful attempt at family bonding they’d ever had. he wonders if they should make it a monthly thing. It’s also how they find out Damian’s a fucking theatre kid with a gift for the arts which is another revelation in of itself

has anyone done this yet idk?

INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE ⤷ S2E5 "Don't Be Afraid, Just Start the Tape."

Anyway one of the reasons I’m so mad about Order 66 is the fact that a happy ending would have meant that Clone Culture and Jedi Culture would mix because they basically adopted each other and it would have been beautiful

Jedi are peacekeepers and they are more than happy to return to their role but war still haunts them and leaves its marks. Many are happy to get rid of their armor, others not so much

Padawans who survived and grow into Knights who keep parts of their armor, painted in the color of their battalion

New Padawans who pick up an armor and paint it in colors meaningful to them after their first mission! Imagine excited kids coming back going “Look! My armor has its first scratch!!!” And a clone being so happy for this tiny Shinie

Which also: Language. Okay. So much slang becoming casual in the temple but also Mando’a. Shinie and Padawan becoming pretty synonymous after a few years.

And like, going on missions without clones just feels kinda weird at this point. And they just attach themselves to their Jedi for missions because sure, we’re not fighting A War™️ anymore but Skywalker and Kenobi are still Skywalker-and-Kenobi and We Know Better

Also Force-sensitive clones because canon robbed us of that. Which starts the whole age debate. And then somebody (Anakin who is busy being a Dad and also a Master bc he deserved it after defeating Sidious) goes “I mean. The oldest are actually only 15 and also we should listen to the Force”

And the Council is already so tired, Skywalker has been taking his adorable super strong kids to meetings basically everyday, Plo Koon legally adopted the Wolfpack as soon as Clones were recognized as citizens of the Republic (he had the adoption papers on his person so he could make use of them ASAP) might as well change the code

So Clone Padawans!!! And later Knights!!!! And they’re so proud of it.

On the other hand, a lot of clones adapt Jedi practices! Learn their code to make it through the memories of war because bred soldier or not - it leaves scars

They meditate! Some of them might even actually kinda know how to handle a lightsaber because their Jedi keep losing theirs

They first get Jedi tunics because that’s just what they have at the temple and when you need to supply a lot is people with casual clothes, that’s a good start. Some clones branch out, others don’t. They’re comfortable and the whole cape/robe drop is badass

Tattoos! Not really a thing for the Jedi as a culture before, but they become more and more popular so that Masters legit have to make sure their underaged Padawans won’t get any.

Sharing last names! Like, objectively, them optioning for going by “Fett” is funny for so many reasons, most of them related to Boba having to sit through various “No, not that Fett” talks but also! Jedi offering up their last names! Plo already adopted his batch but I bet Cody introduces himself as “Kenobi” and Obi-Wan doesn’t even blink like “It suits you, Commander”.

Also Ahsoka and Rex coming home because we deserve that and Ahsoka and Anakin nearly throwing hands about Who Gets To Give Rex Their Last Name. (RIP to them because Padmé was quicker and Rex Amidala sounds ten times as cool)

Tiny younglings!!! Being so honored when they can share a name with a Clone. Imagine a small little Twi’lek Initiate being HYPED when a Commander accepts her name. A hero! Thinking you’re very brave!

The Senate maybe goes “but the clones don’t belong to you-“ at the start but are shut up very quickly.

Just give me the Clones and Jedi in the aftermath of the war living together peacefully.

Finally finished this one after working on it incrementally in my spare time for the better part of a year 🐍

I present: The best dragon-rider duo (IMO) as textposts bc i love and miss them

Dick Tim Damian and Jason getting carried away during an all out sibling argument that breaks out during a public gala and they forget they have an audience to the point where Damian starts spitting his ‘i am the blood son of Bruce Wayne you have nothing on me you imbeciles’ and without thinking Jason responds with ‘yeah you’re the son of Brucie Wayne all right but you forget I’m the son of fucking BATMAN and i have been since before you were even fucking PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE’

Damian: I AM THE BLOOD CHILD OF BRUCE WAYNE YOU PATHETIC CREATURE

Jason, fully about to fist fight his little brother in front of these shrimp platters: AND I’M THE SON OF BATMAN, WHILE YOU WERE TAUGHT HOW TO SIP CHAMPAGNE AND FALL INTO FOUNTAINS I WAS TAUGHT HOW TO THROW HANDS NOW FUCKING SQUARE UP CHILD

Dick, eyeing the now silent ballroom: uh, guys-

Tim, vibrating with excitement at the prospect of watching Damian get a ceramic plate to the face: don’t you fucking dare stop them

lacking context, Gotham is now under the impression that Jason Todd was not, in fact, a random street kid taken under Bruce’s wing, and is rather the biological son of Batman, who for some reason got his good friend Bruce Wayne to become the kid’s guardian, presumably to protect him from the life of crime he is leading. it also fuels the ‘Bruce Wayne is dating Batman’ rumours an almost impossible amount.

Another unforeseen consequence is that since it is common knowledge that the batkid vigilantes are most likely Batman’s children too, civilian Jason Todd is now considered to be the adopted brother of Tim, Damian, and Dick, and the biological brother of Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, and Robin.

Jason is asked who his favourite sibling is.

‘ok they all suck apart from Hood. he’s such a nice man. used to take me ice skating.’

the family hate him.

Jonathan Bailey at the 2024 Critics Choice Awards 🏳️‍🌈