🎧🐶🌿

update on the band situation

IMMA BE A LITTLE DRUMMER BOY

Chapter 25

Word count : 2917

This chapter contains , a lot of mention of drugs and drug use , anxiety and being high

This chapter is written in a slightly different style I hope you enjoy but please give me feedback if you prefer it the other way or this way. It's not to much different just more clear demographics of who is typing when it comes to texting I suppose but yeh I'd still love some feedback that would be grandly appreciated ❤️

Matty's POV

It really wasn't George's fault that I got so worked up over a single question he was just trying to help, and I genuinely am so grateful for him and everything he does for me but I'm fragile and my state of mind is so frail , has been for the longest time and certain stuff sets me off, George left the call a few hours ago his Mum came home so he had to go talk to her about what happened at school and then I think he got caught up with studying, we're texting but I still feel like I'm going to explode my anxiety has been through the roof since he's been gone, I meant it earlier when I told him he calms me, he's like the literal embodiment of Pablo Picasso's painting of the Dove of Peace that represents peace and unity, maybe a little pretentious of me but it's true , he's like a lighthouse in a storm if you may.

I'm currently sat with my Mum, Dad and Louis , watching Star Wars , my Mum thought it would be good if we all spend sometime together, When she got home from work she could tell I was hopped up and skittish, she did try to speak to me but I said I was fine but she insisted we all spent some time together. Really all I want to do is go get high or drunk at this point I don't really mind which option is pulling me in most. My mum had poured herself a class of red wine before we started the film and it's all that's been on my mind since I sat down, I doubt I'll be allowed anything, my dad usually offers me a beer but right now I don't think they'll let me and Louis is sat on my knee and I don't want to disturb him, I'm biting my nails now trying to concentrate on the film and not the ticking of the clocks in the room that are surely just going to blow my brain up in a minute.

"Matthew", my Mum brought me out of my haze.

"Mhm", my reply was muffled by my mouth still chewing on my nails.

"Hands", I look at her quizzically for a second as I don't quite know what she means, "stop chewing your nails love", my hands drops from my mouth immediately

"Sorry Mum" , I carefully lift Louis of my knee must to his protest and ruffle his hair, "my eads really cloudy right now I can't concentrate, I'm just going to lay down for a little while, I'm sorry".

"You alright son", I just nod at my dad with a halfhearted smile and make my way upstairs the quiet of my own room and head probably won't be much better but I just need to be alone. I make it to my room and just slump down on my bed the duvet felt to soft but also really scratchy but there's nothing I can do about that right now, I feel like I was just laying there staring at the ceiling, falling into a spiralling vortex with nowhere to go but it was really only a couple of minutes. My hands where twitching like mad and I could just feel a tingling sensation through my whole body and I hated it. I knew what I needed right about now so I instantly pull my phone free from my pocket and scroll through my texts till I find his number

Corey (Bigman) , If I could trust anyone to have anything to quell my anxiety Corey would have it so I fire him a quick text

Matty: yo it's Matty , are you about!

Corey : yeh bro 😎, what you after?

Matty: I don't know just something to calm me the fuck down.

Corey : right no worries man, meet me at the oak in ten yeh don't be late.

Matty: cool.

I sit up a little resting on my elbows to keep me steady taking a second to just breath or at least try to relax my breathing, then scrub my hands down my face and go back downstairs "I'm gunna go for a walk clear my ead, I'll be back in a bit yeh, it's only about 8, I'll get something from the shop if you want", I pull on my old tattered black vans and I wait for a response and shove my wallet into my back pocket , stick my head round the door and notice that Louis has fully zonked out on the couch "do you guys want anything from the shop?"

"No thanks love, please be safe, call me if you need anything and don't be long alright, I know it's summer and it's light out but you still need to careful , come give your mum a hug first first" , I roll my eyes and smile while I make my way over and pull my Mum into a tight hug. "We love you Matthew , be careful alright"

"I love you too Mum" as I pull away I try to sent the most reassuring smile her way. "I'm alright though" , I say goodbye again leaving the room and snag my jacket (Jamie's jacket ), from the coat rack and slip out the door, and start the journey to the Oak Hill, on my way I send a Snapchat to George not really of anything just the scenery and just put a little heart on the screen before sending. The walk is peaceful really besides a few hoodlam kids across the other side of the road making the biggest ruckus for absolutely no reason but I ignore it. After about five minutes I get a reply from George a pretty artsy picture of all his school books on his desk

George: where you off to love❤️?

Again I don't really send a snap because if I'm going to show him around Manchester I want to do it in person not through a screen or pictures , Pictures rarely do anything justice

Matty: just on a walk darlin , tryna clear my head , how's the enforced studying going 😂

George: it's an absolute nightmare honestly I don't know how people do this on purpose , clearing your head are you still upset?

Matty: honestly yeh my heads all over the place still but it's okay I'm trying to calm down darlin , also I can 100% feel your there studying is the worst thing about of school 😂

George: I'll call you once my parents go to bed I'll just need a minute to be sure so I don't get caught, I miss your face already love.

I quickly skim read his message again and slip my phone in my pocket and turn the corner coming face to face with Corey, he's got a joint in between his lips and I can see he's holding another in his hands with a lighter next to him. He looks up at me nodding and hands me the joint

"Have this with me first lad then I can hook you up with gear yeh"

I willingly take the joint and quickly flick the lighter a couple of times before the end lights up sparking an amber glow and I inhale the contents deeply sighing as I release "This is good shit"

"Quite strong so It might calm you down lad" he pats the ground next to him indicating for me to sit with him, I pull him up in the offer and slide myself next to him. Watching as he fiddles with my gear in his pocket and passes it over to me. "You given me good weed recently too lad so I'll give you this for free, but please be careful", I nod along with him as I take the baggie from him and slip it into my pocket. "What's up lad, you haven't come to me in a while, what's troubling ya.?"

"My heads all over the place and I can't shut anything up, I just want everything to be quiet for a bit, be able to breath you know" , I continue to inhale the substance and then go back to texting George as Corey starts trying to help me through something, he's not the smartest button in the box. I take a picture of the joint in my hand the flash causing the smoke to seem grey and float across my screen

Matty: "I fuckin miss you too man Jesus , it's not even been that long and it's scary, and yeh please don't get yourself into anymore trouble, we can call when you can , I don't know if I'll be home straight away but I'll let you know yeh"

With that I slip my phone into my pocket and pull the baggie out again "you wanna share it then Corey, I don't mind" , as I'm saying this I pull out my credit card from my wallet and preparing what I need , the oak is a very secluded area no one will catch us, I don't even know if it's an oak tree to be honest it's just a tree on the outskirts of the park that's been chopped down and just lying there , kids come here all the time to drink and party in summertime. I take a bump from the coke from the corner of my card letting it take through my body, it makes me shiver a little, and I then pass the stuff over to Corey as I feel my blood start to heat up a little. I take a seat leaning against the trunk of the tree and lol my head backwards and stare up to the sky, the starts looking like tiny torchlights leading the way to the heavens and they spin around us slowly , after a while Corey sits next to me

“So man , is it working is your head quieting down yet bro ?”, come to think of it it has a little, there’s still that anxious lump in my throat and my heart is still going a million miles a minute but my brain is a little quieter. A little foggy but quiet.

“It’s a little foggy and everything is still really grey and colourless but yeh it’s quiet”

“What had you so hopped up in the first place lad”, he pulls more papers out his pockets and starts rolling another joint as I close my eyes and let the world go on around me talking as i fall into a peaceful state of bliss

“I don’t wanna talk about right now” , once Corey finished rolling the joint he passes it over to me and I light up again bringing it to my lips inhaling then ask “bro got any drink on ya”

“I’ve got beer in my bag”

“That’ll do , not the best but it’ll do”, he pulls a can of carlins from his bag and passes me a can as well as opening a can for himself. “Bro how do you always just know what I need”, He’s known me a while now and always been able to set me up some good gear when I’ve needed it.

“I just know you bro”, we just spend some time drinking and smoking, we did a few more bumps of coke. It has been about an hour and a half at this point my brain had stopped racing everything was quiet and I was getting really tired. Corey was zoned out next to me and I was nearly half asleep. “I think imma go now lad, are you coming or are you just gunna sit for a bit”

“Nah man I’m good ay, just leave me one last can will ya”, I didn’t feel like what I said was actually how it came out, everything was slurred and just blending together as I said it but I’m sure he understood. “Thanks again Corey, you always have what I need when I need help”

“It’s cool bro don’t worry”, he got up from his place on the ground probably at a normal speed but too me it looked like everything was in slow motion and he dropped his last can next to me. “Be safe yeh”, after we said our goodbyes he walked off back in the direction of the park.

I don’t know how much longer I sat there just nursing the beer that was left for me , but eventually I started to feel like I was sinking into the ground my heart started beating faster, a lot faster than normal which started to freak me out a little. Causing my breathing to come in fast burst. This makes me open my eyes and everything around me spinning , making my head hurt “not again nah I can’t do this right now” , I pull my phone out and start stabbing at my screen trying to find someone’s number, anyone’s number I don’t care who at this point. The more I search the more I start to panic I hate this. Eventually my eyes fall on Ross’ name and I click his name and bring the phone to my ear and hear it ring a few times and it goes to voicemail “no, no, no , please pick up”, I press his name again hearing the ringer go through again “please Ross pick up” , I’m beyond panic at this moment and I can’t concentrate right. Eventually he does pick up

“Yo Matty what is it?”

“Ross , is that you!”

“Uh yeh , you called me so I’d assume you know”

“Ross I’m scared I need you, can you come get me please”

“What do you mean you scared , where are you!?”

“I can’t breath and my brain feels like it’s going to explode”

“Matty mate , where are you?”

“Um …I …I’m at the. Uh the oak”

“Okay lad, I’ll be five minutes, do you want me to stay on the phone”

“Please…Ross please make it stop”, I could hear him on the other side, pulling on his jacket and his keys rattling as he pulled his door shut.

“What did you do mate?”

“I just needed my brain to shut up for a second, nothing was working, I needed it stop…and and…and it did…but now I can’t …can’t breath”

“Matty ….I swear you need to tell me , what did you take” , he’s outside now I can hear the crunching of leaves under his feet , Ross’ house was just around the corner so he shouldn’t be too long.

“How long will you be?”

“Stop swirving lad what did you take?”

“Um I uh. I …the usual” , I could feel water running down my face now, I don’t know when I stared crying but apparently I had.

“Mate , seriously , what’s wrong?, I’m just round the corner”

“I don’t know what’s wrong Ross, I really don’t know” , as I was finishing that senatnce I could hear him trudging through the forested area behind me but I couldn’t lift my head properly for to long “is …is that you ?”

“Yes , I’m going to hang up now”

I heard the dial tone give out and then Ross was running over to me “let’s get you up okay …on three yeh”, he wrapped an arm around me and he tried to pull me up “1, 2 , 3” , I pushed a little as he pulled me up. “Where going back to mine okay?, you can’t go home like this”, I just subtly nodded because even just slightly moving my head hurt so much, he wrapped and my arm around his shoulders and we began to walk back to his in silence which didn’t feel good but I just couldn’t conjure up a sentance.

We stumbled through his front door, I could hear his mum calling from the bedroom asking what was wrong and he just told her that I was out and I’m a bit pissed so I’m staying here rather than going home that made me chuckle not in a good way “bit pissed as if”

“Bro this ain’t funny come one,” we made our was upstairs he dragged me along with him taking one step at a time. It was hard even just walking never mind conquering stairs “where do you need to go , lay down or vomit”

“Nah nah I just need a lie down” , he pulled me into his bedroom and helped me up to then bed and he sat next to me softly pulling my head into his lap and laying against the headboard

“What are we gunna do with you huh?”

I swear I said the weirdest thing today I need to know if anyone agrees

I can’t remember what the conversation was for me to have aid it but I know I said it

“I’d do anything for Matty , except give up my love for G or John”

Does anyone else agree or am I the weirdo 😂

I’ve finally decided to upload the whole fanfic on here this is the start of it if you’d like to see more just let me know I’ll post a chapter a day unless anyone ask for more I’m really proud of this I know there are mistakes and all but here we go

Angst involved it does get mature eventually but for now just fluff and angst

It was late the buzz of Manchester leaking through my bedroom window as I lay in bed on my laptop in the mist of an online game of Pub-G (lame I know ). I've been playing for hours. I was supposed to be going to bed at least 3 hours ago ,that was the plan as I've got School tomorrow but for some reason I can't bring myself to close the game for the night. Doing things to preoccupy my mind is all I've needed for the past two weeks I've started studying for my GCSE,s probably to finally complete them in a few weeks and I'm so stressed about them. I kept ending up in games with and user called GeoDan16 and if by fate we keep ending up as the last players in the game and battling one another. I've won 7 of the 11 games we have played. I've added his user in the lobby of the games and I'm just waiting to see if he adds me back , This was so I can possibly have someone to speak to as I play. It takes about ten minutes before the acceptance alert rings through my room , as my laptop, phone and IPad light up due to having the game on all of them for all occasions. Spotting the alert on the corner of my laptop screen I pick up my phone and swiftly type a message. Yes I know I'm using my laptop and I could message them there but it feels better to message on my phone and play on my laptop. I just type a simple

TrumanBlack: " Hey there ...... these games are wild . You played good tho ;)"

I then just put my phone back onto the bed next to me and decide I want to watch YouTube for a while and hopefully let sleep consume me. After racking through YouTube for a video to watch I come across "Daz Blacks latest video I click on it , select the big screen options and pause it before it starts. I place me laptop down next to me and slide from my bed and into my on suite so I can use the bathroom and brush my teeth for what feels like the 20th time tonight. I've smoked an excessive amount tonight and I don't understand why. Hearing my alert tone go off again I quickly finish up in the bathroom and make my way back to bed and see my notification my my phone screen "message from GeoDan16". I open my phone properly to read it

GeoDan16: "Yo :) , thanks , how many games was that ?"

Pulling my blanket back around me I press play on the YouTube video and sink into the heat of the mattress and softness of the duvet

TrumanBlack : "I believe it was 11 , and I won 7 LOSER"

GeoDan16 : "Uhhh...rude , I still won 4 so excuse me but you ain't the overall winner "

TrumanBlack : "No I'm maybe not but I still did better than you ;D "

I know this is probably weird to think as I don't even know this person but feel a buzz something that says I'm gunna love them , like I've known them years and we're just catching up

GeoDan16: "Were just going to have to have a winner takes all round someday huh....also Truman??, What kind of name is that it's kinda interesting is someone obsessed with the Truman show or something "

TrumanBlack : "Nah I just came up with the name when I was like ten and it sounded kinda edgy :D "

As I'm laying there my eyes start to feel heavy and I can feel them starting to drop and I yawn. But I try to ignore it so I can stay up a little longer and hopefully learn more about this person

GeoDan16: " So it's not your real name then ???"

TrumanBlack: "nope it's actually Matty , what about you , what's your actual name "

GeoDan16 : "Contrary to popular belief it's not geo or Dan ... the names George "

TrumanBlack: "George...That's an old guys name...how old are you....im not talking to some ancient man am I "

I laugh to myself because obviously I can't be he played well ...too well for an old guy BUT I've got to cover my tracks my mum always tells me to be more safe online

GeoDan16: "Nah man I'm 16....oldest in my year .... Year 10 what about you ...Matty is 100% not your full name what are you 12?... rebelling against anyone who calls you your full name "

TrumanBlack : "I'll have you know George that I'm actually 17 not 12 and no my full name is Matthew but I only get called that at school or when I've pissed my mum off or my best friend.....but also year ten so your from the UK then"

GeoDan16: "yeh southwest London ....Wbu "

TrumanBlack : "ay im from Manchester "

It's not very often you meet someone from the same continent as you this late at night on these games so this is quite cool

TrumanBlack: "why you up so late then Georgie???"

GeoDan16: "I ain't been called Georgie since I was 7 Matthew :D , also I just can't sleep it's soooo cold right now ....and you ?"

TrumanBlack : "just stressing about GCSE's man ....I know I'm not dumb but my maths and physics are gunna go down the drain and I don't wanna fail "

GeoDan16: "ahh I feel ya bro ....I've just started studying for my GCSEs too but your must be year 11 and going to be doing them soon right ?"

TrumanBlack : "yup they start in a few weeks "

My eyes are now struggling to stay awake and my screen has become a blurry mess as I attempt to keep my eyes open and without realising it my phone slides out of my hand onto the duvet and my eyes shut slowly

GeoDan16 ; "I could help if you like "

I don't see or hear this message come through as I'm too far gone and too tired to realise and I just fall asleep and hopefully dream of good things

GeoDan16 "g'night Matty "

I wanna know what people assume about me because of my tumblr.

Just tryna pull off this G outfit , I know it’s completed differently coloured denim but I enjoy it a lot

Good luck to @squishysoupy I know it’s show day for you and I just thought I’d let you know that I hope you have the best time ever Deary and I hope it’s everything my you hoped it would be ❤️❤️❤️

THIS IS SO CUTE OMG

undo

“Are you scared to look into my eyes?” he teased, holding my hips tightly as I straddled his waist. He watched me with heavy eyes, his head laid back against my pillows. The day had slipped by soundlessly, and we watched the evening swallow the sun from my twin-sized bed.

“You’re trying to make me nervous,” I whined, staring down at his hands. He reached to open the window, the muscles in his neck taut. I imagined letting a finger trace down the tight tendon, trailing below his cotton t-shirt to find the end of it.

“Is it working?” he smirked, grabbing his pack of cigarettes. My throat went dry, and I watched the flash of the lighter in silence. His eyes closed as he inhaled, his stubbled cheeks hollowing. I craved the friction of his jaw, thinking of the red marks it would leave on my skin. I longed for any sign of him, any proof that he was real. He blew smoke from the side of his mouth out the window. “Is it?” he repeated.

“No,” I lied, and he laughed, placing the cigarette between my lips.

“Look at me,” he whispered. He left his fingers pressed against my mouth as I took a slow drag, his dark eyes burning into mine. He watched the smoke curl out of my mouth, pleased. “Pretty.” He put the cigarette back in his mouth, letting it hang from his lip. I had to look away.

“It would be easier if you didn’t look at me like that,” I mumbled, taking the cigarette from his lips and stubbing it out. He frowned, tilting his head to the side.

“Like what?” he drawled, hiding a smirk. He wanted me to say it aloud, as he always did. He could coax anything from my lips.

“Don’t start,” I reached for his hand, pushing the rough pads of his fingers against my cheekbone. He thumbed the corner of my mouth.

“You don’t like how I look at you?” he asked, determined. He let out an exaggerated, ragged sigh. “That hurts, darling.”

I rolled my eyes. “I didn’t say that.”

“Alright,” he clapped his hand over his eyes, “Better?” I giggled to mollify him. I stuck my tongue out at him, and he returned the gesture almost immediately.

“You’re peeking,” I gasped, and he shrugged, removing his hand and placing it on my other cheek, cradling my head.

“Whatever,” he grunted, and shifted to sit a bit more upright, “Have you got anything to drink?”

“I thought you had to go home soon,” I said, turning my head to kiss his palm.

“Oh, let me stay, baby,” he pleaded, wrapping his fingers in my hair, “Please?”

“I have a bit of wine,” I smiled, and he kissed my forehead. He flipped us over, kissing at my neck as my back arched against the mattress. I covered my grin with my hand, skin flushing at his gratitude.

“Give me a kiss, darling,” his mouth found mine, placing a round, weighted kiss. His tongue drifted to mine, the taste of sharp tobacco and toothpaste filling my mouth. The friction of his unshaven face burned my jaw, and I stifled a moan. He breathed through a laugh, lips turning upwards against mine.

“Don’t laugh,” I meant to sound firm, but it came out as a whimper. His hands were crawling over me.

“I’m not,” his chest was pressed flush to mine, making each of my inhales a challenge, “You’re so pretty.” I huffed, turning my head away at his compliment.

“Don’t,” I warned again.

“What?” he laughed, feigning innocence, “My pretty girl.” I looked at him sternly, and he dropped his head to my chest, shoulder shaking with silent laughter.

“Go get the wine.”

“Sure,” he trailed his hand down my arm, catching my wrist and kissing the back of my hand, “Stay like this for me.” I buried my head in the pillow.

//

Blurb idea like maybe when they are in a relationship george is like matty u need a hair cut but he agrees to george cutting it if he lets matty do the same to him

See first off I see them just playing FIFA or watching a documentary on the TV and Matty is laying on George’s lap while George threads his hand through Mattys hair but his fingers keep getting caught in knots so he looks down at him as Matty is falling asleep and he’s like “Hey love ! I think it might be time for a haircut again”, in Mattys sleep addled brain he just nods not really hearing what’s George says

But the next day when there out George stops outside a barber Matty is like “what are we doing “, George then retells Matty agreed to last nigh but Matty is stood shaking his head “I don’t want to George , I like my hair like this” ,

“But it’s getting long love it getting knotty”

“I can just brush it more”

George then explains that everything will be okay, and the he’s getting his hair cut too so there’s nothing to worry about , they can get it done together, quickly an idea builds in Mattys head and George can tell he’s thinking “what’s that face about huh?”

“I’ll get my hair cut if you do it , I can do your too”, he’s smiling at George now and George can’t really see why it would be a bad idea for them to do it for each other because if they mess up it’s fine they can both just buzz it.

“Alright”

So later on the day

A laughter can be heard trailing through the loft that they share together and laughter along with a drowned buzzing, Matty was stood over George and George is sat on the floor in the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his shoulders so that hair could be collected easier

“So how would you like your hair today Mr Daniel?” Matty enquired just like he was an actual barber.

“How about you just buzz it love , that’ll be new and easier to control “ Matty was stood for a second contemplating the idea, trying to imagine what it would look like then he slowly brings the clippers to George’s hair a begins his art work. Still pretending he’s a barber

“Any plans this weekend then”

“Just studio work really and date night with Matty, that’s why I’m getting a haircut, he should be through next” , Matty laughed along with him smiling at the prospect of Date night, they’d been so busy lately that they hadn’t gotten to do much together as of late. When he was finished George’s hair he put the clippers down and carefully pulled him up to see in the mirror

“Do you like it”

“I love it Matty , thank you, it’s your turn now”

Matty takes George’s place on the floor slightly nervous “can we just put it a little bit shorter, I don’t want it to short and maybe just tidy up the sides” , he was combing through his hair explaining to George how he’d like it and how it needs to be done

“That I can do love”

i was showing my auntie and uncle videos of The 1975 yesterday and my auntie wasn’t to impressed she was like “idk wtf he’s saying , good tunes but dk what he’s saying”, my uncle loves the songs anyway , but then today when it was just me and my uncle my uncle was like “i’m not gay but he is an extremely good looking lad” and i’m just like “YUP BOSS YOU GOT IT, You’ve been hit by the Matty curse” , and then he was like “i just let my feminine side out ig 😂