It's All Fun And Games Until A System Mate Comes To Co-con While You're Showering.

Ohhhh I feel this. A lot.

I’m still pretty bad at being supportive since I have a tendency to shut down communication and forget the progress we’ve made when being plural feels too overwhelming, which I’m working on, but it makes things complicated. I think we might be getting an introject and I am probably being really unhelpful since I don’t want to “encourage” him to coalesce, but like. It’s not fair to smother him either?? And I don’t want to set off my panic response, but I want to do better at being happy for the new guy if he is forming. I don’t know, it’s rough.

Y'know... We've realized smth and I dunno how to feel about it.

Everyone makes the "*sigh* p;m new" jokes, and "uh oh new introject" and etc. etc. and that's fun!! It's genuinely an okay joke to make, we have no issues with these jokes. We join in on them often, they're silly and most plurals probably experience them as 100% harmless.

But lately we've noticed we... don't experience them as harmless. Actually we've realized that, personally, there's an underlying truth there. Admitting a new headmate is real is seen as admitting defeat. We feel the need to question and interrogate ourselves at the possibility, and we feel like we're not allowed to express any want for a specific introject or headmate for reasons I can't articulate. To the point that one of our new headmates, love him, has literally told us "I won't force this. A lot is happening at once, I can be the one to step back and wait until you're ready to believe that I'm here."

LIKE THANKS I GUESS BUT??? GODDAMN. We're realizing that we don't let things develop in our collective, as much as we wish we were a collective that welcomes new headmates with open arms; we tend to fight it until we can't deny it and then we welcome them. But they have to truly fight to get us to believe them, because "what if that's just me." It's a lot worse if it's a sourcemate, or someone that we'd want to be there.

There's no real point to this post other than maybe to offer up our experiences in case someone feels the same way. Not a vent so much as something I hope someone out there might relate to.

-Travis

I’m the host of our system. For those who may not know, that means I front the most and am generally in charge of day-to-day activities and responsibilities.

I am also a front bound host. Or front locked, front stuck, front sticky, whatever other terms you may know. This means, more or less, that I cannot leave front, at least not fully. I’m always aware of the outside to some extent and I have extremely little access to our headspace/innerworld.

For me and our system, this means a lot of things. It means that I’m the person most people outside know. It means that I make most of our decisions and generally get more authority over our life (for better or for worse). It means that I don’t get breaks. It means that majority of the time, the other members of our system can’t really front without going through me, blending with me, being covered by me.

I believe it’s unfair to live like this. The rest of my system doesn’t really get to fully be themselves on the outside. They don’t get to have their own lives, their own friends, their own body.

And for me, I can’t experience the inside. I’m cut off from the inner world/headspace, I’m cut off from anyone who isn’t also in/near front, our memories get all weird while fronting in order to keep things from me.

I have so much responsibility and yet all I really feel like is “the default”.

My headmates feel so special to me. So unique. Like they have purpose. And I know I do too, but half the time, all I feel like is another mask.

I don’t really get to know myself outside of the body. I don’t get to experience the inner world. I cannot physically interact with my headmates the same way they can with each other and it’s honestly isolating.

My job is to be the default, the mask, the “normal”. I’m not normal. Not generally speaking at least. Im neurodivergent, im queer, im weird. I’m still traumatized, I just experience it through frosted glass and ear muffs. But I still feel like the most “normal” person in this system

I feel like the most boring, the most unimportant, because I don’t even have a choice. None of us do. I have to be like this, I have to be in charge of everything, and I’m not even good at it. I don’t get it. I don’t get why I was placed in this role but there doesn’t seem to be any way to change it.

So I try my best at least.

I feel weird even talking about my experience being plural because being a frontbound host it feels like every aspect of me being plural is just the times that I’m not me. I feel like I’m telling other peoples stories, even when I’m involved.

I hate feeling like this is my system or my life because it’s not. I’m not the only one here. Me being the default doesn’t make me any more real or important than the others yet I’m practically forced to act that way cause that’s how everyone sees it.

But when I’m not saying everything is mine, it almost feels like nothing is, especially when it comes to being plural.

If it weren’t for my headmates existing, my life wouldn’t be different from any other singlet because Im always out. All of my plurality is tied to what the other people in my head do or experience and I wouldn’t experience any of that without them. It feels like the only thing that’s special about my plurality is my headmates.

They’re their own people, and they only get to express themselves openly on rare occasions. It almost feels like me talking about myself the same way they do is taking away from that because I already do that on my non-system accounts all the time. I’m the only one who ever gets to not be plural all the time, I’m the only one who gets to present as “normal” if I choose to

But it sucks feeling like I have to. It sucks feeling like this is all I am. I’m plural too. I’m part of this system, but because I’m frontbound, it doesn’t really feel like it. It feels like I’m a singlet who just watches the rest of my headmates do whatever without really being part of that plural experience or when they’re not fronting I’m just alone entirely and it’s weirdly isolating.

Frankly I’m not sure if there’s a point to this, I was just struggling to come up with ideas of what to make a comic about and it turned into this ramble. I figured some people could relate at the very least so I decided to turn it into a post anyways.

-🦩 (Jameson/Jamie, he/they/it)

Embrace evil alters. Yes, the antagonistic, destructive, angry ones. The ones with horrible fantasies about revenge, the ones who want to powertrip. The ones with manipulative tendencies. There’s a reason they split and exist in the system.

Perthshire forest, Dunkeld, Scotland

daniel_casson

🌌List of Ways to Spend Time with Your In-system Partner in the Exoworld🌌

Journaling Together(sending letters to another, conversation, love notes, feelings)

Listening to Music together

Watching movies or shows together and talking to another about it

Gaming together, maybe spectate another or make decisions together

Going on walks or exploring nature together

Cooking and baking together

Working out together, maybe one will possess the body while the other helps encourage

Drawing or writing together

Getting a physical representation of your relationship, like a ring

Meditating together

Divination together(tarot)

Letting your partner make decisions for or with you

Planning and doing a Morning or Night ritual together, like helping another get dressed or brush their teeth

Self care time together

Eating together

Clean and organize together

Shopping together

driving together

reading together

show/save images and memes your partner might enjoy

"Texting" another throughout the day (using simplyplural chat or pluralkit discord)

Mental check-ins, if you have fronted and haven't spoken to your partner, just call them up and ask them how they're doing

Encourage another throughout the day

Help another with homework or work(If one is tired, maybe take over for them, or help guide them through studying or not getting distracted)

wOAH WEVE HAD A TUMBLR FOR SIX MONTHS??? Yea this is definitely the longest we’ve gone without me repressing things whoops

If you don't know your order, find out here!

Keeping the Simply Plural app installed is such a hassle for us because the host keeps jumping rapidly between believing we're a system to not believing we're a system. Like?? WE'RE RIGHT HERE!!

Body is ftm.

Most headmates are cis men.

Watch as they get frustrated over living the trans experience simply because they don't identify as trans but are trans anyway.

It's an interesting experience, to me anyway.

Note: We're all queer in one way or another. Just not all of us can appreciate the trans experience the body has to go through so we can be ourselves.

i love you systems who are disordered i love you systems who are traumagenic i love you systems who are traumaendo i love you systems who are endogenic i love you systems who are spiritual

i love you systems who have no headspace i love you systems who have a blurry/wavering headspace i love you systems who have a fluctuating headspace i love you systems who have a small headspace i love you systems who have a medium headspace i love you systems who have a big headspace i love you systems who have a gigantic headspace

i love you systems with neurodivergence i love you systems with cluster a disorders i love you systems with cluster b disorders i love you systems with cluster c disorders i love you systems with physical disorders i love you systems with mental disorders i love you systems with temporary disorders i love you systems with permanent disorders i love you systems with no disorders i love you systems with one disorder i love you systems with multiple disorders i love you systems with tons of disorders

i love you systems who have no headmates yet i love you systems who have little headmates i love you systems who have average amount of headmates i love you systems who have a big amount of headmates i love you systems who have a massive amount of headmates i love you systems who have infinite headmates

i love you systems who are stereotypical i love you systems who are your average every day person i love you systems who are fakeclaimed i love you systems who aren't fakeclaimed i love you systems who are posted to reddit threads i love you systems who aren't out as a system yet

i love you systems.