Micro-aggressions, Unpacking Privilege, And The Knee Jerk Response

Micro-aggressions, Unpacking privilege, and The Knee Jerk Response

Micro-aggressions happen all the time. Everyday. Even by people you think are your allies. For example: Black woman says: I am so upset about the violence against the Black community. White LGBTQIA woman responds: What about the LGBTQIA community? What about violence against us? This is a micro-aggression. This is an invalidation of the Black Woman’s statement even though the White woman is right about violence in the LGBTQIA community. However, by co-opting the conversation, by making it about her own marginalization at that immediate moment, she has asserted her white privilege and any chance for a conversation ends abruptly. To be a good ally, we must learn to listen and support each other when people who are hurting are talking. Your time to talk will come soon enough, but don’t take it at the expense of others. Don’t let your privilege co-opt a conversation on race. I will give you a more personal example. I grew up during the race riots between the Korean American and Black community in NYC. My parents owned a store and we lived in the apartment above it. It was a scary time. At school I got into an argument with a Black classmate. She said it was incredibly hard being Black and having to deal with racism. In my young, resentful and admittedly self-centered mind, I didn’t like what she said. So I responded – “Well Korean Americans get hate and racism from both the Black and White communities.” That was a blatant micro-aggression. I invalidated her by pushing my marginalization over hers. And I was completely wrong. But at that time, I was unaware of my privilege. In my mind, my marginalization – being Asian – was just as bad as being Black. I was so wrong. Now I know that I have a privilege and if I I could go back in time, I would apologize to her. But I can’t and so the only thing I can do is keep learning and try my best to do better. I am Asian American, straight, cis-gender, educated, middle class. And even though I am a woman of color with invisible disabilities, I am also deeply aware of my privilege, because I am a woman of color who is not Black or Brown. I am also a woman with disabilities that are not visible. While these marginalizations make my life extremely difficult, I still have privilege and I must constantly remind myself to never forget that. It is not easy, and it is not supposed to be. But you check your privilege because it is the right thing to do. To be a good ally. Recently, I have noticed a troubling trend among white allies who, perhaps unknowingly, talk over and invalidate WOC by playing their own individual marginalization card. And in general, I’ve noted that it always comes on the heels of Black Women talking about race and intersectionality. This troubles me deeply because it causes resentment. It also bothers me when other WOC (especially other Asian women) aren’t as supportive of Black Women as they should be. I saw this happen in an online group, a good friend of mine (who is Black) tried to speak on race and found her whole discussion derailed in a heavy pile on by white marginalized feminists who co-opted the conversation. It was so frustrating that I posted the Huffington post video on White Feminism with this statement, “I think this video should be mandatory viewing for everyone especially because sometimes I think white feminists who are also LGBTQIA+ or disabled forget that intersectionality applies to WOC also, and that no matter what your marginalization is you have never experienced not being white. And if that statement makes you mad, you need to think about why.“

What I received back was a whole lot of angry Knee Jerk reactions. And what I mean by that is the “How dare she try to tell me that my marginalization is not as important as hers!” “How dare she try to police diversity!” “How dare she not check her privilege!” “How dare how dare how dare…” I call this a Knee Jerk reaction because these are not all bad people. These are people who are invested in the diversity movement themselves. So they are not the enemy. And yet they responded with a knee jerk reaction to being called out on having white privilege. But instead of getting so angry, accusing me of being a bully, demanding that I be banned and reported (for what, asserting my opinion?), and trying to silence me, they should have done exactly what I asked in that last sentence. They needed to think about why it made them so uncomfortable. They needed to reflect on their own privilege. What they did instead, was focus on their own marginalization as if it somehow negates their white privilege. The problem is that nothing negates white privilege. The poorest, most marginalized white person in the country will still not have the racist issues that the Black community faces. They will not be poisoned knowingly by their government. They will not live in fear that the police will kill their young children and never be punished. They do not have to worry about having the highest incarceration numbers in the land, simply because of the color of their skin. They do not have to worry about the school to prison pipeline because of inadequate resources in public schools. But because these issues do not actually affect white feminist’s personal lives, it is easy to focus solely on their own individual problems. After the responses so vividly proved my point, I left the group because I cannot stay where people believe that silencing the voices of POC instead of promoting open discourse is ever acceptable. Of course, this is not the first time I have been silenced and made to feel unwelcome by white feminists. Truth is this is commonplace for WOC. But it hurts more when it is done by people who say they are our allies.

I know that I will receive hate mail and harassment, but on this I feel too strongly to stay quiet. Because I stand in solidarity with the Black community. And we all need to speak out when wrong is wrong. The thing is, if a white person’s response to someone talking about White Privilege is to say “I’m marginalized too!” then they don’t get it. Because that is, essentially, how privilege works. It wants to take over the conversation and invalidate other people’s struggles. And if your response to that is “why is race more important?” I want to point you to one of my new favorite blogs -Reading While White. They address this very issue as follows:

This is a great explanation because it doesn’t say race is the most important issue, what it does is make clear is that race is the most all encompassing. That it crosses into all identities, all marginalizations. Intersectionality means that POC also exist in the LGBTQIA and disabilities communities. It affects all races, not just white people. But white privilege, even within those communities, wants to dominate. Unpacking your privilege is a hard thing. It is not easy. Nobody wants to think of themselves as being in the wrong, they’d rather think of themselves as being wronged. So you stay secure in your self-righteous indignation of “How dare yous” instead of thinking about how systemic racism and your own privilege has seeped so firmly into all aspects of your life that you can’t even see it. In order to be a good ally and make a difference in the fight for ALL OF US, we must recognize our own privileges and make a public stand to fight for what is right. But we cannot do that if our white allies don’t recognize what white privilege is and how deeply entrenched it is in our world. So I challenge white allies to really do some serious and probably very uncomfortable self-reflection. When POC ask you to check your privilege, do you get mad and immediately demand that they check theirs? When POC talk about their experiences do you roll your eyes and snidely comment about how it’s not always about race? When someone says something racist, do you just stand there looking awkward and ignore it? When the status quo is racist, do you just accept it? When people talk about taking action, do you just nod your head in agreement and do nothing? When POC speak on oppression, do you respond with your own tale of oppression?

In order to be a good ally, it is important to know when to speak up and when to shut up and just listen. And if you aren’t sure what to do, all you have to do is ask. How can I be a good ally to you? How can I support you?

In conclusion, I will leave you with Daniel Jose Older’s The 5 Stages of Confronting Your Own Privilege. Here’s hoping that we can all get past number 1.

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soulsharingsistas

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soulsharingsistas

9 years ago

Sooooo it's #authorlifemonth and I'm counting the days in February with hopefully a fresh post. Thanks to the lovely @missdahlelama for creating this challenge!!! Okay so confession, our first book was a YA fantasy called #themarkofnoba that was all types of fun but @dos_twinjas volunteered to show our YA stuff while I did the honors of highlighting the NA and adult books we have coming out. So I bring you #samepage , our debut NA contemporary romance that showcased a less than perfect story of two people perfect for each other with loads of obstacles In their way. Had fun setting up their first installment. Cant wait to finish this baby.

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authorlifemonth samepage themarkofnoba

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soulsharingsistas

9 years ago

Dear Followers, What You See Here Is An Issue Taking Place In The Heart Of South Africa. Now, I’ve

Dear followers, what you see here is an issue taking place in the heart of South Africa. Now, I’ve been debating for sometime now on whether to make this post or not. Time and time again, I’ve thought “but this doesn’t appeal to them. My followers are not South African”. And it finally dawned on me today that, it doesn’t matter whether you’re South African or not. This is a revolution the youth of my country are fighting for. And it’s not an issue that any other country hasn’t faced. I am sick and tired of sitting back and have CNN and world news stations send me countless updates on the Rugby World Cup and news of a single psychopath killing at least one person in Sweden when the whole youth of SA is in uproar against the corruption and apathy of our government. People around the world should be exposed to this kind of activity, regardless of where it is. If anything, I find this situation very similar to that of the #BlackLivesMatter movement in the states. So please take the time to read this and share it. You can have your own opinions on the matter, but at least don’t be ignorant to what happening around you in the world. This could be your country one day.

All across South Africa, tertiary education systems have been shut down due to protests against tuition fees increases. Many people are in dire situations and consequently cannot afford the 10% increases of fees every year and as a result get financially excluded, thus ending any opportunity of education that they are entitled to. Now I know that this is an economical issue that the government has to sort out and South Africa has had economical issues for quite sometime but it has taken way too long for the people of this country to realise that the government is spending BILLIONS of rands on trivial things such as nuclear deals, VIP jets, Etoll projects in addition to losses from inadequate handling of petrol and post office companies. This money could’ve been used to fund millions of students across the country and their education but yet the government continues to horde it and act like nobody notices what they’re doing with our tax money. I do not agree with the mentality that “if you cannot afford it, then don’t go to university” or even “you should work harder for what you want”. Whilst these arguments each have their own backing, I don’t believe that students should have their opportunities taken away simply because our government is run by greedy pigs exploiting the people of this country for their money.

The pictures above are only a squint at the events taking place nationwide. Yesterday, thousands of students marched to Parliament in Cape Town city centre in order to have our voices heard. Instead, we were met with the apathetic attitude of our ministers, and even our own president refused to show face and address the crowd. The march was meant to be peaceful, but when the students furthered demanded response from government, they set the police on the crowd and chaos ensued. Rubber bullets, stun grenades, tear gas, armed forces, army brigade worth armour were all used. The level of police brutality on students was absolutely disgusting. How can they respond in such a manner when all we did was demand our voices be heard? When all we want is our right to fair and equal education? Several students were arrested and charged with ‘terrorism’ and ‘high treason’. And now the media even has the balls to go and lie about it. The South African youth is in a dire situation here. What must we do when our own government refuses to listen to us? When the ones that are supposed to be protecting us turn and attack us?

Again, this is only a squint at what has been happening in South Africa. Please google up on what has been happening as I don’t have the capacity to cover it all in one post. There are tons of videos and articles available. Because of all this, many students have had their rights violated, they are subjected to enormous amounts of stress especially because exams are around the corner, and some are even suffering from severe trauma from this. Nobody deserves this no matter what side of the argument they are on.

I, as a student caught in all this have been feeling overwhelmingly sad, confused, disgusted and generally frustrated in light of the events from the past week.

Started off feeling quite positive that substantive action has been taken by brave students and that a revolution away from oppression and marginalisation is finally underway. But the way in which the authorities and other people have been reacting to the movement makes me extremely upset.

I apologise for the long post and the rant, and I’ll probably lose followers for this but all I ask from you guys, is that you share this and inform others around the world of what’s happening. That you stand in solidarity with us. Don’t just like the post, reblog it too! If our own government will not listen to us, then maybe international pressure will do something. Help us have our voices heard.

#FeesMustFall #ANCMustFall #NationalShutdown

photo creds to Imraan Christian

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soulsharingsistas

4 years ago

I was wondering what kind of female black characters do people want to see more of? Like, them being soft or selfish?

Black Girls & Women: Representation We Want

As a Black woman reader, I definitely want to see more soft Black girls and women in literature. Girls with their own self-interests (caring about oneself isn’t necessarily selfish) and not always someone else’s caregiver is great too.

Here’s my list!

More Black girls...

In love

With close family bonds and healthy relationships and support systems (that don’t require enduring abuse, fixing their partner, or overall emotional labor to earn domestic happiness)

Being protected

As main characters, heroines and anti-heroes

On adventures

In fantasy and magical settings

In historical settings as peasants, upper-class society, and royalty

Descriptions of Black Afro hair, skin, features as a normal thing in books (see this compilation) and not in an Othering way

On the other hand, vibrant, sometimes hyped up descriptions that allude to their beauty (see this ask. Or this one). Not Othering, just appreciating!

Put us in fancy dresses and give us a sword and let us dance at the balls and have admirers!

Experiencing complex emotions not necessarily in reaction to racism or racist violence

On the book cover! And with an accurate, not light or white-washed model

~Mod Colette

Responses:

@madamef-er

Soft black girls and nerd girls who like cute things.

Shy black girls not just in situations with boys.

More lgbtqia+ black girls. Studs! Femmes!

Gender fluid and non conforming constantly changing their style because they like it!

Spies and not just as the 'sexy bait' or 'weapons master' let us sit behind the computer for once and be hackers and stuff

@tanlefan

Black girls who are just...people.

I want a fantasy escapism adventure that isn't a thinly veiled discussion on slavery or racism or any other aspect of The Struggle. I am tired.

Can I just have a happy Black girl who believes in fairies or something?

@esmeraldanacho-1776 More autistic Black women/girls! I don't care what genre really; just have them in there!

@briarsthicket And enby black people!

@mattiekins

Def soft black girls.

Energetic and playful.

Or shy and quiet.

I want to see more black girls who are nerds and not just mommy mommying or nanny nannying everyone.

I want black girls who want to be a ballerina, or a talk show host, or a game designer etc.

I want a black girl who gets to be happy.

Who doesn't have to act older than she is and be the shoulder for everyone, always.

@xiiishadesofgrey

I want more black lady nerds, if we’re talking modern settings!

More black ladies who have a sporty/playful nature!

Who aren’t afraid to get dirty and make chaos, without being dirty or frowned upon!

Strange as it sounds coming from me, more black princesses! Brandy as Cinderella in the 90s was my first Cinderella, and I LOVE that.

Please, god, more black wlws.

@daintythoughtswritersblock

I want to see tropes exercised

Black women of all shades and tones

@hazelnut4370

Tbh just fellow black people being happy, like I rarely see that,

Or enjoying hobbies

rivergoddessdream

Happily childless black women

Black women traveling the world

Fat black women in happy, healthy, poly relationships

Black cis and trans women having a true sisterhood

Autistic black women

Black women in period pieces that aren't about slavery and don't take place in the US

Black women thespians

Black women painters

Black women revolutionaries

Black women front and center in the narrative

Black women healers and storytellers

Non christian Black women stories

Black women rockers

#complicated black women characters #tell those stories

@missnancywrites

More Black Girls...

With diverse cultural and social backgrounds!

That are nerdy, girly, intelligent, ditzy, all the personality types that white girls in literature get!

That are fragile, shy or anxious. Almost every single black woman I’ve seen in media or otherwise are wise and adult. Let us be an absolute wreck, or an anxious mess!

In science! Characters like Shuri, Moon Girl and Iron Heart in Marvel revitalized me, cuz young black girls only get two types. Both these girls are in intellectual and in science, but have bery different personalities.

In interracial relationships, and not because they hate black men or something along those lines. They just happen to be dating outside their race, black women get hate for that in real life and it’s unfair. Let us have relationships outside our race! That said...

In platonic relationships with black men! I think that’s important, cuz I don’t often seen black solidarity unless it’s for the purpose of showing how diverse the writing is. Let them share interests, daily frustrations that they would only understand, but don’t force a romance.

In solid friendships with other black girls! For some reason, we’re pitted against in each other inside and outside of writing! Write some sweet wholesome friendship!

With different sexualities! Let there be some that are ace, others are gay, bi or pan! Just be sure you don’t sexualize them, or turn em into a robot.

•Who are dark-skinned! This can be seen a lot in tv or movies, but when you want a black girl in your stuff don’t just hire a light-skinned black girl or a biracial black girl. It’s not the same.

Who get to act their age! Black women have a long standing history of being adultified, starting from a very young age, and it’s extremely harmful. Little black girls can wear what they please, the problem is people sexualizing them. Let the teen black girl be a teenager, she can look out for her siblings but she isn’t the keepern the house or their lives. Young adult black girls are not ideal housewives or capable working machines, they mess up and mess around just as much as any young adult.

With mental/physical disabilities or illnesses. Alongside with being forced to be more mature than they are, disabilities/illnesses are never taken seriously and we’re forced to just deal with it. Having black girls who happen to have these issues, but also have a healthy support group is always good!

@ink-and-roses

Seen as beautiful and desirable and NOT in a hypersexualized way

Interracial relationships are wonderful because black girls are beautiful and lbr everybody sees it

Sensitive and allowed to feel something other than righteous anger

Some black girls are skinny! Some are big! Some are slim and some are curvy! There’s no mold!

Dark skinned!

A YA protagonist out to save the world from something other than racism

Superpowers or magic that doesn’t come from generational trauma or slavery

Black characters who support other black characters. None of this token crabs in a barrel business.

Black girl nerds and punks and goths exist. I promise.

And this may be a personal preference but I’m not against the idea of a damsel in distress. We are always being strong. Let her be soft and delicate and cared for. Let her be princess carried and rescued from the tower and the dragon.

[Note from Mod: It’s not just you! I love a Black damsel being saved and protected. What is progressive for one woman varies due to historical and present depictions and is why intersectionality in feminism is so important! -Colette]

@nightlyswordswoman

As a writer, I write a lot of my black female characters like this because I rarely ever see black women being represented in these ways! ESPECIALLY on the covers of books, unless the author themselves is a black woman and even then its rare.

Too often black women are stereotyped as strong protector types that are always rough, tough, and don’t need anybody in books (and real life), when that’s honestly just dumb and inaccurate--black women are as vulnerable as anyone else (in some cases, even more vulnerable, but that’s another topic).

So yeah, this list is 100% accurate and I encourage those who are interested in writing black female characters (whether you’re a black woman or not) to consider writing them like this, because the stereotype needs to die lol.

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soulsharingsistas

9 years ago

This teaser is everything!

Looking for something new and different? Into kinky reads? Like an intriguing plot with a dash of romance? I’ve got just the thing to sate your curiosity.

Entwined is now available for pre-order on Amazon!

Amazon US: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B016KZQC00 Amazon UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B016KZQC00

Pre-orders are coming next week for Kobo and All Romance.

Promo created by Taria Reed Cover Artist

‪#‎erotica‬ ‪#‎threesome‬ ‪#‎interracial‬ ‪#‎novelette‬

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soulsharingsistas

4 years ago

Golden thread

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soulsharingsistas

7 years ago

I am BEYOND excited about @lyssachiavari cover reveal for her sequel to a book I adore, New World. This book is like my dream come true with a multicultural cast of awesome characters! Synopsis: MARS, 2075 C.E.Isaak has returned from Iamos, but life hasn't exactly gone back to normal. In what felt like a month to him, two years passed in the world he left behind—and now that he's home, he's not sure if he knows what home is anymore. Mars has become a world of riots and police states, with GSAF doing everything in their power to clamp down on the burgeoning rebellion started by Isaak's once-best friend, Henry Sandhu. It doesn't take long before he realizes that maybe coming back to Mars wasn't such a good idea. But unless they can find a way to get to the time postern—currently guarded by heavily-armed GSAF agents—Isaak is stuck in the future... and so is Nadin.Nadin thought that the future would hold her answers, but everything changed the moment they passed through the door. All she wants now is to return to Iamos and make sure that her partner, Ceilos, is safe. But once her identity as a native Martian gets out, she finds herself caught in a political struggle she doesn't understand, with both factions trying to win her over to their side. And when GSAF learns that Nadin holds the key to deciphering the mysterious System, they'll stop at nothing to keep her on Mars—permanently. Add New World to your to-read list on Goodreads! Expected Publish date :Early 2018 by @snowywingspub Custom stock provided by @mosaicstock Cover design by @najlaqamberdesigns

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soulsharingsistas

8 years ago

Cover Reveal and $250 cash giveaway #booklover

We are rearing for our first release of the year Lesson That Taught Love, our first book in that’s Contemporary Romance( traditional romance that isn’t New Adult) and its quite different from our normal style of writing, so we hope people like it! But did you know we’re nearly complete with a second release? We just got the cover done for it, and it’s super pretty that we just had to share it!

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