🌈q!cellbit If You Don’t Mind :)

I Like Undertale Robots

Paul Evans

"Lavenham Light"

#art

Hey do you guys ever go about your day but then all of a sudden your brain goes

“You were the first person I saw when I arrived on this island. In the midst of all that chaos, you were the first one to appear in the crowd, and ever since I saw your smile, I knew I would never forget it. When I needed someone the most, when I was completely alone, you showed up. I want you to know that as long as I’m here, you will never be alone.”

And then it goes

“You are the person I trust most. I love you. I love you with all my heart. And, I’ll be forever by your side for anything you need.”

Fem!deathduo ehehe

Commissioned by @/PeecoA on twitter

The Murder Husband

(Again lol)

A very exciting day from the Merpepito AU

Read on Ao3

-

Pepito has been a pirate for one month and three days, and he has finally been given his first Pirate Job.

"Pepito, I'm trusting you with something very important," Captain Celbi had said as the ship had pulled into port.

He had crouched and pulled out a small leather pouch from the pocket of his coat. He held it out to Pepito, nodding seriously as Pepito took the pouch in both of Pepito's hands.

"Pac and Mike are going to go grocery shopping while we're here, but they always forget the most important food when I send them shopping," Captain Celbi explained. "They don't buy any candy, and we both know how important candy is."

Pepito nodded seriously. Candy is important, Apa Quackity says that it's one of the major food groups along with fish, seaweed, and cocaine.

"So I need you," Captain Celbi continued, "to take this money and make sure that you get candy. One piece for every crew member, and two pieces for yourself as payment for taking on this very important mission."

And so here Pepito is, grocery shopping for the first time as a pirate. Mister Pac and Mister Mike and Richarlyson are with him, but they don't know about his mission; it's a secret mission, Captain Celbi had said!

The Sky Pepito town is huge, but Pepito doesn't think they'll get lost. Mister Mike seems to know where they're going even if Richarlyson does keep running off and getting lost in the crowd and punching people until Mister Pac goes to get him.

"Settle down, Richas!" Mister Pac groans. He takes Richarlyson by the hand and pulls him to his side. "You're going to get arrested like this, you know!"

"And?" Richarlyson challenges. "So what! Pai Cellbit gets arrested all the time!"

"Cellbit is also a complete sociopath," Mister Mike comments. He looks at the grocery list with a hum. "He told us to buy coffee, how the hell are we supposed to make coffee on a boat?"

Pepito doesn't know what a 'sociopath' is, but it sounds cool! Some kind of artist, maybe?

He looks around the market. There has to be a candy stall somewhere!

Back in the Reef, Miss Niki had the best candy. She made taffy out of The Ocean's salt, and she sold it alongside her cookies in her shop, and, man, Pepito really misses Miss Niki.

...He doesn't miss anything else about the Reef, though! Definitely not Apa Roier or Apa Quackity or Apa Mariana or Apa Carre or Ama Rivers or Awuelo Foolish, that would be silly!

Pepito is a pirate now. He's doing a Pirate Job for a Pirate Captain, and he's going to end up in sooooooo much trouble with the Navy because of it! (Everybody knows the Navy hates candy. It's because they're lazy disgusting sacks of organs and blood, according to Captain Celbi, and he's never wrong!!)

Pepito jumps as someone taps his shoulder. He looks up and sees Mister Mike looking down at him with crinkled, smiling eyes.

"Don't get lost, now, Pepito," he says. "Cellbit will leave you behind if we go back to the ship without you."

Pac gasps and smacks Mister Mike's arm, but he's smiling, and Richarlyson is laughing.

Pepito's eyes well with tears, but he doesn't cry. He knows that they're all pirates. They're evil. Of course Captain Celbi would leave if Pepito got back to the ship late, he's a pirate captain, and Pepito still hasn't finished his first Pirate Job.

So Pepito bites Pepito's lip and puffs Pepito's chest out. He will not be left behind! He's going to finish his Pirate Job, and then Captain Celbi will say he's a Good Pirate, and then Pepito will be a Good Pepito again.

...But Pepito can't see a candy stall or shop anywhere. Captain Celbi had said that this was supposed to be a secret, but if Pepito doesn't tell anybody that he was given this job, then it's still a secret!

Hesitantly, he tugs on Mister Mike's sleeve and spells out with his finger in the air, "C A N D Y"? (Apparently, there's something called 'sign language' in the Sky, but Pepito hasn't learned that yet, but at least Pepito can spell using the Sky Language now!)

"You want candy?" Mister Mike asks.

"Oooo, I want candy, too," Mister Pac eagerly says. He looks at Pepito with a smile. "When we're done shopping, we'll get some candy, okay?"

Pepito beams, all tears gone.

Richarlyson grumbles and tugs his hand free. He ducks his head, mutters something under his breath, glares at Pepito through his bangs.

Pepito frowns, all smiles gone.

He doesn't get why Richarlyson doesn't like him. They're friends, right? Captain Celbi always seems happy when they're playing together.

...Unless Richarlyson knows that Pepito is a Bad Pepito. Unless Richarlyson knows about the Very Bad Thing.

Uh oh.

-

(Cellbit watches the water, leaning against the ship's railing. He can dream of seeing him again, can't he?

Suddenly, a bright light erupts out of the ocean just over the horizon.

Cellbit frowns, standing and adjusting his hat.

That can't be good.)

-

Halfway through the grocery list, Richarlyson escapes again.

Maybe that's for the best, Pepito thinks. He likes Richarlyson, but he doesn't want Richarlyson telling his dads about the Very Bad Thing. Pepito likes Misters Pacandmike, they've been the ones teaching Pepito how to write the Sky Language. They're smart, and they're nice by pirate standards. Pepito doesn't want them to hate him, too.

So Pepito keeps watching Mister Mike argue with the saleswoman at the bakery. She won't sell him any bread because Richarlyson stole some cookies on his way into the crowd, it's rude. Maybe she's a pirate, too.

But the hair on the back of Pepito's neck raises on end as he hears a familiar shout and a, "Hey, watch it, kid! Where the fuck are your parents, huh?"

No...!

Pepito is a Brave Pepito. Pepito is a pirate! Pepito isn't scared of anybody!

But Pepito doesn't want to see the hatred in Apa Roier's eyes. He wants his last memories of Apa Roier's face to be happy ones where Apa Roier still loves him and wants to be his father and doesn't hate him or think he's a killer or a Bad Pepito.

Pepito can't help it.

Pepito runs.

Pepito holds Captain Celbi's money close to his chest, and he runs.

"What the-" Mister Mike exclaims. "Pepito! Where are you going!"

"Pepito?" Apa Roier asks. He shouts again and calls, "Pepito!"

Pepito ducks into the crowd and drops to his knees, clutching Captain Celbi's money tight so he doesn't lose it.

Apa Roier may be a fast swimmer, but Pepito is a Small Pepito. He knows that Apa Roier is super tall, so Pepito crawls between people's legs and under and through skirts and he hopes that Apa Roier can't see him because Pepito doesn't want to see him.

Pepito is gonna be in soooooo much trouble...

("He's a good boy," Apa Roier says. He glares over Pepito's shoulder at Luzu. "Not a killer. Can you get that through your skull, hmm?")

Pepito sniffs and wishes he was back home where he could hide under his bed until Apa Mariana would get on the ground with him and wait until he was done being scared. Apa Mariana would hold Pepito's hand and talk until Pepito felt better, and Pepito misses him so much. But now Apa Mariana has a New Pepito to hold hands with. He doesn't want Pepito anymore.

Suddenly, something heavy pounces upon Pepito from behind, knocking him down.

Pepito lets out a whine and faceplants onto the ground. He hears his glasses crack (at least he hopes it's his glasses...)

Captain Celbi's money digs into Pepito's stomach. It hurts...

"Got him!" someone shouts, and, oh, it's Richarlyson. Of course he's working with Apa Roier. He wants a Good Pepito, too, doesn't he?

Pepito whimpers and shakes his head. He wiggles, trying to get free, but all he does is rattle Captain Celbi's money a bit.

Richarlyson laughs and reaches under Pepito's stomach and pulls out the money pouch.

"This is Pai Cellbit's!" Richarlyson gasps. His other hand wraps around the back of Pepito's neck angrily. "You stole this from him!"

Pepito shakes his head again. He might be a Bad Pepito, but he isn't a thief! Captain Celbi gave that money to him for a job! A Pirate Job! So Pepito can be a pirate like everybody else!

"Hey, mister!" Richarlyson shouts. "I have Pepito!"

Pepito's stomach hurts, but not from getting tackled this time. He's going to be sick. Apa Roier hates him. He's came all this way just to find Pepito and arrest him and call him a Bad Pepito and-

Richarlyson is yanked off of Pepito; he shouts and fights and kicks right into Pepito's back.

"Richarlyson, what the hell?" Mister Pac demands. "What does Pai Cellbit always tell us?"

Pepito pushes himself up and back onto his hands and knees. His glasses are cracked, but he can still kinda see...

But then he's picked up by Mister Mike, and then they're running through the crowd.

Pepito glances down and sees that he's only being held to Mister Mike's chest by one arm. Mister Mike's free hand is holding a gun.

Pirates...

Mister Mike turns his head over his shoulder and shouts, "You are so grounded!"

"What? No!" Richarlyson protests.

"Crew protects crew," Mister Pac says. "Pepito is crew whether you like it or not."

Squinting, Pepito can see Mister Pac dragging Richarlyson along behind him as they hurriedly speedwalk through the crowd.

Mister Pac has his sword drawn, but it looks clean. That's good, Pepito doesn't want Apa Roier hurt.

"He stole from Pai Cellbit!" Richarlyson argues. "He's a traitor!"

Mister Mike rolls his eyes. "Who doesn't steal from Cellbit? Honestly, Pepito stealing from him is enough to make him crew in my eyes."

Pepito's jaw drops. A pirate likes him...!

They continue rushing through the crowd, groceries abandoned. Captain Celbi is gonna be so mad, but he might not call Pepito a Bad Pepito if Pepito's lucky. It isn't Pepito's fault that Apa Roier talked to the Sea Witch! Blame the Sea Witch, not Pepito!

The ship appears over the crowd, and Pepito can almost see the Pepitos on its deck. But his glasses are broken, so all he can really see are smudges that are vaguely Pepito-shaped.

"Cellbit!" Pac shouts. "We need to go!"

Captain Celbi appears over the railing. With his hat and his coat and the clear scowl on his face, he looks truly evil. (So cool...)

"What the fuck did you do?" he demands as they approach. "You were gone for twenty minutes!"

Mister Mike is the first on the ship. As soon as he's on board, he drops Pepito to the ground and reaches out to grab Richarlyson and pull him on board, too. He gently shoves Richarlyson to Cellbit, who takes Richarlyson by the shoulders and holds him still in front of him.

Captain Celbi looks at Mister Mike, and then he looks at the out-of-breath Mister Pac, and then he looks at Richarlyson, and then he looks at Pepito.

His eyes darken, a weird rumbling sound coming out of his throat that almost sounds like growling, but that can't be right. Sky Pepitos don't growl.

Pepito shrinks back. In the air, he shakily spells, "S O R R Y."

"It wasn't Pepito," Mister Pac says. "There was some- some guy at the market who saw Pepito and started chasing us! I don't know, he might be Navy? But they don't usually go after mermaids, right?"

"Who cares who he was?" Mister Mike huffs. He still has his gun out. (Scary...) "Fuck that guy."

He glances at Richarlyson. "You're grounded, young lady. Go below deck."

Richarlyson's jaw drops open in outrage. "But- but he's a thief!"

He holds out Captain Celbi's money pouch. "Pai, see? Pepito stole this from you! He's untrustworthy."

Captain Celbi sighs and takes his money back. "I gave him that money so he could buy candy because you guys never let me have any. Go downstairs, we'll talk later."

Richarlyson's face falls, but he storms downstairs, kicking a bucket full of soapy water over on his way.

Captain Celbi looks at Mister Pac. "We can't leave yet. Baghera and Mousey are still on shore, and we definitely don't have the food supplies to set sail right now. Next port town is over a month away, we'll starve before then."

He takes Misters Pacandmike to talk, occasionally glancing at Pepito.

Pepito lets them be. Pepito isn't a pirate. He can't participate in Pirate Stuff. He failed his Pirate Job. He'll never be a pirate now.

He walks to the gangplank and sits with his knees to his chest. He can't see much of anything, but maybe he can help Miss Baghera and Miss Mouse with their bags when they come back to the ship.

Pepito can't see, but Pepito can hear.

"Shit!" Apa Roier shouts in The Ocean's Language.

If Pepito squints just right, he thinks that he can see Apa Roier backing away from a wooden post on the dock with a hand to his forehead. He's shouting and in pain and it's all Pepito's fault.

Apa Roier's head snaps between the docked ships, looking. Searching. Probably very, very angry.

And then he sees Pepito. And Pepito sees him.

Pepito can't help it. Pepito starts crying as Apa Roier comes running towards him, tripping over himself as he scrambles up the gangplank with extended arms.

"Pepito!" Apa Roier cries. Pepito can't see the look on his face, but Pepito bets he's angry. "Pepito!"

He keeps chanting Pepito's name as he runs, because he's always liked Pepito's name. He always says that it's the best name Pepito could have, and it's probably his favorite name, so the New Pepito is probably named Pepito, too.

Pepito stands and tries running, but his vision is so blurry with his glasses broken and with the tears in his eyes that he manages to trip over the bucket Richarlyson had kicked over and he falls.

Warm arms scoop Pepito up and hold him close in a tight hug.

"Pepito, what the fuck," Apa Roier demands, his face buried in the top of Pepito's head. "A month, Pepito, what the fuck?"

Pepito shakes his head, his entire body quivering. He wants to hug Apa Roier back, but is he allowed to? No, right? Apa Roier's angry...

A cold shadow falls upon them from above.

A gun clicks, cold steel pointing right at Apa Roier's head.

"I'm going to give you one chance to get off of my ship," Captain Celbi coldly says, voice low and flat and absolutely terrifying. "Let go of my crew member, and get off of my ship. One. Chance."

"Your crew member?" Apa Roier scoffs. "He's my fucking son."

Captain Celbi inches closer until the gun is pressed into Apa Roier's hair; Apa Roier doesn't so much as flinch.

Pepito shakes. His lip wobbles, tears streaming down his face and snot bubbling out of his nose. He wants his dad!

In the language of The Ocean, Apa Roier says, "We're going home, Pepito. I'll beat his ass."

Pepito shakes his head frantically. They can't go home, the New Pepito is there, and Pepito doesn't wanna meet them! The New Pepito probably looks cuter than Pepito does. Doesn't need glasses. Is a fast swimmer. Doesn't have asthma. Isn't a killer.

But he can't say this. He can't say anything.

Behind Apa Roier's back, Pepito spells to Captain Celbi, "D A D."

Captain Celbi meets Pepito's eyes.

He lets out a breath, lips pressed together and eyebrows furrowed, but he nods and backs off, clicking his gun until it's safe.

And then Apa Roier lets out a war cry and lets go of Pepito, swinging a leg out and knocking Captain Celbi to the ground. He laughs and lunges for his gun, trying to wrestle it from him. Captain Celbi's hat falls off, revealing the pointy white things on the top of his head; they press flat against his hair and he bares his teeth angrily.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Captain Celbi demands.

"You kidnapped my son, what the fuck do you think?" Apa Roier snaps. He crawls on top of Captain Celbi, his knee between Captain Celbi's legs and his chest pressed to Captain Celbi's chest.

"Oh my gods," Mister Pac quietly says. "Mike, I think they're gonna..."

"Cover your eyes, Pac," Mister Mike replies.

Pepito doesn't know what they're talking about. All Pepito can do is watch uselessly as his dad and his captain wrestle on the deck.

"I didn't kidnap him!" Captain Celbi argues. "Bad brought him to me!"

"And you took him!?" Apa Roier incredulously asks. "Fucking pirates-"

He looks at Captain Celbi, and he goes quiet. He stops fighting.

Confused, Captain Celbi looks up at him. And then he stops fighting, too. The pointy things on his head stick right up, seemingly happy about something.

"Oh," Captain Celbi quietly says. "Hello."

He and Apa Roier are still borderline holding hands over the gun. Apa Roier is still flush to Captain Celbi's front, and Apa Roier's knee is still stuck between Captain Celbi's legs.

"Hi," Apa Roier says, voice soft, almost reverent in a way, the same way he spoke when he talked about how evil and bad and disgusting pirates are. "You kidnapped my son."

"I really didn't."

"I'm not getting off this boat until you give him back."

Apa Roier leans in close as he says that.

Captain Celbi licks his lips. "Then I guess you're going to be stuck here for a while, because Pepito is a prized member of my crew. I wouldn't give him up for anything in the world."

Pepito is... a prized member? Of the crew?

Pepito can't help it. He gets up and runs to Captain Celbi and gives him as good a hug as he can with Captain Celbi pinned to the deck.

He's a pirate!

Pepito is finally a pirate!

Best day ever!

domestic Guapoduo !! 👾

this bit got me.

grief for the fallen

instead of killing myself i will watch documentary about the ocean